Read an Excerpt
Tyler's Pain
By Janette Ruffin-Rusher
iUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2010 Janette Ruffin-Rusher
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4502-6137-1
Chapter One
If anyone would have told me 20 years ago that I would be living in a small community that did not necessary embrace African Americans, I would have said yeah right. Let's see where do I begin, new job, new apartment, not bad for just the Summer of 2002. I am a single mom and work as a Account Specialist for an Electronics Company. Tyler my daughter who is 10 yrs old, was pretty excited considering all summer every day the apartment swimming pool was a great new toy for her. Oh yeah I enjoyed it also. All summer Tyler and I shopped for clothes for back to school. "Mommy this is so cool getting regular clothes instead uniforms."
I always loved the way Tyler had such a great attitude about school, she was the type of child would rather go to the library then the toy store a great deal of the time.
So that first day of school we were both in such great spirits, just looking forward to new friends, cool teachers and just fun. Tyler and I got to the school orientation early; just enough to get a great seat close to the front for the speakers and the teacher to be introduced. I remember the principal was a tall middle age woman with light hair and according to her credentials was very well qualified. She seemed very much interested in any and all questions. I decided to ask about if children carried their own inhalers with a doctor's permission slip would it be allowed. The principal I remember smiled and responded "Oh yes madam, of course with a doctors slip on file." "Thank you," I replied. Tyler looked up at me and smiled, with that assurance and friendly reply from the principal, we looked over the fact that we were the only black family in the orientation. I certainly was not prejudiced and did not raise Tyler to be. Don't get me wrong, I knew of this city's history, it was not exactly great with African Americans, but I felt that everywhere in this country there would be intelligent people as well as ignorant ones. The approach here was purely positive.
Tyler was so excited not knowing what to wear. I remember her saying this is so cool mom, no uniforms I can accessorize her favorite word. My daughter was tall for her age, but in my eyes she was always my little girl. I remember purposely waiting after she turned 5 being that her birthday was in December, so as to have another whole year to enjoy her as much as possible. "Mommy this is so cool. Just like the shows I watch on the Disney channel I will have friends of different races. Mommy I can't wait to tell you about my first day!" Tyler always had no problem making friends with anyone. I loved the fact I had raised her to be a loving child. It was always fun to play house, o yeah I am a Barbie fanatic. As my daughter sometimes put it mommy you are such a girlie girl. Tyler would be fine. Tyler was so excited her first day, new outfit and all.
The drive to work was not necessary different, If anything a little faster. My mind was on her first day, and how excited she would be once she got home to tell me about it. Late August was so beautiful, still leaves on trees and such a warm right day. I looked forward to my half hour lunches considering I spent them outside usually sitting in my car, enjoying the sunshine. Two months on the job there was still a lot to learn, selling electronic parts was not an easy job. Work environment was actually quite nice, many of the new employees much like myself had all come from the same cellular company thru layoff like me. So of course I had several friends. Karry and I had met 3 years prior at the cellular company and became fast friends, it didn't matter that she was white and I black. We had similar interests she assisted in my training in the Finance Department at the previous job, I sat next to her and we shared stories about each having a son and feeling blessed. I noticed that Karry had a bible out on her desk and I commented that I too tried to always have time to read the Bible while at work. That set the stage for us to because good friends. A year later I received a promotion to another department, but we always found time to say hello while passing each other.
Karry was actually the reason I had picked the apartment. Karry lived also in this little suburb not far from the job, and suggested it. I mentioned that I wanted to be close to work, because of Tyler's asthma in case of emergency. After looking over the apartment together, Karry and I, I fell in love with it. The building was very nice, close to work actually a 20 minute drive. So it was perfect. "Karry, doesn't this city have a reputation for not exactly being crazy about African Americans moving here?" "Oh Janette, things have changed haven't you noticed this is a mixed building of all different nationalities. It's a bargain you should take it!"
I was not quite prepared for I received once I got home. Upon entering the apartment I expected Tyler to greet me...... "Tyler, Tyler..!" I watched anxiously as Tyler approached me slowly while hearing her crieds steady amerge louder "mommy this girl Amber kicked dirt on me and called me nigger and blacky. The other kids did not want to play with me, all I wanted was some shade mommy I was standing under a tree in the playground" As she looked into my eyes for some type of shelter..over me came the sad feeling that I had failed my daughter I reached out to hug my Tyler hoping somehow I could remove her hurt into my body..unfortunately I only felt more helplessness with each tremble and shake of her body crying against mine.
