Read an Excerpt
Riddles Riddles Riddles
By Joseph Leeming, Shane Miller Dover Publications, Inc.
Copyright © 2014 Dover Publications, Inc.
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-486-79723-6
CHAPTER 1
WHAT'S WHAT?
1 What kind of shoes are made out of banana skins?
Slippers.
2 What makes the Tower of Pisa lean?
It never eats.
3 What colors would you paint the sun and the wind?
The sun rose and the wind blue.
4 What would happen if a girl should swallow her teaspoon?
She wouldn't be able to stir.
5 What is the easiest thing for a stingy man to part with?
A comb.
6 What is the most difficult train to catch?
The 12:50, because it's 10 to 1 if you catch it.
7 What most resembles half a cheese?
The other half.
8 What is never of any use unless it is in a tight place?
A cork.
9 What, besides a good rule, works both ways?
A ferry boat.
10 What ship has two mates but no captain?
Courtship.
11 What do all ships weigh, regardless of their size?
Their anchors.
12 What man's business is best when things are dullest?
A knife-sharpener.
13 What is always filled when it is used and empty when at rest?
A shoe.
14 What becomes higher when the head is off?
A pillow.
15 What is sure to go out the tighter it is locked in?
A fire.
16 What coat is put on only when it is wet?
A coat of paint.
17 What can be a speaking likeness and yet is dumb?
A photograph.
18 What man can raise things without lifting them?
A farmer.
19 To what man does everyone always take off his hat?
The barber.
20 What tongue can wag and yet never utter a word?
The tongue of your shoe.
21 What does everyone take off last when going to bed?
His feet from the floor.
22 What may have wings, yet not fly?
A house.
23 What kind of boat is like a knife?
A cutter.
24 What musical instrument has the best character?
A piano, because it may be grand, upright or square.
25 What keeps the moon in place?
Its beams.
26 What liquid is like the load a freight ship carries?
Gasoline, because it makes the car go.
27 Why is the Senate like a book?
Because it has so many pages.
28 What time is it when a pie is divided among four hungry boys?
A quarter to one.
29 What cord is always full of knots, not one of which can be untied?
A cord of wood.
30 What kind of clothing lasts the longest?
Underwear, because it is never worn out.
31 What is the keynote of good manners?
B natural.
32 What kind of noise annoys an oyster?
A noisy noise annoys an oyster.
33 What is the right kind of lumber for castles in the air?
Sunbeams.
34 What is the highest pleasure you can think of?
Riding in an airplane.
35 What is smaller than an ant's mouth?
What the ant eats.
36 What American has had the largest family?
George Washington, who was the "father of his country."
37 What insect does a blacksmith manufacture?
He makes the fire-fly.
38 What did the blind man say to the policeman when the policeman said he would arrest him if he didn't move on?
I'd just like to see you do it.
39 What do you call a boy who eats all the apples he can get, whether they are green or old?
He is what we might call a pains-talking youngster.
40 What is the smallest bridge in the world?
The bridge of a nose.
41 What is the highest building in New York?
The Public Library has the most stories.
42 What does a hen do when it stands on one leg?
Lifts up the other leg.
43 What is the most indigestible meal you can eat?
Bolt the door and tuck in the sheets.
44 What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
45 What is the best way to keep goats from smelling?
Cut off their noses.
46 What man has eyes in the back of his head?
The man whose hindsight is better than his foresight.
47 What do you think is the greatest feat of eating ever known?
The one in which the man began by bolting a door, threw up a window, and then sat down and swallowed a story whole.
48 What game do the waves like to play?
Pitch and toss.
49 What geometrical figure represents a lost parrot?
Polygon (polly gone).
50 What is the best thing to make in a hurry?
Haste.
51 What should you do if you split your sides laughing?
Run fast until you get a stitch in them.
52 What kind of money do girls like the most?
Matrimony.
53 What is the most difficult key to turn?
A donkey.
54 What is there about a yardstick that is very remarkable?
Though it has no head nor tail, it has a foot at each end and another foot in the middle.
55 What good quality does the North Pole remind you of?
Justice (just ice).
56 What makes the ocean angry?
It has been crossed so many times.
57 What is the best thing to put into pies?
Your teeth.
58 What makes more noise than a pig caught under a fence?
Two pigs.
59 What is worse than finding a worm in an apple?
Finding half a worm.
60 What great benefit is there in a paper of pins?
It has a lot of good points.
61 What word is usually pronounced wrong, even by the best of scholars?
Wrong, of course.
62 What question is it to which you positively must answer yes?
What does Y-E-S spell?
63 What roof never keeps out the wet?
The roof of your mouth.
64 What wind does a hungry sailor like the most?
A wind that blows foul (fowl) and chops about.
