The Self-Esteem Trap: Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self-Importance

by Polly Young-Eisendrath PhD

Overview

Kids today are depressed and anxious. They also seem to feel entitled to every advantage and unwilling to make the leap into adulthood. As Polly Young-Eisendrath makes clear in this brilliant account of where a generation has gone astray, parents trying to make their children feel special are unwittingly interfering with their kids' ability to accept themselves and cope with life. Clarifying an enormous cultural change, The Self-Esteem Trap shows why so many young people have trouble with empathy and compassion, struggle with moral values, and are stymied in the face of adversity. Young-Eisendrath offers prescriptive advice on how adults can help kids -- through the teen and young adult years -- develop self-worth, setting them on the right track to productive, balanced, and happy lives.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780316039833
Publisher:	Little, Brown and Company
Publication date:	09/02/2008
Sold by:	Hachette Digital, Inc.
Format:	eBook
Pages:	256
File size:	307 KB

About the Author

Polly Young-Eisendrath, a Jungian analyst and psychotherapist, is the author of 13 books (translated into 20 languages), including The Resilient Spirit and Women and Desire. She lives in Burlington, VT.

Table of Contents

Introduction     3
The Trouble with Being Special     17
The Roots of the Problem     37
The Importance of Adversity     58
The Necessity of Conscience and Virtue     82
Autonomy and Emotional Maturity     107
The Value of Being Ordinary     125
Religion and Reverence     147
Love and Its Near Enemy     169
The Truth About Happiness     191
Acknowledgments     210
Notes     213
Bibliography     231
Index     241

Editorial Reviews

Young-Eisendrath, a Vermont-based Jungian analyst, practicing Buddhist and author (Women and Desire), identifies a "threatening and perplexing problem" she calls the self-esteem trap. Today's children and young adults are suffering from a number of symptoms, including obsessive self-focus, restless dissatisfaction, pressures to be exceptional, unreadiness to accept responsibilities and feelings of either superiority or inferiority. According to the author, instead of contentment and positive self-regard, kids raised to believe they are extraordinary or "special" are more likely to be unhappy and disappointed. Being "ordinary" and realizing one's connection to the human community is the real key to happiness, she argues, and cultivating the qualities of generosity, discipline, patience, diligence, concentration and wisdom will lead to children who are self-confident and content. She also warns against parents who "run interference," protecting their children from inevitable disappointments. Instead, letting kids develop autonomy and experience the consequences of their decisions, she claims, is the way to go. At times, Young-Eisendrath's scope seems unwieldy, but her message rings true. (Sept.)

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Publishers Weekly

Psychologist and Jungian analyst Young-Eisendrath (Women and Desire: Beyond Wanting To Be Wanted) is onto something big. Those born between 1970 and 2000 (Gen Me-ers), she argues, are a vastly discontented group who find their lives unsatisfying and feel entitled to success owing to an overestimation of what the world will bring. She views this as a cultural problem begun in the 1980s when the collapse of the traditional parental hierarchy coincided with a hyperfocus on self-esteem. Today's parents offer too much approval and enthusiasm for simply their children's existence, disrupting kids' growing abilities to accept realistically both their strengths and their weaknesses, which is the true foundation of self-esteem. Young-Eisendrath sees the solution in a return to being "ordinary," as this is rooted in "wisdom about our human condition and a knowledge of how we are all connected." While the text sometimes wanders, it is a pleasure to forgive. This is well written, accessible, soundly researched, and beautifully insightful in the vein of Irvin Yalom (The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy). Easily placed in parenting, social science, or psychology collections; recommended for all libraries.
—Julianne J. Smith

Library Journal