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Overview
For anyone who is approaching a 65th birthday with trepidation, Dr. Eric Pfeiffer, who for thirty years has cared for—and learned from—elderly people, addresses with compassion and deep understanding the multitude of issues that arise. He writes authoritatively but in a conversational tone. His advice is easy to read, easy to follow, and full of wisdom.
In short, practical chapters, Dr. Pfeiffer advises on choosing an ideal place to live, finding a range of satisfying activities, and maintaining an active social life. He also explains how best to maintain one’s health, mental health, wealth, and independence. Other chapters explore the importance of a spiritual life and the value of maintaining an active sexual life. In addition, the author speaks to the value of charitable giving and describes how it is possible to prepare for a good good-bye to life. Filled with illustrative anecdotes and enhanced with a lovely selection of poems, this reassuring book demonstrates how it is possible to direct and control the aging experience. For every person approaching retirement years, and for their friends and families, the book is an excellent resource and a practical guide.
“A highly readable, thoughtful book that contains many important facts and much wisdom.”—Myron Weiner, M.D., University of Texas Southwestern Medical School
“A valuable addition to the existing literature, and I would recommend it to friends, patients, and their families.”—Richard Marottoli, M.D., Dorothy Adler Geriatric Assessment Center at Yale-New Haven Hospital
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780300185416 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Yale University Press |
| Publication date: | 08/11/2020 |
| Series: | Yale University Press Health & Wellness |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 336 |
| Sales rank: | 59,869 |
| File size: | 2 MB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Winning Strategies for Successful Aging
By Eric Pfeiffer
Yale University Press
Copyright © 2013 Eric Pfeiffer, M.D.All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-300-18541-6
Chapter One
You Have a whole Generation of Life Left to Live—Prepare Accordingly
Most people want to live a long life. They want to become wiser, smarter, happier, and more serene as they age. Never has this been truer than for the baby boomer generation. As a member of that generation you should know that you are on the forefront of a new way of experiencing the later years. Until recently, when people reached retirement or passed the 65-year mark, they had a relatively short span of life remaining. But no more! You can't count on dying any time soon! Your generation can expect to live 10, 15, 20, 25, or even 30 more years after crossing the milestone of your 65th birthday. You may even become a centenarian! In short, you have a whole generation of life left to live. What does that mean?
It means you need to prepare accordingly. And that is the exact purpose of this book: to help you prepare for this next phase of your life—a phase that may be as long as the time from infancy to full adulthood. Look back on that period of your life: what a period of growth it was, what changes occurred, and what an adventure it was. And so it will be with this coming period of your life, if you make it so, if you take an active role in directing your own aging. You are in charge, and you can have the time of your life in making this the best time of your life. Your generation can experience aging like no other group of individuals before you. You have the skills and the tools and the will for planning and preparing to accomplish these goals.
Write Down Your Goals and Strategies
You can set goals for yourself—large and numerous goals that are beyond anything you ever dreamed of. Once you think of the coming years as a whole generation of life left to live, it becomes clear that you need to develop goals and strategies to accomplish those goals that are commensurate with your vision. These goals need to be written down and must include detailed strategies in each of the areas that are discussed in this book: where to live, what to do, who to be, what kind of a social network you want to have. You need goals related to your physical health, to your mental health, and to your finances. You need goals related to your spiritual self, your sexuality, and your charitable activities.
The likelihood of achieving a goal increases dramatically when you have written goals, accompanied by written strategies, and by a plan for measuring how far you have come toward achieving your goals. To make it even more likely that you achieve your goals, journal your journey; that is, write down in a private journal, for your eyes only, how far you have come and what obstacles you may have encountered. A brief summary appears at the end of each chapter from here on in. You may want to use these summaries as a guide to measure how you are doing. If it all turns out to be really interesting, you could even make it into a memoir and publish it, for your children and grandchildren, or even for the world at large.
