Wedding Vows: Beyond Love, Honor, and Cherish

by Susan Lee Smith

Overview

This book is a comprehensive and unique guide on how to write one's own wedding vows. In the U.S. alone, there are over 2.4 million weddings every year -- and no two will be exactly alike. Yet whatever the differences, the exchanging of vows is often the most anticipated and memorable moment in the ceremony. Personalizing one's wedding vows is a growing trend in America, but it can be a very stressful experience. This book will help couples by answering some essential questions in preparing for their ceremony:

How much of your religion's traditional vows should you include?
Is your favorite poem appropriate for the setting you are in, or should you just memorize a couple of lines?
Are you stuck on what to say after "I knew you were the one the moment we met?"
Are your favorite Led Zeppelin song lyrics an appropriate expression of how you feel about your fiance?
Should you share your vows at the rehearsal?

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780759523227
Publisher:	Grand Central Publishing
Publication date:	05/01/2001
Sold by:	Hachette Digital, Inc.
Format:	eBook
File size:	188 KB

Read an Excerpt

Introduction

THE BASICS

You (or someone you love) are getting married. Over two million weddings are held each year in the United States. Remarkably, no two will be exactly alike. Yet whatever the differences—the formality of attire, the kind of flowers, the size of the guest list, the flavor of frosting on the cake—each and every one of those weddings is guaranteed to include one element: a ceremony that unites the couple as husband and wife.

In most cases, once an engagement is announced, the planning goes into high gear. The bride searches for the perfect gown. Decisions about invitations, flowers, tuxedos, caterers, and countless other elements must be made. China patterns are weighed against one another, and planning begins for the perfect romantic honeymoon.

In the frenzy of planning wedding events, the ceremony itself—the ritual that joins the bride and groom together—can be overlooked. Yet no part of the day is likely to be more personally meaningful to the couple or more moving to their guests. Ultimately, the ceremony, that exchange of vows, is the very heart and soul of the wedding celebration.

And in an era when interfaith and intercultural marriages are more common than ever before in human history, the ceremony can be a source of anxiety, concern, and even conflict. Making decisions about the ceremony forces a couple to take a position with regard to such important issues as religion, family, history, heritage, duty, honor, and the very essence of their commitment to one another. A couple's decision to have or not have a religious ceremony, to include ornotinclude vows of obedience and fidelity, even the decision about who, if anyone, "gives away" the bride—all these and dozens more can become points of conflict and controversy between the couple and within their families.

For many couples, the right choice is a ceremony that features the exchange of personal vows—either as the sole vows of the ceremony or in addition to more traditional vows. Deciding to write your own vows is relatively easy; but for most couples, actually writing them is tough. Even the most expressive person can end up with a classic case of "writer's block" when faced with finding the right words to express his or her love for a future spouse. Knowing that you will proclaim these vows in front of your closest family and friends usually makes it even more daunting.

It is my hope that this book will help you learn about the possibilities, evaluate the options, make meaningful choices, negotiate past conflicts, quell your own fears, and get what you want—a wonderful wedding ceremony, one that's exactly right for you. I hope it will inspire you to see beyond the "show" of the wedding celebration and focus carefully for a few moments, on what it means to articulate your commitment to one another. I hope the information and advice contained herein will help you get past any anxiety you might have about putting pen to paper and expressing the depth of your feelings for and commitment to your intended. And I hope that the vows you exchange on your wedding day will help guide you each and every day thereafter toward building a great marriage—one filled with comfort, joy, laughter, and, most of all, love.

THE CEREMONY LOCATION

Wedding planning experts are largely in agreement that the first thing a couple must decide when planning a wedding is where the ceremony (and reception) will take place. When making this first key decision, it is important to already have an eye toward how your selection of a location may restrict the nature of your ceremony, the substance of your vows, and the duration of your ceremony... and vice versa. In particular, your selection of a house of worship or other religious location can mean that many elements of your wedding ceremony will be determined by the practices and policies of that institution.

Set the Date First?

Many couples "set the date," then begin the search. While this approach can work, it may mean that the couple will have to forgo their first choice of location in order to be married on their preferred date. If you simply must be married on the third weekend in June, you may find that date already "booked up" at your church, synagogue, or favorite hotel. If a specific ceremony (or reception) location is important to you, consider holding off setting the exact date until you know the availability of that location. Your flexibility about date, as well as time of day, will increase your likelihood of getting a location you really love.