65 What is the most contradictory sign seen in a library?
To speak aloud is not allowed (aloud).
66 What is the most disagreeable month for soldiers?
A long March.
67 What is a sure sign of an early spring?
A cat with her back up, watching a hole in the wall.
68 What is the best way to make time go fast?
Use the spur of the moment.
69 What is a well-known put-up job?
The paper on the wall.
70 What is the only thing you can break when you say its name?
Silence.
71 What question can never be answered by "Yes"?
Are you asleep?
72 What relation is the doorstep to the doormat?
A step-father (farther).
73 What is most like a hen stealin'?
A cock robin.
74 What salad is best for newlyweds?
Lettuce alone.
75 What is the largest room in the world?
Room for improvement.
76 What is the oldest piece of furniture in the world?
The multiplication table.
77 What walks over the water and under the water, yet does not touch the wafer?
A woman crossing a bridge over a river with a pail of water on her head.
78 What does a calf become after it is one year old?
Two years old.
79 What is the best thing to take when you are run down?
The number of the car that hit you.
80 What pets make stirring music?
Trumpets.
81 What is the coldest place in a theater?
Z row (zero).
82 What fishes have eyes nearest together?
The smallest fishes.
83 What does a person usually grow in a garden if he works hard?
Tired.
84 What happens to a cat when it crosses a desert on Christmas Day?
It gets sandy claws (Santa Claus).
85 What did the big firecracker say to the little firecracker?
"My pop's bigger than your pop."
86 What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bicycle?
The pavement.
87 What is the end of everything?
The letter G.
88 What room can no one enter?
A mushroom
89 What driver never gets arrested?
A screwdriver.
90 What is there in your house that ought to be looked into?
A mirror.
91 What coin is double its value when half is deducted?
Half a dollar.
92 What is the surest way to double your money?
Fold it.
93 What is the best and cheapest light?
Daylight.
94 What goes through a door, but never goes in or comes out?
A keyhole.
95 What did Paul Revere say when he finished his famous ride?
"Whoa."
96 What fish may be said to be out of place?
A perch in a bird cage.
97 What has a hand but can't scratch itself?
A clock.
98 What sort of necktie would a smart pig choose?
A pig's tie (pigsty).
99 What intelligent insect do you find in schoolrooms?
Spelling bees.
100 What flies up but still is down?
A feather.
101 What is the richest country in the world?
Ireland, because its capital is always Dublin.
102 What does the garden say when it laughs?
"Hoe, hoe, hoe!"
103 What would you call a man who is always wiring for money?
An electrician.
104 What letter in the Dutch alphabet will name a titled lady?
A Dutch-ess.
105 What musical instrument should we never believe?
A lyre.
106 What soap is the hardest?
Castile (cast steel).
107 What are the most difficult ships to conquer?
Hardships.
108 What is a hot time?
A clock in an oven.
109 What is the worst weather for rats and mice?
When it rains cats and dogs.
CHAPTER 2
HOW MANY FISH CAN YOU CATCH?
Here are thirty well-known fish, with a good clue given for each one. How many of them can you catch?
1 What is a struggling fish?
Flounder
2 What is a cheating fish given to sharp practices?
Shark
3 What is a fish of precious metal?
Goldfish
4 What fish is man's best friend?
Dogfish
5 What fish is a royal fish?
Kingfish
6 What is a heavenly fish?
Angelfish
7 What fish is in the band?
Drumfish
8 What fish is an animal that is almost extinct?
Buffalo fish
9 What fish is an ugly old witch?
Hagfish
10 What fish is a household pet?
Catfish
11 What fish do you find in a bird cage?
Perch
12 What fish is good with hot biscuits?
Butterfish
13 What fish is a sharp-pointed weapon that soldiers used in Robin Hood's time?
Pike
14 What fish is a member of a barber shop quartet?
Bass
15 What fish is a deep guttural sound?
Grunt
16 What fish is used on certain boats?
Sailfish
17 What fish is very useful in hot weather?
Fantail
18 What fish is used by a fencer?
Swordfish
19 What fish is seen at night?
Starfish
20 What poor fish is always ailing?
Weakfish
21 What fish makes a good sandwich?
Jellyfish
22 What fish is a very evil fish?
Devilfish
23 What fish is a very dark color?
Blackfish
24 What fish floats through the air?
Balloon fish
25 What fish is a favorite with dairy farmers?
Cowfish
26 What fish is a rosy biter?
Red snapper
27 What fish represents three letters used by stores delivering goods you buy?
Cod (C.O.D.)
28 What fish represents a process used in refining metals?
Smelt
29 What is a gloomy, down-in-the-mouth fish?
Bluefish
30 What fish warms the earth?
Sunfish
CHAPTER 3
PLEASE TELL ME WHY?
