|Publisher:||Tantor Media, Inc.|
|Product dimensions:||6.40(w) x 5.30(h) x 1.10(d)|
About the Author
For forty years, Anne Katherine was a dedicated psychotherapist, now retired. Her focus on deep relationships led her to both a rich spiritual life and authorship of numerous books that continue to improve people's lives. In her new profession as a screenwriter, ghost writer, and fiction author, she has won top honors in contests. She received a Master Screenwriter certificate in 2016. Exposed to both the highest and the lowest human experiences throughout her life, she gained wisdom that she weaves, with a promise, through all her stories-that over time, we, as individuals and as a people, advance.
Donna Postel, an Earphones Award–winning narrator, is absolutely passionate about audiobooks and has narrated close to fifty titles across multiple genres, from memoir and biography to literary fiction, romance, mystery, and suspense. She uses her innate curiosity, talent, and decades of experience on stage and in the recording studio to bring books to life. When she’s not in the studio, she can be found down at the barn cleaning up after and occasionally riding horses.
Read an Excerpt
Chapter 1: What Are Boundaries?
Pause a moment. Stand on the earth and sense the spiral of your life. You have not come to this place by chance. All your choices have brought you here.
You created this life by the people you let in and the people you shut out, by giving your time to the quests that matter and by letting hours trickle toward lesser goals, through the pursuits to which you gave your energy, by the pressures to which you gave heed.
Every decision you've ever made, step by step, brought you to this pass. In short, your boundaries or your defenses created a corridor through which your life moved.
What is a boundary? A boundary is a limit that promotes integrity. At the most elemental level, your skin marks your physical limits. If it is ripped, the integrity of your body is threatened. Your cells hold their shape because a membrane contains them. Your nerves are sheathed. Your brain is protected by blood and bone.
Thousands of other boundaries might also be yours, protecting every treasured aspect of your life your relationships, your time, your home, the way you do things, your children, your priorities, your health, and your money. These boundaries are unseen, held in place by your decisions and actions.
A boundary is a limit. By the limits you set, you protect the integrity of your day, your energy and spirit, the health of your relationships, the pursuits of your heart. Each day is shaped by your choices. When you violate your own boundaries or let another violate them, stuffing spills out of your life.
A boundary is like a membrane that keeps an organism intact. It lets positive things through. It keeps harmful things out. In this way it operates quite differently from a defense, which indiscriminately keeps things out.
Boundaries provide a clear moral compass. They keep us on track. They protect the important, tender parts of ourselves.
Look at the parts of your life that work, that have integrity. This wholeness comes from the limits you have set to protect them.
Any part of your life that is not working can be improved by boundaries. Whether the organism is you, your body, your health, a friendship, your marriage, your work, or your energy, its integrity can be strengthened by boundaries.
This book is a boundary handbook. It can help you discover the walls that are missing as well as rules or customs that confine you to one place, preventing you from occupying the wider spaces. It will also expose defenses that you may have erected in place of healthy boundaries defenses that may do a lot of harm to you and your relationships.
We all make constant decisions about how to use this minute and that minute, whether to say yes or no to that request, whether to respond to a friend's need or rest a bit. It's the little decisions that can use up our lives, that can either support or sabotage our larger mission.
This book is about how to handle the daily demands of life in a way that protects your time and energy for the things that matter. It can help you to be clearer about what to include and what to leave out, so that you can fill the spaces of your life with the people, activities, and pursuits that are truly yours.
You are the only one who can change your life.
Copyright © 2000 by Anne Katherine, M.A.
Table of Contents
1. What Are Boundaries?
2. Time Boundaries
3. Defenses versus Boundaries
4. Communication Boundaries
5. Setting Boundaries on Defensiveness
6. Boundary Violations
7. Setting Limits on Attack
8. Anger Boundaries
9. Making Amends
10. Friendship Boundaries
11. Gossip Gossip Gossip (or Triangulation)
12. Intimacy Boundaries
13. Holiday, Birthday, and Celebration Boundaries
14. Sexual Boundaries
15. Gender Boundaries
16. Divorce Boundaries
17. Possession Boundaries
18. Parent Boundaries
19. Spiritual Boundaries
20. Tidiness Boundaries
21. Dress and Appearance Boundaries
22. Boundaries for Illness and Chronic Conditions
23. When Someone Is Dying
24. Autonomy Boundaries
25. Food Boundaries
26. Internet Boundaries
27. Therapist Boundaries
28. Your Safe Country