Walking My Road Of Grief

            My son committed suicide, at the age of thirteen, on January 25, 1995.  This was by far the hardest lick life has hit me with.  Yet my son prepared me as best he could for his death.  I missed the signs at the time.

            I remember after a young lady’s funeral, Brandon made the statement, “Dad that was a cool funeral.  I want you to promise me to do my funeral when I die”.  I remarked, “You will see me die first.”  He insisted that I promise him if something happened I would do his funeral and I agreed.

            He also prepared me the day of his death.  I took him to school and as he got out he turned and said, “Dad you know I love you?”  I told him, “I love you too.”  He said, “Dad, no matter what happens, know that I love you.”  I said, “Okay”. And he then replied, “You’re a cool dad”.  Those were the last words on this earth that I heard from my son. That afternoon he was dead.

             I said all of this to come to the book.  The book consists of the time frame following his death.  Now the mystery is the poems.  I have never written poems before so all of this is a mystery to me.

            The poems would come all at once.  The title first, then the poem and most of them came during the night.  I would be awakened with verses running wild in my brain.  Grabbing a pen and paper I would write as fast as I could.  When I was through I was physically and emotionally exhausted.  I never had a clue to when they would come.

            Now this book is written within the arena of feelings.  I know facts about his death but I concentrated on the feelings.  Knowing all the facts doesn’t ease the pain.  I will not point the finger at anyone for each of us involved must take responsibility for our actions.  God will be our final judge.  So stay with me with feelings as we walk together, my road of grief.

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Walking My Road Of Grief

            My son committed suicide, at the age of thirteen, on January 25, 1995.  This was by far the hardest lick life has hit me with.  Yet my son prepared me as best he could for his death.  I missed the signs at the time.

            I remember after a young lady’s funeral, Brandon made the statement, “Dad that was a cool funeral.  I want you to promise me to do my funeral when I die”.  I remarked, “You will see me die first.”  He insisted that I promise him if something happened I would do his funeral and I agreed.

            He also prepared me the day of his death.  I took him to school and as he got out he turned and said, “Dad you know I love you?”  I told him, “I love you too.”  He said, “Dad, no matter what happens, know that I love you.”  I said, “Okay”. And he then replied, “You’re a cool dad”.  Those were the last words on this earth that I heard from my son. That afternoon he was dead.

             I said all of this to come to the book.  The book consists of the time frame following his death.  Now the mystery is the poems.  I have never written poems before so all of this is a mystery to me.

            The poems would come all at once.  The title first, then the poem and most of them came during the night.  I would be awakened with verses running wild in my brain.  Grabbing a pen and paper I would write as fast as I could.  When I was through I was physically and emotionally exhausted.  I never had a clue to when they would come.

            Now this book is written within the arena of feelings.  I know facts about his death but I concentrated on the feelings.  Knowing all the facts doesn’t ease the pain.  I will not point the finger at anyone for each of us involved must take responsibility for our actions.  God will be our final judge.  So stay with me with feelings as we walk together, my road of grief.

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Walking My Road Of Grief

Walking My Road Of Grief

by Matthew D Rucker
Walking My Road Of Grief

Walking My Road Of Grief

by Matthew D Rucker

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Overview

            My son committed suicide, at the age of thirteen, on January 25, 1995.  This was by far the hardest lick life has hit me with.  Yet my son prepared me as best he could for his death.  I missed the signs at the time.

            I remember after a young lady’s funeral, Brandon made the statement, “Dad that was a cool funeral.  I want you to promise me to do my funeral when I die”.  I remarked, “You will see me die first.”  He insisted that I promise him if something happened I would do his funeral and I agreed.

            He also prepared me the day of his death.  I took him to school and as he got out he turned and said, “Dad you know I love you?”  I told him, “I love you too.”  He said, “Dad, no matter what happens, know that I love you.”  I said, “Okay”. And he then replied, “You’re a cool dad”.  Those were the last words on this earth that I heard from my son. That afternoon he was dead.

             I said all of this to come to the book.  The book consists of the time frame following his death.  Now the mystery is the poems.  I have never written poems before so all of this is a mystery to me.

            The poems would come all at once.  The title first, then the poem and most of them came during the night.  I would be awakened with verses running wild in my brain.  Grabbing a pen and paper I would write as fast as I could.  When I was through I was physically and emotionally exhausted.  I never had a clue to when they would come.

            Now this book is written within the arena of feelings.  I know facts about his death but I concentrated on the feelings.  Knowing all the facts doesn’t ease the pain.  I will not point the finger at anyone for each of us involved must take responsibility for our actions.  God will be our final judge.  So stay with me with feelings as we walk together, my road of grief.


Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781950850303
Publisher: The Mulberry Books
Publication date: 06/10/2019
Sold by: Barnes & Noble
Format: eBook
Pages: 86
File size: 1 MB

About the Author

Reverend Matthew Rucker has an Engineering Degree from Georgia Tech and a Business Degree from the University of South Carolina. He has a Master of Divinity from Asbury Theological Seminary. He took a one year sabbatical to become certified as a Hospital Chaplin. He retired from the South Carolina Methodist Conference as a minister after 40 years of service. He now lives in Sandy Run, South Carolina with his wife, Angela and pug dog, Teddy. He attends his home church Beulah Methodist and raises cows. He is where he loves to be, back on the farm.

Table of Contents

TABLE OF CONTENTS


Introduction
Dedication
Acknowledgments


CHAPTER ONE - GETTING TO KNOW BRANDON
1 My Son's Birth
2 Growing Up In Church
3 Christmas Time
4 Good Student
5 A Country Boy
6 Go-Kart Racing
7 The Deer Hunt
8 Fishing On The Lake
9 Loved Playing Football
10 Brandon Was Compassionate
11 Loved His Sister
12 The Pain In Divorce
13 Bomb To Saddam
14 Almost An Eagle Scout
15 Almost A Black Belt
16 Enjoying The Moment
17 Neighbor - Mr. Smith
18 Brandon's Last Day


CHAPTER TWO – MY ROAD OF GRIEF
19 Goodbye
20 Alone
21 I Want to Die Today
22 My Son’s Fear
23 Grief is a Road
24 I Saw You Lying There
25 Sitting Home Alone
26 I Miss Him So
27 Time Marches On
28 The Edge of the Life/Death Line
29 My Kid Died
30 Sometimes
31 Dream After Midnight
32 Sometime I walk in Silence
33 Daddy, I’ll Go First
34 My Mind Wanders
35 Do You Still Remember
36 Some People Say
37 Slipping Away
38 Tomorrow We Say Goodbye

Summary

Epilogue

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