Table of Contents
Introduction 7
This book begins at the end 7
We really need to talk about death and dying 13
Why we really don't want to talk about it 17
The Life. Death. Whatever, manifesto 18
What is Five Things? 20
What is Unsaid? 21
Death & dying 22
Can doulas be part of the future of end-of-life care? 23
Why I became an end-of-life doula 27
How to become an end-of-life doula 32
What does a good doula look like? 34
From doula to patient and back again 35
When you're first diagnosed 42
Debunking the myths of palliative care and hospices 52
Getting the most from your consultations with your doctor and specialist 56
Sex and intimacy are still just as important when you're unwell 59
Dying doesn't look like it does in the movies 60
How to be there for someone when they are dying 66
Preparing for death: doing your death admin 69
Making funeral arrangements in advance 73
Different places to die 74
COVID-19: A pandemic in our lifetime 82
'Out of order' death 85
Baby Amy 88
The toll illness can take on relationships 93
Assisted dying 98
A matter of life and death 99
The undeniable beauty in the impermanence of life 105
Funerals 106
Why I became a funeral director 107
Not all funeral directors are the same 119
How to choose a funeral director 123
DIY funerals 126
Seeing the person who has died can be a profound and meaningful experience 129
What really happens after someone has died? 131
Why would I want to see someone after they've died? 136
Allowing children to do what is right for them 140
Why funerals really matter 144
How to have a good funeral 146
Funerals & COVID-19 167
Planning your own funeral 171
Ask a funeral director anything 178
A truly poetic ending 182
Grief 183
What is grief? 186
Your life after their death - the things we want you to know about grief 189
Growing around grief 197
Grief SOS 203
How to support a grieving friend 207
What to say when you don't know what to say 214
When a partner dies 216
Grief lasts a lifetime 225
We need to talk 226
How to talk about death and dying 228
How to talk to children about death, dying and grief 234
All that's let Unsaid 247
Words left unspoken 247
Life & living 254
Regret 256
This could be the last time 261
The essentials of self-care 266
Kintsugi: emotional damage and repair 271
Everything we've learned about life and living from working with death and dying 274
Get involved with Life. Death. Whatever. 286
The dictionary of death & dying 287
Resources & recommended reading 292
Acknowledgements 298
Index 300
About the authors 304