The Assertiveness Guide for Women: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries, and Transform Your Relationships

by Julie de Azevedo Hanks PhD, LCSW, Riane Eisler JD (Foreword by)

Overview

Isn’t it time you took a stand? Many women struggle with assertiveness, but if you’re prone to anxiety and avoidance, it is especially difficult. Grounded in attachment theory, this essential guide will help you identify your thoughts and feelings, balance your emotions, communicate your needs, and set healthy boundaries to improve your life.

When you’re assertive, you’re able to communicate your needs and wishes clearly while respecting yourself and anyone else involved in the interaction. But when you aren’t assertive, you may stop yourself from saying anything when your needs aren’t being met, or end up lashing out in hostile or hurtful ways. People with different attachment styles struggle with being assertive for different reasons, and even women with a secure attachment style may have difficulty expressing emotion when faced with challenging circumstances.

Using strategies based in mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), The Assertiveness Guide for Women can help you understand the attachment styles that keep you from asserting yourself. You’ll learn about the three communication stances—from the passive Doormat to the aggressive (or passive-aggressive) Sword to the assertive Lantern—and find practical examples that show you how to apply your new communication and emotional awareness skills in your own life. Rather than being caught in a cycle of rumination and regret when you’re unable to express yourself or even acknowledge your own needs, you’ll be ready to assert yourself and get what you want.

Whether you’re anxious and overwhelmed by the intensity of your emotions, avoidant and struggle to identify your emotions, or otherwise have difficulty expressing yourself, this book will help you become more aware of your own thoughts and feelings, and empower you to ask for what you need, set boundaries, and speak your truth for a more fulfilling life.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781626253377
Publisher:	New Harbinger Publications
Publication date:	08/01/2016
Pages:	224
Sales rank:	376,928
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Julie de Azevedo Hanks, PhD, LCSW, is passionate about helping women find their voice in their own lives, relationships, and in the world. She is a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker, author of The Burnout Cure, blogger, local and national media contributor, online influencer, consultant, award-winning performing songwriter, and founder and director of Wasatch Family Therapy. A native Californian, Hanks currently lives in Salt Lake City, UT, with her husband and their four children. For more information, visit www.drjuliehanks.com.


Riane Eisler, JD, is a systems scientist, cultural historian, author of The Chalice and the Blade and The Real Wealth of Nations, and coauthor of Transforming Interprofessional Partnerships. She has been a leader in the movement for peace, sustainability, and economic equity, and her pioneering work in human rights has expanded the focus of international organizations to include the rights of women and children. For more information, visit www.rianeeisler.com.

Table of Contents

Foreword vii

Introduction 1

1 What Does It Mean to Be Assertive? 9

2 Attachment, Emotions, and Assertiveness 29

3 Barriers to Assertive Communication 57

4 Self-Reflection: Exploring Your Relationship Patterns 73

5 Self-Awareness: Identifying Emotions 93

6 Self-Soothing: Mindfulness and Emotional Management 107

7 Self-Expression: Doormat, Sword, and Lantern 131

8 Self-Expression: Setting Strong Boundaries 147

9 Self-Expansion: Holding the Lantern 185

Acknowledgments 195

Recommended Reading 199

References 201

Interviews

Hanks resides in Cottonwood Heights, UT.

Editorial Reviews

Julie de Azevedo Hanks has provided women with a much-needed and long-awaited resource for self-expression. Her compassionate and informative voice gently guides readers through potential obstacles with hands-on strategies, which are validating and empowering. The Assertiveness Guide for Women is a must-read for anyone seeking the support and tools essential for honest and healthy communication.”
—Karen Kleiman, MSW, founder of The Postpartum Stress Center, and author of several books on postpartum depression, including Therapy and the Postpartum Woman



“The Assertiveness Guide for Women offers the skills you need to change and empower your life—including strengthening valuable relationships! Julie de Azevedo Hanks’ down-to-earth, warm style invites you in and shows you you’re not alone, as she provides a foundation of emotional awareness, understanding, and confidence to enable you to express your truest self. A powerful tool for women of all ages and stages, this book can, and if followed, will change you for the best!”
—Christina G. Hibbert, PsyD, author of This is How We Grow, Who Am I Without You?, and 8 Keys to Mental Health Through Exercise



“So many of us have experiences of silencing ourselves—sometimes for years and years. The Assertiveness Guide for Women is a powerful book packed with practical, thoughtful suggestions and poignant real-life examples to help us speak up, effectively express ourselves, and set strong boundaries. You’ll also gain insights into your own thoughts, feelings, and relationships, and into your own challenges with being assertive. This book empowers you, even when you feel powerless and undeserving. I truly wish it was required reading for all women and girls. It’s that important.”
—Margarita Tartakovsky, MS, writer and associate editor at www.psychcentral.com 



“This informative, accessible guide goes beyond healthy communication techniques and delves into the psychology that drives our patterns of relating to others. With thorough information, relatable examples, and awareness exercises that personalize the experience, Julie de Azevedo Hanks provides readers with a highly applicable resource that can transform their relationships with others and with themselves. In a society that makes assertiveness challenging for many women, this book can be a life-changer.”
—Elizabeth Anne Scott, MS, author of 8 Keys to Stress Management



“The Assertiveness Guide for Women provides helpful exercises and tools that will help any woman find her authentic voice. Julie de Azevedo Hanks helps readers identify the barriers that get in the way of assertive communication, and then provides the action steps necessary for achieving healthy self-expression.”
—Amy Morin, LCSW, author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

From the Publisher