When Pleasing You Is Killing Me

by Les Carter PhD

Overview

Are you one who likes to keep the peace even when it comes at a high emotional price for yourself? Do your attempts to resolve differences with a controller leave you feeling wrung out and discouraged? Do you sense that your best traits (goodness, kindness, cooperation) somehow become a disadvantage with an overbearing counterpart? These questions and many more are addressed in the book, When Pleasing You Is Killing Me.
With decades of experience as a psychotherapist, Dr. Les Carter takes you inside his counseling office, inviting you to share in real life stories of people just like you who are trying to make sense of persistent, controlling demands from all sorts of controlling people. A major premise explained by Dr. Carter is that every person has a built-in inclination to be controlling, but as maturation happens, controlling behaviors diminish. People pleasers are naturally positioned to increase their maturity since they are already predisposed to being loving, kind, and respectful. But when they routinely butt heads with controlling counterparts, their maturation is stunted as they predictably get pulled into power forms of communication that include coercion, shaming, accusations, defensiveness, anger, suppression, and the like.
In the book, Dr. Carter will recount how real life pleasers developed relationship boundaries by incorporating assertiveness skills, ceasing unnecessary defensiveness, and setting aside false guilt for inner trust. Readers will be inspired to set their own pace in life, as opposed to letting the controller call the shots.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781543935127
Publisher:	BookBaby
Publication date:	06/23/2018
Pages:	260
Sales rank:	376,830
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Dr. Les Carter has maintained a private counseling practice since 1980 when he affiliated with the Minirth-Meier Clinic in Richardson, Texas where he worked for 25 years. Since 2005 he has practiced at the Southlake Psychiatric and Counseling Center near Dallas, Texas. He is a best selling author of books such as Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me, and The Anger Trap. For years he conducted popular anger workshops and he has produced podcasts and videos at MarriagePath.com. He is a graduate of Baylor University and earned the Ph.D. Degree from the University of North Texas.

Table of Contents

Introduction vii

Section 1 Recognizing the People-Pleasing Pattern 1

1 People Pleasing Is Not Always Pleasing 3

2 Seven Identifiers of People Pleasers 21

3 Making Emotional Exchanges 39

Section 2 How the People-Pleasing Pattern Is Formed 59

4 When Anger Turns Inward 61

5 Trained to React, Not Initiate 83

6 Responsibility Can Be Overlearned 103

7 The Subtle Side of Pride 121

Section 3 Finding Balance in Your Life 141

8 Choosing Freedom as a Way of Life 143

9 Maintaining Ongoing Assertiveness 165

10 Responding to Objections to Your Assertiveness 185

11 Dealing with. Intrusive People 207

12 Traits of a Healthy Relationship 231