You're Invited: The Art and Science of Connection, Trust, and Belonging

by Jon Levy

Overview

** A New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USAToday Bestseller **

Regardless of what you want to accomplish, from growing your business, creating a great company culture, championing a social cause, or affecting your habits, you can’t do it alone. The people around you define your success (whatever that means for you) and they have the potential to change the course of your life.

That’s what You’re Invited is about: The most universal strategy for success is creating meaningful connections with those who can impact you, your life, and the things you care about. But how do you make those connections and build trust quickly? What do you do if you’re introverted or hate networking? 

Behavioral scientist Jon Levy had no money, reputation or status, but was able to convince groups of Nobel Laureates, Olympians, celebrities, Fortune 500 executives, and even an occasional princess to not only give him advice, but cook him dinner, wash his dishes, sweep his floors, and then thank him for the experience. The goal of his gatherings, much like this book, was not networking, but to build meaningful and lasting relationships.    

This private community based around the dinner experience became known as “The Influencers”, named for the member’s success and industry influence. Since its inception more than a decade ago, The Influencers has grown into the largest private group of its kind worldwide, with a thriving community both in person and through digital experiences.

In You’re Invited, Levy guides readers through the art and science of creating deep and meaningful connections with anyone, regardless of their stature or celebrity, and demonstrates how we develop influence, gain trust, and build community so that we can impact our communities and achieve what’s important to us. 

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780063030978
Publisher:	HarperCollins
Publication date:	05/11/2021
Pages:	272
Sales rank:	268,593
Product dimensions:	5.90(w) x 9.00(h) x 1.30(d)

About the Author

Jon Levy is a behavioral scientist best known for his work in influence, human connection, and decision-making. He specializes in applying the latest research to transform the ways companies approach marketing, sales, consumer engagement, and culture. His clients range from Fortune 500 brands to startups.

More than a decade ago, Jon founded The Influencers Dinner, a secret dining experience for industry leaders, from Nobel laureates, Olympians, celebrities, and executives to artists, musicians, and the Grammy-winning voice of the bark from “Who Let the Dogs Out.” Guests cook dinner together but can’t discuss their careers or give their last names. Once seated to eat, they reveal who they are. Over time, these dinners developed into a community. With thousands of members, The Influencers is the largest community of its type worldwide.

In his free time, Jon works on outrageous projects, among them spending a year traveling to all seven continents and attending the world’s greatest events (Grand Prix, Art Basel, Burning Man, Running of the Bulls, etc.), barely surviving to tell the tale. These adventures were chronicled in his first book, The 2 AM Principle: Discover the Science of Adventure.

Table of Contents

Part I The Influence Equation

Chapter 1 The Power of an Invitation 3

The Influence Equation, Weight Watchers, American Anti-Slavery Society, the Influencers Dinner, and What This Book Is About

Chapter 2 The Benefit of Belonging 25

Addiction, Social Pain, Sardinia, and the Greatest Predictor of Longevity

Trust 35

Chapter 3 What Trust Is Made Of 37

The Good Doctor, the Trust Project, and the Importance of Benevolence

Chapter 4 The Science of Building Trust Quickly, aka Why Everyone Loves a Dombås 45

Marine Boot Camp, Gino the Salesman, the Halo Effect, Sororities, IKEA, Vulnerability Loops, and the Moral Molecule

Connection 61

Chapter 5 The Problem with Connecting 63

Indian Retirement Home, the Hummingbird Problem, the Greatest Art Heist in History, and the Mere Exposure Effect

Chapter 6 How to Connect with Anyone 71

The Levels of Influence

Chapter 7 Connecting with Global and Industry Influencers 75

Oprah and The Color Purple; the Success of TED; and the Importance of Generosity, Novelty, Curation, and Awe

Chapter 8 Connecting with Community and Personal Influencers 93

Red Bull and Skills, Opportunities, Access, and Resources

Sense of Community 101

Chapter 9 The Structure of Community 103

Providing Belonging

Chapter 10 Membership 107

The South African Springboks and Feeling Like You Are on the Inside

Chapter 11 Influence 115

Wikipedia and Having a Say

Chapter 12 Integration and Fulfillment of Needs 119

ConBody and Succeeding After Prison

Chapter 13 Shared Emotional Connection 125

The Origin of Comic-Con and the Hero We Needed

Part II The Path … Home-What to Do with the Influence Equation

Chapter 14 What Is a Path and How Will It Change Your Life? 133

Predicting Human Behavior, Criminal Minds, Walt Disney World, the Economist, and the Elephant and the Rider

Chapter 15 Designing a Path 145

UCLA Gymnastics, Discovery Engagement and Membership, and the Aesthetic Scentability Brunch

