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There's a river running backward through this poem to the sources of literature
You'd think that would be a good thing
But I take seriously that beauty is the beginning of terror, in a quarreling way
I do think beauty halfway staves off terror with forms, with dance, with symbols,
And I know we're never far from terror—
But here's the thing: even saying that sounds right-wing
And that's because the right has always practiced terror to insist that we can never get away from it
I say this as a homosexual
Terror—that's the meaning of male homophobia—
It's not a fear of buttfucking, please—it's the punishment of male insouciance, male lightness, a bodily comportment and a vocal inflection that gets heard as
everything is beautiful everything is fine
Those hammer-blows administered to gay boys' skulls—they say NO—we are not free from violence—this is not Arcadia—how dare you flounce around—
So when my colleagues critique The Romantic Symbol, critique the Romantics, for peddling false consolation—
When the modernists champion objectivity, and unsymbolizable allegory,
Because we know better than to trust in pretty symbols but keep forgetting,
Because we need art to remind us that life is hard,
I wonder—
Who are we talking to? I mean three cheers for allegory
But there's a gossamer, a hollow way of symbols, isn't there
There's a way a beaten body looks in silk
I didn't become a professor so I could "demystify" my students
I didn't kiss that boy in 1987 because I'd forgotten terror
Maybe Rilke writing on the dime of the House of Thurn and Taxis knew this
Maybe he didn't just mean, whoa, those angels are intense
Either way when I say "beauty" I don't mean razzle-dazzle, and I don't mean the crucifixion
When I say "terror" I don't mean the Titans
There's a river running backward through this poem to the sources of our struggle with each other