eBook
Related collections and offers
Overview
How do we explain to our little ones that their beloved pets have gone home to be with the Lord? Do our loyal animal companions understand how deeply they are missed?
For children, the sudden loss of a precious pet can inspire difficult questions about life and death. How can we reassure mourning youngsters that our dearly departed pets have found everlasting peace? Gary Kurz, acclaimed author of Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates and Wagging Tails in Heaven, provides thoughtful guidance on soothing a child’s heartbreak after the passing of a beloved four-legged friend—affirming that through their unconditional love, every one of them has a unique place in heaven.
Sensitive and insightful, When Is Buddy Coming Home? reveals the power of faith in the wake of grief, uplifting animal lovers of all ages with the comfort that separation from our loved ones—including those with paws, tails, and wings—is only temporary.
Praise for Gary Kurz and Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates
“Wonderful, inspiring and comforting.” —Mary Buddemeyer-Porter, author of Will I See Fido in Heaven?
“A great comfort to me and all I am associated with.” —Terry Hickey, Founder, Halton/Peel Pet Loss Support Group
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780806538181 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Kensington |
| Publication date: | 05/30/2017 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 256 |
| File size: | 909 KB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
When is Buddy Coming Home
A Parent 's Guide to Helping Your Child with the Loss of a Pet
By GARY KURZ
KENSINGTON PUBLISHING CORP.
Copyright © 2017 Gary KurzAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-8065-3818-1
CHAPTER 1
"What is Death, Mommy?"
Well, that is an easy question to answer, isn't it? Death is simply the termination of all biological functions that sustain a living organism, right? Try that on your child when they need compassion and comfort. Have your camera ready, though, because the facial expressions they make will probably be quite memorable.
Seriously, this will probably be one of the toughest questions you will ever be asked by your child, and you need to be prepared with a good answer. Unfortunately, several factors can make this question potentially more difficult to respond to. For one, you may anticipate that your child will not ask you about death until someone known to the family has actually passed away.
Don't kid yourself. Children are walking, talking question marks. They want to know about everything. And they are relentless in their quest for knowledge and understanding. The question about death might be prompted by something as simple as seeing a dead bird in the lawn or from watching a television program about hunting. But one thing we can be certain about: It will come when you least expect it. So, expect it!
Another factor that could aggravate or complicate the question is a generational issue. Today's children are so overexposed to artificial and "play" death on video and online games, movies, and even seemingly harmless cartoons, that their concept of death may be considerably warped.
At the lower end of the age scale, youngsters may view death as something temporary or reversible. All they have to do is hit the RESET button on their game and the hero is back in business. And in cartoons, characters who are squashed by falling rocks or pianos or who are blown up by invading aliens come back next week to do it all again.
Adults know the difference between imaginary and real. That a difference exists, however, doesn't even occur to many younger children. For older children, they may understand the difference, but they are so overexposed to death and carnage in the media or in their video games that it just doesn't hold as much dread or impact for them as it does for us older people.
From whatever the source, children usually are already acquainted with the idea of death before their parents ever begin thinking about discussing it with them. But again, their understanding may be off the mark, and parents need to be proactive in setting the record straight. There is no "official" matrix for how to approach the topic, and in my opinion, there ought not to be. Each child is different. Each parent is different. What works for one may not work for another. I am not offering a cookie-cutter approach, but am merely providing you with information that you can then adapt to your particular situation.
There are many places in the Bible that we could turn to for a definition and explanation of what death means to living things, but one that seems to fit best in this chapter is Job 12:10, which says:
In whose hand is the soul of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind.
The first ten words of this passage are extremely profound. The initial, face-value perception is that God is speaking about all creatures, human and animal. So there is no doubt, if one were to complete an in-depth study of this passage, the conclusion would yield the same result: that God is, indeed, speaking about all creatures, not just humans.
