The Savvy Ally: A Guide for Becoming a Skilled LGBTQ+ Advocate

by Jeannie Gainsburg author of The Savvy Ally:

Overview

Bursting with passion and humor, The Savvy Ally: A Guide for Becoming a Skilled LGBTQ+ Advocate is a treasure trove for allies to the LGBTQ+ communities. This fully revised second edition includes:

• The most current information on identities and LGBTQ+ language
• Tips for respectfully sharing, gathering, and using pronouns
• LGBTQ+ etiquette, including common language bloopers toavoid
• Tools for navigating difficult conversations
• Best practices for creating LGBTQ+ inclusive spaces
• Appropriate actions to take after messing up
• Techniques for self-care and sustainable allyship

The Savvy Ally is a vital resource for teachers, mental health professionals, healthcare providers, college professors, faith leaders, family members, and friends who want to support and advocate for the LGBTQ+ people in their lives and help make the world a safer, more inclusive place. This informative, encouraging, and easy-to-understand guidebook will jump-start even the most tentative ally.

100% of the royalties from the first year of sales of this 2nd edition will be donated to nonprofit organizations working to build a safer and more inclusive world for LGBTQ+ people.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781538169254
Publisher:	Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc.
Publication date:	03/14/2023
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	286
Sales rank:	784,773
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Jeannie Gainsburg (pronouns: she/her/hers) is an award-winning educational trainer and consultant in the field of LGBTQ+ inclusion and effective allyship. Formerly the education director at the Out Alliance of Rochester, New York, she is now the founder of Savvy Ally Action, a small business that offers fun, accessible, and encouraging workshops and videos on how to be an ally to the LGBTQ+ communities. Jeannie has a BA in psychology from Brown University and an MA in social work and social research from Bryn Mawr College. She was under the impression that a citation was the result of driving too fast until January of 2019, when she received one from the New York State Assembly for Distinguished Educational & Human Rights Services for her work in promoting LGBTQ+ rights and inclusion. She lives in Rochester, New York, with her husband, Ed, and their cat, Carlos. Visit her website and download free ally goodies at www.savvyallyaction.com.

Table of Contents

Author’s Note

Preface

1 - Getting Started

Thank You

What You Can Expect from This Book

Defining Ally Broadly

Bringing My Friends Along for the Ride

Practice Makes Pretty Darn Good

The Power of the Ally

Allies Can Help Validate a Cause

Allies Can Be a Cultural Bridge

Allies Can Take the Heat Off of LGBTQ+ People

Allies Can Be Possibility Models

Allies Can Get Special Access

What’s Your Story?

Notes

Part I: Becoming Knowledgeable Allies

2 - Caution: Identities Being Defined!

Cisgender

LGBTQ+

Queer

Why Do There Have to Be So Many Identity Words?

Notes

3 - Coming Out as LGBTQ+

Why the Big Reveal?

The Coming-Out Process

Identity Confusion

Identity Comparison

Identity Tolerance

Identity Acceptance

Identity Pride

Identity Synthesis

In Summary

From Theory to Reality

Coming Out Is a Lifelong Process

The Process Is Not Always Linear

It’s So Much Fun, Some Folks Do It Twice!

It’s Not Just for LGBTQ+ People

Coming Out Is Not Always the Immediate Goal

Responding When Someone Comes Out to You

What to Say

What Not to Say

Future Fantasies

Notes

4 - Orientations, Identities, Behaviors—Oh My!

A Basic Diagram of the Components of Sex, Gender, and Sexuality

Biological Sex

Gender Identity

Gender Expression

Attraction (Also Known as Orientation)

Intimate Behaviors

Where Do I Fall?

Biological Sex

Gender Identity

Gender Expression

Attraction

Intimate Behaviors

An Advanced Diagram of the Components of Sex, Gender, and Sexuality

Answers to Our Questions

What the Heck Does Nonbinary Mean?

Can Transgender People Also Be Gay?

How Can I Tell If Someone Is Gay?

How Can Someone Be Asexual but Still Have Sex?

