The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us

by Jeffrey Kluger

Overview

A senior writer at Time magazine explores what scientists and researchers are discovering about sibling bonds, the longest- lasting relationships we have in our lives.

Nobody affects us as deeply as our brothers and sisters-not parents, not children, not friends. From the time we-and they-are born, our siblings are our collaborators and co-conspirators, our role models and cautionary tales. They teach us how to resolve conflicts and how not to, how to conduct friendships and when to walk away. Our siblings are the only people we know who truly qualify as partners for life.

In this groundbreaking book, renowned science writer Jeffrey Kluger explores the complex world of siblings in a way that is equal parts science, psychology, sociology, and memoir. Based heavily on new and emerging research, The Sibling Effect examines birth order, twin studies, genetic encoding of behavioral traits, emotional disorders and their effects on-and effects from-sibling relationships, and much more.

With his signature insight and humor, Kluger takes big ideas about siblings and turns them into smart, accessible writing that will help anyone understand the importance of siblings in our lives.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781101547786
Publisher:	Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:	09/15/2011
Sold by:	Penguin Group
Format:	eBook
Pages:	320
File size:	377 KB
Age Range:	18 Years

About the Author

Jeffrey Kluger is a senior editor and writer at Time magazine. He is the coauthor of the bestseller Apollo 13 and the author of Simplexity, Splendid Solution,  Moon Hunters, and two novels for young adults. He lives in New York City with his wife and daughters.

What People are Saying About This

Mary Pipher

“In The Sibling Effect, Jeffrey Kluger integrates the latest research and brings his own fresh thinking to an ancient topic: sibling relationships. He weaves his own sibling experiences into his rich, insightful text. Like all good storytellers, Kluger's stories are sad/happy and heartbreaking/glorious. The Sibling Effect is for anyone who has ever wondered, ‘Why can't I get along with my siblings?’ or ‘Why are we so different?’ or ‘How did my relationships with my siblings shape my personality?’ I suspect that is most of us." --(Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia)

Carl Zimmer

"In The Sibling Effect, Jeffry Kluger offers a thought-provoking exploration of the psychology of brothers and sisters, melded with a lovely reflection on his own family life. We all wonder in what ways our families have shaped us; Kluger lets us wonder far more deeply." --(Carl Zimmer, author of Soul Made Flesh and A Planet of Viruses.)

From the Publisher

"This book had a profound impact on me that I never could have anticipated. . . . It's a compelling and beautifully written story, interwoven with fascinating, cutting-edge research. What I didn't expect was what I'd learn about myself. In our culture we spend so much time examining the ways our parents influence us that we miss a force that's at least as significant. While immersed in The Sibling Effect, I went back in time, reexamined my own life, this time looking through a new lens. It was a revelation."
-David Sheff, author of Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through  His Son's Addiction

"Jeffrey Kluger integrates the latest research and brings his own fresh thinking to an ancient topic: sibling relationships. He weaves his own sibling experiences into his rich, insightful text. As with all good storytellers, Kluger's stories are sad/happy and heartbreaking/glorious. The Sibling Effect is for anyone who has ever wondered, 'Why can't I get along with my siblings?' or 'Why are we so different?' or 'How did my relationships with my siblings shape my personality?' I suspect that is most of us."
-Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia

David Sheff

“This book had a profound impact on me that I never could have anticipated…it’s a compelling and beautifully written story, interwoven with fascinating, cutting-edge research. What I didn’t expect was what I’d learn about myself. In our culture we spend so much time examining the ways our parents influence us that we miss a force that’s at least as significant. While immersed in The Sibling Effect I went back in time, re-examined my own life, this time looking through a new lens. It was a revelation.” --( David Sheff, author of Beautiful Boy: A Father’s Journey Through His Son’s Addiction)

Reading Group Guide

INTRODUCTION

Nobody affects us as deeply as our brothers and sisters do—not our parents, not our children, not our friends. Siblings are our collaborators and co–conspirators, our role models and cautionary tales. They teach us how to resolve conflicts and how not to, how to conduct friendships and when to walk away. Our siblings are the only people we know who truly qualify as partners for life.

In this groundbreaking book, renowned science writer Jeffrey Kluger explores—with insight and humor—the complex world of siblings in ways that are equal parts science, psychology, sociology, and memoir. Based heavily on new and emerging research, The Sibling Effect examines birth order, twin studies, genetic encoding of behavioral traits, emotional disorders and their effects on—and effects from—sibling relationships, and much more.