1 Why should you never tell secrets in a cornfield?
Because corn has ears and is bound to be shocked.
2 Why do you always make a mistake when you put on a shoe?
Because you put your foot in it.
3 Why does Santa Claus like to go down the chimney?
Because it suits (soots) him.
4 Why do white sheep eat more than black ones?
Because there are more of them in the world.
5 Why is a ship one of the most polite things on earth?
Because it always advances with a bow.
6 Why is the snow different from Sunday?
Because it can fall on any day of the week.
7 Why is a good student always on the run?
Because he is always pursuing his studies.
8 Why does a man who has just shaved look like a wild animal?
Because he has a bear face.
9 Why should watermelon be a good name for a newspaper?
Because we're sure it is red on the inside.
10 Why is it vulgar to sing and play by yourself?
Because such a performance is so low (solo).
11 Why can't it rain for two days continually?
Because there is always a night in between.
12 Why does an Indian wear feathers in his hair?
To keep his wigwam.
13 Why is your nose in the middle of your face?
Because it is a scenter (center).
14 Why should fish be well educated?
Because they are so often found in schools.
15 Why would you expect a fisherman to be more honest than a shepherd?
Because a fisherman lives by hook and a shepherd lives by crook.
16 Why is your sense of touch impaired when you are ill?
Because you don't feel well.
17 Why do carpenters believe there is no such thing as glass?
Because they never saw it.
18 Why should a lost traveler never starve in the middle of a desert?
Because of the sand which is (sandwiches) there.
19 Why are photographers the most progressive of men?
Because they are always developing.
20 Why is coffee like a dull knife?
Because it has to be ground before it can be used.
21 Why is tennis such a noisy game?
Because each player raises a racket.
22 Why should everyone go to sleep immediately after drinking a cup of tea?
Because when the T is gone, night is nigh.
23 Why is an orange like a church belfry?
Because we get a peel (peal) from it.
24 Why are weary people like automobile wheels?
Because they are tired.
25 Why is a river rich?
Because it always has two banks.
26 Why does the tightrope dancer always have to repeat his performance?
Because he is always on cord (encored).
27 Why do we all go to bed?
Because the bed won't come to us.
28 Why can't a tugboat in New York Harbor go in a straight line?
Because some tow (toe) in, and others tow out.
29 Why should taxicab drivers be brave men?
Because "none but the brave deserve the fair" (fare).
30 Why does a chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
31 Why does a coat get bigger when you take it out of a suitcase?
Because you will find it increases (in creases).
32 Why do we buy clothes?
Because we can't get them for nothing.
33 Why is coal the most contradictory thing that is bought and sold?
Because when it is bought, instead of going to the buyer, it goes to the cellar.
34 Why is it that every man's trousers are too short?
Because his legs always stick out two feet.
35 Why should a doctor never be seasick?
Because he is so accustomed to sea (see) sickness.
36 Why does a tall man eat less than a short man?
Because he makes a little go a long way.
37 Why is a doctor the meanest man on earth?
Because he treats you and then makes you pay for it.
38 Why doesn't a steam locomotive like to sit down?
Because it has a tender behind.
39 Why are fat men sad?
Because they are men of sighs (size).
40 Why are fishermen such wonderful correspondents?
Because they always like to drop a line.
41 Why is a fly one of the grocer's best customers?
Because when he comes for sugar, he settles on the spot.
42 Why is a gardener the most extraordinary man in the world?
Because he has more business on earth than any other man; he has good grounds for what he does; he is master of the mint; he sets his own time (thyme); he has more bows (boughs) than the President of the United States; and better still, he can raise his own salary (celery) every year.
43 Why are tall people always the laziest?
Because they are longer in bed than short people.
44 Why does lightning shock people?
Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.
45 Why is it impossible for a person who lisps to believe in the existence of young ladies?
Because with him every miss is a myth.
46 Why is it that when you are looking for something you always find it in the last place you look?
Because you always stop looking when you find it.
47 Why don't women become bald as soon as men?
Because they wear their hair longer.
48 Why is paper money more valuable than coins?
When you put it in your pocket you double it, and when you take it out you find it still in creases.
49 Why can a bride hide nothing?
Because somebody always gives her away.
50 Why is it useless to send a telegram to Washington today?
Because he is dead.
51 Why should a fisherman always be wealthy?
Because all his business is net profit.
52 Why is life the hardest riddle?
Because everybody has to give it up.
53 Why is a heavy fall of snow easy to understand?
Because you can always see the drift of it.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Riddles Riddles Riddles by Joseph Leeming, Shane Miller. Copyright © 2014 Dover Publications, Inc.. Excerpted by permission of Dover Publications, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
