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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781475953862 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | iUniverse, Incorporated |
| Publication date: | 10/23/2012 |
| Pages: | 98 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.20(d) |
Read an Excerpt
Wild Tales
By Adam Pfeffer
iUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2012 Adam PfefferAll right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4759-5386-2
Chapter One
Smarty Pants
There was a man who took off his pants one day and the pants walked away. The man immediately called the pants, Smarty Pants.
Smarty Pants kept walking no matter what the man called him. He walked down the hallway and was greeted by Mrs. Cumblebun.
"Hello there," she said, as the brown Smarty Pants walked past her with nobody inside.
Of course, Smarty Pants did not answer back.
"Well, that's a good how do you do," Mrs. Cumblebun exclaimed. "Nobody even says, hello, anymore."
Smarty Pants kept walking. He walked past Mrs. Cumblebun and went down the stairs. He almost bumped into Mr. Pogler.
"Everybody's in such a hurry these days," mumbled Mr. Pogler, very annoyed. "Why don't you watch where you're going, young man?"
But there was no young man inside Smarty Pants, and so, he kept walking away.
"You'd think they would at least say excuse me," grumbled Mr. Pogler. "More than you can expect these days."
Smarty Pants, without saying a word, kept walking. He waited at the door of the apartment building until someone came along and opened it. Smarty Pants then walked onto the sidewalks of the city.
Just because there was no one inside the brown pair of pants didn't really matter to anyone in the big, noisy city. People hurried on their way to all kinds of places and Smarty Pants kept walking to somewhere.
He walked two blocks and then someone shoved him from behind. "Look out, young man, I'm in a hurry," someone said.
Smarty Pants moved to the right and let the person pass. "Some people are so slow," the person mumbled. "It really is annoying."
Smarty Pants kept walking. He walked among the crowd of people in the big, noisy city and no one noticed that a pair of pants was walking without anybody inside.
"Hi, honey, don't you look sharp today," said a woman standing outside one of the stores. Smarty Pants stopped for a moment, made a sort of bow, and then kept walking.
As he made his way past one store, a little dog began barking. Smarty Pants began to walk faster. The dog kept barking, following the pants down the street. Smarty Pants began to run. The dog began running and barking after him.
People began to stop what they were doing and watched what was happening. "Is that a pair of pants being chased by a little dog?" asked a man standing nearby. "What will they think of next?"
The children began to laugh, pointing at the pair of pants running down the street being chased by the little dog. Parents frowned, telling their children that this was an example of living in the big, noisy city. The children continued to laugh.
Smarty Pants continued to run from the little dog. He ran through the crowd of people without a sound. Eventually, the little dog caught him. He growled and bit at the pants leg and began pulling Smarty Pants to the ground. Smarty Pants did not say a word. He did not say a word because no one was inside.
"That dog is hurting that young man," some woman was saying. "Somebody better call the cops."
So they all called the cops and a police officer walking nearby answered the call. He walked right over to where the little dog was pulling on Smarty Pants and told the little dog to stop. The little dog let go of Smarty Pants and ran back to its owner, who was standing in front of one of the stores.
"Are you all right, mister?" the police officer asked Smarty Pants. Smarty Pants did not answer. "You want me to call an ambulance?" the police officer asked Smarty Pants. Smarty Pants did not answer.
A crowd of people began to gather around Smarty Pants. "Who is he?" asked someone in the crowd. "I've never seen him before."
Smarty Pants got down on one knee and the police officer told everyone to stay back. "This is an emergency," the police officer said. "This man is injured."
So the police officer called an ambulance and the people watched in horror as Smarty Pants fell to both knees. "He's really in very bad shape," a woman in the crowd said. "That poor young man."
When the ambulance finally came, they put Smarty Pants on a stretcher, and took him to a nearby hospital.
"Don't worry, sir, everything's going to be all right," they told Smarty Pants.