As I sat Tyler down that night I remember telling Tyler that there are some ignorant people in this world and unfortunately we sometimes have to come across them. Tyler and I had discussed racism before, but she had never experienced it first hand. I searched for the words to explain that she should go to the school with a positive attitude and not let a one ignorant child stop her from learning. I asked Tyler had she spoken to the teacher to which she replied "yes mommy, I told the teacher right after we went to class after the recess," "well what did she say?" looking concerned to Tyler. "She called her to the front of the class and Amber denied that she had called me a name". "Tyler what did the teacher do at that point?" "Mommy she looked as if she did not believe me and said Tyler have a seat, Amber says that nothing was said so have a seat."
At dinner that night I told Tyler I was going to call the school and send a note to her teacher to call me. Secretly I didn't want to believe this was happening to us. Had I made a decision without truly examining all the factors here? This was a middle class neighborhood, yes predominately white on the west side of Cleveland but I loved our new home. I was not a prejudiced person and was not going to let one incident ruined my child and my happiness about our new apartment and job. As I watched over Tyler sleep that night I wondered had I failed as a parent, although I had spoke to Tyler about prejudice in the past nothing can prepare a parent for a child to be directly affected or touched.
Was I so consumed with getting the new apartment, new job, doing it on my own that I didn't closely examine the situation I put my daughter in? Hey I thought I am over analyzing this, after all there was bound to be some ignorant kids as well as adults we both would encounter.
Tyler and I would talk in the morning I would tell her to be strong .I would console her I thought. I wasn't going to let this happy time for us fade. I couldn't let my family know what was going on at least not yet . I could see my mother now "I don't know what you were thinking going to the west side of Cleveland anyway, and of all places Parma!" My mother is from the south, and in her seventies along with my father. I remember my dad saying the word colored back when I was a child. My dad before he retired was a truck driver and always had friends of all races. We were not taught to be racist. As a matter of fact at his retirement party ninety percent of the guests there, were of different nationalities friends of my father, from work and their families. The other ten percent made up family and friends it was just an out pouring of love. However in Cleveland the majority of blacks live on the east side of Cleveland, and the whites the west side.
I got Tyler up extra early since I had to be at work at 9. I needed to drop her off at the early morning childcare at the school. This was a great program I thought considering the school that Tyler attended provided the program and I could just feel secure she got to school safe and was on time. Tyler mainly nodded her head while I spoke to her about giving the teacher the note. "Mommy I'm sorry I was not strong yesterday ... I will avoid the bad kids and just be a good girl." Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked at me searching for some answer to still her. "Tyler didn't I tell you that God sees everything?" "Yes mommy". "Well he also knows your heart and knows you are a good child and will keep you safe. Baby pray the 23rd psalm to yourself Tyler. It will be okay, I know how strong you are mommy loves you." At that moment Tyler gave me the largest and tightest hung, I could feel she did not want to let me go.
As I walked Tyler into the large gym that the before school program was held in, it was apparent that Tyler was definitely the minority here. I saw only one other young black child. As I signed Tyler in I noticed silent polite stares, from the child care workers. "Good morning!" I thought breaking the silent, would at least get a response." "Good morning how are you!" "Fine thank you, you ladies have a nice day!" As Tyler hung up her book bag a couple of girls came over to ask her to play Barbie with them. I smiled as I saw Tyler smile and look at me. I told her I love you Tyler and kissed her hurriedly as she rushed to play.
It was great that I worked fairly close to my home. I felt that the move to be close to home was great considering Tyler had asthma and if she had a serious problem at school I would be able to get to her faster. Going in to this new job had its own set of challenges. I never sold electronic parts before, but I had great people skills and felt I was up for it.
The 4 weeks of training was intense mainly classroom and direct live calls in the last week. Being in my own little cubicle at this point I knew if Tyler needed to call for any reason she could reach me without any problems. My thoughts were steadily on her while I seemed to be in auto pilot for placing the headset over my head along with signing in to my computer. I wondered how her day was going, and if she had made any new friends Tyler never had a problem making friends, she would do fine I hoped.
