What I Lost

by Alexandra Ballard

Overview

A searing yet ultimately uplifting young adult novel about a teenage girl's recovery from anorexia

What sixteen-year-old Elizabeth has lost so far: forty pounds, four jean sizes, a boyfriend, and her peace of mind. As a result, she’s finally a size zero. She’s also the newest resident at Wallingfield, a treatment center for girls like her—girls with eating disorders. Elizabeth is determined to endure the program so she can go back home, where she plans to start restricting her food intake again. She’s pretty sure her mom, who has her own size-zero obsession, needs treatment as much as she does. Maybe even more. Then Elizabeth begins receiving mysterious packages. Are they from her ex-boyfriend, a secret admirer, or someone playing a cruel trick?

What I Lost is an eloquent debut novel by Alexandra Ballard that rings with authenticity as it follows Elizabeth’s journey to taking an active role in her eating disorder recovery, hoping to get back all that she lost.

Praise for What I Lost:

“Readers will root for the novel’s likable main character and gain some understanding of the complexity of her illness at the same time.” —Kirkus Reviews

“Through Elizabeth’s painful uphill battle, newcomer Ballard skillfully illustrates that although unhealthy eating habits may start as a choice, an eating disorder is a complicated illness that cannot be battled without support and vigilance.” —Publishers Weekly

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781250158420
Publisher:	Square Fish
Publication date:	06/05/2018
Edition description:	Reprint
Pages:	400
Sales rank:	178,714
Product dimensions:	5.30(w) x 7.80(h) x 1.20(d)
Age Range:	12 - 14 Years

About the Author

Alexandra Ballard has worked as a magazine editor, middle-school English teacher, freelance writer, and cake maker. She holds master's from both Columbia (journalism) and Fordham (education) and spent ten years in the classroom, beginning in the Bronx and ending up in the hills of Berkeley, California, with her husband and two daughters. What I Lost is Alexandra Ballard's debut novel.

Editorial Reviews

Readers will root for the novel’s likable main character and gain some understanding of the complexity of her illness at the same time.” —Kirkus Reviews

“Through Elizabeth’s painful uphill battle, newcomer Ballard skillfully illustrates that although unhealthy eating habits may start as a choice, an eating disorder is a complicated illness that cannot be battled without support and vigilance.” —Publishers Weekly

From the Publisher

04/17/2017
After being sent to a psychiatric facility to face her anorexia, 16-year-old Elizabeth can see that the other residents are dangerously underweight, but she’s jealous of their protruding bones and terrified of the weight she’ll be forced to gain in treatment. In order to regain a healthy outlook, Elizabeth must embrace outside help and accept that anorexia “isn’t a disease where you take your medicine and then wait” (“Your recovery is 100 percent up to you,” she’s told). Elizabeth’s dealings with her parents, especially her mother, are both fascinating and frustrating; it’s clear that her mother has been modeling restrictive and unhealthy eating behaviors, which have affected Elizabeth’s views of food and weight. Elizabeth’s relationship with her ex-boyfriend and with the brother of a fellow patient are engaging, but not driving forces in her recovery, happily. Through Elizabeth’s painful uphill battle, newcomer Ballard skillfully illustrates that although unhealthy eating habits may start as a choice, an eating disorder is a complicated illness that cannot be battled without support and vigilance. Ages 12–up. Agent: Kent D. Wolf, Friedrich Agency. (June)

Publishers Weekly

06/01/2017
Gr 9 Up—This debut novel offers readers an authentic and in-depth look at eating disorders as 16-year-old Elizabeth Barnes battles her disease and begins to learn that healing and acceptance must come from within. When she and her parents first pull up to Wallingfield Psychiatric Facility, Elizabeth is convinced that they've made a terrible mistake. While she's fairly certain she does have an eating disorder, the severity of her situation has yet to sink in. At first, Wallingfield, with its mandated meals, constant supervision, and daily weigh-ins, feels as cheery and welcoming as a prison, but as Elizabeth grows closer to the other residents and gradually accepts some of the more painful truths about her illness, she realizes what she must do in order to get back the life that anorexia has taken from her. Elizabeth is a sympathetic narrator, relatable even in the midst of her turmoil. The arrival of several mysterious packages lends some intrigue and romance to the narrative. The secondary characters are well drawn, and the friendships that the protagonist forms with her fellow patients allow the author to delve into a multitude of perspectives on eating disorders. The book doesn't sugarcoat and portrays with steady clarity and empathy the characters' struggles. VERDICT Filled with honesty, heart, and unexpected humor, this story is sure to please a multitude of readers. A recommended purchase for larger collections.—Laken Hottle, Providence Community Library

School Library Journal

2017-03-29
A young woman struggles with anorexia in this debut. High school junior Elizabeth has dropped to a dangerous 90 pounds before being sent to Wallingfield Psychiatric Facility by her worried parents. She's unsure what to expect and is somewhat ambivalent about her treatment—she doesn't want to get better if it means that she has to gain weight. However, as this engrossing and heartfelt novel progresses, Elizabeth finds that the enforced, monitored meals and various therapy groups at Wallingfield are at once sources of shame, frustration, and hope. Vivid descriptions of the panic and visceral disgust she experiences at the prospect of eating juxtapose well with the account of her progress as she begins to confront just how profound the effect her mother's disordered relationship with food and body image has had on her. That some of this account is noticeably expository finds compensation in Elizabeth's well-developed character. Elizabeth develops supportive friendships with several girls at the center, and a romantic subplot with a boy she knows from school adds an appealing layer to the first-person, confessional narrative. The ethnicities of the main characters are not specified, though mention is made of a friend of Elizabeth's standing out as the only Indian student at school, suggesting that the community is predominantly white. Readers will root for the novel's likable main character and gain some understanding of the complexity of her illness at the same time. (Fiction. 14-18)

Kirkus Reviews