Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Your Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage

by Laurie Watson

Overview

“I never want to have sex again.”

If you feel like sex just isn’t worth the effort, you’re not alone. Forty million American women are frustrated by their lack of sexual passion. They know something’s missing—and their husbands know it, too—but the emotional, physical, and mental obstacles to healthy desire can be a knot that seems too tangled to unravel.

Drawing on twenty years of clinical experience, Laurie Watson shows that it really is possible to restore the thrill of sex, using proven psychological methods and personal accounts from actual therapy sessions. Her strategies will:

• Offer a glimpse into the reality of other people’s bedrooms
• Address the sexual problems that can develop with life changes—from marriage to motherhood to menopause
• Uncover the hidden factors that impact desire—stress, cultural messages, emotional connection, chemical and hormonal challenges, physical appearance issues, and more
• Show how joyful, meaningful, satisfying sex can be yours again

Candid, practical, and much needed, this book can help you rediscover your sexual self or discover it for the first time. Instead of dreading bedtime, you can look forward to it again.  

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780425257142
Publisher:	Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:	12/04/2012
Pages:	384
Sales rank:	209,127
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.20(h) x 1.10(d)
Age Range:	18 Years

About the Author

Laurie Watson is a sex therapist certified by the American Association of Sexual Educators, Counselors, and Therapists and a licensed couple’s therapist. She writes the “Married and Still Doing It” blog in Psychology Today’s online magazine, and frequently lectures at Duke University Medical School, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and East Carolina University. 

Table of Contents

Introduction: You're Not the Only One 1

1 Wedding Cake and Other Anti-Aphrodisiacs: Early Marital Problems 11

2 Tug-of-War: Getting the Right Closeness/Distance 31

3 The Big, Elusive O: Getting to Orgasm 50

4 Kiss What?! Conflicts over Specific Acts 72

5 The Chore Wars 89

6 It's All in Our Heads 109

7 Seduce Me Like You Mean It! 132

8 The Birds and the Bees: Effects of Childhood Messages 145

9 Making Peace with Aversion 167

10 Easy Prey No More 179

11 Too Sad for Sex 193

12 Don't Touch My Stomach 205

13 The Inevitable Big M 227

14 When Sex Hurts 251

15 Desperate Smoke Signals: I Can't Stand the Way We're Living 276

16 Tough Conversations and Conflicts 299

17 I Should Have Meant More to Him: Affair Recovery 316

18 When "No" Means "I Don't Love You Anymore" 334

Afterword 347

Notes 351

Bibliography 355

Index 361

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

“For married couples facing dilemmas of desire, Laurie Watson offers a blueprint for growing more personally conscious, trusting each other more, and reconnecting with the realm of sensual and sexual pleasure.”—Gina Ogden, PhD, LMFT, author of The Return of Desire: Rediscovering Your Sexual Passion

"I have read many books on this common problem. Rarely does one come along that's as good as Wanting Sex Again. This book is beyond helpful. It works on so many different levels that I would recommend it for anyone in a long term relationship whether they are having desire problems or not. I can't recommend it highly enough." —Paul Joannides, PsyD, author of Guide to Getting It On

“This book challenges women to not passively accept low desire but rather to identify possible barriers preventing them from experiencing their innate femininity with all its mysterious pleasure.” —Deborah C. Neel, PhD, Licensed Psychologist/Certified Sex Therapist

“Low libido is a difficult, bedeviling problem for many women and couples. Laurie Watson has helped many women recover lost libido, and her book will help many more. Two thumbs up!”—Michael Castleman, author of Great Sex

“Laurie Watson has a gift for relating to women.” —Julie R. McQueen, CHES, Oncology Patient Navigator, Duke Cancer Center, Raleigh

“A valuable therapeutic resource…” —Carol Casper Figuers, PT, EdD, Associate Professor, Doctor of Physical Therapy Division, Department of Community and Family Medicine, Duke University School of Medicine

“Laurie Watson has a wonderful method… Her warmth, caring and passion for what she does really shines through.” —Ingrid Harm-Ernandes PT, WCS, BCIA-PMDB, Orthopedic/Women’s Health Specialties, Duke Hospital

“This insightful book is a compass that guides women back to their lost libido. Laurie’s message, rich in experience, inspires us to reconnect with our partners and ourselves.”—Polly Watson, MD, FACOG, NCMP, Boylen Healthcare, Raleigh

Editorial Reviews

For someone who pegs wedding cake as a kind of anti-aphrodisiac, sex therapist and Psychology Today blogger Watson is surprisingly optimistic—most sexless marriages, she asserts, “can be saved.” Always frank, Watson begins by debunking the common fear that one’s sex life is unusual, or that a marriage’s problems are unique; the loss of libido after “I do” is not an unusual problem, she argues, but in order to address it, both partners will need to put in a lot of effort, time, and honest communication. In broad strokes, Watson discusses individual and marital circumstances that can affect one’s sex drive—such as hormonal changes and having kids—while offering more detailed advice and practical bedroom tips. She tackles the “lusive” female orgasm, discusses how to negotiate expectations regarding foreplay, and explores how erotica, sex toys, and masturbation can be used to revivify one’s libido and bring a partner back into physical intimacy. She also delves into possible personal hangups, such as childhood misconceptions regarding sex and the difficulty of recovering from an affair. Though aimed at the fairer sex, men and women alike will find plenty of guidance in this compendium of expert advice and case studies. Agent: Stephany Evans, FinePrint Literary Management. (Dec.)

Publishers Weekly

For married couples facing dilemmas of desire, Laurie Watson offers a blueprint for growing more personally conscious, trusting each other more, and reconnecting with the realm of sensual and sexual pleasure.”—Gina Ogden, PhD, LMFT, author of The Return of Desire: Rediscovering Your Sexual Passion

 

"I have read many books on this common problem. Rarely does one come along that's as good as Wanting Sex Again. This book is beyond helpful. It works on so many different levels that I would recommend it for anyone in a long term relationship whether they are having desire problems or not. I can't recommend it highly enough." —Paul Joannides, PsyD, author of Guide to Getting It On

 “This book challenges women to not passively accept low desire but rather to identify possible barriers preventing them from experiencing their innate femininity with all its mysterious pleasure.”  —Deborah C. Neel, PhD, Licensed Psychologist/Certified Sex Therapist

“Low libido is a difficult, bedeviling problem for many women and couples. Laurie Watson has helped many women recover lost libido, and her book will help many more. Two thumbs up!”—Michael Castleman, author of Great Sex

“Laurie Watson has a gift for relating to women.” —Julie R. McQueen, CHES, Oncology Patient Navigator, Duke Cancer Center, Raleigh

“A valuable therapeutic resource…” —Carol Casper Figuers, PT, EdD, Associate Professor, Doctor of Physical Therapy Division, Department of Community and Family Medicine, Duke University School of Medicine

“Laurie Watson has a wonderful method… Her warmth, caring and passion for what she does really shines through.” —Ingrid Harm-Ernandes PT, WCS, BCIA-PMDB, Orthopedic/Women’s Health Specialties, Duke Hospital

“This insightful book is a compass that guides women back to their lost libido. Laurie’s message, rich in experience, inspires us to reconnect with our partners and ourselves.”—Polly Watson, MD, FACOG, NCMP, Boylen Healthcare, Raleigh

From the Publisher