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Overview
Are toenails a good source of vitamin C? What are ten things you will never hear your parents say? How do you untangle spaghetti? This collection of humorous, touching, and thought-provoking poems celebrates the everyday lives of children through topics such as food, animals, school, friends, and sports.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780702251504 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | University of Queensland Press |
| Publication date: | 04/01/2013 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 180 |
| File size: | 3 MB |
About the Author
Steven Herrick is one of Australia's most popular and widely heard children’s authors. Many of his fourteen books for children and young adults have been on the CBCA Children's Book of the Year Awards shortlist, including Love, Ghosts and Nose Hair, A Place like This, The Simple Gift, and Tom Jones Saves the World. For the past twenty-five years, he has been a full-time writer and regularly performs his work in schools throughout the world.
Read an Excerpt
Untangling Spaghetti
Selected Poems
By Steven Herrick
University of Queensland Press
Copyright © 2009 Steven HerrickAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-7022-5151-1
CHAPTER 1
house rules
digital clock
It's my first digital clock.
I'm learning to tell the time
(although I don't tell it anything).
At night I read in bed until
7:00
then I close my eyes
and think of the clock on my desk
I know it's slowly going
7:01
7:02
7:03
7:04
but I don't open my eyes to check
because I'm supposed to go to sleep at
7:00
In the morning I wake at 6:00
although sometimes I wake at
5:52
then I quickly close my eyes
and pretend I'm asleep.
I don't want to upset the clock.
Sometimes I open one eye, just a little to check
5:56
No. Not time yet
until finally the clock turns
6:00.
I scramble out of bed
race upstairs to Mum and Dad
and jump on them as they sleep.
They wake, groaning.
Dad says, 'What's the time?'
I run back downstairs
look at my brand-new digital clock
and yell,
'6:02!!'
Mum and Dad don't need a clock.
They've got me!
coffee
Every morning
at breakfast
my dad drinks his coffee
leans back in his chair
smacks his lips
and says,
'aaahhh. I needed that to wake me up.'
And every morning Mum says
'why don't you use an alarm clock
like everybody else.'
And every morning Dad says
'because I can't drink an alarm clock!'
grandma
talks too loud
can't hear a thing
talks to the birds
each named after a grandchild
'that Simon's a worry, never eats a thing'
she says. not sure if she's talking about
a bird or a grandson.
buys pet plastic crocodiles
hundreds of them
sets them free all over the house
eats biscuits for dinner
banana on toast for breakfast
yells 'I'm 82. I'll eat what I want.'
the grandkids love her
write her letters she can't read
she writes back 'the birds are doing well'.
when they visit she tells them to
beware of the crocodiles
and to eat as many biscuits as they like
'that Simon's a worry' she says
as the birds eat, the crocodiles smile
and the children sing.
reasons we can't get a dog
We don't have a fence.
You wouldn't want him wandering off
onto the road, would you?
We have nowhere for him to sleep.
No, he couldn't sleep on your brother's bed.
All the snoring would keep him awake.
We have nothing to feed him.
Yes, you could give him your vegetables,
but I don't think your mum would approve.
Besides, dogs scratch, bite, whimper,
howl at the moon.
Yes, I know your brother does too,
but we can't take him to the pound, can we?
And do you want the dog chasing poor Mrs Sims
and her cat down the road.
Yes, it would be funny. But not for Mrs Sims.
And don't say you have no one to play with.
What about me?
No, I won't fetch your ball, roll over or play dead!
So, no. We can't get a dog.
house rules
When my dad heard my brother call me
'A dork!'
he said,
'Jack, we don't say that word in this house.'
So Jack walked quickly out the back door
stood in the yard
and yelled at me,
'You dork!'
in his best older brother voice!
the plants
the plants in our house have died.
not enough sun
not enough water
not enough fertiliser
not enough love and care.
too much thick gravy
too much cold coffee
too much stale beer
too many hanging toys.
the plants in our house have died
but what a life they had!
my three-year-old cousin visits the zoo
Look Mum a pekalin, a pekalin.
And 'dere 'dere
a lion with a beard
Simba Simba
here Simba.
And 'dose pink birds
big pink birds
with one leg
who stole other leg Mum?
And a big bear Dad
he not Humfrey
he not look happy like Humfrey.
And 'dose monkey
scratchin' bottom
funny Dad funny monkey
scratch bottom all day.
I like Zoo Dad.
My favrite is horse
with road crossing painted on them.
And my other favrite
is when elefant done toilet,
everyone laughed Dad.
I like Zoo Dad.
We come tomorra too?
smoke alarm
during the night
our smoke alarm went off
and off and off and off and off
and off and off and off and off
and off and off and off and off
and off and off and off and off
and off and off and off and off
until Dad hit it with his shoe
the ten commandments[or ten things
your parents will never say]
Let's forget dinner tonight, we'll eat ice-cream instead.
Goodnight children, I'm off to bed. Stay up as late as you want.
No homework tonight. I'm putting all homework in the fireplace
immediately.