You Can Amend Your Goals and Your Strategies
You will have ample opportunity to amend your goals and your strategies. If something doesn't work out, or if something doesn't satisfy, you can set new goals and develop new strategies. From here on out there is no such thing as failure. If you don't like the results, change your goals and change your strategies. You might even find yourself saying, Why didn't I think of this before? Why didn't I run my whole life like this? Never mind, don't bother to look back. Just do it from here on forward. start from where you are. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step; it begins with a decision; it begins from where you are now.
Old Age Is Not for Sissies, and You Are No Sissy
You may have heard it said that "old age is not for sissies," and "don't go out there without your helmet on." There is considerable truth in these assertions. Nor is old age necessarily automatically "golden," unless you actively work to make it so. Old age is also called "a season of loss" as friends and relatives die, as one's job identity disappears, and physical strength wanes. In this book you will learn how best to respond to these losses, and to the many other challenges that you may face. But you will also find that as you grow older, new opportunities and new insights will emerge, and along with everything else an understanding that only a really long life can provide. So get ready for an exciting journey. Get ready for successful aging.
Chapter Summary
• You have a whole generation of life left to live.
• You can't count on dying any time soon.
• Make this the best time of your life.
• Have written goals and written strategies.
• Journal your journey.
• You can amend your goals and your strategies.
• Old age is not for sissies, and you're no sissy.
• Insist on aging successfully.
Chapter Two
Understand What Successful Aging Is, and Then Plan to Do It
What Is Successful Aging, and Is It Possible to Age Successfully?
Successful aging is living the life you have envisioned—with gusto, energy, and enjoyment. It means a life filled with activities that are meaningful to you; a life filled with friendships and loving relationships, as well as with challenges that you will address and manage so they don't become unbearable, ongoing problems.
Is such successful aging possible? Definitely. We each have seen many successfully aging individuals among family members, friends, and acquaintances. We each know individuals who are "going great guns" at 80, 85, and even at 90 years old. A number of public figures have shown what can still be accomplished in later life. Grandma Moses took up a career in painting when she was in her 70s; Ruth Rothfarb ran her first marathon when she was 80; Helen Santmyer published her first novel, a best-seller, when she was in her 80s; Pablo Casals gave concerts on his cello until he was well into his 90s; Picasso continued to paint in his 90s. The actress Angela Lansbury, at age 83, took on a new role on Broadway in Noel Coward's play Blythe Spirit. A few years back, the St. Petersburg Times published an article titled "80 Over 80," featuring 80 individuals who remained influential in their ninth decade and beyond; among the list were Alan Greenspan, economist, age 90; Carl Reiner, actor, writer, and director, age 87; Pete Seeger, folk singer, age 90; Barbara Walters, journalist and media personality, age 80; George H. W. Bush, 41st president of the United States; I. M. Pei, prize-winning architect, age 92; Maya Angelou, poet and civil rights activist, age 81; Helen Thomas, journalist, age 89; Dave Brubeck, jazz pianist, age 88; Henry Kissinger, former secretary of state, age 86; Jack Lalanne, exercise guru, age 95; Cloris Leachman, Oscar-winning actress, age 83; and many others. Many of them are still going strong. Numerous patients of mine met and married in their late 80s and are very much enjoying their new life together. Thus, successful aging is possible, but it is by no means the norm. It doesn't just happen; it must be planned for and achieved.
Can successful aging be learned? Can it be taught? Can it be fostered and promoted? again, the answer to all of these questions is definitely "yes." You can learn from other successfully aging persons. You will read about some of their experiences and their strategies. And be assured that in order to age successfully you don't have to do anything spectacular or something that makes the evening news or the Guinness Book of World records. All you need to do is to map out your plan, follow that plan, and reach your goals for your life.
From time to time in this book I share brief case histories from my years of practice with older patients that illustrate a particular point. Accordingly, I want to tell you about one remarkable lady who came to me for help during my days at Duke University. In the process of my trying to help her, I benefited greatly from what she taught me. And you may be able to benefit from her experience as well.
