Read an Excerpt
When Holidays Hurt
Finding Hidden Hope Amid Pain and Loss
By Bo Stern Thomas Nelson
Copyright © 2014 Bo Stern
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-7180-3954-7
CHAPTER 1
Christmas in the Shadowlands
The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light. For those who lived in a land of deep shadows—light! sunbursts of light! —Isaiah 9:2 MSG
This verse is where our story begins. Almost eight centuries before the birth of Jesus, the prophet Isaiah told of His coming. The biggest Christmas gift of all time was announced to people who would not live to see the day of its arrival. They wouldn't know the Christmas story in their lifetime. But we can know it.
Though this passage will soon tell us about Jesus, first Isaiah tells us about us. He paints the perfect picture of that brilliant moment when our world collides with His wonder; our darkness is pierced by His light. He didn't come to people who were already spit-shined. He came to those who were buried in darkness, desperate for help, and longing for hope.
Have you been living in the land of deep shadows? I have. I've spent long years in that gray and weary country, and sometimes it makes me feel disqualified from Christmas. Most Christmas carols do not talk about daunting shadows or dreary days. They talk sparkle and shimmer. They talk ho-ho-hoing and mistletoeing, and all of that is fine and fun if you're having a great year. But let's be honest about the fact that this relentless commercialized happiness is not really what lives at the heart of Christmas.
Christmas is deeper than that. It reaches into darker places. Jesus didn't come to cheer us up; He came into the shadowlands we call home to set us free. He came to untangle us from the despair that wraps itself around our joy and peace and purpose. It seems, then, that hopelessness is the very first qualification for receiving the bright hope of Christmas. Perhaps you are exactly where you need to be to experience the miracle of Advent after all.
Findings Hidden Hope
Today, when the sun goes down, take a candle and a match into a dark room. Sit in the darkness for a few minutes. There in the deep blue evening, consider the difficult things you are facing this Christmas. Now light the candle, and look at the way the room changes. What can you see that you couldn't see before? How does the flame flicker through the blackness that used to own the room? If you'd like, this would be a good time to start a journal where you can write down the ways you see His light invade your darkness.
* * *
As we enter into the deep days of Advent, keep my heart focused on the real story, the only story that really matters. Send Your light to my darkness, like You did on that first Christmas, so that I can see my place in this season. With my praise and thanksgiving, I will crown You Lord of all.
CHAPTER 2
He Came to Bring Joy
You repopulated the nation, you expanded its joy. Oh, they're so glad in Your presence! Festival joy! The joy of a great celebration, sharing rich gifts and warm greetings. —Isaiah 9.3 MSG
Isaiah continues his version of the Christmas story here, and this verse is very exciting. Yesterday he walked us through valleys of dark shadows, but today it's like we've stumbled onto the canvas of a Norman Rockwell painting filled with joy and celebration. Think about that imagery and read the verse again. Isn't it such a beautiful picture? There was a time when I would have read a verse like this and immediately felt a weighty wave of guilt and a great deal of pressure to create this kind of scene for my family and for myself.
But read it again, because this verse is beautiful, hopeful, exciting, and ... freeing. Let's check out the Christmas to-do list.
God's list:
• Redeem and repopulate the nation.
• Expand its joy.
My list:
• Be glad in His presence.
• Share rich gifts and warm greetings.
All the responsibility for doing is on Jesus. My responsibility is to experience, enjoy, and share in His beautiful gifts. Which gifts? The gift of His coming, the gift of His cross. All that we enjoy and celebrate is centered around the redemptive work of Jesus Christ—the accomplishment that provided a way for us to spend an infinite number of perfect holidays with Him in heaven. I suspect we often get so buried beneath the weight of what we're trying to create at Christmas that we miss the joy of what He already created.
His gift of salvation is free and it's finished. Isaiah waited and longed for it, but we own it. It's right in front of us ... as real as the baby in our nativity set or the star on top of our tree. I know it's difficult to experience sorrow at Christmas, and sometimes it can feel like sorrow suffocates all hope for happiness. But this verse assures me that He can enlarge my heart so that I can also experience the joy of what He has done. Sorrow serves as a tether to His presence. It keeps us needing Him and leaning into His story. And in His story, there is joy. Finished, flowing joy.
Finding Ridden Hope
Make room in your heart today to remember His work. As you sit at a red light or wait in line at Walmart or rest your head to sleep tonight, take a minute and ten deep breaths. Breathe in the completed to-do list of Jesus. He came to save you and it worked. He did it. It's finished. You can rest and rejoice in that today.