Key Ally Takeaways

Notes

Part II: Building Skills for Having Respectful Conversations

5 - Pronouns: Sharing, Gathering, and Using

Why Are Pronouns So Important?

Sharing Your Pronouns

Gathering Pronouns from Others

One-on-One

In a Small Group

In Large Numbers

Using Pronouns Correctly

Singular They

Neopronouns

More Than One Pronoun

Messing Up Properly

Notes

6 - LGBTQ+ Etiquette Tips, Common Bloopers, and Outdated Terms

LGBTQ+ Etiquette Tips

Tip #1: Ungender Your Language

Tip #2: Mirror Terms

Combining Tip #1 and Tip #2

Tip #3: Implement the “Switch It” Technique

Tip #4: Use the Correct Name and Pronoun

Tip #5: Focus on What You Need to Know

Common LGBTQ+ Language Bloopers to Avoid

Getting Creative with the Word Transgender

Confusing the Terms Transgender Man and Transgender Woman

Talking about Preferred Pronouns

Using the Word Preference Instead of Orientation

Using Language That Implies That Transitioning Is Completed

Focusing on the Past

Asking a Gay Couple Which One Is the Man and Which One Is the Woman

Outdated Terms and Better Language Choices

Use Transgender Instead of Transsexual

Use Cross-Dresser Instead of Transvestite

Use Gay Instead of Homosexual

Use Typical Instead of Normal

Use Intersex Instead of Hermaphrodite

Use Different Sex or Gender Instead of Opposite Sex or Gender

Use Are Instead of Identify As

Avoid These Terms Altogether

Gay Lifestyle

Tranny, Fag, and Dyke

Notes

7 - Gaydar and Other Problematic Assumptions

Gaydar

LGBTQ+ Myths and Stereotypes

Myths and Stereotypes about Straight/Cisgender Allies

Intersectionality

Notes

8 - Good Talk: The Art of Having Useful Conversations

We Are All Resistant Learners

Tips for Having Respectful and Useful Conversations

Put Yourself in the Hot Seat (Prep Work)

Set Your Listen/Share Dial to at Least 50/50 (Prep Work)

Assume Goodwill

Avoid Labelling the Comment or Behavior

Use “I” Statements

Start with a Connecting Statement

Educate with Examples, Not Definitions

Try the “Switch It” Technique

Listen for Those Myths and Stereotypes

Be Aware of Your Hot Buttons

A Night Out with Lou the Lunchroom Aide

An Ally’s Gift

Notes

Part III: Taking Action to Create More Inclusive Spaces

9 - Straight Pride Parades and Special Snowflakes: Addressing Common Questions

I Just Treat Everyone the Same; What’s Wrong with That?

Why Do LGBTQ+ People Have to Flaunt Their Sexuality and Get in My Face with It?

The Falsely Accused Flaunter

The Temporary Flaunter

The Full-Time Flaunter

I Know My Friend Is Gay—How Can I Get Him to Come Out to Me?

Aren’t We in a Good Place Now with LGBTQ+ Rights and Inclusion? What’s Left to Do?

Why Isn’t There a Straight Pride Parade?

Reality Check #1

Reality Check #2

Reality Check #3

Reality Check #4

Apparently, I’m Cisgender. How Can I Be Something That I’ve Never Heard of? Do I Have to Go around Telling People I’m Cisgender Now?

How Can I Be Something That I Don’t Even Know about and Why Does Someone Else Get to Define Me? (Confused/Irritated)

Is This New Word Really “a Thing” or Will It Be Gone Next Month? (Skeptical)

Do I Have to Embrace This New Term? My List of Identity Terms Seems to Be Constantly Growing. Which Ones Do I Have to Share in Order to Be Respectful? (Overwhelmed)

Why Are LGBTQ+ People So Angry?

My Lesbian Friends Call Each Other Dykes. Why Is It Okay for Them to Do That but Not Me?

I Thought People Were “Born That Way”; Now You’re Telling Me That Being LGBTQ+ Can Be a Lifelong Journey of Changing Identities? WTF?

