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Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781479251254 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | CreateSpace Publishing |
| Publication date: | 09/03/2012 |
| Pages: | 176 |
| Sales rank: | 1,049,856 |
| Product dimensions: | 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.38(d) |
About the Author
Eve and her family reside in Mayer, Arizona.
To contact Eve Sandy.........
Read an Excerpt
What Did I Do Wrong?
By Eveline Sandy
iUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2011 Eveline SandyAll right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4502-9989-3
Chapter One
My Beginnings
"Mein Liebchen." Although my mother named me Eveline, this is the name I most remember her using. My loved one.
I was born on January 7, 1953 in the quaint town of Karlsrhue in western Germany.
My mother's name was Gertrude, but everyone called her Susie. She was twenty-years-old and unmarried when I was born. She had met an American soldier who promised her everything ... but left her with just one thing, a daughter who weighed only four pounds at birth.
My mother was a beautiful woman, small and graceful. She had wavy, blonde hair and blue eyes that sparkled. Her light complexion was soft and smooth. When she walked, it seemed like she was floating.
In every way, my mother was a lady. She loved to dress up, adding matching shoes and purses, which were her special weakness. She often wore bright, happy colors that reflected her personality. She had two lovely babushkas, which are German scarves that she wore when she went out.
Mother learned English by watching television and listening to American music. Her favorite song was "White Christmas". She never cussed in German or English. She didn't think it was ladylike.
When my mother very young, my Grandfather Herr Behm went to prison for beating my Grandmother, Emma Behm. He was a very abusive man to both my Grossmutter (Grandmother) and Mutter (Mother).
Even though it was a relief for everyone when Grandfather went to prison it didn't make the situation any easier as far as food and money for my German family. My mother, along with the remaining family, were very, very poor during the war era. The family lived on the eastside of the Berlin Wall, and everything was extremely scarce and rationed out. When my Grandfather was released from prison, he went to fight in the war and was killed in action.
During this time the eastside of Germany was controlled by the Russians, and there was very little freedom and a lot of rules. After the war, the westside was "occupied" by the US, France and Great Britain, and boasted freedom and jobs and less rationing. Between 1954 through 1960 many professionals, doctors, lawyers, teachers ,etc., moved from the eastside to the westside.
Traveling back and forth between the two sides, prior to 1961, was easy and not very restricted. In 1946, Mom started traveling between the two sides; she was only fourteen-years-old. Her family accepted her traveling, knowing Mom's deep desire for freedom. Then in 1961 some brilliant person decided that "The Berlin Wall" was to be built. It came with many restrictions and much less contact between the two sides. Crossing over was extremely restricted. Bravely, for one last time, she traveled alone to the west side of Germany on a train, to live there permanently. Her contact with her family was virtually cut off.
Obviously, Mom needed a job because she didn't bring much money with her when she left home. Luckily, she was able to get a job right away. She became a nanny for a prominent doctor's family. She lived in their home so she didn't have to worry about shelter or food. She loved the doctor's children and got plenty of practice with the little ones. Life was better, simply because there were no more beatings to endure, and Mom had the freedom to make her own choices.
Although there were still long lines to wait for food, and there were shortages of most items due to the war, it was much worse on the eastside of Germany. Still, the freedom was rich and satisfying. No more looking over her shoulder, and no more fear of governmental punishment. No more sirens and air raids. But she was to learn that freedom always has a price.
Chapter Two
The First Man in My Life
When I was two years old, my father came into our lives. It wasn't until years later that I learned the truth, that the man I called Dad was not my birth father. His name was Michael, and he was 5"10' with a stocky build and dark hair. He was in the United States Army and stationed in a town not far from where Mom worked. It was called Sindelfingen, Germany.
Dad didn't speak a lot of German, and Mom didn't speak any English. Somehow they communicated with gestures and smiles. They were truly in love with each other, or at least in the beginning Dad was. There was never another man in my mother's life that she truly loved and was devoted to as much as him. I can't say the same faithfulness was in Dad for Mom. Sometimes I wondered how Mom could continue to love him and give Dad total devotion, and he could still cheat on her and lie to her.
Although, I didn't feel it was right, Mom taught me a valuable lifelong lesson. It's called unconditional love. It is best described in the Bible:
1Corinthians13:4-8
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails..."
I believe, totally, if we all followed those Godly words we would all be fulfilling the Lord's directive of "love thy neighbor as thy self."
Mom read her Bible every day. She was raised in the Protestant religion. Dad didn't encourage us to attend church services. Mom's idea was a family goes places together whether it's church or shopping. Mom told me quietly about God when Dad wasn't around. She taught me some prayers in German that I have passed down to my children and grandchildren. One of my favorite prayers that we said every night before I fell asleep was in German:
"Ich bin wenig
Mein Herz ist rein
Sagen, der Herr uber
Und Jesus allein
Amen."