Children, don't be so quiet. Start yelling, turn the TV up, start
arguing. NOW!
Yes, of course you can have 21 of your friends come over to stay
on Saturday night. We've got heaps of room.
No, don't listen to the dentist. Lollies and biscuits are good for
your teeth.
Yes, that SuperdoopaComputerGame is too expensive but let's
buy it anyway and we'll put it in your room.
What's that? You broke the kitchen window? Good boy.
Can someone go to the shop for a paper? Here's $100, keep
the change.
Yes, I know it's Monday, but why don't we stay home from
school anyway?
names
I love my dad.
He says silly things
and does even sillier things
like ...
he calls my brother and me
'Peter' and 'George'
when our names are Jack and Joe.
He says,
'Come on Peter and George, let's play cricket.'
We say,
'That's not our names!'
He looks confused for a bit, then says,
'Come on Alfred and William, let's play cricket.'
We say,
'Dad, that's not our names!'
'Oh ...' he says,
'Come on Sarah and Emily, let's play cricket.'
We say,
'Dad, we're boys, not girls!'
'Of course you are,' he says,
'How silly of me. Come on Mark and Nathan,
let's play cricket.'
We go and play cricket.
names (again!)
My dad loves names.
He calls my brother Jack
'Jackie', 'Jacko', 'Jacket',
or 'Slack Jack'.
My name's Joe.
He calls me
'Slow Joe', 'Joe Blow', 'No Go Joe',
or 'Say it ain't so Joe'.
He calls Mum
'Darling', 'Sweetelbow', 'Pumpkin',
or 'My life, my love, my lasagne'.
I like his names.
So do Mum and Jack.
When we sit down to eat dinner
I call him 'Baldy two shoes'.
Jack calls him 'Big ears bullfrog'.
Mum calls him 'The man with two stomachs'.
Dad smiles and calls himself
'The wrinkled one in the corner'.
sarah's first words
Sarah's mum told her
the first words she ever spoke
were 'ball' and 'moon'.
She'd point to a ball
And say 'moon, moon'.
She'd point to
her brother's head
and say 'ball, ball'.
talk
Our dad never talks about his dad.
Grandpop died long ago.
We ask Dad about him
as we sit on a towel on the beach,
building sandcastles.
Dad shovels sand into huge castle walls
and fills the moat with sea water.
He carefully shapes each turret,
builds a bridge over the moat
as we talk about our work
and how Mum will be impressed.
My brother goes for a swim.
Dad goes with him.
I work on the sandcastle.
I know when I want to go for a swim
Dad will come with me,
in case the waves are too big,
or the undertow too strong.
I can see Dad and my brother out there now,
playing in the waves.
When they come back
I've finished the sandcastle.
'It's brilliant,' says Dad.
I go for a swim.
Dad comes with me.
Our dad never talks about his dad.
I think that's sad.
mum and dad are in love!
Our house is strange.
My brother and I have a bedroom
with four walls and a door
like any house
but
my mum and dad don't.
They climb a ladder to their loft
with only three walls
and a view over the lounge room
where the other wall should be!
In the morning when my brother and I play
in the lounge
we hear Mum and Dad in bed.
They start kissing
smooch smooch snuggle snuggle
they go on and on, it's disgusting!
Sometimes they whisper things,
soppy stuff like 'I love you'
then they start kissing again
smooch smooch snuggle snuggle.
It gets so bad
my brother and I start pretending we're them.
We don't really kiss though
we just make the sounds
smooch smooch snuggle snuggle smooch smooch,
My brother closes his eyes and kisses the air
whispering, 'I love you, I love you'
until I can't stand it any more and
I start giggling which gets my brother giggling
both of us rolling around laughing, smooching,
giggling, snuggling, smooching, giggling
until we look up
and see Mum and Dad
looking down at us from the loft
and Dad asks,
'What do you boys think you're doing?'
the snake
My dad says
to keep away from the woodpile
at the bottom of our garden.
Two years ago
my Aunt Pat saw a snake there
and every day since
my dad says
to keep away from the woodpile.
So why, every morning,
before he has breakfast
does he walk down to the woodpile
but
never bring back any wood?
my backwards dad
My dad
washes the car when it rains
mows the lawn when it snows
trims the hedge in a thunderstorm
sleeps during the day
goes to work on the weekends
stays inside when it's sunny
and eats dinner with his fingers.
My backwards dad
says hello when he drops me at school
and goodbye when he picks me up
calls me 'his favourite daughter'
when my name is Michael!
My backwards dad
feeds the dog cat food
and the cat birdseed
dresses as Santa at Easter
and says 'I love this song'
as he turns the radio off.
My backwards dad
is the best mother a boy could have!
after school
After school
my brother gets home
goes straight to the kitchen
and makes himself a
GIANT sandwich.
One piece of bread
two slices of salami
a few thick slices of cheese
Dad's home-grown ripe tomato
crunchy lettuce
thin slices of cucumber
some runny beetroot
grated carrot
raw onion (yuk!)
one more slice of cheese
some chopped olives
a thick smudge of butter across
the final piece of bread.