 

ABOUT JEFFREY KLUGER

Jeffrey Kluger is a senior editor and writer at Time magazine. He is a co–author of the bestseller Apollo 13, and the author of Simplexity, Splendid Solution, Moon Hunters, and two novels for young adults. He lives in New York City.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

“Our brothers and sisters are with us for the whole journey.” What are the benefits of having someone in your life to share so many of the highs and lows—someone who is not a parent or spouse? Are there any negatives?
 

“Parents inevitably wind up playing favorites, and kids, cleverly, learn to game their parents.” Do you find this to be true in your situation? In what ways did (do) you “game” your parents, and how have you been “gamed”? Did your parents play favorites or define a role for you? What was it?
 

Did the author’s use of examples from his own sibling relationship history help to humanize the scientific insights shared? How so?
 

“Four was about the age at which a child was fully weaned and no longer needed the resource of mom in order to eat. When you’re not competing with your baby sibling you’re less likely to try to hurt it.” Would you agree that this is true? Is four years between siblings the magic number?

The author looks to define the roots of conflict among siblings and finds that “close behind property as a trigger for sibling war making is the general concept of fairness.” What were some of the roots for the conflict you experienced with your siblings?

Were you the product of “alloparenting” by older siblings, relatives, or close friends? What was this experience like? What experiences did you come away with that you might not otherwise have had with a more “Western” style upbringing?

Were you familiar with birth order theory, or even stereotypes, before picking up this book? Which do you question, or think there might be validity to, after reading The Sibling Effect? Do any stereotypes like the firstborn “kin keeper” hold true?

What high and low power strategies, like using humor or keeping the status quo, have you seen siblings use to define themselves within a family?

What practical parenting advice could one take from this book? For example, being mindful of alliances and keeping the conversation healthy during a divorce, or relocating entirely when merging stepfamilies to keep the territory (and attitudes) neutral.

What is the cultural perception of singletons? Should we feel bad for them? Are they lacking in any key experiences, or are there benefits or unexpected perks? What stereotypes are they up against?

There are many pleasant benefits associated with twin life, including longer life expectancy and deeper social connectivity. Can you think of any others? If you’re a twin, have you ever experienced the “mind meld”?

What do you consider “the sibling effect” to be? In what ways have your early experiences with siblings—or life as a twin or singleton—shaped you?

Why did you pick up this book? Did you purchase it for a sibling? Has reading it caused you to look at your relationships any differently, perhaps in a more scientific light? What were the results?

How do you think sisters teach brothers about women and how do brothers teach sisters about men? Have you had that experience? If so, what did you find most helpful?

What will be some of the repercussions for countries with policies or beliefs that affect the gender balance, like China’s one–child–per–family policy and India’s favoritism for male offspring?

Editorial Reviews

Honest and vulnerable and caring.”—The Washington Post

“Addictively readable.”—Entertainment Weekly

“The science of siblings is well overdue for this kind of attention.”—The Boston Globe

“A page turner . . . a worthwhile read for anyone interested in human relationships.”—Associated Press

“Endlessly fascinating.”—Parent Magazine

From the Publisher

In a July 6, 2006, story, "The New Science of Siblings," Time senior writer Kluger noted that while scientists trying to figure out what really shapes us have hit successively on parents, genes, and peers, they felt that they were missing something. And "more and more, scientists are concluding that this unexplained force is our siblings." Here he expands on his research to show what our longest-lasting relationship means to us. Since we're always digging for personal insights, I'm betting this book will be very popular.

Library Journal

Narrator Pete Larkin’s tone is fresh and open, a fitting style for this book in which the author draws on his own family relationships to discuss the bonds between siblings. Larkin’s upbeat tone is particularly useful in some of the confessional sections of the book that recount less-than-happy moments. The author includes observations about his parents’ divorce and remarriages, and his resulting relationships with half-brothers and now half-sisters. He draws on generalities regarding such relationships and discusses research related to his topics and experiences that may have broader applicability (or not). Throughout, Larkin is conversational and maintains an easygoing style. J.E.M. © AudioFile 2012, Portland, Maine

JANUARY 2012 - AudioFile