* * *
You are the God of this Christmas. I give You my list, my expectations, and my fears. I breathe in the work You started in a manger and finished on the cross. May all the cares of my whirling world find rest in You. In the name of the One who finished it all, amen.
CHAPTER 3
He Came to Calm Confusion
His names will be: Amazing Counselor, Strong God, Eternal Father, Prince of Wholeness. His ruling authority will grow, and there'll be no limits to the wholeness he brings. —Isaiah 9:6 MSG
Amazing = wonderful, miraculous.
Counselor = to advise, deliberate, or resolve.
For the next few days, we'll be opening up some gifts that are always ours because of Christmas. These gifts are not dependent on our income, intelligence, or enthusiasm. They are just as real for those who have nothing to their name as they are for those who have nothing to worry about. They are beautiful, eternal, sparkling gifts beneath the tree, and it's worth our time to lean in close and take a good look.
Isaiah tells us first about this Child who is coming to rule our world. Then he lists the Child's names, and they are stunning (and I love that Jesus is way too much for just one name). The names Isaiah ascribes to Jesus describe His character and explain why He is so qualified to rescue and redeem our lives. The first on the list is Amazing Counselor. Oh, I love this one.
The first Christmas after Steve's diagnosis with ALS, we lived in swirling uncertainty about our future. Financial decisions, life-altering medical decisions, parenting decisions, and ministry decisions swarmed around our brains like flies at a picnic. We were frustrated and failing beneath the weight of both the known and the unknown. Add to that the need to create a perfect Christmas for our family, and I thought I would drown in it all. I remember fighting tears while standing in one of the toy aisles at Target, trying to choose a set of Legos for my son and feeling paralyzed by that tiny decision. Battles are messy. Like houseguests who bring too much baggage and leave it all sitting in the entryway, it seems you can't come or go anywhere without fighting through the pile of uncertainties.
It's into this tangle of questions that He comes: our Amazing Counselor. Many translations use the word wonderful, which in the Hebrew means "miraculous." His arrival is a miracle. The word counselor means "to advise, deliberate, or resolve." Look at this comment from Barnes' Notes:
The name "counselor" here, [TEXT NOT REPRODUCIBLE IN ASCII] yû'ets, denotes one of honorable rank; one who is suited to stand near princes and kings as their adviser. It is expressive of great wisdom, and of qualifications to guide and direct the human race. The Septuagint translates this phrase, "The angel of the mighty counsel." The Chaldee, "The God of wonderful counsel."
I can testify to the greatness of this gift. Into the daunting decisions of my most confusing Christmas came the Wonderful Counselor. He rode in like a knight on a white horse, and He answered so many of the questions I was facing. To those that remained unanswered, He gave the promise of His presence and the assurance that the answers would come when I needed them most.
Now, years later, I can tell you that He is still the Great Adviser I need when my wisdom is too weak for the war I face. He comes through His Word, through His presence, and through the people around me. He comes as I worship. He comes as I cry in my car because I can't find my shopping list and I don't know how I'll ever survive the toy aisle without it. He comes. He breathes life and hope, and He reminds me that not every decision is a game-changer. Oh, how thankful I am for the brilliant gift of our Amazing Counselor.
Finding Ridden Hope
Write the name Amazing Counselor in your journal, and beneath it list all the decisions you are facing in your battle or in your daily life. Take a moment to share your list with Him and to ask Him for miraculous help and wonderful counsel. If you feel up to it, share your list with a friend who will join you in praying for the wisdom you need.
* * *
Great God, I confess that my wisdom is much too small for the battle I'm facing. Come in Your beauty and brilliance, come with clear direction, and I will follow. Speak Your Word that brings life and joy and safety. In the name of the only wise God, amen.
CHAPTER 4
He Came to Rescue
For to us a Child is born, to us a Son is given: and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father [of Eternity], Prince of Peace. —Isatah 9:6 AMP
On the day of my husband's diagnosis, I sat in the doctor's office and could almost feel the breath of Goliath as he stood over my shoulder, shouting his threats: "You'll never survive this. Your kids will never survive. You've preached a blue streak about how God is all you need, but you never imagined an enemy like this. Your strength is no match for ALS. We might as well call it now—you're done."
Though our giant was invisible, his presence in that room was palpable. That night I went to bed swimming in a mix of shock and sorrow, longing for a superhero to ride in and rescue me. I have never felt more weak or little or helpless than I did in that moment. I bet you've been there too.