During lunch I took the time to call her school and was unable to get the principal only able to leave a message. I remember calling back several times to no avail with the same response of "she is not available would you like to leave a message." I decided to think positive and hope Tyler was having a better day. I got off at 5 o'clock and needed to pick Tyler up by 6:00, good thing the drive to the school was no more than 30 minutes considering rush hour traffic and all. Upon picking Tyler up from school she was very distressed she had a small envelope in her hand, there was one childcare worker left for the remaining students. I should have known something was wrong because as I signed Tyler out of the childcare on the roll sheet the childcare worker avoided eye contact purposely. I tried to ask Tyler what was wrong, just by the look on her face. Tyler only responded with her head down "I will tell you in the car mommy". As she picked up her book bag and we walked to the car. I felt the adrenaline immediately build wondering was next! I had not noticed before but as we got into the car the envelope Tyler handed to me held her beads that I had put into her hair. Tyler started to cry at this point "mommy this little girl had her hands in my hair while I was on the jungle jim and would not let go, I screamed for her to let go but she would not mommy". As I pulled into the parking lot I wondered still was this for real? "Tyler I don't understand why did she have her hands in your hair from the start anyway?" "Mommy she wanted to know how the beads were put in my braids and how they come out so she pulled really hard and it hurt and pulled them out!" By this time we had walked to the apartment building and we were at the elevators. I decided to just go to the apartment and finish the conversation there. Suddenly the lovely apartment I could not wait to get looked not so lovely. Once inside I found out Tyler had a red spot around her roots where I had place the beads when I did her hair. What was even more interesting was the fact that Tyler said the childcare workers did nothing but tell the child to apologize and give the beads to another black child to place them back. As if oh! she had to know how she is black, so she can place them back. I did not know what to think! That night Tyler and I talked about a lot of things, we made dinner together and I assured Tyler I would speak to the childcare staff the next morning. The last thing I needed was to show Tyler I felt quite angry, and along with no messages returned on my cell or the home voicemail from the school I was not so HAPPY.
Tyler came to me the next morning while getting ready for school and asked, "why do you think some people are just mean mom?" "Well Tyler, I just don't know I guess the question could also be why are some people nice?" "Only god knows mommy, or like you say sometimes how people are raised?" With that I nodded my head. Tyler looked at me as if she knew in my mind I also had more questions. It is the look children give parents when we know they are aware we are puzzled too. I prayed a silent prayer as Tyler and I walked down the hall to the elevator. All I wanted to do was to resolve the situation right away. Being that it was only the first week of school I took into consideration the fact that there was probably a lot of parents calling about supplies, books, classes and other important matters. Not to overshadow the fact that I was still awaiting an acknowledgement of my messages and still a lot peeved about my daughter's hair.
Tyler had seen me be quite firm when it came to getting my point across. I believe I am like any other parent who loves their child, we just want our child to be treated fairly. When we arrived at the school childcare program this morning, I walked in thinking what could the possible answer I was going to get regarding the hair incident. "Good morning who would I speak to regarding a situation that occurred yesterday with my daughter's hair?" A short middle aged woman spoke up with blonde hair. "How can I help you?" After explaining the playground incident from the day before, I was quite surprised to hear "oh the kids were just playing." To this I replied while showing the redness in Tyler's head where the braid was "how do you play where one child wants another to stop pulling her braid and it ends in crying and pain?" At this point the other ladies looked as if I was making a big deal out of nothing. The last thing I wanted was to have my daughter viewed as the trouble maker kid. The short blonde haired older woman spoke up to say, "The parent of the child involved was notified and the child also apologized, this will not happen again." "I should hope not because that is definitely not the way children should play!" I remember at this point the ladies had nothing more to say. There was silence which seemed odd..but then I broke in with "You ladies have a nice day!!" I then kissed Tyler who looked at me with that I guess you told them mommy. Actually nothing could of have been more from the truth. The silence felt that morning was only a validation that there was more silence to come.
My drive to work seemed so quick that morning maybe because I was mainly thinking about my daughter and the reaction of the childcare teachers. While signing in to my computer that morning Karry came by to say hello. "How is it going Janette, you catching on to these electronic parts girlfriend?" "Hey I can only give it my best shot, this is a thick catalog you know." "Lunch today Janette?" "Sure see you at 12:30." With that Karry retreated to her cubicle on the other side of the floor. It had because a ritual with us so far we had lunch either sitting in her car or mine or just talked together in the lunchroom. Lunch was just 30 minutes and went fast but great to have a friend, especially now.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Tyler's Pain by Janette Ruffin-Rusher Copyright © 2010 by Janette Ruffin-Rusher. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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