At age 71 Aileen, recently widowed, contemplated what lay ahead for her. In her grief over her beloved husband she envisioned a rather bleak future for herself, and on several occasions seriously considered committing suicide. She mentioned this to her doctor, who was not particularly alarmed and who did not refer her for help.
But as she was about to walk into a lake to drown herself she was suddenly hit by the realization that what she was about to do was totally inconsistent with the life she had lived until then. She turned around and went to see a psychiatrist instead.
The psychiatrist recognized that Aileen was depressed and began treatment immediately, with good results. After six months of intensive interactive psychotherapy and the use of antidepressant medication, Aileen recovered from her depression. She went back to her psychiatrist to report that she had returned to her usual self. She was grateful for the help she had received. Then she shared with him some insights she had gained after coming through the deep valley of depression. She said: "I've been through a lot, but I am okay now. I like where I live, I know who I am, and I am not alone." The psychiatrist was impressed. He realized that he had just heard about the most succinct definition of successful aging. He would remember this phrase for a very long time, and maybe, someday, write a book about it. Winning Strategies for Successful Aging is that book.
Incidentally, this lady went on to live an active and enjoyable life until she was 104 years old. She died peacefully only after outlasting a good friend with whom she had had a life-long rivalry and who died at a mere 103. How wrong her doctor had been to ignore her symptoms! She truly demonstrated the fact that many older persons still have a whole generation of life left to live. At one point she even considered marrying again, but then she decided that her relationships with her friends and extended family were enough. She and I became friends and visited with each other from time to time. Her life was full of adventures, and even though she encountered a few additional problems in her later years, she never became depressed again. To this day I am grateful to Aileen for what she taught me. When she had said, "I like where I live, I know who I am, and I am not alone," she had, in fact, described successful aging.
Here's another story, one that is more commonplace, and one you might be able to relate to more easily.
Jack and Jackie were workaholics. Jack ran a construction company that built houses, restaurants, banks, and a few small apartment complexes. Jack had designed and built his own home in a large city where he and his wife lived comfortably for the past ten years. Jackie taught school for the past 30 years, mostly to children from ages six to ten. She was very effective in relating to these children, instilling the love of learning in them rather than simply teaching facts.
Now Jack and Jackie were both 65 and suddenly faced with what to do in their upcoming retirement. Neither of them had any hobbies or significant circle of friends other than work-related associates. As a business owner, Jack had no company pension on which to live, and Jackie's pension consisted of a small amount of money she received from the non-profit school where she had taught. What to do? For a year or so they were quite puzzled. He took on a few relatively small construction projects but really wanted to stop working. She took on a few church-related teaching activities, more to pass the time of day rather than as a money-earning activity or as a real commitment. For approximately a year they visited various retirement communities. They were looking for a community in which the cost of living was lower, and where there were ample activities available and they could develop a new social circle.
Then they heard about a new retirement community just an hour away where all the houses were brand new, and real estate costs were a fraction of what they were in the city where they now lived. This community offered a full range of scheduled activities every day; there were multiple golf courses, and much of the local traffic was done by golf cart rather than automobile. Medical care was readily available. They placed their home on the market, and as soon as it had sold at a good price they purchased a much smaller home in the new retirement community. They invested the money that was freed up into a single-premium annuity payable over both of their lives, and they moved to a whole new lifestyle.
On returning to visit their former neighbors, both Jack and Jackie reported that they were happier than they had ever been in the large city. They had made many new friends in the various activities they each had signed up for. He discovered that he had considerable talent in painting, both with watercolors and acrylics. She took several exercise classes, played mah-jongg on a regular basis, and found a new church with congenial parishioners that had come from all over the United states. The telephone, internet, and mail correspondence kept them in frequent contact with their extended family. Each of their children visited with them to see where their parents had landed, and they could travel from here to anywhere in the country. They took their first trip to Europe and visited England and France, finding each exciting and totally different from one another. They each felt like they were on a second honeymoon together, affirming time and again that they had made the right decision.
