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The Journey Continues
By Nichol I. Kelly
AuthorHouseCopyright © 2015 Nichol I. Kelly
All rights reserved.
Traveling Testimonies: The Journey continues
I used to be that little girl that sat on the front row of church with her grandma, innocent, thinking that this could be the good life. No worries, as long as I had my mother and my grandma, the world is beautiful and I can conquer anything. All is well! See, my father killed himself when I was a young age and I never had the opportunity to meet him, at least at an age where I would remember him. At this time in my life, I have not had the feeling of being told "I love you" from a man. Don't get me wrong I have a lot of family and my uncles treat me like their own, however, the way I need to be told I love you only God knows. I didn't realize that because of my father not being in my life, a void exists. This became a major part of decisions I've made later in life. Also, not understanding the effect of going to church at an early age, deposits that are pricelessly made into me defined me as I grew older and searched for my destiny. I was baptized filled with the Holy Spirit at the age of 5. Honestly, did not know what I was signing up for and was only doing what I was told and taught at the time.
Ever been one of those people that regardless of what you go through, it appears that no one cares? Well, welcome to your faith? I had to learn through life lessons how important it is to have a relationship with God, not just a structured relationship but an intimate relationship. There are some decisions that I made that could have made a difference in my now, had I known then.
People say "I wouldn't change a thing", or "If I had a chance to do it all over again, I would", I find that these statements not to be true because if you knew then what you know now, you wouldn't do it, whatever it might be. But, because of it, we learn and grow forward.CHAPTER 2
Rejection: "Everyone that was a part of my childhood seemed to reject me in some way"
I used to be the life of the party, trying to fit in with the world. I would always be that girl you wanted to be around. From getting into VIP in the clubs, to throwing my own "production" parties, material things, and of course money, not a lot but always enough, just irresponsible. Let's not forget, you couldn't make a statement without having a nice car, especially being from the Motor City ... lol!
Little did I know that the people I thought was my friends was only my friends while the getting was good? Yes, I know, this is common, but it effects each one of us differently, and in order for me to cope with this, I had to keep reminding myself of the last supper! Everyone who breaks bread with you isn't worthy of being with you through all seasons! I think these type of people are called "fair-weather friends" but sometimes it takes years to realize the disguise of the spirits that look like friends but are actually distractions.
It also takes wisdom and prayer to identify the spirit from the flesh, the sooner you get it the better off you will be as this will deviate bitterness, grudges, and allow you to forgive quickly. I consider myself to be a good person and never understood why I was counted out. This was my early stages of rejection. It gotten to the point where I was trying to come up with things to do and creating events to ensure that I would be included, just to find that everyone will cancel me out and continue with MY plan.. What really hurts, is it would be done secretly, which is considered a lie to me.CHAPTER 3
Jealousy: Starts at home first!
See, I am an only child but I come from a VERY large family and I have roughly over 120 relatives. My mom has 13 siblings each, accept for 2, my mom and her oldest sister, have over 6 children, and for each of them there are a total of 3 or more children added to the clan, I'm sure there's more since everyone is now of age to have children but that's another story ... lol!
As we were growing up it appeared we were a close family. My mom was one of the favorite "key players" and whenever we had family gatherings, everyone showed up and we had a good time. Sounds like a lot of love doesn't it? Well, little did I know that my first encounter with jealousy would be within my immediate circle, I would try to reach out to different one's to hang out to fit in and get rejected. Just to be clear, as I've gotten older, relationships developed and things do get better. As you can see it was easy to assume I was spoiled, this could cause some jealousy, you know, having full access to grandma and granddaddy.
Ok, back to the key characters in my life. Back in the day we were allowed to spend the night over our immediate circle or close friend's home ONLY. Being that my mom would hang out with the "key players", you would think getting alone with "key characters" will be easy. My "key character" who is older than I would try to force my hand on her ... YES ... the VaJayJay!! When we were supposed to be sleep. The love my mother had for me during that time was priceless, her protection was that of a lion. She knew when something was wrong with me without me saying one word but when she asked, I didn't have a problem telling especially since I felt violated. Needless to say, I never spent the night over there again. This incident happened more than once but not more than twice, it caused some animosity within the our immediate circle that created some distance within relationships, parents were more involved in their children lives and when things like this occurred, withdrawal was a normal reaction however, now I'm the bad guy. Since there are a lot of "key characters" that was in my life during this time, I will number them.
