You Did What?: Mad Plans and Great Historical Disasters

by Bill Fawcett

Overview

History has never been more fun than it is in this fact-filled compendium of historical fiascoes and embarrassingly bad ideas.

Throughout history, the rich and powerful, and even just the dim-witted, have made horrifically bad decisions that have had resounding effects on our world. From kings to corporate leaders, from captains to presidents, no one is immune to bad decisions and their lasting legacy. The fiascoes that litter our history are innumerable ... and fascinating in their foolishness. This witty collection of historical mayhem chronicles unwise decisions from ancient Greece to modern-day Hollywood and everything in between. Learn such lessons as:

• Never trust Greeks bearing gifts of large wooden horses.
• Avoid building elementary schools on toxic waste dumps, even those with sweet monikers like Love Canal.
• Rabbits multiply like rabbits Down Under.
• Even if you use brightly colored paint on the boats, it's quite easy to misplace an entire country's navy.

With more than forty-five chapters of mind-boggling flubs and follies, fans of history, trivia, and those who just want a good laugh will adore this intriguing and fun read.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780060532505
Publisher:	HarperCollins
Publication date:	08/17/2004
Pages:	304
Product dimensions:	5.31(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.69(d)

About the Author

Bill Fawcett is the author and editor of more than a dozen books, including You Did What?, It Seemed Like a Good Idea . . . , How to Lose a Battle, and You Said What? He lives in Illinois.

Read an Excerpt

You Did What?

Mad Plans and Incredible Mistakes

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By Bill Fawcett

HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Copyright © 2004 Bill Fawcett
All right reserved.
ISBN: 006074622X

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You Kidnapped Whom?

It takes a lot of effort to make a series of mistakes so great that not only do they destroy your entire civilization but also become the stuff that makes one of the great epics of all times.

The Terrible Choices of the Trojan War
Troy, the Bronze Age

Brian M. Thomsen

Some of the greatest stories in history have their basis in a combination of actual events and legends, where the blurring of the line between the two creates a sense of truly epic storytelling and of heroes larger than life who are nonetheless men (centaurs and gods excluded, of course).

The factual history is unclear. Still, it took some pigheaded stupidity and shortsighted self-indulgence to effectively destroy the leading city of its day.

We know that indeed there was a city named Troy (also known as Ilium), believed to be located on a hill now called Hisarlik in the northwest reaches of Anatolia. However, this might not have been the location of the Troy as depicted in the chronicles of the Trojan War. Archaeological research has chosen a better candidate -- namely, Troy VI, which was destroyed in 1270 -- given the following facts: there are records that show it was in contact with Greece during the hypothetical period of the conflict, Greece was a flourishing yet warlike civilization at the time, and it included as part of its realm Mycenae and other locales actually mentioned in the Homeric records (which is also mentioned in various contemporary corroborating Hittite records).

Thus, when it comes to the facts, we know that there was a city of Troy (which may or may not have been located where we thought it was) and that sometime during the classical age a war took place there, possibly over a dispute concerning control of trade through the Dardanelles.

But of course there is much more to the story. A lyrical chronicle of this great war based in mythology and reportage has been passed down by the great blind bard Homer in his epic ballads The Iliad and The Odyssey.

According to Homer, the Trojan War broke out when the Prince of Troy, Paris, abducted the wife of Menelaus of Sparta, the so-called Helen of Troy, whose face could launch a thousand ships.

Bad Idea #1: Never make off with the wife of a guy who has the pull to call on an entire army to get her back.

Menelaus persuaded his brother Agamemnon to amass an army against Troy to bring his wife back. This army included such great heroes as wily Odysseus, Nestor, and Achilles, whose inclusion as part of the martial force leads us to ...

Bad Idea #2: Be careful what you choose; you will have to live (even after death) with the consequences.

According to legend and myth, the gods had offered Achilles (he of the legendary heel) a choice -- he could live a long but ordinary life or he could live a short but heroic-unto-legend-worthy life. He chose the latter, and indeed acquitted himself exceptionally during the siege of Troy, and as a result died quite heroically in battle. It is accurate to note that he eventually had second thoughts on this choice as revealed in a passage of The Odyssey, where he is encountered in the Land of the Dead and pretty much admits his regrets.

Meanwhile, back at the war ...

The battle rages for nine years as the Trojans had more than a few heroes of their own (such as Hector and his sons). Moreover, the city itself was well fortified with an enclosing wall that proved to be impenetrable from forces on the outside. As a result, after much hooting and hollering and laying to waste of the surrounding area, when all was said and done the Trojans and Helen were still safe and snug behind their city wall.