He places this monster
on a dinner plate,
pours a tall glass of milk
sprinkled with Milo,
sits on the veranda
and eats his GIANT sandwich
slowly
smacking his lips
and smiling.
Two hours later
when we start dinner
my brother says,
'I'm not hungry.'
Mum and Dad wonder why
but I know
it's because of the
GIANT
hiding in his stomach.
My brother, the giant killer!
my dad
My dad's a fireman!
So is mine!
My dad drives a sportscar.
So does mine!
My dad plays football for Australia.
Mine does too!
My dad has a beard down to his chest.
So does mine, and he has an earring too!
My dad has an earring and a nose-ring and a navel-ring!
So does mine. And my dad has a key-ring!
All dads have key-rings! My dad owns a Harley!
My dad owns two.
My dad fought in the war.
My dad won the war!
My dad has lots of medals.
So does mine. And trophies!
Yeah. My dad has medals, trophies, and he lost his leg, blown up
by a bomb.
So did mine. Now he has a wooden leg.
Yeah, that's what I meant, only my dad has two wooden legs.
Well my dad has three!
Actually, my dad lives in another state, so I only see him at
Christmas.
Mine lives away too. I never see him.
Hey, we should be friends. Let's forget about our stupid dads.
Great idea!
happy birthday 1
My dad loves me.
My dad loves me.
I know because
he rang me for my birthday
late last night
when I was in bed
and he told Mum
to tell me
that he loves me.
happy birthday 2
My mum loves me.
My mum loves me.
I know because
I wasn't asleep last night
and the phone didn't ring,
not once,
so Mum just said Dad rang me
to make me feel better
because
she loves me.
my grandma talks to birds
My grandma talks to birds.
She has a budgie
called Billy.
'Who's a pretty boy then, Billy?
Who's a pretty boy?'
When Grandma visits
she even talks to our budgie,
'Eat your seed, Sam.
Don't you look thin.
Eat your seed Sam.'
When we sit in the backyard
Grandma doesn't stop talking.
A pigeon lands on the clothes line.
'Hello pigeon, I'll get you some seed.'
A rosella perches on our wattle tree.
'What a beautiful girl you are, Rosie,
what lovely colours.'
A kookaburra sits on the power pole.
'Laugh, little fellow. Go on, laugh
your head off.'
Our grandma can't help herself.
Yesterday we went on a picnic
to the Botanic Gardens
where they have a big cage
full of galahs and cockatoos.
Grandma keeps talking:
'What a pretty boy.
What a pretty boy.
Polly want a cracker?
Polly want a cracker?'
Grandma stretches her hand,
holding a biscuit, into the cage,
and Polly
takes a big bite,
and bites Grandma's finger!
'X!#X!!! Polly.'
Grandma doesn't talk to birds.
Grandma swears!
the answer is no
My dad is always saying
'the answer is no'
before I can even ask the question.
Like last night
when Mum's homemade ice-cream beckoned
for a second helping.
I looked at Mum
and Dad said
'the answer is no'
before I said a word.
And later
when it was time for bed
and my favourite television show came on
I looked at Mum
and Dad said
'the answer is no.'
And this morning
when I tried to act sick
and miss school.
I groaned as Mum walked in
and Dad said
'the answer is no.'
It made me mad
so mad.
I put on my school clothes
without saying a word.
I packed my schoolbag
silently.
I kissed my mum
and reached to take my soccer ball to school
(which I'm never allowed to take)
and Dad looked up.
He was about to say the usual thing
but as I picked up the ball
I said, quick as a flash,
'do you love me, Dad?'
'the answer is ... yes'
So me and the soccer ball
headed to school
with Dad at the breakfast table
still scratching his head.
wake up
I wake every morning at 6 o'clock,
my brother is still asleep.
I climb onto his bed,
I say in a soft voice,
'Jack, are you awake yet?'
He rolls over, still asleep.
I lean over him
and tickle behind his ear
tickle, ever so lightly.
He grunts
moves away
but stays asleep.
I tickle under his chin
ever so lightly
under his chin.
He scratches his chin
rolls on his back
and stays asleep.
Now I tickle on his nose
just lightly
on his nose
like a fly or a moth,
my brother hates flies and moths.
I tickle him again
on his nose
his ear
his chin.
Still asleep, he starts smacking his face
after the fly.
He smacks his ear, his nose, his chin
so hard
too hard
until he wakes and says,
'Did I kill it
did I kill it?'
What can I say but 'yes'.
One day I'll tell my brother
he should stop punching himself awake.
One day I will.
I promise.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Untangling Spaghetti by Steven Herrick. Copyright © 2009 Steven Herrick. Excerpted by permission of University of Queensland Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Contents
Introduction,Chapter One: House rules,
Chapter Two: There once was a limerick called Steven,
Chapter Three: The big match,
Chapter Four: Ms Understanding,
Chapter Five: Spaghetti Jack,
Chapter Six: Seeing the world,