When they arrived at the hospital, they brought Smarty Pants inside. "It doesn't look good," one of the hospital attendants said. "Bring him to emergency."
"Name please?" one of the hospital workers asked. Smarty Pants did not answer.
"He's in bad shape," the worker said. "I don't think he's well enough to give me the information."
They marked his chart, "John Doe," and then brought him to an examination room. "A doctor will be with you very shortly, sir," the hospital worker said. "Please remain calm."
Smarty Pants sat down in one of the chairs and waited. One of his pant legs had been ripped by the little dog. He sat with his legs crossed hoping no one would notice the small tear.
"Hello, Mr. Doe," the doctor said, stepping into the room. "How are you feeling?"
Smarty Pants did not answer.
"Can you talk?" the doctor asked.
Smarty Pants said nothing.
Then the doctor began examining the torn pair of pants. "There's nobody inside," he finally said. "Is this some kind of joke or something?"
Smarty Pants did not reply.
"This hospital is for people who are really hurt," complained the doctor. "Not for a torn pair of pants with nobody inside."
So they took the pair of pants and put them outside in the dumpster where the garbage was kept. An old man, who had no money, spotted them as he was walking by.
"They look nice," he said to himself. "I'll try them on."
When the old man bent down to grab the pants, Smarty Pants stood up and began to run away. "I need a drink," the old man said. "Maybe I've had one too many."
Smarty Pants ran down the sidewalk of the big, noisy city. He ran and he ran and nobody did anything to stop him. In fact, he wasn't even really noticed among the crowds of the big, noisy city.
The dogs noticed him, however. They all barked and Smarty Pants kept running. He finally collided with a woman carrying her groceries. The woman screamed. Smarty Pants bowed, the creases showing in the sunlight, and then began to run onward.
"Stop that man!" the woman screamed.
But no one stopped Smarty Pants as he kept running down the sidewalk. He finally reached an apartment door, and when somebody opened it, Smarty Pants darted inside.
Inside one of the apartments, a man was walking around without his pants on. Smarty Pants walked into his room and the man smiled.
"Ah, there you are, Smarty Pants," the man said.
Smarty Pants did not reply.
The man reached down and put Smarty Pants on. "Seems like you're a little torn," the man muttered. "I'll have to have you fixed."
Smarty Pants did not say a word, but the man smiling, put on his coat and was about to leave the apartment, when Smarty Pants suddenly fell down. Before the man knew what was happening, Smarty Pants took off for the door.
"Hey, come back!" shouted the man.
Smarty Pants, however, didn't come back. He opened the door, kept running, and was never seen by the man again.
He eventually went into business, became very rich, and married a quite beautiful white silk gown.
Chapter Two
The Day of Peace
Everyone was fighting and arguing so much, a day of peace was declared around the world.
At the United Nations, it was decided there would be peace for one day throughout the world on a Wednesday in May. Countries fighting, arguing, or just plain not getting along, were told they would have to stop what they were doing and be pleasant to one another. There would be no exceptions.
Many leaders when told of the declaration said they would spend the day in bed. "We'll let the armies of the world sleep late, and then we'll all have tea, coffee, or a nice glass of milk," one leader explained.
Although some countries were opposed to having a day of peace, the leader of the United Nations told the world that he would not give in, and that there would be peace on that Wednesday in May.
Everyone hoped it would be a beautiful day, and any talk of rain was forbidden. "There will be peace, and it will be beautiful and sunny," declared the leader of the United Nations.
Schools were declared closed for the day, and the shopping malls told to stay open late.
"Now we'll finally see what the world is like when there is total peace," said the leader of the United Nations. "Anyone caught fighting or arguing will be taken off to jail."
There was much talk of the big day with people thinking of all the things they would do. It was sure to be the greatest of all holidays.
When the day arrived, people woke up early to hurry outside to see what a day of peace would be like. They were met by police officers, who ordered them back to bed.
