Would They Lie to You?: How to Spin Friends and Manipulate People
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Would They Lie to You?: How to Spin Friends and Manipulate People
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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781783960095 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Elliott & Thompson |
| Publication date: | 05/01/2015 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 144 |
| File size: | 2 MB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Would They Lie to You?
How to Spin Friends and Manipulate People
By Robert Hutton
Elliott and Thompson Limited
Copyright © 2014 Robert HuttonAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-78396-009-5
CHAPTER 1
ESSENTIAL UNCOMMUNICATION
We first look at the building blocks of uncommunication, the tools and techniques to which you will find yourself returning again and again. Mastery of these will enable you to move through life in a haze of obscurity.
In this chapter, you will learn about:
Statements of Fact
* Undenial
* Unbriefing
* Unanswers
* Pivots
* Unbusiness Meetings
The Statement of Fact
A basic tool in any uncommunicator's armoury is the Statement of Fact. This is a truth placed before your audience not to impress in its own right, but to act as scaffolding from which the rest of your uncomms can be hung.
A good Statement of Fact is incontestable. Your goal is that no one should possibly be able to criticise you for it. Its chief effect is what it leaves unsaid.
You can see this effect in the following 2006 Washington Post interview with Gordon Brown, who at the time was working to shift Tony Blair out of Downing Street and replace him. The interviewer asked if he was happy with the way Blair was giving up power. Brown responded: 'It's a matter for him and the Labour Party. It's not really a matter for me at all.'
The interviewer asked about his relationship with Blair, which Blair would later compare to domestic violence, to which he replied, 'We've been working with each other for more than twenty years ... I've been chancellor while he's been prime minister for nine years, and we continue to work together.'
To see how effectively a Statement of Fact can be deployed, let's look at an area where they come into their own: when you are called upon to say something nice about someone towards whom you have absolutely no nice feelings. Perhaps you've succeeded in persuading a hated underling to quit, and now have to give a speech at their leaving party. Or maybe a lifelong enemy has finally died.
In this context, the Statement of Fact should sound like it might be admiring, without quite managing it. No one will be able to deny that you've 'paid tribute', and yet at the same time, if the subject is later shown to be a bad 'un, no one will be able to use your statement in evidence against you. It's the equivalent of writing 'Good luck!' on someone's leaving card.
Drafted correctly, Statements of Fact can fill all of the space between 'many people will be sorry to hear of the death of ...' and 'my thoughts are with their family at this difficult time'.
Here is Ed Miliband, leader of the British Labour party, following the death of the Conservative Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher in 2013:
She will be remembered as a unique figure. She reshaped the politics of a whole generation. She was Britain's first woman prime minister. She moved the centre ground of British politics and was a huge figure on the world stage. The Labour Party disagreed with much of what she did and she will always remain a controversial figure. But we can disagree and also greatly respect her political achievements and her personal strength.
Note the use of 'controversial figure' here to mean 'person whose death is being marked with a party in Trafalgar Square'. In the same vein, most people can safely be described as a 'towering figure', which sounds like a compliment but might, at a push, just mean they were over 6 foot.
The Tory prime minister, David Cameron, repaid the compliment upon the death of Labour politician Tony Benn in 2014:
He was a magnificent writer, speaker, diarist and campaigner, with a strong record of public and political service. There was never a dull moment listening to him, even when you disagreed with everything he said.
Given the increasing odds of much-loved TV stars turning out to have been child molesters, a Statement of Fact is also by far the safest tribute to offer any recently deceased celebrity who wasn't actually a member of your family.
Unplain Speaking
Having introduced some of the basic ideas of uncommunication, some examples may help. Note how the surface meaning is never quite wrong, but it's never quite right, either.
be honest with me • lie to me.
can you write to my office about it? • they've got a special shredder for letters in green ink.
cautiously optimistic • I think it'll either be fine, in which case I want you to thank me, or it won't, in which case I don't want you to blame me.
community • any group of people who don't get on, as in 'the theatre community'. Or a euphemism for ethnic minorities.
could you put your request in an email? • I stopped listening about five minutes ago.
expression of concern • statement that, if accurately reflected in print, would be a string of asterisks.
for your convenience • for our convenience, we have done something inconvenient to you. Useful in hotel signs explaining the shower will only work between 6.15 and 6.28.
humbled • proud. As in, 'I'm deeply humbled to accept this award, as I shall now demonstrate by gently boasting for the next three minutes.' To describe people who've actually been humbled, try 'humiliated'.