"Key characters 2" were like sisters, I spent the night with them all the time. It wasn't until I started having friends outside of my family, we started to separate, I guess this is normal, when you start going to school and developing relationships outside of the immediate circle, attitudes and emotions come into play but, it does affect your growth. I think jealousy came about because my mother taught me how to drive at a very young age, and when older, she would let me hang out, go to cabaret parties and clubs. While most thought I was living the life, I actually had to give up a lot of my normal childhood due to circumstances beyond my control.
The reasoning behind my mother's decision of having me drive at an early age was not for fun or fashion but due to her having a head injury, my learning how to drive was not a luxury, even though it was interpret that way, I had to take responsibility at a nearly age because, I was the youngest person in my "immediate family". This relationship was easy to rekindle as we are close to this very day.
Now, for key characters 3. My mom had to go out of state for work and left me with one of our inner circle associates to live while she worked, who was also considered to be strict.
At my house, I was allowed to eat what I wanted but I had to learn quickly every household has its own rules. No white meat for me!! Lol! Sharing others personal space and making sure your plate is spot clean when you finish eating or you had to sit there until it you were done.
I didn't realize at the time that folks could hate you just because of where you lived. My original neighborhood was opposite of the neighborhood of the home I was staying in while my mom was out of state. During this particular era, gangs were pretty territorial and being from particular streets would determine if you're in enemy territory or you're safe. So, "key characters 3" were in the area opposite of my permanent location. You probably already know where this is going, since I am the new girl in a new area from the wrong side of the street, there was a girl gang that would literally threaten me every day, they lived at the end of the street of my temporary location and there was no way around it, every day I had to come home that way scared, not knowing what I've done, just being bullied. Pushed and slapped, clothes torn, every day. Because of being a child, at that time mobility devices did not exist as they do today, so when my mom would call I couldn't talk with her, I had someone that would speak for me on my behalf, knowing that if I got the opportunity to speak with my mom things would change. On top of dealing with this, after every day being a rough day, it didn't end there for me, after dinner it continued.
I was in a place where I wasn't wanted and if I rolled over in the middle of the night I would get socked, not once, but repeatedly. It was hard to get my key character 3's to share anything with me. Imagine being a child, how long these days and nights can last. Now its morning, I then get up get ready for school to get chased back to where I was living while my mother was out of state working, to start all over again. Even though I thought I bonded with 2 of my "key characters 3" during this time, there was that one, she got fed up and decided to stand up for me, I will do anything for her. It took about a month before I heard from my mother. I was sooo pissed off at her, when she came for me, I had sooo many emotions I didn't know what to do. I just cried, I thought she didn't love me anymore, and no one told me she called or when she was calling. The few times I spoke with her was the beginning of my stay and my phone calls were monitored. So, if the situation is already not good, why would I make it worst? Again, the focus of these stories is to shed some light on how traveling became a major part of my life. God has a way of removing you from people that you think you should be attached, you think you should have relationships with, and even simply because they are family, if there is something that is Godly special about you, no one would understand, read up on Joseph in the great book.CHAPTER 4
Decisions: Too naive to understand the value of life, this rollercoaster must come to an end
In my hanging out and clubbing, I noticed that one of my "key characters" would always be in the same spot, meaning same clubs I hung around. So, I'm like okay, we need to start hanging out together. So we did, like wet clothes for years. Finally, someone I can trust and we come from the same inner circle? Well, the one that I hung out with like wet clothes, invited me to one of her friend's parties and introduced me to her friends. I picked up everyone that was going to the party with us, went to the mall, and we got our nails manicured. Took everyone home to get dress, don't know what happened in between time, but picked everyone up so we can go to the liquor store and head to the party. Sounds normal right? Wrong! We get to the party, grab a table, my co-riders gets up go to the restroom, her friend, the one I hung out with me like wet clothes, and the one who came with us to the party, jumps up from her seat, grabs me by my neck, snatch my necklace, drinks and money. I'm at the party with all these people I don't know and the one's that came with me were the ones who robbed me! I was drunk, on the floor of the party, trying to get up, meanwhile, because I was at a party full of "their" friends, I get jumped on by a group of girls who thought I did something to them.
So now my clothes are ripped, my keys are gone, my purse is gone, everyone who came to the party with me is gone, I had to get in touch with my mother so she can bring the extra set of keys to the car so I can get home. They left me! Because this was an inner-circle incident, it wasn't taken lightly, more people were involved, lots of relationships were damaged due to this incident and the trust level died.
My mom and I went back to my "key character's" home. We took care of the situation needless to say, besides the fact of being setup by someone in your inner circle, my "key player" hid them in the house and wouldn't let us in for retaliation. I understand for the sake of peace but you're my "key player" and you're protecting someone who robbed me, someone from the inner circle??
