Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781908120663 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Oval Books |
| Publication date: | 06/01/2008 |
| Series: | Xenophobe's Guide , #23 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 92 |
| File size: | 1 MB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Xenophobe's Guide to the Kiwis
By Christine Cole Catley, Simon Nicholson
Xenophobe's Guides
Copyright © 2011 Oval ProjectsAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-908120-66-3
CHAPTER 1
Nationalism & Identity
Forewarned
God's own country – 'Godzone' – is how Kiwis see New Zealand. They live in a land of unsurpassed natural beauty, friendly welcomes, fair play for one and all, and happily ever afters.
Give Kiwis half a chance and they will go out of their way to prove it to you. Indeed, visitors to New Zealand (or as Kiwis pronounce it, 'New Zild') can expect to be constantly set upon by the insatiably hospitable locals. A quick chat with a passing Kiwi on any New Zealand street can very quickly turn into an invitation to dinner, a weekend stay in the spare room or an extended guided tour of the local sights. Kiwis are fiercely proud of their country and love nothing better than to show it off.
So heaven help the visitors who criticise Godzone, especially if they come from the original European seedbeds – England, Scotland, Wales, or Ireland – and therefore should know better. Only the Australian visitor is given leeway to criticise. Kiwi-bashing, for some reason that escapes the Kiwis, is a favourite Aussie pastime. In fact, you're about as likely to come across an Aussie who'll admit to having good feelings for the Kiwis as of finding a decent Australian beer.
Kiwis love receiving praise about their country. However, self-deprecation is wired deeply into the national psyche, so praise is always looked upon with suspicion. Kiwis constantly fear that they are being buttered up, or somebody is having them on. In keeping with this schizophrenic aspect of the national character, both praise and criticism are reported by the media, and are hotly debated. When English critic and columnist Bernard Levin devoted two columns in The Times to the incomparable beauties of New Zealand, this could not go unchallenged. During prime-time news on New Zealand's most popular television channel a reporter telephoned Levin and quoted to him his own words: "The loveliest country in the world?" Levin: "Yes, yes." "But do you really mean it?" Levin: "Of course." "Yes, but really ...?"
Travellers must therefore tread a delicate course, at first ladling out praise about New Zealand to allow the beaming local to demur, but then being willing to smile indulgently as he or she swiftly counters with a list of the country's faults. New Zealand may be Godzone, but no self-respecting Kiwi would wish to get too carried away in talking it up.
How they would like to be seen
The Kiwis know they take rather more interest in other countries than those in other countries take in them. This grieves them a little though they say politely that it's a natural consequence of being few in number, and living at the bottom of the map.
In fact, Kiwis enjoy nothing more than a chance to educate those who live under a cloud of ignorance concerning their country. A common preoccupation of Kiwis abroad is watching out for their nation's name in their host country's newspapers. Any mention is pounced on, even if, as is most likely, it concerns a natural disaster or is confined to the sports pages.
Still, Kiwis are quick to remind others about their country's successes. Conversations with them are often studded with references to the deeds of their famous fellows. Outside the world of sport, there are four nationals few would question as being well-known abroad: mountaineer Edmund Hillary, writer Katherine Mansfield, nuclear scientist Ernest Rutherford, and opera singer Kiri Te Kanawa.
This is thought to be an absurdly short list in view of New Zealand's overall contribution to the world. So expect other candidates of praiseworthy deeds to be casually dropped into conversations, such as Godfrey Bowen, once the world's fastest sheep shearer; William Atack, the first man to use a whistle to stop a sports fixture, and Ernest Godward, inventor of the spiral hairpin. For just about any category of event or exploit, Kiwis will be able to come up with the name of a countryman or woman who deserves mention.
Kiwis would like to be seen as people of consequence living in a country with much to offer the rest of the world. They want everyone to know that New Zild is not just a source of naturally springy wool (used, by the way, to make championship tennis balls and award-winning fashion by designers like Karen Walker, who's a Kiwi, in case you didn't know). As a first step they wish the rest of the world would learn just where they are on the globe, and colour it clean green.
They would prefer to believe that the world's ignorance of many matters concerning New Zealand is merely due to the fact that other countries have not achieved their degree of cultivation. It's a belief often reinforced by visitors who touch down at Auckland airport thinking that the next leg of their tour will be a bus ride to Sydney.
How others see them
'Friendly' is the adjective which crops up most in surveys about how others see the Kiwis. Except in the surveys taken by the Aussies, that is. The Aussies see the Kiwis as a bit stodgy and generally behind the times. Kiwis understand that these jibes are simply a product of envy, or sunstroke.
Ironically for a people who take their widely-used moniker from a timid, flightless bird, Kiwis are ardent travellers. There are more passports in New Zealand for each million people than in any other country in the world, and they get plenty of use. Kiwis can be found propping up bars and setting up camp near rugby stadiums around the globe. Overseas, Kiwis are usually sought after, whether as team leaders, nannies or for any other job requiring stamina, resilience, and versatility. Kiwis have to be versatile. There really aren't enough of them for there to be specialists.