There can be no doubt that successful aging is possible, that it takes many forms, and that it has many faces. One thing is clear, however, and that is that it must satisfy the individual. The case of Jack and Jackie touches on another very interesting issue related to successful aging: Should the pursuit of happiness itself be a specific goal in trying to achieve successful aging? My own view is that while one can seek pleasure from a specific activity—be it a great meal, a wonderful vacation, the pleasure of getting a new car, and so on—a direct search for "happiness" is not likely to bear fruit. Rather, as in the case of Jack and Jackie, it may be best to pursue successful aging in its broadest terms, seeking to live a fully realized life, and let happiness emerge as a warmly welcomed side effect of a well-lived life.
Chapter Summary
• Successful aging can be learned.
• Successfully aging persons most often like where they live, they know who they are, and they are not alone.
• Search your mind for successfully aging persons you have known, heard of, or read about, and consider emulating them in your own life.
• A direct search for happiness as such is not recommended; rather, let happiness emerge as a welcomed side effect of a well-lived life.
Chapter Three
Choose Your Ideal Place to Live
As I look out the window at the sun-drenched greenery of my front yard in the morning, I take enormous pleasure in the rich display of light and colors. In the afternoon, when I walk down my street to the Bayshore, a linear park in my neighborhood, I relish the dappled shade that the live oaks cast over the houses and lawns as I greet my neighbors on their front porches. I watch with pleasure the ripple of the gentle breezes on the waters of the bay, and marvel at the herons and gulls. When I sit on my back porch in the evening, I admire the way sunset colors light up the palms and the tangerine trees as I listen to the muffled roar of traffic from the nearby boulevard. It all makes me feel relaxed and fulfilled. In short, I love where I live.
It is important to choose a place to live in retirement with surroundings that will support you and give you daily pleasure. Choosing wisely where to live in retirement will reward you for years and years to come. What makes this time of your life different from all the other times in your life is that you are now totally portable; that is, you can now live anywhere in the world, unrestricted by job commitments, by college careers, or by where you happen to have been born. You can now find your ideal place to live.
One Possibility: Staying Put
In finding your ideal place to live, there are a lot of things to be considered: climate, transportation, communications, social connections, and available services, among others. But before you decide to pull up stakes and move to some far-off place about which you know very little, first consider retiring in your hometown.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Winning Strategies for Successful Aging by Eric Pfeiffer Copyright © 2013 by Eric Pfeiffer, M.D.. Excerpted by permission of Yale University Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
Foreword by George E. Vaillant, M.D....................ixIntroduction....................xiii
Chapter 1 You Have a Whole Generation of life left to live—Prepare accordingly....................1
Chapter 2 Understand What successful aging is, and then Plan to Do it....................6
Chapter 3 Choose Your ideal Place to live....................15
Chapter 4 Know Who You are—and Do something....................24
Chapter 5 Make Your relationships and social life a High Priority....................39
Chapter 6 insist on Good Health—everything else Depends On it....................55
Chapter 7 stay Mentally Healthy....................95
Chapter 8 Care for Your Brain to Keep Your Memory sharp....................113
Chapter 9 Hold On to Your Money so You Don't Outlive it....................138
Chapter 10 exercise every Day, and Make it Fun....................161
Chapter 11 Protect Your independence....................174
Chapter 12 embrace Your inner, spiritual self....................190
Chapter 13 Maintain Your sexual life....................203
Chapter 14 Give Charitably, and reap the rewards....................217
Chapter 15 Plan for a Good Good-Bye....................227
Chapter 16 Know these secrets of successful living....................235
Appendix: A to Z nuggets of information....................249
List of Resources....................294
Afterword....................300
Index....................301
About the Author....................315
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