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Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781481753401 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | AuthorHouse |
| Publication date: | 05/23/2013 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 108 |
| File size: | 479 KB |
Read an Excerpt
THEY'RE KILLING OUR CHILDREN
By Roland J. Stewart
AuthorHouse
Copyright © 2013 Roland J. StewartAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4817-5342-5
CHAPTER 1
The "Conversation" Part I (Personal Safety)
How do I talk to my child about their personal safety?
To keep children safe in the 21st century and beyond, it is necessary they have the values, skills, education and information to make good choices to help keep them safe. It is necessary we teach them the basic values and skills, to educate and inform them of the challenges we face now, and the challenges they'll face later. Our most basic obligation is to support the healthy development of our nation's children.
Raising and/or being involved with a young person is one of the most rewarding and gratifying experiences one can ever have and can also be one of the toughest; and you don't have to be a parent. Taking on the responsibility to be involved in a child's life can be a gargantuan responsibility. Our complex world and everyday situations forces us to confront the issues that are difficult for children to understand and even more difficult for parents to explain. Knowing how to take on some of these difficult issues are important as well.
To support the healthy development of our nation's children we must start somewhere. I'll skip the information most parents already know when raising little ones: that is teaching children about the golden rule and life's general rules for raising functional and productive kids; "do unto others, as you would have them do unto you," "treat others with respect" "love thy neighbor" avoid strangers etc. Those rules are most likely a given in most households.
The "Conversation" Part I start's with knowing how to talk to children about personal safety. And, who is the best person to talk to a child; the parent.
The realization is that our nation has experienced a spike in attacks on people, and unfortunately, sometimes those attacks include children. Interesting enough, young people already endure a complicated transition; transitioning through adolescence and the experiences, challenges and hurdles that life can place upon them.
Experts say that parents can help a child gain some sense of self-resourcefulness simply by learning to talk openly about the issues that could directly affect them; for example—safety, crime and violence, guns and drugs, negative music and television, bad parenting and so on. However, for the purpose of this book, we'll concentrate on a few specific areas.
Highly publicized acts of violence, particularly in schools can indeed cause children to be confused and afraid, and cause fear that violence, crime or situations involving a weapon can affect them and the one's they love. They depend on us for both direction and leadership, and to clear up any misconceptions they may have about something they may have heard. Parents/ caretakers can help children feel safe by establishing a sense of normalcy and security, and talking with them about their fears.
While some parents may be reluctant or even intimidated to initiate such conversations, it must be done, and should be done at home and on a routine basis. Answer the questions your kids have about security, safety and protection; don't avoid.
It has now become critical that we open a discussion, and educate our kids about how to protect themselves from crime, guns and violence that has befallen on our children today. It is also important that those who have been placed in a position of responsibility to care for them after school do their part as well.
While it is important for the parents to engage the kids in the conversation, it is also important they do it when it is appropriate for them; when they feel comfortable about bringing the subject up. Studies have shown that children, especially those between the ages of 8 and 12, want their parents to talk with them about today's toughest issues. Even when they reach their teens, they want to have a caring and responsible adult talk to them about these issues. In fact, those who have early conversations are more likely to continue turning to their parents as they become teens.
Don't avoid questions from children. It's normal for younger children to be curious about everything. If parents avoid children's questions, the children may ask someone else or hold the questions in, which could result in unnecessary anxiety. Experts claim that talking about traumatic events will not increase a level of stress in a child; on the other hand, not talking may have more potential to harm and confuse rather than talking openly. It also may help your child to better cope when they lose someone. Remind your child that they can talk to you anytime they feel threatened. Acknowledging rather than disregarding questions can build trust and show children that their concerns are important. This may increase the likelihood that children come to their parents with future questions.
Talk in language kids can understand. Younger children may need simple information that should have a gentle balance that schools are safe places. You may have to reiterate the home is also a safe place; remember to talk on their level. They should feel comfortable knowing the adults are there to see that they are safe and keep them safe. Provide brief examples of that their school is safe and protected, like reminding them there are school safety monitors, school safety measures, practice drills and more. Remember to use words children can understand. For younger children, encourage them to express their feelings through talking, drawing or playing.
Encourage children to talk about their feelings and concerns. Children may be reluctant to talk about certain conversations openly. Encourage them to talk by asking them if they feel safe while at school, after school or in other public places.