Battles come stocked with big giants. It's a fact. They are large, mean, and focused on our destruction. This is why the next name of the baby born in Bethlehem is such a gift to us today:
Mighty God.
I love the word mighty here. It means "powerful warrior, tyrant, giant, valiant, mighty man." It seems that humble Jesus, meek and mild, has a whole lot of muscles underneath His swaddling-clothes cape. So often we overly domesticate God. We turn Him into a sweet little lap god who offers companionship and a ticket into eternity, but we forget that He is the one thing that makes our enemies tremble. Look at this:
The Lord thundered from heaven; the Most High projected His voice. He shot His arrows and scattered them; He hurled lightning bolts and routed them. The depths of the sea became visible, the foundations of the world were exposed, at Your rebuke, Lord, at the blast of Your nostrils. He reached down from heaven and took hold of me; He pulled me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. (Psalm 18:13–17)
When it comes to dealing with those who hurt His kids, He is a tyrant—a valiant, victorious, war-making God. He doesn't fit in our laps or on our mantels or in our picture frames—He is outrageously large and in charge, and we can trust Him to deal with the enemies we face.
My superhero showed up that night. And He has been showing up every night since. And every day. And every moment when I think I can't go on, can't find a way to free myself from the turmoil of battle, I remember that I don't have to save myself. We have a Savior who was built for the mission. The tiny baby came as a mighty God, and His strength is mighty to save. Merry Christmas to us!
Finding Hidden Hope
Read Psalm 66:3 out loud. What is our enemies' response to God? This verse tells us to talk to God about the ways that He is mighty. Take a minute today to speak of some of the great things He has done, and remind yourself how powerful He is for every situation you are facing during this season.
* * *
O mighty God, I need You now. I need Your strength, Your power, and Your love to defend my broken heart and save me from the schemes of my enemies. They are too strong for me, but they are not too strong for You. Rescue me for Your name's sake pray, amen.
CHAPTER 5
He Came to Love
His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father [of Eternity], Prince of Peace. —Isaiah 9:6 AMP
When Steve and I began leading our first youth group, we were young and passionate, and we had a lot of ideas about transforming those kids into world-changing grownups nearly overnight. Our first message centered around the fact that they were children of God. Seems like a safe place to start, right? Problem: Of the fifteen kids in that group, only three had dads actually living in their home. So when we marched in all smiley and smug, saying, "God is your Father!" at least twelve of them responded with blank stares or "Who cares?"
For some of these kids, their fathers symbolized abandonment and pain. For others, their dads were just a non-entity—an empty wasteland where a real relationship should have been. We've led hundreds of teenagers since that time, and the pattern continues: we want our earthly dads to love us, but we often find they are not capable of or willing to stick it out for a long-term relationship. It's easy to transfer those feelings onto our heavenly Father, sometimes without even realizing it. No matter how you slice it, we humans long for a real relationship with a really good dad.
I love the name Everlasting Father because it tells me that when God came to us as a baby, He came to stay. He is committed to loving us in the good times, the battle times, and on into the forever times. Everlasting. From Isaiah 9 to the far reaches of eternity, He is our Father and He is good. On the most difficult days of my battle, I run for refuge to Deuteronomy 1:
The Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place. (vv. 30–31 ESV)
As we look at the days of Advent ahead of us—the songs, the lights, the silver bells—we can trust that we are not alone. We are not orphaned or abandoned, no matter how hot our fight. He came to be our Father forever. He came to carry us when we can't face another Christmas party or open another greeting card or wrap another gift. He is our steady, strengthening Dad, holding our hands, lifting us up when our legs buckle beneath us and our hearts feel fragile and worn. He loves and cares and sees who we will be when this battle is in the history books. I'm so thankful for His everlasting, never-fading, always-perfect love.
Finding Hidden Hope
Sit by some twinkling Christmas lights with your journal, and make a list of the best qualities in a good dad. Read over the list, and know that it pales in comparison to the ways your everlasting Father loves and cares for you.
* * *
You are a Father to the fatherless and to the well-fathered and to everyone In between. Your love fills In the gaps dug deep by sin and sorrow and pulls us out of hiding, not to punish but to heal, not to condemn but to call. Give me faith to believe that You are good and do good–always. Amen.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from When Holidays Hurt by Bo Stern. Copyright © 2014 Bo Stern. Excerpted by permission of Thomas Nelson.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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