Your Man in the Orient - Part 1 (A Guide to Living in Vietnam)

by Albert Jack

Overview

An Englishman lives in Cape Town for ten-years and then, by accident, packs up and moves to Vietnam, having never even been there on holiday.

What could possibly go wrong?

Extract - When I decided to escape the Hanoi heat for a few days I looked for flights to Sapa, a village in the northern mountains of Vietnam near the Chinese border, but I learned that the only real option was to take one of the overnight trains. There are several available.

The Orient Express, The Victoria Train, The Green Line and about six others, all ranging in price and therefore, I assumed, standard. I also noticed that they all left Hanoi Central Station at the same time, which was odd.

It conjured up images of a race but, being twelve, I quite liked that idea. I selected the one that offered a private cabin but, as usual, things were not as easy as they at first appear, or should be.

After more nodding, pointing and charades it became obvious to me that I couldn’t have a private cabin. ‘Why not?’ I turns out that the private cabins were for couples and I would have to share with someone. Now, obviously, this could turn out to be a Swedish backpacker in hiking boots and shorts who turned into a whiskey dispensing nymphet ten minutes out of Hanoi Station.

But I am too experienced for that these days. I know how my luck runs. I get the snoring middle-aged German. That’s how it runs and I was having none of that. ‘I am a couple, there are two of me,’ I argued. I sensed that she already thought that.

‘Ok Mr Jack,’ she said with a sigh, ‘and the name and age of your traveling companion is?’ I had to think fast. ‘Jameson’ I said. ‘Ms. She is eighteen-years old and has been going everywhere with me for twenty-five years.’ After all, it's not entirely untrue. She gave up on me at that point, issued two tickets, charged me two prices, looked at me as if I were an idiot (also not entirely untrue) and off I went to the station. Hanoi Central is an amazing experience and would have been fun if it hadn't been about 1600 degrees.

I sat outside for a few minutes with a cold beer just to absorbed the scene. It was just like one of those Michael Palin documentaries, ‘Around the World’ or something like that. Teeming with people, excitement, anticipation, back packers, locals, the good, the bad and the ugly. And me watching the whole mad event with my traveling companion zipped up in a suitcase.

I fully expected to see the great man himself emerge from the crowd, remove his panama hat, wipe the sweat from his brow and ask for a slug of my eighteen-year old. I would have shared. Before too much longer my head began to melt and so I made my way through the departure hall and hurried passed the ticket inspectors. ‘And Ms Jameson?’ one of them called after me. ‘It’s alright, she is in my bag’ I shouted back, and left them wondering. ‘The Orient Express?’

I asked someone on the platform. He pointed to the single train standing there which read, The Green Line. ‘Where is the Orient Express?’ I asked again and he pointed further down the platform. As I walked I noticed the names on the side of the carriages changed and it then dawned on me.

There is only one train, just different carriage classes with varying names. And they all left at the same time, obviously. So there was to be no race after all. I found our cabin, spent a few moments enjoying the air conditioning, put the second bedding on the floor as a carpet, made myself comfortable, turned lovingly to my eighteen-year old and drank myself to sleep.

It is a shame that it is an overnight train as, apparently, it chugs through some of the most glorious scenery in the whole of Asia. I was awakened at 5.30am by a guard pulling on my leg. I didn’t like that. I had locked the door from the inside and he clearly had an override key. That means they are able to slip into your cabin at any point during the night and into your valuables, or worse.....

Product Details

BN ID:	2940153843391
Publisher:	Albert Jack
Publication date:	11/07/2016
Sold by:	Smashwords
Format:	eBook
File size:	189 KB

About the Author

Albert Jack is an English writer and historian who became something of a publishing phenomenon in 2004 when his first book Red Herrings and White Elephants, which explored the origins of well-known phrases in the English language, became a huge international best-seller. The book was serialised by the Sunday Times for over a year and stayed in the top ten of the UK Sunday Times best-seller list for sixteen months. His follow up book Shaggy Dogs and Black Sheep was also a best seller and has sold over 150,000 copies since publication in October 2005. It became Penguin Book's Christmas best-seller. His hilarious third book, a study of Urban Legends called Phantom Hitchhikers is also a best-seller and was released in paperback in September 2007. In the same month Red Herrings and White Elephants was re-released for the first time in paperback and Albert has provided 30% more content for a revised and expanded version that is sure to hit the best-seller list once again. Fascinated by discovering the truth behind the world's great stories, Albert has become an expert in explaining the unexplained, which is great news for conversations and storytellers everywhere. He is now a veteran of hundreds of live television shows and thousands of radio appearances world-wide. His books have become best-sellers in Great Britain & Europe, America, Canada, South Africa, Australia and translated into many different languages. In 2007, Albert Jack's Loch Ness Monsters and Raining Frogs, a study of the world's great mysteries from the Bermuda Triangle to the disappearance of Glen Miller. Crop Circles, Loch Ness Monster, UFO's, Marilyn Monroe and the Mary Celeste have also come under investigation along with many more famous stories. Albert uncovers the sometimes surprising truth and his acerbic wit makes for an entertaining read. Loch Ness Monsters was be the third book Albert released in the autumn of 2007 and in March 2009 Random House published the same title in America. In 2008 Penguin UK released the best-selling Pop Goes the Weasel, Albert's book exploring the dark history and meaning of nursery rhymes that became an instant best-seller and offered the writer new contract to produce two brand new Albert Jack books for release in 2009 and 2010. The first of these, The Old Dog and Duck, Albert's fascinating historic study of the origins of pub and hotel names is due in the shops on September 3rd 2009, closely followed by Penguin USA issuing stateside versions of Pop Goes the Weasel on 6th October and Shaggy Dogs and Black Sheep in March 2010. In September 2010 What Caesar did for my Salad, Albert's humorous study of our favourite foods reveals who Caesar really was, why sausages are bangers, what the Tartars had to with raw steak why the Thousand Islands developed their seafood sauce and who Margarita was and why she inspired the world's most famous pizza. Finally, What Caesar Did for my Salad is due for release in America in September 2011, The Old Dog and Duck is released as a paperback in the UK during October 2011, Phantom Hitchhikers Part One and Two are due for release in China in November 2011 and Random House are publishing Albert's brand new UK title, It's a Wonderful Word, on November 3rd 2011. In 2012 Albert re-released Sounds from the Street and published two new books, Money for Old Rope Parts 1 & 2 The success of his books has a lot to do with Albert's invention of what he calls the 'ten minute read,' enabling readers to open his books at any point and be fully entertained for ten minutes at a time before 'going off to do something more productive with their time.' Currently hosting a series of Writer's Workshops in England & South Africa, Albert has plans for another ten hard backs that look set to continue his success for many years to come. Albert is also an accomplished lecturer and after dinner speaker.