Validate the child's feelings, and avoid minimizing a child's concerns. Discuss safety procedures that are in place at your child's school, in the after school programs, in your neighborhood and in other public places. Let them know that serious acts of violence are not common, which is why incidents such as September 11th terrorist attacks and the recent Boston Marathon bombing attracted so much media attention.
Empower children to take action regarding their own safety. Encourage them to report incidents such as, someone with a gun, drugs, incidents of bullying and rumors and threats. Children can be an active part of the solution by successfully identifying problem areas in their schools or after school activity that they know about, willingness to share information or knowledge they may have and identifying practical solutions.
The impact of television for anyone can be quite significant, especially for a child. Limit the amount of television viewing of tragic events in your home. The stories our children see on television routinely involve violence. Developmentally inappropriate information can cause anxiety or confusion, particularly in young children. As adults, we should be aware children are always looking and listening to us. They often mimic what they learn and see at home.
Be mindful of the content of your conversations you have with other adults in front of children. Adults sometimes say things that kids shouldn't hear, or maybe inappropriate; so limit their exposure to vengeful, hateful, and angry comments that might be misunderstood.
Recognize behavior that may indicate your child is concerned about their safety. Younger children may react to violence by not wanting to attend school or other public or social events. They may intensify behavior such as fear of sleeping alone, bed-wetting, baby talk; or this behavior can re-appear in children who had previously outgrown them. Older children may minimize their concerns outwardly; they may not want to participate in certain activities, become contentious or school work may spiral down.
Be prepared by developing safety and emergency plans with your child. Because crime and violence has become a reality in our schools and places where families go to have fun and relax, families have the responsibility of ensuring children are trained and prepared to respond during an emergency. This should include procedures and safeguards at home, school and after school events. Help identify which trusted adults your child can go to if a situation occur while at school, after school or if they should feel threatened. Also ensure that your child knows how to reach you or another family member or friend in case of crisis.
Make open dialogue a routine in your home; engage in family talks. Make safety and security a routine topic of discussion. Open dialogue helps everyone share their concerns and examines what is important. Maintain a normal routine, and encourage your family to keep a regular schedule as well.
Knowing how to talk with your child about their personal safety involving crime and violence can play an important role in easing fear and anxieties about their personal safety in these tenuous times as well as helping them to manage rising concerns.
Children and firearms
There is no such thing as being too careful with children and guns. They're naturally curious about things they don't know about. They ask questions-what do we do. For those of us that have been trained in weapons, we answer in clear terms in order to help the child understand, weapons are not toys and we do not play with weapons. This will remove the mystery and reduce the natural curiosity. Again, talk in terms they can relate to and understand. This becomes critical to ensure they understand the difference between "real" and "make-believe." Let children know that, even though they may look the same, real guns are very different than toy guns. A real gun can kill. It is designed for that purpose.
Children in the U.S are under assault—America remains the world leader in gun deaths of children and teens. I doubt that our forebears who ratified the Second Amendment in 1791 ever imagined how carelessly and callously firearms would be used centuries later.
If you choose to keep a weapon in your home, the safety of your children and the safety of the children visiting your home is your responsibility. As the adult, it is your responsibility to understand and follow all laws regarding gun purchase, ownership, storage, transport, etc.
According to federal statistics, there are guns in more than one third of all U.S. households. Whether or not you make the choice to keep a gun in your home, your children will most likely be in one of them. Therefore, educating your children on gun safety is a necessity for all children whether you own one or not. Child safety precautions apply to everyone, even if you have no children or if your children have grown to adulthood and left home.
To prevent injury or death caused by improper storage of guns in a home where children are likely to be present, you should store all guns unloaded, lock them with a firearms safety device and store them in a locked container. Ammunition should be stored in a location separate from the gun.
Firearms don't hurt people while lying on a table, stored in a drawer or in a glove compartment. Accidents happen when people are negligent in the care and storage of firearms and they are left loaded, unlocked and available to be mishandled. The risks to our children from unsafe gun storage practices can be significant.
To ensure the safety of children, all guns owners are encouraged to:
Properly store all weapons. Store all firearms unloaded and un-cocked in a securely locked container.
Make sure all weapons in the home are not accessible to anyone—especially a child.
Treat all weapons as if they are loaded. Always assume that a gun is loaded, even if you think it is isn't.
Be thoroughly familiar with your weapon.
Store weapons and ammunition in a separate locked container and never leave a weapon unattended, not even for a moment.
Never point a weapon, unless you plan on shooting your target.
