Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free

by Wednesday Martin PhD

Overview

From the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Primates of Park Avenue, a bold, timely reconsideration of female infidelity that will upend everything you thought you knew about women and sex.

What do straight, married female revelers at an all-women's sex club in LA have in common with nomadic pastoralists in Namibia who bear children by men not their husbands? Like women worldwide, they crave sexual variety, novelty, and excitement.

In ancient Greek tragedies, Netflix series, tabloids and pop songs, we've long portrayed such cheating women as dangerous and damaged. We love to hate women who are untrue. But who are they really? And why, in this age of female empowerment, do we continue to judge them so harshly?

In Untrue, feminist author and cultural critic Wednesday Martin takes us on a bold, fascinating journey to reveal the unexpected evolutionary legacy and social realities that drive female faithlessness, while laying bare our motivations to contain women who step out.

Blending accessible social science and interviews with sex researchers, anthropologists, and real women from all walks of life, Untrue challenges our deepest assumptions about ourselves, monogamy, and the women we think we know. From recent data suggesting women may struggle more than men with sexual exclusivity to the revolutionary idea that females of many species evolved to be "promiscuous" to Martin's trenchant assertion that female sexual autonomy is the ultimate metric of gender equality, Untrue will change the way you think about women and sex forever.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780316463638
Publisher:	Little, Brown and Company
Publication date:	09/17/2019
Pages:	320
Sales rank:	518,675
Product dimensions:	8.20(w) x 5.50(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Wednesday Martin, PhD, has worked as writer and cultural critic in New York City for more than two decades. The author of Stepmonster and #1 New York Times bestseller Primates of Park Avenue, she has written for the New York Times, The Atlantic, The Daily Beast, The Hollywood Reporter, Harper's Bazaar, The Times (London) and the Daily Telegraph. She has appeared on Good Morning America, Today, CNN, NPR, NBC News, and the BBC Newshour. Martin received her PhD from Yale University and lives in New York City with her husband and their two sons.

Table of Contents

Meet the Adulteress 3

Chapter 1 Free Your Mind 17

Chapter 2 Women Who Love Sex Too Much 41

Chapter 3 How Free Are We? 61

Chapter 4 Ploughs, Property, Propriety 87

Chapter 5 Being Himba 119

Chapter 6 Bonobos in Paradise 163

Chapter 7 Significant Otherness 195

Chapter 8 Loving the Woman Who's Untrue 223

Chapter 9 Life Is Short. Should You Be Untrue? 257

Female Choices 262

Authors Note 267

Acknowledgments 268

Notes 270

Index 298

What People are Saying About This

Sex therapist and author of She Comes First - Ian Kerner

“Scientifically literate and sexually cliterate...an exuberant unfettering of female sexuality that challenges us to ‘think outside her box.’ Viva la Vulva!”

Editorial Reviews

"[An] eminently readable treatise on the lies society has been fed about female sexuality, agency, and infidelity. With each chapter, Martin builds a case for the primacy of female infidelity and for a societal reckoning with that truth. Step by step, she shows that she's thought deeply about her subject, and that all of these seemingly disparate intellectual threads are related and worthy of having been braided together. The sui generis quality of Untrue is the author's forte."

—Deb Copaken, The Atlantic

"Scientifically literate and sexually cliterate...an exuberant unfettering of female sexuality that challenges us to 'think outside her box.' Viva la Vulva!"—Ian Kerner, sex therapist and author of She Comes First

"A simultaneously frothy and substantive tour of female sexual desire...An indispensable work of popular psychology and sociology."—Kirkus (Starred Review)

"At times playful, the narrative teems with fascinating commentary about everything from bonobos and paleolithic gender roles to Craigslist ads, as Martin examines how female sexuality continues to be shaped and stigmatized by artificial social constructions, sociopolitical values, and economics, all under the guise of 'natural' female biology and desire. A timely take on femininity and sexuality."—Emily Bowles, Library Journal (Starred Review)

"Combining Barbara Ehrenreich's immersive reporting style and Carrie Bradshaw's savoir faire, [Wednesday Martin] dispels many myths about female desire."—O, The Oprah Magazine