"Everyone must stay in bed and sleep late!" one of the officers said. "You are ordered to enjoy yourselves on this day of peace!"
Little Tootie Hopper heard the officer, and smiled. She went back inside her house with a shake of her head. "Isn't there more to peace than just sleeping?" she asked her mother.
"Don't worry, I'm sure there will be some fun things to do," her mother replied. "They just want everyone to be peaceful and well- rested."
Sure enough, before Tootie could fall back asleep, she heard music playing outside her window. She leaped out of bed, and ran to the window. It looked like a parade was marching down the street!
Tootie and her friends were soon outside. It was a parade, a long line of people wearing various costumes playing drums and trombones and trumpets marching down the street accompanied by a group of clowns, acrobats, and dancers!
People were handing out hot dogs, hamburgers, and ice cream to everyone free of charge.
"Enjoy this day of peace," someone was saying. "Everyone is ordered to treat each other with kindness on this beautiful, sunny day!"
And all around the world, people stopped fighting and arguing. All the different armies of every nation were ordered to stay in bed, and then, after being served a good breakfast, were allowed to attend the parades. Yes, there were parades all over the world!
Then the amusement parks were opened, and everyone was allowed in without paying. Little Tootie Hopper and her friends rode the roller coasters, the space ride, and all the other rides until they were so tired, they had to sit down and catch their breath.
Food at the amusement parks was also free, and everyone spent the day eating cotton candy, ice cream, and hot dogs. Tootie alone ate two ice cream cones and three hot dogs!
"This is the best day of the year!" she shouted. "Hooray for peace!"
And peace there was. Not one person fought or argued with his or her neighbor. People were friendly and kind to each other. And when they saw a person struggling with a package or two, they immediately ran to help.
In anticipation of the day, people had sent packages of food and medical supplies to all the starving and less fortunate people of the world. On the day of peace, the packages were opened and the food was handed out.
"We hope everyone can enjoy their meal with music and dancing," said the leader of the United Nations. "Then everyone will really know what peace is like."
Because the armies of the world were no longer fighting, people celebrated with huge feasts. In England, Italy, Greece, Germany, Denmark, Russia, China, Japan, and most of the other countries of the world, there was dancing, singing, foods of all kinds, and pastries in various shapes, such as stars and half-moons.
In the United States, little Tootie's mother invented something she called a "Blue Sky Pie." It was an open pie filled with blueberries and sweet cream with marshmallow clouds topped with whipped cream.
"This represents the blue sky of peace," Tootie's mother said, presenting it to the mayor of the city. "It's sweet, and yet, good for you."
After the mayor said a few words, everyone made their way to the nearby park. A huge stage had been set up, and when the park became filled with hundreds of people, musical bands began taking their turns singing songs of peace and good will. People stayed in the park even after the sun went down, and many danced and sang along with the groups on stage.
And you know something? The same thing was happening in every city and town across the United States! There were songs and dancing and everyone felt free and happy.
That is, all except Old Man Bitterman. He growled and snarled most of the time, grumbling that things were better in the old days. "Why, we had peace parades that used to last for days," he said. But it really wasn't true, of course. But even Old Man Bitterman smiled when he was given a slice of "Blue Sky Pie."
After the concert was over, a huge fireworks show lit up the night sky. Little Tootie stood there with her mother and father, and watched as the fireworks exploded in the darkness. Peaceful music accompanied the show, and then when it was over, everyone went home.
"I hope everyone enjoyed themselves during this special day of peace," the president said on the television. "The people of the world certainly deserved it."
The next morning, Tootie woke up early and could hear the cars honking their horns again and the people shouting at one another. "If only there could be a day of peace every day," she said. Then she slid out of bed, and ran to her mother and father.
"I can't wait until next year!" she said. "That was the greatest holiday ever!"
Chapter Three
Amanda Panda
A manda Panda, she loves her bamboo.
She sits in the zoo and chews on it day after day.