Always keep the weapon pointed in the safest possible direction. Only point a weapon at an object you intend to shoot.
Always know your target. Check that the areas in front of and behind your target are safe before shooting. Always be aware of all the people around you before you shoot.
Parents: even if you don't own a weapon, check with the parents at other places your child plays. Research shows, a large percentage of accidental shootings occur in the homes of friends and relatives. The tragedies take place most often when children are left unsupervised.
When children use drugs or alcohol and have a weapon available, things happen. The risks for accidents to occur are very probable.
Experts show that suicide victims who used firearms were about five times more likely to have been drinking than those who used other means. The average American child witnesses many acts of violence on television daily; most involve firearms. Children often imitate what they see, and are more aggressive after extensive viewing of violence on TV, in movies and videos, and/ or playing violent computer video games. Parents are encouraged to help protect children from the negative effects of gun violence portrayed in the media by watching television, videos or movies with the children. Condemn negative and violence reiterating to the children that such behavior is not the way to resolve conflict.
Children and those older teens with emotional or behavioral problems may be more likely than other children to use a weapon against themselves or others. Those concerned parents who feel their child may be too aggressive may seek an evaluation by a child psychiatrist or other mental health professional.
Those exposed to school violence may need the assistance from adults or mental health professionals. All of us—parents and administrators, school mental health workers, police and other health and safety providers have a keen responsibility to provide our children with the safest possible learning environment. Most schools in the U.S have adopted a zero-tolerance policy towards school violence. To help lead in the response, most schools have implemented anti-violence interventions that include peer mediation training, conflict resolution and early warning sign and crisis response education for adults. Reassure all children they are safe and re~emphasize that schools are very safe.
There are many behavioral and research, and advocacy and policy development organizations dedicated to supporting and promoting child development and promoting children's health and education. Knowing how to talk to children about personal safety; crime, violence and guns, especially the kind of violence we see today, is unfortunate and disappointing to say the least, however, it has become critical that it must happen. This is a painful time, but we all can use it as a teachable moment for our children.
CHAPTER 2
The "Conversation" Part II (Death)
Explaining death in a child's terms
They're Killing Our Children certainly cannot possibly deal with every situation. It does however provide general information which may be helpful and which may be adapted to meet each family's needs. The "Conversation" Part II continues with, talking to your children about death.
Unnecessary violence is shocking, and disturbing to everyone, but especially for children on so many levels. It disrupts the way that they really see our world. When threats are minimal, children see the world as a safe and meaningful place. When threats are high, they may feel confused, unsure and unsafe. Children may begin to worry that dangerous things can happen to them or to those they love. When violence is perpetrated by adults, the very people that children look to for protection, the impact is powerful. When violence is perpetrated by children, the result is not only powerful, but can be scary and confusing. Parents and educators alike may be helpful in mitigating the emotional effects of school violence on children.
Children may ask tough questions like "why did this happen?" Imbedded in this question may be several other questions; "how could a good adult do this to innocent children?" "How could a child get so out of control and kill someone?"
Tackle the tough questions they may have, and do your best as a parent to explain. We know chances are, we may not have all the answers, but again, we must try. Explain to children "we may not know the exact reason why this violence occurred, but it is possible the person may have been troubled. People sometimes do bad things when they are troubled and unable to control their thoughts, feelings or emotions. The results are, they are not able to control their impulses or urges to hurt others. It is also possible they did not get the help they needed or did not have anyone to talk to. Sometimes a person acts out violently because of many other issues."
(Continues...)
Excerpted from THEY'RE KILLING OUR CHILDREN by Roland J. Stewart. Copyright © 2013 Roland J. Stewart. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
Contents
I Wish Heaven Had a Phone.................... ix
Dedications/Acknowledgements.................... xi
Introduction.................... xv
Chapter 1 ~ The "Conversation" Part I (Personal Safety).................... 1
Chapter 2 ~ The "Conversation" Part II (Death).................... 11
Chapter 3 ~ The "Conversation" Part III (After a tragic event)............. 17
Chapter 4 ~ Staying safe while away from home.................... 27
Chapter 5 ~ What would you do?.................... 35
Chapter 6 ~ Lessons learned.................... 45
Chapter 7 ~ Creating a safer and healthier environment for our children.... 55
Epilogue~Summary.................... 63
A Child's Prayer.................... 73
Notes and Bibliography.................... 75
About the Author.................... 81