Moving on! I gets a job through my neighbor working at an auto dealership in the warranty department. Ran into a guy that changed my life both good and bad. This was the beginning of the love games and emotional roller coasters. After working together for a couple of years, we were in a relationship for about 13 yrs., little did I know that half of those years I was in a relationship by myself. I should have picked up my bible, I'm sure it would've kept me from yet another self-afflicted situation. Not only that, I had no "street sense", but you take the good with the bad, it is what it is ... Ladies!! Not to make excuses, but when you're in the situation it's hard to look at it from the outside. Everyone has all this advice to give you, for one, they're not even following, and some just want to see you go through rough times, and some really want to see you do better. You must consider the source of folks when taking heed to the things being spoken over your life, never leave your destiny in the hands of careless people! Some people can REALLY "CARELESS" about your state of being and more concerned about you doing better than they. It's sad but true, some people success is driven upon the basis of someone else catching up, and you'll catch it!! LOL! With all the things that I had occurred prior to running into this chapter of my life, made it easy to get involved in ungodly relationships and make temporary situations permanent. Learning how to scale back your "wifey" duties can be hard but learning the hard way is just like having a womb that's going to take a long time to heal. DON'T DO IT!! It's not worth it! Wait for marriage, commitment and true love!! I'm single now and still waiting but I'm at peace, and peace my friend is priceless. The relationship eventually came to an end but in such a way we can now be friends. I am also grateful to have been in such relationship and not have any children involved ... That's Grace!!
Can you see the pattern, I've been rejected, and looking for love in all the wrong places, YEP and AGAIN ... it's not over!! I move on to another job. I now have a new car, making more money. The crew at work was like family. We hung out together, visit each other's home, supported each other, felt like what family should feel like, here comes that life changing moment. I know we've seen movies and made jokes about getting fired on your day off, well it actually happened to me. The very first time I ever was fired was on my day off! I was accused of stealing money from the safe in the same week we were paid. This came about because my code to the safe was the last one entered. REALLY??? Did I mention we were like family, back then SSO, SingleSignOn and UID, UserID, were not discreet? Regulations were more lax and we shared passwords, codes etc. all the time. The environment was so relaxed, you could ask any co-worker for their password for access and we will yell it out! Not realizing the seriousness of being accused for such crime as stealing, I thought losing the job was the ultimate punishment.
It wasn't until I received an offer of employment for another job that required a background check, I then realized I had a felony? The ugly reality of this phase in my life, it wasn't just one job, at that time, the human resource process was different, they would call you, make the offer and if you accepted the offer, send you additional information and it would include background checks, and drug testing. This wasn't for one job, I actually started the job while waiting for my clearance and had to be called into the office and dismissed due to having a felony. What is a felony first of all and when did this happen?? REALLY??? No court case, no documentation sent to me with the charges or anything. I didn't even know what court jurisdiction to go to, didn't know that felonies could be given out without notifying the person being accused or charged. Although I won my case and was able to get the felony expunged as well as received an apology from the organization, this process was 2 years long and obtaining good paying jobs during that time, in mind wasn't an option I just didn't apply for them because I knew what I was going through. I never been incarcerated, but I can attest to being in jail in a society that depicts you by what you appear to be on paper. The so-called second family at the job disappeared. Yep, not surprised, let's just say this is my second set of "fair-weather" friends. No one called to find out what happened, when they saw me in public it's almost as if they cringed their purses as if I was going to take something from their person. After all of this, there were more lies. Some of my closets colleagues would call me in anger to tell me how I jeopardized their job because they were hanging with me and hung up the phone! REALLY NOW?!?! Never heard from them again but thanks to social media, we're friends again. On top of dealing with rejection and jealousy, now I'm classified as a thief and a liar, can't be one without the other. Even still, through it all no one is taking the time out to know the truth or even me for that matter.
Excerpted from Traveling Testimonies by Nichol I. Kelly. Copyright © 2015 Nichol I. Kelly. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
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Table of Contents
ContentsTraveling Testimonies: The Journey continues, 1,
Rejection: "Everyone that was a part of my childhood seemed to reject me in some way", 5,
Jealousy: Starts at home first!, 9,
Decisions: Too naive to understand the value of life, this rollercoaster must come to an end, 21,
The journey: some choices are not of our own merit, 35,
Back to the Beginning: Where it all began, let the church say Amen!, 43,
A Decision had to be made: Rather it was a good one or not is the question, 53,
Rebuilding: Taking a Stand, 61,
Traveling: State-to-State, God's Grace is Sufficient, 67,