You Can Date Boys When You're Forty: Dave Barry on Parenting and Other Topics He Knows Very Little About

by Dave Barry

Overview

If there’s one thing that New York Times bestselling author and Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Dave Barry is an expert on, it’s raising a daughter.

…which means he’s not an expert on much considering the breadth of his knowledge on that subject fills only a single chapter of a book. However, what Dave Barry is good at is giving unsolicited advice on topics he’s definitively not an expert on. In fact, he now has an entire book filled with guidance on things he knows nothing about, including: surviving in the wild, wooing women, cremation, maintaining a scintillating conversation, Justin Bieber, the U.S. Postal Service, enduring the TSA, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, and, most obviously, being a professional author.

With trademark wit and unmatched insight into the insanity of everyday life, Dave Barry presents a series of hilarious, never-before-published essays on the trials and tribulations of living and laughing in the modern age.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780425272848
Publisher:	Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:	03/03/2015
Edition description:	Reprint
Pages:	240
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.70(d)
Age Range:	18 Years

About the Author

Dave Barry’s most recent bestsellers include Insane City; I’ll Mature When I’m Dead; his Peter Pan prequels, written with Ridley Pearson; Dave Barry’s History of the Millenium (So Far); and Lunatics, written with Alan Zweibel. From 1983 to 2004, Barry wrote a weekly column for the Miami Herald that, in 1988, won a Pulitzer Prize for commentary. He lives in Coral Gables, Florida.

Hometown:

Miami, Florida

Date of Birth:

July 3, 1947

Place of Birth:

Armonk, New York

Education:

B.A. in English, Haverford College, 1969

Website:

http://www.davebarry.com

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Sophie, Stella and the Bieber Plan 9

Manliness 23

What Women Want 53

Death 69

Nothing! Really 93

"Grammar" 105

Air Travelers' FAQ 127

Seeking Wifi in the Holy Land 139

How to Become a Professional Author 195

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

Praise for YOU CAN DATE BOYS WHEN YOU’RE FORTY
 
“If you were on that clichéd desert island and could follow only one sage’s advice, it would have to be Dave Barry’s.”—Janet Maslin, New York Times

“[A] hilarious collection . . . Barry is particularly sidesplitting when describing his role as the 65-year-old dad of a 13-year-old daughter.  His description of taking his teen to a Justin Bieber concert is brilliantly funny . . . Parents and non-parents alike will find plenty of laughs.”—Publishers Weekly
 
“Humorous take on life . . . Barry offers a baby-boomer perspective on a faster-paced life of electronic gadgetry and the Internet and ponders the aging process, including getting mail marketing Medicare and watching Viagra commercials in the company of your children.”—Booklist
 
“[A] wide-ranging collection of funny essays . . . even those who don't have children and have never lived in Miami or searched for a Wi-Fi connection in the Israeli desert will appreciate Barry's lighthearted absurdity.”—Kirkus Reviews
 
Praise for Dave Barry

“Dave Barry remains one of the funniest writers alive.”—Carl Hiaasen

“While reading Dave Barry’s Big Trouble, I laughed so loud I fell out of a chair. Luckily, there’s a rug, so I didn’t hurt myself.” —Stephen King

Editorial Reviews

Praise for Dave Barry and his books

“The funniest damn writer in the whole country.”—Carl Hiaasen

“[Barry] is truly the funniest man living in the three mile ‘safe’ zone off the shores of America.”—Steve Martin

“Big, goofy comedy in the vein of Carl Hiaasen and Tim Dorsey…Barry keeps the humor good-naturedly bawdy while simultaneously throwing in everything but the kitchen sink.”—Kirkus Reviews

“Barry’s dialogue is smart, fast and funny.”—Denver Post

“Fans know what to expect from Dave Barry: joke-packed prose and one-liners.”—The Associated Press

From the Publisher

12/09/2013
Columnist and humor author Barry (I’ll Mature When I’m Dead) includes nine never-before-published essays in this characteristically hilarious collection. Though not only about parenting (Viagra commercials, horseback riding, cremation and grammar are just a few of the topics addressed), Barry is particularly sidesplitting when describing his role as the 65-year-old dad of a 13-year-old daughter. His description of taking his teen to a Justin Bieber concert is brilliantly funny (he compares the young rock star to the GEICO gecko) and will resonate with parents everywhere. His piercing critique of the bestselling Fifty Shades of Grey contains on-target observations about the mysteries of popularity and success. A lengthier travel essay on a trip to Israel, “Seeking Wi-Fi in the Holy Land,” which he takes with his daughter and wife (both of whom are Jewish though he is not), ranges from humorous rants about rappelling a cliff or riding camels with Bedouins to more somber observations on the weighty responsibilities of parenthood. As always, Barry’s humor takes unexpected turns, whether he’s focusing on the penis bone of a walrus, the “wussification of American men,” or on how males and females communicate. Parents and non-parents alike will find plenty of laughs in the author’s latest collection, which, as he states in his introduction, is “about many things.” Agent: Amy Berkower, Writers House. (Mar.)

Publishers Weekly

Award-winning humor author Dave Barry dishes up an assortment of ripe essays exposing the ridiculous sides of life through his classic style of dry and sardonic humor. This entertaining listen provides Barry’s observations on parenting, funeral planning, bat mitzvahs, relationships, and contemporary culture. Listeners are also treated to an amusing travelogue depicting a family vacation in Israel. Barry’s nasal tone and unpolished cadence may diminish the performance for listeners accustomed to more skilled narrators. However, with Barry as the narrator of his own work, the essays take on the quality of a stand-up comedy monologue with impeccable comedic pauses. Barry’s conversational diction and near perfect delivery of cheeky humor make up for his periodic bungling of pronunciations. Overall, Barry delivers another collection of hilariously entertaining essays. K.C.R. 2015 Audies Finalist © AudioFile 2014, Portland, Maine

MARCH 2014 - AudioFile

2013-12-22
Another wide-ranging collection of funny essays about parenting--and "grammar, sex, camels, women, brain surgery, sex with women, how to become a professional author, airlines, Justin Bieber and death"--by best-selling humorist Barry (Insane City, 2013, etc.). The author has made a career of chronicling his life (and those of his now-adult son and teenage daughter) in his syndicated newspaper column and several essay collections. The format is as familiar as an episode of a police procedural: Barry offers ludicrous yet authoritatively delivered advice and glumly acknowledges that following it might get you arrested. Although parenting is well-worn fodder for comedians, only Barry would coolly share his idea to install traps around his home to capture any teenage boys who would dare watch TV from the same sofa as his daughter and release the boys ("nothing more than short men") into the Everglades. The author provides useful information for parents of tweens and teens--e.g., "BFF stands for 'Best Friends Forever.' This is a term that girls my daughter's age use to describe essentially everyone they know"--as well as not-so-helpful advice on how to perform emergency first aid: "Keep the victim calm by administering several brisk facial slaps and shouting, ‘CALM DOWN, DAMMIT! DO YOU WANT TO DIE??'…When the ambulance arrives, ask the paramedics if you can operate the siren." The book is also part travelogue and part writing guide, as well as the author's detailed, pre-planned funeral program ("IX. Lucky Seat Announcement: The Audience will be instructed to look under their seats. Under one of them will be a small container of my ashes, which the audience member can take home"). A mishmash, but even those who don't have children and have never lived in Miami or searched for a Wi-Fi connection in the Israeli desert will appreciate Barry's lighthearted absurdity.

Kirkus Reviews