But Amanda Panda is unhappy because she's stuck in the zoo. "I'd really like to see the city," she would say to herself almost every day.
"I'd like to take a taxi or a bus and go shopping the whole day! I'd visit every store in the city until I got just what I wanted.
"When the hours finally passed away, I'd go to see a show. A delightful musical play.
"When it was over, I would stand and applaud and wish that it went on forever!
"Then I would invite all my friends from the zoo over for tea. We'd laugh and we'd talk and then we would all agree, there was nothing better than to see the city and be free! Oh, yes, so very free!"
As Amanda Panda thought all this, she would chew on a stick of bamboo. And then she would look around at all the cages and pits and sigh.
"I'd like to go out and look for a dress," she would say to herself. "A beautiful dress, fit for a queen!
"Then I'd buy great big jewels and try them on one at a time. They would sparkle and glow on my fingers and arms, and then I would put a big, twinkling necklace on and smile like a princess. Oh, everyone would be so surprised because they had never seen a panda like me!
"Then I'd get my hair done. Maybe I'd wear it in a big bun or maybe in a long braid. But when I finally decided and everything was taken care of, everyone would say how beautiful I looked. More beautiful than the emperor's wife!
"After that was finished, I'd go back out on the town and watch all the people hurrying off to all the different places they go to. Where do they go to in such a hurry? Well, I would like to see!"
As Amanda Panda thought this last thought, she became very sad. She nibbled on another stick of bamboo, carefully pulling out the tender shoot, and thought once again.
"I guess if I was in the city, looking at all the people," she thought. "The people would also look at me.
"They would think that I was a wild animal, looking to hurt all the little children.
"They would call the police and run away shouting that an animal had escaped from the zoo! They wouldn't know that I only wanted to see the people rushing around and maybe play with the children.
"But how would they know what I really wanted to do? I'm not very good with words because I didn't go to school. And they would run away before I could explain and return with people who wanted to chase me down.
"Yes, they would chase me and then set a trap!
"And when I was finally caught, lying in a big net, they would all gather around me and clap and shout and laugh that I was caught!"
Amanda Panda kept on chewing on her stick of bamboo, and then began to think new thoughts.
"I haven't any money," she said to herself. "Though I don't really know what it's used for.
"And I haven't any clothes. Though I don't really know what I need them for.
"And I can't think of a reason to wear ribbons and bows and big, sparkling jewels.
"And as much as I like the theater, the people would all be staring at me while I watched the show.
"They'd wonder why a panda wanted to be free."
Amanda Panda rolled on her back, still chewing on the bamboo.
"And maybe they're right," she finally decided. "I really don't have a need to fight and argue with anyone.
"I have no need for money, and well, here at the zoo they do feed me regularly.
"And if I did go out, and suddenly it began to rain, who would bring me inside so I could stay nice and dry?
"You know, I really don't like to complain. But it really wouldn't be very nice getting wet."
Amanda Panda grabbed another stick of bamboo, and smiled.
"Maybe I'm happier than I thought," she said to herself. "Maybe it's really not so bad being in the zoo. Except for the bars and the cages.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Wild Tales by Adam Pfeffer Copyright © 2012 by Adam Pfeffer. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
Smarty Pants....................1The Day of Peace....................6
Amanda Panda....................10
The Tree Hugger....................14
Cat McCool....................18
Snoozer Smith....................22
Little Little B. Little....................26
Jangles: Santa's Sheepdog....................30
The Leprechaun O'Doon....................37
Old Man Winter and the Four Seasons....................42
Whatchamacallit....................46
Abra Cadabra....................50
The Day It Rained Cats and Dogs....................54
The Longest Fart....................57
Goody Goody....................61
The Pumpkinman....................65
Nightingale....................70
Johnny Flakes....................75
Todar the Plant-Eating Tiger....................78
When Pigs Fly....................81
The Boy Who Hated Muhammad....................85