I can't promise that • there is no way in Hell I'm ever going to do that.
I genuinely think • the other stuff I've been saying, on the other hand, you should take with a pinch of salt.
I make no apology for saying • things for which no one has called for me to apologise. Also 'unashamedly', for things of which no one has suggested I should be ashamed. For example, British Prime Minister David Cameron and Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg's statement that their 2014 legislative programme was 'unashamedly pro-work, pro-business and pro-aspirational'.
I'm not justifying it, I'm explaining it • I'm justifying it.
I'm sorry, but ... • I'm not sorry, and....
I'm sympathetic to that proposal • I feel sorry for it, because it's doomed.
I think you'll find • that I'm right and you're wrong. But also that the depths of my loathing for you are unplumbed.
let's be honest • let's agree with me.
let's face it • let's agree you're wrong.
passionate • the standard unit of interest in a subject. As in this IBM job ad: 'The ideal developer will be passionate about cloud computing.'
per se • ignore what I just said. As in, 'we have no plans, per se' – we have plans.
quite • means either 'very' or 'not at all', as in 'she's quite pretty'. There is a danger of accidental uncommunication here, especially when Americans are speaking to the British. Also 'some' – when Chancellor of the Exchequer Alistair Darling told US Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson in 2008 that he had 'some concerns' over Barclays buying Lehman Bros, both men thought he was being clear. Paulson thought he meant 'not very many', and Darling knew he meant 'an awful lot'.
respect • sounds like 'admire', but doesn't quite mean it. As in: 'I always had huge respect for his opinions.'
technical issues • you really don't need to worry your head about these. They're very dull.
technocrat • someone who understands the subject, but whom I wish you to ignore. Antonym: 'independent expert'.
this is the right thing to do • this is the thing we're going to do.
we do not suggest • it should be perfectly clear that we're suggesting this, but if you ask us, we'll deny it. Also 'no one disputes' – actually, we're disputing it very hard, but we're not going to admit it.
we must focus on the immediate issue • and not the thing you keep asking about.
we need a grown-up debate • I will only engage with people who agree with me.
we need to look more widely • until we find some evidence that supports my conclusions.
we rule nothing out • we're ruling lots of things out, including the thing you just said, but this isn't the moment to tell you.
we're transparent • we've inundated you with data in the hope that you'll be too busy to notice the stuff we're keeping under wraps.
we've decided to go in a different direction • from you. So please would you go in a different direction from us. Now.
what you might call • what you would call.
with respect • please die.
with the greatest respect • please die now.
without wishing to criticise • we're about to criticise someone, but it'll hurt us more than them. Probably.
you're not allowed to say this sort of thing any more • I will now disprove this statement by saying the sort of thing that I am in fact quite clearly allowed to say, it's just that people wish I'd stop.
A State of Undenial
The next unit of uncommunication is the Undenial, or what journalists sometimes call the 'non-denial denial'. We don't like that phrase, which was coined to describe the White House's perfectly reasonable responses to perfectly unreasonable questions following the Watergate 'incident'. However, we have to admit it's a very good description of something that sounds like a denial, but which you can point out, if cornered, actually isn't. So President Richard Nixon's press secretary Ron Ziegler would describe the Washington Post's coverage as 'shabby journalism' and 'character assassination'. Its stories were based on 'hearsay, innuendo, guilt by association'.
The virtue of undenials, as Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee was good enough to acknowledge in his memoirs, is that most people, including many journalists, can't tell the difference. 'Some of the denials sounded technical, almost hair-splitting to us,' Bradlee wrote of his Watergate experience. 'But if it looked like a denial, smelled like a denial, and read like a denial, it was a denial, as far as the readers were concerned.'
Even when Ziegler was forced to deny his previous undenials, he found an elegant way to do it. 'This is the operative statement,' he told the Press Corps after Nixon had admitted the White House staff could have been involved in Watergate. 'The others are inoperative.'
While some of what follows applies best to those dealing with the press, it will work as well when trying to settle subordinates or put your seniors off the scent. At a pinch, they can even be used quite effectively with loved ones.
I wouldn't hold your breath for this happening • because holding your breath for as long as this will take is dangerous.
I've never seen that • I've heard it, though.
I've never heard that • I've seen it, though.
that doesn't sound right • it sounds very wrong, and very true.
let me check that for you • I have no intention of checking it, or returning your call, and I'm hoping you'll somehow lose interest.
that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard • all the more so because I happen to know it's even worse than you think.
I don't recall that • memory's a sieve. Can't even remember my kids' names half the time.