For centuries, men have been telling the story of female sexuality. Unsurprisingly, it was riddled with condescension, bias, and sheer ignorance. With Untrue, Wednesday Martin sets the record straight, shining a light on some of the female researchers reshaping our understanding of what turns women on, and why. This is an important story, beautifully told. Highly recommended."—Christoper Ryan, coauthor of Sex at Dawn

If you have ever felt different, other, or just weird when it comes to love, sex, or intimacy, read Untrue. In it, Wednesday Martin bulldozes the sexual stereotypes that have silenced and constrained us for centuries, bringing the voices of women who love in a range of ways to the surface. Dazzling."—Rachel Simmons, co-founder of Girls Leadership and author of Enough as She Is Odd Girl Out

"Wednesday Martin understands female sexuality -- from the #MeToo movement and polyamory to women's prehistoric and cultural heritage. She goes far beyond our current psychological understanding of women's infidelity to tell the real story of women's ubiquitous, tenacious, and primordial sexual strategies. And her writing is not only informative, timely, and refreshing but wonderfully engaging. Brava, Wednesday."—Helen Fisher, author of The First Sex and Why We Love

From the Publisher

10/08/2018
Martin (Primates of Park Avenue) brings an energetic and scientific curiosity to female infidelity in this chatty, thoughtful work. Combining first-person introspection, interviews with both experts and ordinary women, and research, Martin interrogates social assumptions about this taboo. She speaks with experts, including biophysicist Meredith Chivers, psychologist Marta Meana, and sociologist Alicia Walker, who have contributed to contemporary discourse challenging the preconception that women’s sex drives are biologically lower than men’s. Primatologists such as Sarah Blaffer Hrdy challenge the idea that female biology enforces monogamy in human as well as animal society. Martin reviews societal shaming of female sexual desire in multiple cultures and time periods; investigates how infidelity overlaps with and differs from polyamory and other types of consensual nonmonogamy; discusses how black women’s sexuality is influenced by racism; and illuminates how the male partners of unfaithful women react (often, not as one might expect). She concludes that financial independence seems to most directly predict whether women have, and exercise, autonomy over their sex lives. Martin’s thoroughly researched reconsideration of female sexual desire and infidelity will broaden readers’ understanding of women, sex, and monogamy. (Sept.)

Publishers Weekly

★ 2018-08-21

A simultaneously frothy and substantive tour of female sexual desire.

The title of this "work of cultural criticism" is a double-entendre; Martin (Primates of Park Avenue, 2015, etc.) investigates women who've been untrue—i.e., unfaithful—and she debunks popular untruths about female sexuality. As she shows, women are not inherently more monogamous than men, and although Americans talk about valuing monogamy, many of us, including a lot of women, cheat. Sometimes women cheat to keep their marriages together. Rather than go through messy, economically disastrous divorces, women find sexual fulfillment on the side so they can continue to tolerate an unsatisfying marriage. Vignettes drawn from interviews Martin conducted with 32 men and women leaven the book, but the strongest sections are Martin's accessible translations of academic research. For example, primatologist Sarah Blaffer Hrdy studied langurs in India, noting how female langurs often mate "promiscuously," with as many males as possible. Hrdy theorized that this behavior is "assiduously maternal." Male langurs have the habit of killing infants in order to lure now-childless females to mate with them. By having sex with lots of males, a female decreases the number of males who might want to kill her baby because, after all, that baby just might be the would-be killer's offspring. The author's summaries of research are never dry. She notes that Hrdy's depiction of "sexually assertive" females was, initially, somewhat controversial; in what Hrdy describes as a "mortifying" moment, one colleague asked, "So, Sarah…you're saying you're horny, right?" Other scholars who make appearances are sociologist Alicia Walker, who argues that women don't just stumble into adultery after one too many drinks at the hotel bar on a work trip, they actively pursue infidelity; and primatologist Zanna Clay, who suggests that females' cries and groans during sex have the effect of advertising to nearby males, "Receptive and ready just as soon as this is over!"

An indispensable work of popular psychology and sociology.

Kirkus Reviews