The word soul is used in over twenty different ways in the Bible. Invariably, when people come across this word in the Scriptures, they automatically associate it with other uses of similar words that speak to redemption. This happens so frequently that in no matter what context it appears, the connection to reconciliation and salvation is usually present in people's minds and unconsciously applied to the interpretation.
In most cases, this is right and acceptable to the rules of exegesis. But there are instances in which it is not. Clearly, the gospel message is not for animals. It is exclusively for people. It is a reconciliatory outreach from God to people.
However, to allow this truth to cause one to draw the conclusion that an animal therefore cannot have a soul is to visit a gross injustice on the Scriptures, in particular this verse, which has nothing to do with spiritual redemption.
The Hebrew word nephesh ("soul") is used in Job 12:10. It appears many times in the Scriptures and is used interchangeably to describe both the essence of man and of animals. It does not make a distinction between the two, and it does not delve into salvation in its application. Rather, it addresses the consciousness of the soul.
This passage in Job is a good example of this. The word soul is not used in relation to redemption, but rather the verse addresses God's providential care. A clearer meaning of this verse would be "in whose hand is the life or essence of every living thing ..." God is speaking of that part of both humans and animals that contains, or houses, the "life" He has given to them, that part that departs the body when the body expires.
When we mesh these thoughts in Job with Romans 8 and Revelation 5:9–13, to name a few corresponding passages, the meaning is clear. The life, or essence, of every living thing is in the eternal care of the One who created that life.
However, this word in Job indicates an even deeper thought for us to consider. We often refer to ourselves as a "flesh-and-blood body with a soul." This is not so. In keeping with the absolute intent of this word nephesh, man is a soul that has been placed in a flesh-and-blood body. The distinction is subtle, but it is huge in effect. We are not bodies with souls. We are souls with bodies.
And not only us, but because the same word is used to describe the essence of animals, it applies to them, as well. Most of us have been taught that animals do not have souls. Technically, that is correct. They do not have souls; they are souls, just like human beings are also souls inside physical bodies.
It is important to have this background knowledge when responding to the questions of children, especially today's children. They are smarter and more savvy than they were when I was a lad. Technology has significantly raised the bar on children's awareness. The educational community is even considering revamping the entire IQ exam to measure today's youth.
In keeping with this, my experience as a Sunday school teacher tells me that when speaking to children, you need to be clear. If you are not, you can expect a barrage of other questions as they try to clarify the issue on their own.
If you simply reply to the title question with, "Well, all things die," that comes across as ambiguous to a child. You can expect them to snap back, "Well, does that mean I am going to die?" or "Are you going to die, too, Mommy?"
Another pitfall to avoid is making God into a villain. Be careful when you invoke the Bible or God in your answers. It may seem innocent enough to answer your child's question about a departed relative like this: "Grandpa is with God now because God needed him more than we did." I think you may be asking for trouble with an answer like that. I am positive that the next words out of your child's mouth are going to be something like, "Will God need me more, too, someday?"
Not only will this concern of your child break your heart, but you now have opened another can of worms to deal with. What you might say instead, if you do want to include God in the answer, is, "Grandpa was very old and ready to move on to where he could be young and healthy again. I am sure that he is very happy to be with God now."
Don't get yourself in a fix; think ahead and be clear in what you say. You might even guide your child's thinking in another direction. For instance, you might answer in this way: "Death is something that happens to all living things. The old leaves to go to heaven, and the new takes its place. That is why animals and people have babies. And then the babies grow up and have babies, too. And then later we all meet again in heaven. Someday don't you want to have your own children?"
And then keep it simple. The old television show Dennis the Menace portrayed well the inquisitive nature of children. Dennis was always asking Mr. Wilson a question that led to another question, and then another, and so on.
Had Mr. Wilson been clear and simple in his answers, there wouldn't have been a show. When speaking about death, use the words die, died, and death. Avoid more complex words or euphemisms like passed away or demise. The former will result in a question like, "What did he pass away from?"