I Feel Like I Can’t Say Anything Anymore without Offending Someone. Don’t You Think We’ve Gone Too Far with All of This PC Language?

Notes

10 - Duct Tape Patch-up Jobs and Big Fixes

Educating Others

Duct Tape Patch-Up Jobs with Our Educational Opportunities

Big Fixes with Our Educational Opportunities

Increasing LGBTQ+ Visibility

Duct Tape Patch-Up Jobs for Increasing LGBTQ+ Visibility

Big Fixes for Increasing LGBTQ+ Visibility

Revising Forms

Duct Tape Patch-Up Jobs for Revising Forms and Paperwork

Big Fixes for Revising Forms and Paperwork

Updating Policies

Duct Tape Patch-Up Jobs for Updating Policies

Big Fixes for Updating Policies

Fixing Gendered Facilities

Duct Tape Patch-Up Jobs for Fixing Gendered Restrooms and Other Facilities

Big Fixes for Fixing Gendered Restrooms and Other Facilities

A Special Note about Signage

Notes

11 - Creating LGBTQ+ Inclusive Spaces in Different Settings

In Your Home

In Health and Mental Health Settings

Caring for LGBTQ+ People of Color

Caring for Transgender Individuals

Caring for Older LGBTQ+ Adults

In the Workplace

In Faith Communities

In Schools

Notes

12 - Taking It to the Streets

Rallies, Marches, Protests, and Lobbying

Talking with Politicians

Fundraising

Pride

Notes

13 - Now What? Questions from Allies in the Real World

Questions about Terms and Identities

Questions from Family Members

Questions from the Workplace

Questions from Teachers and School Staff

Notes

Part IV: Allying Responsibly

14 - Messing Up Properly

Accidentally Misgendering Someone

Offer an Apology or a Thank-You

Forgive Yourself

Get It Right the Next Time

Making an Offensive or Hurtful Comment

Offer a Thank-You and an Apology

Forgive Yourself

Get It Right the Next Time

Blundering Again

Notes

15 - Backlash Against Allies

Ally Is a Practice, Not an Identity

Shut Up and Listen

“A” Is for Asexual

Key Ally Takeaways

Pay It Forward

Notes

16 – Sustainability

Take Care of Yourself

Be on Your Own Team

Treat Yourself the Way You Would Treat Your Best Friend

Give Yourself Permission to Fail 220

Use Positive Self-Coaching Tips

Keep a Joy Journal

Know Your Recipe for Wellness and Follow It

Think about What’s Not Wrong

Pace Yourself

Continue Your Education

Every So Often, Return to “Why?”

Notes

Discussion Guide

Glossary

Bibliography

Acknowledgments

About the Author

Editorial Reviews

I love the compassionate sentiment that is weaved through this book that being an ally doesn’t mean you have to be perfect; it means being able to acknowledge when a mistake is made and then trying your best to be better. If you truly want to be an ally, The Savvy Ally will lead the way through real-life examples, questions that make you go hmmm. . ., and ‘what if’ scenarios. Thank you, Jeannie Gainsburg, for supporting my ally journey!

Kimberly Braithwaite

This is a beautiful book. A necessary book. An unputdownable book. Please read this book.

Alison Smith

The Savvy Ally is a book I will recommend again and again for its thoughtful approach to gaining knowledge, skill, and confidence. It’s a much-needed tool in our box!

Kelly Clark

If you want to support LGBTQ+ people but no one has ever taught you how, this is the book for you. Written in an accessible and entertaining style, The Savvy Ally is filled with useful scenarios, tips, and examples to help you transition from well-intentioned bystander to effective and informed advocate.

Robyn Ochs

I was really hesitant to read a book written about the LGBTQ+ community by someone who does not identify as LGBTQ+. I read the first few pages with skepticism, ready to poke holes in the book. And... I have never been so happy to be proven wrong! Jeannie's book is filled with great information for anyone who wants to understand what it means to be an advocate for LGBTQ+ people and how to act as an ally. It's also educational for those within the community—I found myself saying 'Huh! I didn't know that!' multiple times as I was reading. I loved the book so much that we offered the book as a virtual book club at work during pride month this June. My colleagues had rich and meaningful discussion and we would highly recommend it!