Chapter 16 Your Path for Creating Community 159

CreativeMornings; Flagships, Offshoots, and Large Gatherings; and the Finite and Infinite Game

Part III Applying It All in Your Life

Chapter 17 Creating Communities for Business Success 177

Salesforce and How and When to Design Dinners, Parties, Conferences, and Events

Chapter 18 Cause-Based Communities 193

The National Multiple Sclerosis Society, the End of Galas, and How to Connect with Donors and Supporters

Chapter 19 Cultivating Company Culture 201

The Google Puzzle, Recruiting, Employment, and How to Increase Retention and Attract the Best Talent

Chapter 20 Social Communities 209

Games Night, Ernest Shackleton, and Your New Friends

Chapter 21 Developing an Online Community 215

Reimagining Events, Meetup.com, and Gifts from Reddit

Conclusion An Invitation That Could Change Your Life 227

Daryl Davis, a Boogie Musician and His New Friend, and a Question for You

Acknowledgments 235

Notes 239

Index 247

Editorial Reviews

I know firsthand that Jon Levy understands a lot about human behavior—he got me and a bunch of other busy professionals to cook him dinner. From his research and long experience, Jon is a master of building connections between people and enriching their lives in the process. This book explains, simply and engagingly, how he does it." — Eric Maskin, Nobel laureate and economist

"I had no idea what to expect as I walked into a strangers house with a bottle of wine. The beauty of the experience was in the simplicity of it all. It wasn't extravagant or pretentious, instead it was a group of strangers cooking together. By the end we were all chatting like old friends. That's what this book illustrates so beautifully, life is about the people we surround ourselves with. Now I am borderline obsessed with the connections I have in my own life along with the connections in others' lives that led them to where they are today."  — Nathan Adrian, 8 Time Olympic Medalist, Team USA

“Normally when a strange man invites me to dinner, I decline. But I, like all of my dinner mates that evening, was inspired by Jon's unslakable curiosity about humans and how we form bonds. It is in the pursuit of those answers that Jon is able to set the table scientifically, mentally and, of course, literally, for strangers to engage in thoughtful, meaningful and life altering conversations. Explained in these pages are the how and why connecting with fascinating strangers is so important. This book is as close as one can get to actually attending one of his extraordinary dinners.”
— Iliza Shlesinger, comedian

“I grew up in a close community of cousins who built my confidence through love, humor and food. As an adult, I wasn’t pleased that twenty seven Greeks couldn’t come with me to Hollywood events and laugh at my jokes. Isolation is no fun. Making burritos at an Influencer’s dinner is. This book will make you as confident and good looking as your mother says you are.” — Nia Vardalos, actress and star of My Big Fat Greek Wedding

"Jon and his dinners are focused on bringing people together under the umbrella of unique experiences to share a love of life and the spirit of connection." — Jesse Carmichael, Maroon 5 guitarist

From the Publisher

"I had no idea what to expect as I walked into a strangers house with a bottle of wine. The beauty of the experience was in the simplicity of it all. It wasn't extravagant or pretentious, instead it was a group of strangers cooking together. By the end we were all chatting like old friends. That's what this book illustrates so beautifully, life is about the people we surround ourselves with. Now I am borderline obsessed with the connections I have in my own life along with the connections in others' lives that led them to where they are today." 

Nathan Adrian

Normally when a strange man invites me to dinner, I decline. But I, like all of my dinner mates that evening, was inspired by Jon's unslakable curiosity about humans and how we form bonds. It is in the pursuit of those answers that Jon is able to set the table scientifically, mentally and, of course, literally, for strangers to engage in thoughtful, meaningful and life altering conversations. Explained in these pages are the how and why connecting with fascinating strangers is so important. This book is as close as one can get to actually attending one of his extraordinary dinners.”

Iliza Shlesinger

"Jon and his dinners are focused on bringing people together under the umbrella of unique experiences to share a love of life and the spirit of connection."

Jesse Carmichael

I grew up in a close community of cousins who built my confidence through love, humor and food. As an adult, I wasn’t pleased that twenty seven Greeks couldn’t come with me to Hollywood events and laugh at my jokes. Isolation is no fun. Making burritos at an Influencer’s dinner is. This book will make you as confident and good looking as your mother says you are.

Nia Vardalos

I know firsthand that Jon Levy understands a lot about human behavior—he got me and a bunch of other busy professionals to cook him dinner. From his research and long experience, Jon is a master of building connections between people and enriching their lives in the process. This book explains, simply and engagingly, how he does it."

Eric Maskin

I know firsthand that Jon Levy understands a lot about human behavior—-he got me and a bunch of other busy professionals to cook him dinner. From his research and long experience, Jon is a master of building connections between people and enriching their lives in the process. This book explains, simply and engagingly, how he does it." %COMM_CONTRIB%Eric Maskin