Moreover, they had gotten cocky.

Bad Idea #3: Watch whose advice you choose to ignore.

According to the myths the prophetess Cassandra was blessed with clairvoyant foresight and cursed with an aura that made those around her disbelieve anything she had to say.

Cassandra warned Hector and the Trojans that a plot to defeat Troy was afoot, and if it went forward, Troy would indeed fall.

They ignored her ... and the expected disastrous results occurred.

The Greeks realized that they were getting nowhere so wily Odysseus decided that it was time to change tactics.

So one day the Trojans looked out on the enemy Greek camp, and lo and behold it was abandoned.

The Greeks had seemingly sailed away ... but they had left something behind.

Bad Idea #4: Didn't the Trojans know to "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts"?

The Greeks had left behind a large wooden horse as a token of their esteem for so many years of good fighting; or, as said by sniveling Sinon, their left-behind spokesperson, "You won. We lost. Take this horse as the prize."

The Trojans dragged the horse into the city of Troy, inside her protective walls, which had so successfully withstood the Greeks.

Sure enough, night fell, a commando force dropped out of the horse and opened the gates from inside to allow in the now returned Greek armies.

The Greeks won.

Troy fell.

But the story wasn't over yet.

Bad Idea #5: The gods hate a braggart so try not to piss them off.

Odysseus was quite pleased with himself that his plan had worked, and like the Trojans before him became too cocky -- which is why it took him so long to get home (the delays of which are detailed in The Odyssey).

The gods had taken sides during the war and in some cases fought side by side with the mortal warriors.

Most of them did not appreciate having been bested by a mere mortal, even if he was Athena's favorite.

As to other victorious Greeks coming home from their victory ...

Continues...

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Excerpted from You Did What? by Bill Fawcett Copyright © 2004 by Bill Fawcett. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

	Introduction	XIII
	You Kidnapped Whom? Troy, the Bronze Age	1
	You Insulted Whom? Britain, A.D. 43	6
	You Invited Whom? Rome, A.D. 300	12
	Your Son Did What? England, Twelfth Century	19
	You Arrested Whom? Rome, A.D. 1244	24
	You Armed Whom? Hungary, 1514	29
	You Chose Whom to Be the What? England, 1535	33
	You Bought What? Netherlands, 1636	39
	You Sent Whom, Governor? America, 1753-1754	46
	You Lost Your Head Paris, 1794	55
	You Are Shocking Europe, 1796	61
	You Married Whom? Germany, 1858	66
	You Shot Whom? Weehawken, New Jersey, 1804	71
	You Invaded Where? Russia, 1812	77
	You Gave Command to Whom? Waterloo, 1815	81
	You Wore What? Washington, D.C., 1840	88
	You Set Loose What? Australia, 1859	92
	You Lost What? Antietam, 1862	97
	You Taught Them What? Kansas and Missouri, 1863	103
	You Sent Them Out in What? Off the Confederate Coastline, 1864	108
	You're Building What, Where? Panama, 1881	112
	You Put Him in Charge of What? Washington, 1896	118
	You Hit What? The Mid-Atlantic, 1912	127
	You Demand What? Authors, Everywhere, All the Time	136
	You Ignored Whose Warning? Galveston, Texas, 1900	140
	You Unleashed What? China, 1900	146
	You Allowed What? Australia, 1950	150
	You Are Doing It When, How? Africa	157
	You Appointed Whom? England, 1914	170
	You Traded Whom? Boston, 1920	179
	You Created a Wonder Drug? Germany, 1897	183
	You Sold Whom for How Much? New York City, 1937	190
	You're Out of Tune United States, 1950 on (and on, and on)	194
	You Executed All the What? Russia, 1937-1942	198
	You Built It Where? New York, 1953	203
	You Choose Whom? The Vatican, 1958	212
	You Are Running Against Whom? California, 1966	217
	You Quit What Show? TV Land: From 1970 to Next Season	222
	You Forged What? Hollywood, 1976	226
	You Switched Over to What? New York/Oakland Nfl Game, 1968	233
	You Broke In Where? Washington, D.C., 1971	237
	You Taped It All? Washington, D.C., 1974	243
	You Vaccinated Whom Against What? United States, 1976	246
	You Are Rescuing Them How? Iran, 1979	253
	You Assassinated Whom? Donegal Bay, Ireland, 1979	263
	You Made What? Hollywood, 1980s-'90s	267
	You Forgot to Ask Them What? United States, 1985	272
	Index	281