Special relationships
For years the Kiwis suffered from reverse paranoia, the conviction that everyone who counted was out to be nice to them. This did not surprise them. They knew that deep down they were good keen men and women, lovable even.
Their strongest bond was with Britain, the Mother Country, the Old Country, Home – always expressed with capital letters. Kiwis were more thoroughly British than the British. What other country set up a Coronation Rejoicing Committee? Then Britain entered the European Community and ceased giving priority to New Zealand's principal exports of butter, meat and wool. Worse, Kiwis travelling to the Mother Country had to join the Heathrow queues marked 'Aliens'.
Despite such tribulations, a sizeable proportion of Kiwis still love Britain best. But it isn't easy, coping with unrequited love, and signs of republicanism keep breaking through. New Zealand no longer has the Privy Council in London as its highest appellate court, and the British honours system has been replaced by a Kiwi-only version.
An increasing detachment from Britain has led to the USA becoming a major destination for New Zealand-made goods and services. A special relationship with the Americans themselves began during the Second World War when thousands of marines passed through New Zealand on their way to the war in the Pacific, and many Kiwi host families developed close ties with 'their' marine.
Because of this, Kiwis were shocked by the way the American government reacted to the Kiwi nuclear-free policy instituted in the 1980s which prevented access of American nuclear-powered naval vessels to New Zealand's territorial waters. The U.S. took this anti-nuclear policy as an insult and cast New Zealand out of the three-power ANZUS (Australia, New Zealand and the USA) defence alliance.
During the tensest days of the nuclear disagreement Kiwis took heart from the fact that not all Americans sided with their government. A popular bumper sticker in the U.S., frequently photographed and sent to friends in New Zealand, read, 'Wish I Were a Kiwi Nuclear-Free'.
Relationships have improved and Americans visit in large numbers. Kiwis like them, and not just because of their amusing T-shirts and fat wallets.
New Zealand's anti-nuclear position was enormously strengthened when the French resumed their nuclear testing at Mururoa Atoll. Incensed that this should be happening in their Pacific backyard, Kiwis, backed by the Aussies, led the united South Pacific opposition, demanding that the French conduct their underground nuclear tests a little closer to home (preferably under the Arc de Triomphe). Kiwis are not an especially zealous people, but the Americans and French between them brought about an almost religious conversion of the entire country to the anti-nuclear banner.
Ultimately, and despite the friendly mutual antagonism, it is Australia with which New Zealand has the closest relationship. Each provides the other's largest number of visitors and there is a great deal of trade and intermarriage and crossings of 'the ditch' (Tasman Sea) in both directions for study and work.
Talk of a common currency is bandied about, usually by politicians putting a toe in the water of public opinion. To date the idea has been considered unacceptable in both countries, but the Closer Economic Agreement (CER), a treaty which created a mini-common market between between New Zealand and Australia, has strengthened business bonds to the point that in derisive pub talk and the words of cartoonists, New Zealand has become Australia's 'eighth state'.
The Kiwis like to think that they can take on the Aussies at almost anything, and if you can lick them, why join them? Whenever the Aussies show a distressing tendency to beat them at sport, Kiwis consider it a blip in the system, an aberration in the natural order of things. New Zealand horses always win the Melbourne Cup. If they don't, they should. New Zealand yachts beat the Aussies' yachts. The All Blacks expect to beat the Aussies at rugby. Kiwis know that when the Aussies win it's only because they have five times as many people to draw upon, or that, given their rather dubious national pedigree, they're only too happy to resort to underhand tactics.
Kiwis and Aussies also share a love of the great outdoors, with tourism and agriculture key economic sectors in both countries. The Kiwis do not need the Aussies' jokes reminding them that New Zealand hillsides are blanketed with fluffy white sheep. There are close to 40 million of them – which means the country has ten times as many sheep as people – and they graze almost everywhere. Australia, they point out, actually has far more sheep. They're just harder to spot. Aussie sheep have the good sense to stay well away from cities, mainly so they don't have to cope with unwanted attention from the locals.
How they see one another
Kiwis see themselves as one people with two main cultural identities: Maori and European. The latter are called Pakeha in the Maori language. The term is in common usage (many non-Maori Kiwis refer to themselves as Pakeha), but its origins and original meaning are a bit murky. The most likely derivation is from the old Maori word Pakepakeha, the term used by the Maori to describe a mythical breed of mischievous, fair-skinned creatures. Considering the shock that Captain Cook and his band of explorers must have generated with their first visit to New Zealand, it is hardly surprising that Europeans were at first thought to be supernatural imps.
As most Pakeha are descended from United Kingdom stock, telephone directories contain predominantly old English names together with pages of O', Mc, and Mac. A good 15% of the population identifies itself as Maori, but the directories do not give much indication of this fact. This is because intermarriage has given at least half of them old English names, and names beginning with O', Mc and Mac.
Since the 1970s an extensive migration of Pacific Islanders to New Zealand has taken place. There are now more Niueans and Cook Islanders in Auckland than there are in Niue or the Cooks, and the same will soon be true of other island nations. One can thus get a Pacific Islands experience without actually having to go there.
