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“We have to talk.” For many men, these are the four worst words in the English language, especially when they're uttered by a female partner. But it doesn't have to be that way, argue Samuel Shem and Janet Surrey in their pathbreaking and practical new book. “Male relational dread”that all-too-familiar reaction set off by women's “relational yearnings”can be tamed, and in its place can emerge true satisfaction for men and women.To demonstrate how this is done, Shem and Surrey take us behind the scenes of their popular workshops. We hear couples speak intimately about anger, guilt, resentment, shame, and sex. We watch them wrestle collectively with the gender divide in their relationshipsthe deep disconnects, or “impasses,” that reflect the vastly different developmental paths men and women have traveled. We see couples learn to bridge the poles of dread and yearning, to emerge from isolation into mutuality. We witness their moments of sadness, humor, and, ultimately, discovery.Filled with moving stories of real people struggling with real problems, We Have to Talk shatters the “rules” and offers dramatic proof that men and women are not from different planets after all. It is certain to be seen as the relationship book for the new millennium.
About the Author
Samuel Shem, M.D., (the pen name of Dr. Stephen J. Bergman) and Janet Surrey, Ph.D., are on the faculties of the Harvard Medical School and the Stone Center at Wellesley College. They lecture frequently and conduct workshops and gender dialogues, most recently working with children in public and private schools to create a true coeducation. Samuel Shem is the bestselling author of the novels The House of God, Fine, and Mount Misery, and, with Janet Surrey, the play Bill W. and Dr. Bob. Janet Surrey is the co-author of Women's Growth in Connection: Writings from the Stone Center. The authors live in Newton, MA.