Communicating with children is not complicated. Keep it simple. Keep it clear. And above all, reassure the child with each of your answers. Don't be wishy-washy (i.e., "Well, I guess your kitty is in heaven," etc.). Try never to frame your answers so that there is any potential of putting doubt or distress in the child's mind. If you do not personally believe the kitty went to heaven (although I can assure you that it did), then try to avoid answering that question so directly. Find another way to reassure your child.
In providing a suggested response for you to give your child on this question, I am going to assume that the circumstances of your pet's passing were due to age or illness associated with age. More often than not, this is the reason for pet loss. If the passing of your pet was premature due to accident or injury, I am sure you will be able to adjust the answer to better reflect the circumstances.
What to Share with Your Child
QUESTION: "What is death, Mommy?"
Your child comes to you and asks the above question. Unless you already have something prepared, consider using the following as your response:
Honey, that is a very big question for a little girl (boy). But I am glad you asked me about it. I have been thinking about that, too, lately.
I am sure you notice that there are people of all different ages. Some people are young, like you. We call people of your age "kids." Others are a little older and a little bigger. We call them teenagers. And when teenagers get older, they become adults. Everyone grows older each and every day. It is exciting to get older and to learn and do new things. We get to go to different schools and meet new people, drive cars and get jobs.
Every year people celebrate their birthdays, and that day is the day we say that they are a year older. Birthdays are fun, aren't they? Some older people have had a lot of birthdays in their long lives. And you can tell how old they are by all the candles on their cakes. Sometimes there are so many candles that the cake looks like it is on fire, doesn't it?
But as we get older and get to do all these new and exciting things, our bodies are also getting older, and we start to slow down a little. The older we get, the harder it is for us to do all the things we used to do, like running and jumping. After a while our bodies get so old that it just gets too hard to do anything and our bodies stop working and we die.
But death is not the end of our lives — just the end of our lives here on earth. The Bible tells us in John 5:24: "He that ... believeth on him that sent me has everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation, but is passed from death unto life."
That means that our lives never really end. We close our eyes here, but we open them there in that place we call heaven right away. That is exciting to know, because all we know about heaven tells us it is a wonderful place, where everyone gets along and everyone is happy.
The Bible tells us that no one has ever seen anything like what we will see in heaven. And we have seen some beautiful things here on earth, haven't we? But as beautiful as those places we saw here were, God tells us in the Bible that heaven will be much, much prettier.
And something else the Bible tells us is that animals will be there, too. Our Buddy will be there. In fact, he is there right now. Now, Buddy had a wonderful life here. He had so much fun living with us. Do you remember all the fun we all had together? But as happy as he was here, he is much happier where he is now.
Now our Buddy is young once more, and he will never get old again. He hasn't jumped and run fast in years, but today he is doing both. And he is happy. He gets to see God all the time. That must be something. I am so happy for him.
And it makes me happy to know that one day we will see him again. Doesn't that make you happy, too? I know you miss him, and I am sure he misses you, too. But I know you are happy that he is no longer old anymore.
How about if we pray right now and thank God for letting Buddy be in our lives, and ask Him to take care of Buddy for us for a while?
CHAPTER 2"Is God Real, Mommy?"
I struggled with whether to include this question at all. It just does not seem necessary to me. I have taught thousands of children in both spiritual and secular settings in a variety of cultures, over a period of more than four decades, and I have never met a preteen child who did not believe in God. I have never even met one who straddled the fence on the topic. Indeed, it seems that children have no difficulty at all with faith. Their innocence has shielded them from the wickedness and woes of this world that often cause us to doubt that there is a God who is in control.
Still, I am sure that there must be a few exceptions to this rule somewhere, and I want to make sure you have an answer should your child present this question to you. Besides, you may be using this book to help a teenaged child with questions about God and faith. And I cannot deny that I have met quite a few teens who expressed doubt about God's existence: evidence that the ills of the world were beginning to impact them negatively. Isn't it sad how just a few years of exposure to the world can change a young person's outlook on God and faith?