Geography

As you begin to consider locations, deciding where geographically to get married—in what city, town, or wide place in the road—is no longer a foregone conclusion. Several decades ago the average bride and groom were in their early twenties, perhaps just graduated from high school or college (or about to), and a couple most often wed in the bride's hometown. That couple was probably not yet living as independently from their parents as today's average bride and groom are, and the bride's parents were likely carrying the primary financial burden for the wedding. Today's average bride and groom are in their later twenties, with established careers and their own households, and are probably footing the bill themselves for a considerable portion of the wedding. Getting married in the bride's hometown isn't necessarily the logical choice anymore—especially if she hasn't lived there in a decade.

Table of Contents

Part 1	The Basics
	Introduction	3
	The Ceremony Location	6
	Set the Date First?	6
	Geography	7
	House of Worship or Not?	9
	Indoors or Outdoors?	11
	One Location or Two?	15
	Get Hitched at City Hall?	17
	Happily Ever After, Vegas Style	18
	Logistical Considerations	22
	Questions to Ask	25
	The Officiant	30
	Religious vs. Nonreligious Officiants	31
	Finding the Right Officiant for You	32
	Working with Your Officiant	35
	Questions to Ask	37
	Wedding Ceremony Structure	40
	The Processional	40
	The Introduction	40
	The Main Body	41
	The Vows	42
	The Blessing and Exchange of Ring(s)	42
	The Pronouncement	43
	The Recessional	43
	Who's Giving Whom?	43
	'Religious Ceremonies	48
	Roman Catholic Ceremonies	49
	Eastern Orthodox Ceremonies	51
	Jewish Ceremonies	52
	Protestant Ceremonies	55
	Vow Basics	56
	Vow Forms	56
	Interrogative	56
	Directed	56
	Monologue	56
	Traditional Marriage Vows	59
	Religious Vows	59
	Buddhist	60
	Eastern Orthodox	60
	Episcopal	61
	Hindu	61
	Interfaith (Ecumenical, Monotheistic)	62
	Jewish	62
	Lutheran	63
	Muslim	64
	Methodist	64
	Presbyterian	64
	Protestant	65
	Roman Catholic	65
	Quaker	65
	Unitarian/Universalist	66
	United Church of Christ	66
	Other Religious Vows	67
	Nonreligious Vows	67
	Interfaith (nonreligious)	68
	Civil Ceremony	68
	Other Nonreligious Vows	68
	Ring Vows	70
	Episcopal	70
	Jewish	71
	Presbyterian	71
	Protestant	71
	Roman Catholic	72
	Quaker	72
	Unitarian/Universalist	72
	Interfaith Ceremonies	73
	Reconciling Religious Issues	77
Part 2	Personalizing Your Wedding Ceremony
	The Personalization Worksheets	85
	Bride's Worksheet	87
	Groom's Worksheet	93
	Developing a Theme for Your Ceremony	100
	Theme Worksheet	103
	Incorporating Traditions	106
	Bride's Worksheet	107
	Groom's Worksheet	110
	Readings	112
	Getting Started	112
	What Kinds of Readings?	113
	Practical Matters	114
	Popular Readings and Writers	116
	Incorporating a Reading into Your Vows	117
	Readings Worksheet	117
	Music	120
	Getting Started	120
	What Kind of Music?	121
	Practical Matters	125
	Popular Musical Selections and Composers	126
	Incorporating Song Lyrics into Your Vows	127
	Music Worksheet	127
	Writing Your Vows	129
	Getting Started	130
	Vow Ideas	132
	Bride's Worksheet	132
	Groom's Worksheet	136
	Vow Sources	140
	Finding the Right Words	141
	The Stuff of Vows	145
	Marriage Vows Worksheet--Traditional Format	146
	Ring Vows Worksheet	148
	Putting Pen to Paper	149
	Writing That Works	151
Part 3	Practical Suggestions
	Preparing for the Moment	157
	No Plan at All?	162
	A Lasting Reminder	164
	Second Weddings and Vow Renewals	167
	"Encore" Weddings	167
	A New Start	169
	Involving Children	170
	Reaffirming or Renewing Your Vows	174