I'll translate it:
"I am little,
My heart is pure
To the Lord above,
And to Jesus Alone,
Amen"
And then Mom would say in German, as she tucked me in, Schlaf gut mit Gott"; "Sleep Good with God."
Mom never tore me down. She never spanked me. She always tried to understand why I did things the way I chose to do them. She discussed my choices, good and bad, with me. She never judged me. She guided me with suggestions. Sometimes, I could see the sadness in her eyes because of the situations I would get into. I think that's why there were some things I couldn't tell her because she would be so terribly disappointed in me. I couldn't bear to see her eyes filled with sadness. Mom always believed in people and that they were basically good. That belief stayed with her, throughout her entire life. It is my belief now, as well. Me and my mother
Dad could be like a drill sergeant most of the time and wanted life to be spit-spot and have it his way in all things. During this time we went through the usual adjustments for a blended-race family, with the added stress of the language barrier. We were all very happy though, because love can overcome most difficulties. Within a relatively short time after the wedding, Dad got transfer orders to return back to the States. He brought Mom and me with him, and we moved to El Paso, Texas.
We were on a ship starting out on June 14, 1957, traveling to the States. The trip took eleven days. The endless up and down motion of the ship made the trip seem forever. There was water, water everywhere. Before we embarked on this journey, Mom received letter after letter from my German grandmother begging her to let me remain and be raised by my grandmother. Gross mutter maintained that if I stayed with her, my mother would surely return to Germany for me and ultimately stay with the family. Unfortunately, Mom didn't agree and took me with her. Perhaps Dad had an influence in this. All I know is Mom never returned to Germany to see her mom and family ever again.
After we landed at Ellis Island in New York we went to Dad's assigned base, which was in Texas. We were in El Paso for such a short time, and it was uneventful as far as my memory of it goes. Nothing comes to mind except my Mom tried to learn to drive. She drove the car down the driveway, stalled and then drove right back into the garage. She said she didn't want to drive anymore, so she never did again.
I can't imagine how Mom dealt with coming to a strange country, not really knowing the language and not always sure Dad would be there as he should have. I can appreciate all the effort she put into raising me in this strange land and providing me with freedom.
Shortly after, Dad got transfer orders back to Germany. Again, he took us with him. We moved an awful lot during my childhood. I guess that's where the term "Army Brats" comes from. We were always moving around, always readjusting to our surroundings. We lived in Germany until I was to go to first grade, then we moved back to the States again.
This time, we lived off base in Junction City, Kansas, which is just outside of Fort Riley, Kansas, where he reported for duty. I didn't speak any English when I started first grade in the States even though I was a little German chatterbox. It was a bit of a challenge for me. I had a tutor daily in school, and I still couldn't understand anyone. I eventually put bits and pieces together. It took me about two years to learn English. Mom taught me excellent German from the time I could talk. German is such a pretty language. I had a very heavy German accent until I was in sixth grade. Today, I speak both English and German equally and have no trace of a German accent in my English.
I was fearful hearing all the other school children speak English. I thought they were making fun of me. Soon, I learned everyone was trying to be nice to me. My mother was very helpful in my language learning process. She told me I could speak German at home but in public it had to be English. She felt very strongly about this. It wasn't easy for Mom, not knowing much English. I was her translator and often spoke for her to other people.
Mom told me stories about our family in Germany and events during her growing up years. I could listen for hours about the surroundings and her description of our relations and the food they ate. We didn't have much food during my growing up years but with what we did have, Mom would prepare tasty meals. She made German potato salad, fried potatoes and onions, sauerkraut, bratwurst, schnitzels, and pork chops, German style. She made a macaroni and hamburger casserole I still make today. She didn't have any recipes written down, so she prepared it all from memory. My mouth is watering with the memory of her home cooked meals.
Sometimes I would look at Mom and she would have a yearning in her eyes. She wanted deeply to return to Germany someday and see her family again. It was a great burden she carried, knowing she never could because of lack of money for such a trip. She was barely surviving here in America. Sometimes I compared her to the mermaid looking out to sea, never to return.
Christmastime was especially rough on Mom. Sometimes, I could hear her crying in her bedroom softly moaning: "Mama, mama Ich wunschte, wir waren zusammen."; "Mama, mama, I wish we were together." Mom's mama died in 1997. They never saw each other again after Mom left home in the '50's.
In later years, when I visited my aunt and uncles in Germany I was fearful I forgot how to speak my native tongue and wouldn't be able to converse with my gross mutter (grandmother). I prayed and prayed about my fears to the Lord. And the Lord answered me in a dream:
"Kind warum sollte ich Ihnen nach Hause, wenn Sie nicht zu ihrer Grossmutter zu redden?" Translation: "Child, why would I send you home, if you couldn't speak to your grandmother?" Truly, the Lord answers all prayers. I speak with them fairly regularly now by phone and computer. It has finally put my soul at peace that I have family continuity. I never was exposed to the true essence of family interaction; now I cherish it.