Let's put faith aside for a moment and talk about spiritual awareness. I may take the long way around to get to my point, possibly taking a few rabbit trails, as well, but I think you will appreciate the observations and conclusions that I share with you. They should give you more information and tools to help you respond decisively to your child's questions. So please humor me for just a moment.
To begin, I don't think anyone can deny that there is a supernatural or a spiritual world apart from our present physical world. Every culture, every group of people, in every era of human history has acknowledged a spiritual presence of one sort or another. Even the most committed atheist will admit that there are happenings and experiences that occur in our world that do not belong to our world — things that simply cannot be explained away by science, nature, or logic. There is something inside each of us that gives us an awareness that there is something or someone "out there" beyond the realm of our own physical existence. We just seem to "know."
It is commonly believed that animals are aware of these presences, that they have a sixth sense that allows them to tune in to spiritual beings. Society has ascribed to animals an ability to perceive the supernatural in ways that humans cannot. There is no proof or explanation to support this widely accepted claim. It is just one of those urban legends that has gotten wheels and rolled along from generation to generation.
As a person who has been intimately involved with animals and nature his entire life, I do not personally subscribe to that view. I just do not see any evidence to support the notion that animals have a spiritual awareness. I won't go into detail here, as I do that in other books I have written, and neither I nor readers appreciate redundancy. But I cannot take a position without offering some proof, so I will offer a short example to support my view on this matter.
During the demolition of a building, reporters were amazed at how the many hundreds of pigeons that roosted in the building seemed to know to fly off just moments before the explosives were detonated and the building came crumbling down. They raved on and on about the "supernatural" ability of these pigeons, and how all animals seem to know the future or to perceive upcoming danger.
Unfortunately, when the footage of the explosion was run in slow motion, however, it became clear that the pigeons did not take flight until almost a full second after the detonation. Their sharp sense of touch and hearing were enough for them to hear the sound and feel the shudder of the building before the effects of the blast actually arrived at their position, allowing them the opportunity to flee the danger before it was upon them.
We humans like to dwell on the sensational, and if it isn't sensational enough, we are quite willing to embellish a story. Everyone knows the psychological exercise in which one person is told a story and then asked to pass it on to the next person, and so on and so forth, until a dozen or more people have retold the story. When the last person in the chain is asked to tell the story out loud to the group, and their account is compared to the original, everyone gets a great laugh at how much the story had changed.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from When is Buddy Coming Home by GARY KURZ. Copyright © 2017 Gary Kurz. Excerpted by permission of KENSINGTON PUBLISHING CORP..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Foreword vii
Introduction 1
1 "What Is Death, Mommy?" 5
2 "Is God Real, Mommy?" 14
3 "Why Did God Let Buddy Die?" 35
4 "Does God Love Buddy?" 45
5 "Where Is Buddy Right Now?" 55
6 "Will Buddy Ever Come Back?" 65
7 "Did It Hurt Buddy to Die?" 70
8 "Does Buddy Know That I Love Him and Miss Him?" 80
9 "What Is Heaven Like, Mommy?" 88
10 "Will I Ever Go to Heaven, Mommy?" 104
11 Miscellaneous Questions 119
12 Preparing Your Child for the Loss of a Pet: Euthanasia 136
13 The Rainbow Bridge 158
14 Helping the Family Heal 168
15 Day 1 Devotional: Love 179
16 Day 2 Devotional: Joy 187
17 Day 3 Devotional: Peace 197
18 Day 4 Devotional: Long-Suffering 208
19 Day 5 Devotional: Gentleness 219
20 Day 6 Devotional: Goodness 229
21 Day 7 Devotional: Faith 245
22 Devotional Review and Summary (with a special letter for children) 255