Table of Contents
Introduction and Acknowledgment: Fourth Edition xiii
Part I Foundations
Program Notes 3
Rules of Engagement 7
STOP Program Video Information 11
Typologies of Domestic Violence Offenders 14
The Context of Competence 18
Pacing and Leading 20
Provisional Status Policy (Group Leaders' Version) 22
Shame-o-Phobia: Why Men Fear Therapy 24
Approaching the Unapproachable-Therapist Self Disclosure to De-Shame Male Clients 32
What Men Want From DV Groups 41
Part II Orientation Information
The STOP Program Q&A 45
Typical Questions and Concerns 48
Provisional Status Policy (Group Members' Version) 49
The 15 Commandments of STOP 50
Gratitudes 51
Mindfulness in Everyday Life 52
Feelings Count 54
Part III New Member Sessions
House of Abuse 57
Time-Out 62
Time-Out Information for Partners 66
When Your Partner Blocks Your Path 68
Part IV Core Curriculum 000
Anger & Aggression 71
Session 1 The Red Flags of Anger & Abuse 72
The Cycle of Abuse 74
The Red Flags of Anger 75
Video: It's Just A Choice #4
Video: It's Just A Choice #3
The Four-Square Technique 76
Red Flags Chart 77
Session 2 Anatomy of Power & Control 78
Tower & Control Wheel 80
Video: The Stoning of Soraya M.
Threats & Intimidation 81
Revising Personal Stories 83
Session 3 Self-Talk and Personal Stories 84
Bad Rap Worksheet 86
Bad Rap 87
Bad Rap Quiz 88
Examples of Anger-Producing Self-Talk 89
Session 4 Masculinity Traps 91
Video: The Mask You Live In
Men Are Supposed To … 93
Video: It's Just A Choice #5
Masculinity Traps 94
Session 5 Masculinity Traps: Fathers & Good Men 96
Video: The Great Santini
Video: Boyz 'N the Hood
Guidelines for Good Men 98
Session 6 Jealousy & Misinterpretations 100
Jealousy 102
Misinterpretations 104
Video: It's Just A Choice #7
Video: It's Just A Choice #2
Session 7 Normative Male Alexithymia 106
Normative Male Alexithymia 108
Anger Is A Secondary Emotion 109
Video: Men's Work
Session 8 Switch! 111
Switch! 113
Personal History 115
Session 9 Put-Downs from Parents 116
Video: The Great Santini
Video: Boyz 'N the Hood
Put-downs from Parents 119
Session 10 Shame-O-Phobia 121
Video: Good Will Hunting
The Male Shame Manifesto 123
Session 11 The Broken Mirror 125
Video: Affliction
The Broken Mirror Sequence 127
Relational Heroism 128
Session 12 What's Your ACE Score? 130
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Info 132
What's My ACE Score? 133
ACE Resilience Questionnaire 135
Relationship Skills 141
Session 13 Assertiveness & Asking for Change 142
Assertiveness 144
What Is Assertive Behavior? 145
Asking for Change 146
Session 14 Empathy & Active Listening 149
Expressing Your Feelings 151
Active Listening 152
Video: Modern Family
Session 15 The Five Love Languages 156
The Five Love Languages 158
Video: The Break-Up
Session 16 Intimacy Training: Wives & Partners Group 161
Session 17 Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse 164
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse 166
Video: Just A Choice #6A
Video: Just A Choice #6B
Emotional Abuse & Mind Games 167
Conflict with Respect 169
Relationship Respect Contract 170
Which Attachment Style Am I? 171
Session 18 Your Attachment Style 175
Video: In Treatment
Can I Count on You? 177
Effective Communication 178
Session 19 Apologies 182
The Art of Apologies 183
Classic Apology Mistakes 185
Handling Criticism: Nondefensive Listening 186
Session 20 What's Up With Sex? 189
Sexual Abuse: Psychological & Physical 191
Masculinity Traps: Sex 193
About Sex 194
Session 21 Kids Who Witness 196
Video: First Impressions: Exposure to Violence and a Child's Developing Brain
Video: The Great Santini
Questions for Kids 198
Personal Responsibility 201
Session 22 Accountability & The Way Aggressive People Think 202
Accountability Statement 204
Accountability Defenses 205
The Way Aggressive People Think 206
Accountability Checklist 208
Session 23 Stake in Conformity: Protect What You've Earned! 210
Stake In Conformity: Protect What You've Earned! 212
Screw You! 213
The MAST Assessment 214
Session 24 Substance Abuse & Relationship Abuse: What's the Connection? 217
Really Didn't Mean to Do It … I Was Drunk 219
Why Do We Care?: The Relationship Between Substance Abuse And Intimate Partner Violence 220
Safe at Home Questionnaire, Revised 221
Session 25 Stages of Change: Where Are You At? 225
The Five Stages of Change 226
Making Changes, Pros and Cons 227
Session 26 Prevention Plans 229
Prevention Plan 232
Video: The Break-Up
Exit/Relapse Prevention Sessions 235
Most Violent and/or Most Disturbing Incident 237
Prevention Plan 238
Standard Forms 239
Weekly Check-In 241
Evaluation Form 243
Treatment Expectations 245
References 247
Index 249