More recently, and every bit as dramatically, New Zealand has become the destination of choice for Asian migrants. Around the time of the hand-over of Hong Kong to the Chinese, a large number of Hong Kong residents, anticipating the worst, moved to New Zealand and settled largely in the North Island and in Auckland's suburbs – Howick in particular has become so densely populated by the Chinese that it is widely known as 'Chowick'. This 'Asian Invasion', together with increasing numbers of Eastern Europeans and all manner of other exotic immigrants, has given a much more cosmopolitan flavour to Kiwi society. At the weekends, city parks come alive with groups practising Tai Chi, throwing rugby balls, or playing games of Polynesian cricket. No one group has yet worked out a way to combine all of these activities, though given the Kiwi entrepreneurial spirit, there is bound to be someone who is trying.
Auckland v. New Zealand
Of its population of 4.3 million, nearly half live within the bounds of the country's five main cities. One of these cities considers itself to be the only one that counts. In fact, it could be said that there are two geographic and psychic identities in New Zealand – Aucklanders, and The Rest.
Aucklanders tend to regard themselves as living in the real but unacknowledged capital of the country. They consider that were it not for Wellington being the seat of Government (and home to thousands of civil servants), it would be little more than a stop on the way either to or from South Island.
All Kiwis are willing to afford Auckland the title of New Zild's largest and most populous metropolitan area. After that, opinions about the place vary depending on where one lives: Aucklanders are either self-centred, brash and quick to pick up foolish overseas fads; or they are exciting, innovative, outward-looking, and the country's cultural hub. This last claim, it should be pointed out, is fiercely disputed by Wellingtonians, who consider themselves to be great patrons of the arts, and by Dunedinites, living in their vibrant city deep in the country's south.
Generally speaking, the further South you travel in New Zealand the more strongly held you will find anti-Auckland feeling and the use of the term JAFA (which stands for "Just Another F. ...ing Aucklander)". Even nicely brought up South Islanders will use this acronym. Naturally, Aucklanders insist that JAFA stands for "Just Another Friendly Aucklander".
Auckland's population does not live cheek-by-jowl. Though it only has around one-sixth as many people as London, it sprawls over roughly the same area. Provincial Kiwis tend to adopt a hearty scepticism about anyone who lives in a 'city', notwithstanding that (Auckland aside) a city in New Zealand would pass as a modestly sized town in most other parts of the world.
The image Auckland projects to the rest of the country is aided (or not) by its 328-metre-high Sky Tower. Kiwis in the rest of the country suspect that the soaring, distinctively shaped monument is meant to make up for feelings of inadequacy. But Aucklanders are inordinately proud of the structure, happily reporting to one and all that it's the tallest building in the Southern Hemisphere. (Kiwis enjoy letting the words 'Southern Hemisphere' roll off their tongues. If something is the biggest, fastest or best 'in the Southern Hemisphere', it sounds much more important than just 'the biggest in New Zealand'.)
Not all of Auckland's record-breaking achievements, however, are bragged about. The city has the dubious honour of having suffered the 'longest blackout in peacetime'. In 1998, all four of the cables that supplied power to downtown Auckland failed at the same time, leaving much of the city in the dark for 66 days. If it wasn't for the fact that around this time Sydney's residents were having to boil their water to ensure its purity, Kiwis would never have heard the end of it.
CHAPTER 2Character
The character of the Kiwis still reflects the dangers, privations and challenges of their pioneering days. The official beginning of New Zealand is relatively recent. It dates to 1840 – the year that The Treaty of Waitangi was signed between Maori chiefs and the British Crown). So Kiwis are doers rather than dreamers, even if most of the doing these days is done within the confines of a suburban 'section', a quarter acre plot plus house that Kiwis still aspire to – which was the original New Zealand Dream.
Pioneering spirit
Independence and ingenuity are defining features of the Kiwi identity. A pioneering Kiwi 'joker' (also known as a bloke, chap or mate) soon learned that pioneers didn't make a fuss. Grin and bear it was the motto (but grumble all you like).
Most of New Zealand was covered with dense bush so its pioneers had to be rugged and self-reliant to make a go of life in their new land. They became dab hands at cutting down and burning trees, hurtling up and down mountains, and leapfrogging rivers. They had to, to get anywhere. This pioneering spirit became known as Giving It a Go, whether or not you felt capable or had done it before.
Hostess to party newcomer: Can you play the piano? Guest: No, but I'll give it a go.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Xenophobe's Guide to the Kiwis by Christine Cole Catley, Simon Nicholson. Copyright © 2011 Oval Projects. Excerpted by permission of Xenophobe's Guides.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
Contents
Title Page,Nationalism & Identity,
Character,
Behaviour,
Obsessions,
Conversation,
Attitudes & Values,
Leisure & Pleasure,
Sense of Humour,
Eating & Drinking,
Custom & Tradition,
Culture,
Systems,
Health & Welfare,
Government,
Business,
Crime & Punishment,
Language & Accent,
About the Author,
Copyright,