The Sister Knot: Why We Fight, Why We're Jealous, and Why We'll Love Each Other No Matter What

by Terri Apter

Overview

“The best book on sisters, very important and beautifully written.”—Carol Gilligan, author of In a Different Voice

This “substantial contribution to the literature on sibling relationships” (Library Journal) explores the intricacy, friction, and love in bonds between sisters. Relationships between women are often freighted with a rocky mix of emotions—devotion and disregard, affection and loathing, admiration and envy—leading to anguish and confusion on the playground, in the home, and in the boardroom. Negotiating her layered feelings toward a sister shapes a woman’s psychology as forcefully as do her relationships with her parents. Drawing on compelling interviews and new research, Terri Apter considers the many aspects of the sister relationship from birth through adulthood. The need to fight to differentiate oneself from a sister, as well the protectiveness one feels for that same person, is explained by reference to extensive psychological and biological evidence.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780393285765
Publisher:	Norton, W. W. & Company, Inc.
Publication date:	05/27/2015
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	304
File size:	406 KB

About the Author

Terri Apter is a writer, psychologist, and retired Fellow of Newnham College, Cambridge. Her ten books include The Sister Knot, Difficult Mothers, and What Do You Want from Me? She lives in Cambridge, England.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments     XI
Introduction: Why Sisters?     3
The Power of Complicated Feelings     15
Younger Sisters and Other Variations: Why the Sibling Trauma Is Universal     26
The Sister Knot     40
Shared Minds: Empathy and Identity Between Sisters     63
"Just Like" and "Completely Different": How Sisters Find and Resist Family Roles     98
Protection and Resentment     137
Sisters and Friends: The Interweaving of Female Bonds     176
Group Dynamics Among Sisters     203
The Power of Sister Stories     219
Success and Insecurity: When One Sister Outshines the Other     237
Sistering: A Lifelong Tie     260
Frequently Asked Questions     272
Notes     279
Bibliography     290
Index     299

Editorial Reviews

Sisterly love, Apter (The Myth of Maturity) shows, isn't always pure: to differentiate herself from her older sister Sam, teenager Gina manipulated Sam into gaining weight; Kate's three sisters put aside jealousies and power plays to rally around her after she was raped; and Dorri wrongly accused her lesbian sister, Annette, of having an affair with her husband because a teenage Annette used to steal Dorri's boyfriends. This generic study of the complex ties that bind sisters teaches us that a sister's death is one of the most difficult losses to overcome; women's friendships often mirror the sister bond in both pleasure and pain; elderly sisters provide each other with crucial psychological succor; adult women are passionately invested in their own versions of family stories; and female empathy, when viewed through the sister knot, is revealed as a complicated skill "used for control and denigration as often as for care and protection." Throughout, British psychologist Apter's stodgy prose is brightened by excerpts from interviews she conducted with 76 British and American sisters from 37 families; while her analyses are perceptive, she's also treading on familiar territory without the creativity displayed by a Deborah Tannen or Bruno Bettelheim. (Jan. 15) Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information.

Publishers Weekly

A Cambridge University tutor and prolific expert on parenting and women's relationships, Apter (The Myth of Maturity: What Teenagers Need from Parents To Become Adults) here makes a substantial contribution to the literature on sibling relationships and female friendships. Joining Juliet Mitchell's Siblings, Stephen P. Bank and Michael D. Kahn's The Sibling Bond, and Judy Dunn and Robert Plomin's Separate Lives: Why Siblings Are So Different, this insightful book sheds light on the dynamics of sisterhood by incorporating research from various perspectives, including feminist psychoanalysis, developmental psychology, and popular sociology. Apter skillfully uncovers the complicated feelings inherent in sisterhood. Empathy and identity, protection and resentment, competition and friendship constitute the core of sisterly connections. Most of all, Apter captures the unique lifelong bond shared by sisters. Highly recommended for all public and academic collections. [See Prepub Alert, LJ 9/1/06.] Lynne F. Maxwell, Villanova Univ. Sch. of Law Lib., PA Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information.

Library Journal