Read an Excerpt
From the book:
When I thought I didn’t really have anything to live for, I started writing down what I am grateful for. I found I kept writing more things and making new lists, and that I wasn’t repeating myself. This showed me how good my life actually was and that I really had lots to live for.
For a long time after Jacques died, I didn’t smile. Life just kind of happened, and I just let it. A couple of my friends, Joe and Ruth, were concerned about me and gave me a copy of the movie The Secret to watch. I watched it with a chip on my shoulder. I didn’t see how anything that it said had anything to do with me. It seemed like the movie was about magical thinking where I could just decide I wanted something, and I would have it. I didn’t see how that could be true. After I watched the movie, I noticed in the case for the DVD there was a sheet that said, “Don’t turn this over until you watched the movie.” Since I had watched the movie, I turned it over, and it was simply a sheet with lines and a statement at the top that said to write down things I was grateful for. My attitude was, yah, right, but I decided to challenge myself and started writing. It didn’t take me long to fill the page. I was surprised because here I was thinking I was miserable, yet I easily filled a page with things I was grateful for. And it felt good!
This little exercise got me going and I found that I was constantly thinking of more things to be grateful for, and I just had to write them down. I wrote on scraps of paper in my purse, on the backs of receipts, and actually on anything that was handy when a thought would come up. I finally bought a little journal and started to record things there. I was absolutely amazed that I kept coming up with new things, and the more new things I came up with, the better I felt, and I realized I was smiling. Knowing how good writing down my gratitude was making me feel made me want to share this feeling with others. I started paying attention when anyone did something I was grateful for, and I would express my gratitude right then. If someone held the door open for me, I thanked that person. When my hairdresser cut my hair, I told her how great it made me feel to have her do such a wonderful job. I even wrote notes to people to thank them for a variety of things they did that made my life easier or made me smile. The more grateful I became, the happier I became. I felt better. Most of my physical complaints subsided. I lost weight. And life in general felt good again. And I knew then I would survive.
Practice: Gratitude
At this point, you may be saying that you don’t have anything to be grateful for. I understand that, but I encourage you to try this tool anyway. Before I started writing my own gratitude lists, I came to realize that that I was unconsciously making lots of lists of things I wasn’t grateful for which I now call my Poor Me lists. I would dwell on how lonely I was, how terrible my alcoholic next-door neighbor was who abused his wife and encouraged his sons to fight, how I no longer had a job I loved because I gave it up to care for my dying husband, how my friends didn’t call me, how I had no idea what to do next, and on and on and on. Those lists didn’t serve me. So, I now write gratitude lists which do serve me. Now I am grateful I wake up in the morning. I am grateful for the beautiful place I live. I am grateful to hear the birds singing every day. I am grateful that I can take a deep breath. I am grateful that I can write gratitude lists.
Try writing right now five things you are grateful for. No one will see them or judge you, so feel free to write anything you would like. Start each item with “I am grateful for,” then complete the sentence. Do this every day. Try not to repeat things, but it is ok if you do. There are no rules here. Just gratitude.
