You're Embarrassing Yourself: Stories of Love, Lust, and Movies

by Desiree Akhavan

Overview

Writer, actor, and director Desiree Akhavan shares the stories she was told to shut up about—hilarious, horny, heartbreaking tales of a life in pursuit of art, love, and a better haircut.

“Hilariously raw, relatable, and—dare I even say—sexy.”—Jessi Klein

When it comes to shame, Desiree Akhavan knows what she’s talking about—whether it’s winning the title of the Ugliest Girl at her high school, acquiescing to the nose job she was lovingly forced into by her Iranian parents, or losing her virginity to a cokehead she met in a support group for cutters. In You’re Embarrassing Yourself, Akhavan goes to the rawest places—the lifelong struggle to be at peace in one’s body, the search for home as the child of immigrants, the anxious underbelly of artistic ambition—in pursuit of wisdom, catharsis, and lolz.

Equal parts funny and heartfelt, these seventeen essays chart an artist’s journey from outcast to overnight indie darling, to (somewhat) self-aware adult woman. The result is a collection that captures the pathetic lows and euphoric highs of our youth—and how to survive them.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780399588501
Publisher:	Random House Publishing Group
Publication date:	08/13/2024
Pages:	208
Product dimensions:	5.21(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.55(d)

About the Author

Desiree Akhavan is a filmmaker, writer, and (an occasional) actor. She created the Hulu original series The Bisexual as well as the films Appropriate Behavior and The Miseducation of Cameron Post, which won the Sundance Grand Jury Prize. As an episodic director, she’s worked on numerous shows, including Hacks and Ramy. Her writing has appeared in The Guardian and British Vogue.

Editorial Reviews

06/17/2024

Actor and filmmaker Akhavan reflects on her heritage, her romantic disappointments, and her 1990s coming-of-age in this funny and incisive debut memoir-in-essays. The daughter of Iranian immigrants who sent Akhavan and her siblings to one of New York City’s most exclusive private schools, Akhavan knew early on she was a “different species” from her peers. At 14, her classmates nicknamed her the Beast and included her on a list of the school’s “ugliest girls,” a designation that haunted her into adulthood (“I was the Beast for so long that even once I crawled my way to something different, I couldn’t decide what I’d become without looking to strangers for answers”). The essays on Akhavan’s failed relationships have their charms—especially the one about her first heartbreak at a women’s college in Massachusetts, which brilliantly balances humor and pathos—but she’s at her most heartrending when she looks elsewhere, writing about her quest to feel at home in an immigrant community that struggles to accept her queerness, or cataloging how her best friend’s motherhood impinges upon their relationship. By the moving final entry, in which Akhavan surprises herself by realizing that she, too, wants to become a mother, she’s charted an endearingly crooked path to maturity. This is a winner. Agent: Kim Witherspoon, InkWell Management. (Aug.)

Publishers Weekly

With cackle-worthy humor and absolute ease, Desiree Akhavan shares her deeply honest stories of culture and identity, modern sexuality, and what it is to be an artist.”—Lena Dunham, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Not That Kind of Girl

“Each of these essays feels like a satisfying night out with your most funny, sexy, and self-deprecating friend. Together, they add up to a moving account of self-acceptance that gives us each permission to take it all a little less seriously.”—Anna Sale, host of the podcast Death, Sex & Money and author of Let’s Talk About Hard Things

From the Publisher

2024-05-17
A Sundance-winning filmmaker reveals how her “most cringe-inducing moments” have been integral in shaping her life.

The New York City–born daughter of Iranian immigrants, Akhavan always felt like a “different species.” Her insecurities became even more pronounced during adolescence when classmates posted a picture of her on a joke website and labeled it “the Beast.” Later, the author would reclaim the differences that set her apart from “skinny symmetrical white girls” (broad shoulders, Middle Eastern background, queerness) on a journey to adulthood that was both darkly comic and sometimes self-destructive. In college, Akhavan began cutting, and soon after, she underwent cosmetic surgery. “I don’t think my nose job actually had that much to do with my nose,” she writes. “I was reeling from my first broken heart and my parents wanted to support me, but since my heart had been broken by a girl, we had to pretend it wasn’t happening.” In 2005, Akhavan met Cecilia. Their professional collaboration helped the author find success as an independent filmmaker, while their friendship survived the “desperate need for validation” that she had battled for years. When Cecilia had a baby, Akhavan realized, “the truth that was too embarrassing to say out loud was that I’d never have considered making a decision without her, from what outfit to wear to what partner to choose, while she hadn’t taken me into account when making the biggest deci­sion of her life.” Musing on the maturity that brought with it a desire for both children and “proximity to my heritage,” she notes, sagely, “you’re going to keep making a fool of yourself, because that’s what it is to be alive.” As she depicts her struggle to come to terms with a complex identity, Akhavan also celebrates the hard-won privilege of self-acceptance.

A readably funny and candid memoir.

Kirkus Reviews