Table of Contents
Introduction: I Won't Become Like My Parents When I Get Old 1
Part I Stupid Things I Won't do Today 9
I Won't Color My Hair (Even If It Worked for Diane Sawyer) 11
I Won't Double-Space After Periods 18
I Won't Be Afraid to Fall (Yes, You Read That Right) 26
I Won't Stop Rocking Those "Too Young for You" Outfits 31
I Won't Limit Myself to Friends My Own Age 36
I Won't Lie About My Age (Even on Dating Apps) 42
I Won't Join the "Organ Recital" 48
I Won't Deny That I'm Slow to Rise (and I'm Okay with That) 53
I Won't Avoid Looking at Myself Naked in the Mirror 59
I Won't Become a Miserable Malcontent, a Cranky Curmudgeon, or a Surly Sourpuss 64
I Won't Pass Up a Chance to Pee (Even When I Don't Have To) 69
I Won't Lie to My Doctor Anymore (Because These Lies Can Kill) 73
I Won't Refuse to Change My Ways 79
I Won't Tell My Life Story When Someone Asks, "How Are You?" 85
I Won't Get My Knickers in a Twist at "Okay, Boomer" 89
I Won't Be Honest to a Fault When Lying Is Kinder 92
I Won't Worry About What I Can't Control 96
I Won't Stop Believing in Magic 101
Part II Stupid Things I Won't do Tomorrow 107
I Won't Blame the Dog for My Leaky Pipes 109
I Won't Keep Driving When I Become a Threat to Others 114
I Won't Stop Enjoying Myself (and Yes, I'll Have the Occasional Candy Bar) 122
I Won't Hoard the Butter Pats 125
I Won't Wait Until I'm Deaf to Get a Hearing Aid (or, "What? What Did You Say?") 130
I Won't Fall Prey to Scams, Schemes, or Sleazeballs 136
I Won't Burden My Family with Taking Care of Me 142
I Won't Let a Walker Ruin My Style (but I'll Still Use It) 150
I Won't Smell like a Decrepit Old Man 155
I Won't Whine About How Much Things Cost 160
I Won't Play the Age Card 164
I Won't Forget My Manners 167
I Won't Be Ordering the Early Bird Special 172
I Won't Turn My House into a Sweat Lodge 177
I Won't Repeat Stories More Than One Hundred Times 180
I Won't Be Unkind to Those with Dementia 184
I Won't Let Anyone Treat Me with Disrespect 189
I Won't Lose My Balance 194
Part III Stupid Things I Won't do at "The End" 199
I Won't Depart This Life Without Someone Holding My Hand 201
I Won't Let Anything Stop Me from Saying I Love You … and Goodbye 207
I Won't Postpone for Tomorrow What Matters to Me Today 216
I Won't Let Anyone Else Write My Obituary 221
I Wont Forget to Plan My Own Funeral 224
I Won't Die Without Writing Letters to My Loved Ones 229
I Won't Be Disappointed by My Life 237
Afterword 245
Acknowledgments 251
About the Authors 257