I don't know for certain • which of us really knows anything for certain?
I'm guiding you away from that • because I don't want you to write it.
talk to your friends, see if any of them have heard that • I have misunderstood the essential quality of exclusive gossip.
I wouldn't say that if I were you. You don't want to look silly • but more importantly I don't want to look silly.
be a little bit careful where you say that • I'm hoping you might be persuaded to drop it with a vague hint that you might get into trouble for repeating it.
this is a bit old, isn't it? • are you still talking about last week's screw-up? Isn't it time to move on?
this is highly speculative • but, as it turns out, about right.
you're wide of the mark • but not by much.
all this has been reported before • essentially an appeal to the referee that reporters shouldn't be allowed to keep going on about the stuff you still haven't sorted out.
people are always saying this sort of thing:
[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]
I don't think we have data at that level of granularity • to any request for detailed information you don't want to give up.
we don't do book reviews • on anything that's been reported in a book.
we don't comment on leaked documents • on anything based on a leaked document.
the report hasn't been published yet • on any story based on the contents of a forthcoming report.
this is overblown • if you briefed the story, but now that it's in print it doesn't look at all the way you imagined it in your head during the briefing (if someone is actually shouting at you about it, try 'totally overblown').
Finally, when issuing an undenial, be sure that it is an undenial:
you might think that; I couldn't possibly comment • taken from House of Cards, this is sometimes taken for an undenial, when in fact it's a confirmation. A sure sign that its user learned their skills from box sets. Expect them to quote The West Wing next.
Timing Is Everything
When are you going to get that report to me/balance the budget/fix the mower? These questions can be irritating, especially when you're stuck in the middle of a difficult level of Angry Birds, but uncomms can save you. The answer is:
as soon as possible • you think this means the next five minutes. I know it means when I get back from lunch.
soon • tomorrow. Or next month. Definitely this decade.
shortly • this covers everywhere between today and the end of the year. Or the end of next year.
before too long • though not before 'long'.
in due course • a helpful reminder to the person who's asking that things aren't as simple as just doing things. Other things have to happen first, and they shouldn't rush you.
over the coming period • a Gordon Brown favourite, this sounds very specific but is actually very vague.
in the fullness of time • an answer that gives a poetical, lyrical air to telling people that they're in for a long wait.
when the time is right • which, remember, could easily be never.
And when asked how long something will last, there's one answer that's never wrong, and never useful: for a period of time.
I Didn't Say This: The Unbriefing
One of the curiosities of people is that they're much more likely to believe something if they're told it in secret. It springs from a view that those of us in charge have all sorts of secret knowledge that is better than the knowledge in plain sight (and we do, of course – but nothing that we're going to share with anyone).
Take the example of journalists. Issue a statement and you'll be ignored or doubted. Hand the document to a reporter in a brown envelope, and they'll obligingly put it on the front page. Quotes so anodyne that they'd be rejected out of hand if they were attributed to a named person are repeated breathlessly when they come from a 'source'. And thanks to the honour code of reporters, they won't name their source even if the information turns out to be wrong. In fact, thanks to their vanity, they're more likely to devote their energies to explaining how, in a way, they got it right.
This brings us to the basis for the Unbriefing. Any announcement should come in two parts:
The Briefing • whether you gather people in a room, phone them up or send them an email, this is the bit where you make your formal announcement.
The Unbriefing • this is delivered afterwards to a few gossipy people, prefaced with the words: 'you didn't get this from me' or 'the bit of the story we're not telling people is ...' That will then be passed around your target audience with more efficiency, and more weight, than anything you said in the formal briefing.
An unbriefing can also be effective in circumstances when the recipient keeps it to themselves. The classic example is telling someone the size of their annual raise. That conversation should always open with the words: 'I shouldn't tell you, but not everyone in the company is getting this much.'
These Aren't the Unanswers You're Looking For
No good ever came of answering questions. It's not as if it even makes the people asking them happy. They just ask more questions, some of them harder than the original ones. So it's best for everyone if you just don't do it.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Would They Lie to You? by Robert Hutton. Copyright © 2014 Robert Hutton. Excerpted by permission of Elliott and Thompson Limited.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
Contents
Foreword,Introduction to the Text,
Introduction to the 14th Edition,
1. Essential Uncommunication,
2. Unbending Minds,
3. Undamage Control,
4. Creating an Unimpression,
5. Political Uncommunications,
6. Unearning Your Keep,
7. Keeping Uncount,
Acknowledgements,
Copyright,