Cara Pelletier

This is it. You found it—the very best guide on how not to make mistakes with LGBTQ+ employees, customers, students, congregants, patients, and family members. If you want to be an effective ally for LGBTQ+ people, buy and read The Savvy Ally. I very enthusiastically endorse this book

Brian McNaught

Jeannie Gainsburg has written a brilliant guide to what we all need to know and do to be better allies for LGBTQ+ people in all aspects of our lives. It’s a treasure trove of practical ideas, sprinkled with the perfect amount of humor.

Karen Catlin

This is such an amazing book about how someone who is not part of the LGBTQ+ community can be a helpful advocate to those who are… I highly recommend this book to everyone.

Kathleen Garber

The Savvy Ally is a read for everyone. It is one of the best tutorials I’ve read that offers key insights into LGBTQ communities while offering practical guidance and action-oriented tips that will help allies become more culturally competent, respectful, and impactful in their interactions, both personally and in business.

Joseph L. Searles

If you’re interested in being an effective ally to the LGBTQ+ communities then put this book on your required-reading list and learn from one of the best. Gainsburg’s savviness, warmth, sensitivity, and humor emanate from every page. You’re going to love this book.

Sarah Kate Ellis

In her book, The Savvy Ally, Jeannie Gainsburg informs and empowers readers to consider how they might be more open and engaging toward those who might be different. It is a resource I have recommended many times.

Hunter O'Hanian

An ideal, practical, effective, and thoroughly 'user friendly' DIY instructional guide and manual, The Savvy Ally: A Guide for Becoming a Skilled LGBTQ+ Advocate is an especially and unreservedly recommended addition to family, personal, professional, community, college, and university library LGBTQ collections and supplemental curriculum studies lists.

Midwest Book Review

This book is long overdue, and I loved reading it! It is a call to action in a positive, optimistic, and engaging way—a masterful blend of information, personal stories, humor, and serious content. This is much more than just an informative book. It is designed to build skills that can be translated into ongoing, meaningful action. If you want to be an effective LBGTQ+ ally, buy this book. It won’t just sit on your shelf. You’ll use it every day!

Mike Streeter

Once in a while, a book comes along that resonates with my heart & my life's passion/mission. This is The Savvy Ally bookby Jeannie Gainsburg. It contains all the relevant aspects and more on how to be an ALLY, excuse me, a SAVVY ALLY as Jeannie's badass humor and personality came through the reading for me. I love it so much!

Loan Nguyen

If you have LGBTQ+ friends, family, colleagues, service users, or are simply keen to be more knowledgeable about the subject of gender equity, The Savvy Ally is the best reference guide you are ever likely to read. Jeannie Gainsburg is a skilled and professional ally, as well as a tremendous author.

Matt McAvoy

The Savvy Ally provides a successful foray into the confusing and ever-changing world of being an ally to the LGBTQ+ community. The thoughtful definitions, various analogies, and personal examples used to clarify issues are always helpful and often brilliant. Clearly, Gainsburg’s many years of ‘operating in solidarity with’ the LGBTQ+ community have provided her with the necessary insight to create such a useful tool. I am grateful for such a perceptive and kindhearted book!

Matthew Burns

The Savvy Ally is a welcome introduction to current issues for the GLBTQ+ community. Perhaps of greater importance, it is a valuable and timely handbook for any would-be allies wishing to be stimulated to thinking about a community which has become (and is still becoming) a more significantly recognized caste in our current society. I heartily commend it to all attuned to gay and lesbian life and issues.

Rainbow Book Reviews

An ideal, practical, effective, and thoroughly 'user friendly' DIY instructional guide and manual, The Savvy Ally: A Guide for Becoming a Skilled LGBTQ+ Advocate is an especially and unreservedly recommended addition to family, personal, professional, community, college, and university library LGBTQ collections and supplemental curriculum studies lists

From the Publisher