Chapter Three
To Kansas
All three of us lived in a compact two bedroom, one bath trailer. It was nice. Dad seemed to be home a lot more than before. It didn't last for long because Dad had to leave and go back to the war. This didn't really make any sense to me when he had to leave. Dad said he had to go, and off he went. Dad was gone a long, long time, and I really missed him. We didn't have a lot of money, but we always seemed to make it somehow.
At first, Dad sent us money regularly. Then, gradually the money stopped coming. The military, in those days, didn't make the servicemen support their families left behind. Mom wrote letter after letter to Dad asking for help, but he didn't respond back. She finally wrote a letter to his commanding officer. That didn't work either. Mom had no choice but to go to work or we would be homeless and without food.
My mom was always there for me. We always had a roof over our heads and food on the table. I guess it was easier on Mom having only one child to be worried about. She wouldn't let life get her down. She taught me to think the same way.
Barton's Grocery Store was across the road from my school and Mom would give me a food list in German, then I would go to the store after school and shop for us. We didn't have the money for food so we would run a monthly tab with Mr. Barton. He would then forgive any debt we had at the end of the month and tear up our bill. He was a very kind and generous man. I don't know what we would have done without him.
Mom finally found a job as a waitress at a local restaurant and bar. I knew it wasn't easy for her because she didn't speak much English. The other waitresses helped her if she couldn't understand a customer. They were all very kind to her.
I remember Dad and Mom taking time off to go and visit Dad's parents, my grandmother, Alice, and grandfather, Able. My grandparents loved me so, especially Grandpa. He liked taking me places, and we always stopped at the local ice cream parlor for ice cream cones. Also, when we went to Aunt Laura's in Delta, Ohio, we would stop on the way for ice cream. I can remember when Aunt Laura only had my cousin Ricky. She and Ricky lived in the bottom half of her home. She rented out the top half to help her pay the bills.
My grandparents lived in Bettsville, Ohio which was about one hour away from Aunt Laura's house. They lived there since I was very small. Lucky them, they didn't move around like we did. We all got along so very well, and my grandparents thought a lot of me, as well as Mom, even considering we weren't blood relations. I was too small to know the difference anyway.
Throughout my life my father consistently asked me to lie for him. On one occasion I remember my dad called my grandparents and lied to them by saying I desperately needed an operation, and we didn't have the money for it. Could they please send him money? Then, when they hesitated, he would make me get on the phone, pinch me first to get me to cry and then ask for help from them. They agreed immediately because they wouldn't allow their granddaughter to suffer needlessly. I never needed an operation and I don't know why my father always had to lie to get things. When they sent him the money for my "operation" he took their money to buy a car with it. His parents never found out the truth that I know of.
As far as my mom is concerned, my Dad threatened her if she wouldn't agree to these lies. My dad controlled my mother to such a degree that she was forbidden to tell anyone the truth of what was going on in the household. I know it affected her to do this. She was brought up to be truthful and honorable. She wanted to verbalize her feelings and couldn't. She was afraid she would be thrown out, along with me. She was in a strange country and a different culture with a man that was unethical and dishonest.
When my dad came back from the war, this time from Korea, his attitude really changed a lot. He was constantly drinking and did not want to be around Mom as much as before. I remember he used to hit her when he was drunk. He never hit me though. Mom kept an eye on me so Dad wouldn't take out his anger on me. He never did hit me, and I can thank Mom for that. She was my champion at her own expense.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from What Did I Do Wrong? by Eveline Sandy Copyright © 2011 by Eveline Sandy. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
Chapter 1: My Beginnings....................1Chapter 2: The First Man in My Life....................4
Chapter 3: To Kansas....................11
Chapter 4: Where is my Dad?....................17
Chapter 5: A Bad Place....................20
Chapter 6: Dad Leaves Again and Again....................26
Chapter 7: My Partner in Crime....................31
Chapter 8: Beloit....................35
Chapter 9: Off To Grandparent's House We Go....................45
Chapter 10: Mom, My Pillar....................47
Chapter 11: He's Not Coming Back....................51
Chapter 12: A Sight For Sore Eyes....................57
Chapter 13: A Miracle Happen....................60
Chapter 14: My World Crashes Around Me....................65
Chapter 15: My Uncle's Insight....................68
Chapter 16: My Dearest Friends....................72
Chapter 17: First Love....................78
Chapter 18: Graduation....................83
Chapter 19: My Island Trip....................85
Chapter 20: Reality Check....................87
Chapter 21: Phillip....................89
Chapter 22: Life Decision....................94
Chapter 23: Enter Christopher Thomas....................100
Chapter 24: Life Goes On....................103
Chapter 25: Home Based in Phoenix....................109
Chapter 26: Donald Sandy-My Man for Life....................111
Chapter 27: Enter Jesse Lee Sandy....................121
Chapter 28: Mom is Losing the Battle....................133
Epilogue....................149
Readers say:....................153
Author bio:....................155