Table of Contents
Foreword v
1 Is This Book for You? 1
2 Self-Assessment 9
3 Values and Valued Goals 21
4 Radical Openness 35
5 How Your Biology Affects You and Your Relationships 47
Worksheet 5.1 Activating Social Safety 69
6 Social Signaling: What's Your Armor and How Do You Take It Off? 71
Worksheet 6.1 Urge Surfing 74
Worksheet 6.2 How Do I Express My Emotions? 76
Handout 6.1 Assertive and Kind (with Flexible Mind PROVEs) 79
Worksheet 6.3 Flexible Mind PROVEs 81
Worksheet 6.4 How Cautious and Rule-Bound Am I? 82
Handout 6.2 Moving Forward with VARIEs 84
Worksheet 6.5 VARIEs 36
Worksheet 6.6 What Is My Style of Relating? 87
Handout 6.3 Flexible Mind Is DEEP 89
Worksheet 6.7 Flexible Mind Is DEEP 90
Worksheet 6.8 Monitoring Social Signaling 91
7 Social Flexibility 93
Handout 7.1 Loosening the Grip of Fixed Mind 96
Handout 7.2 Learning from Fatalistic Mind 100
8 Shame, Guilt, and Embarrassment (Oh Boy!) 105
Handout 8.1 Steps to Deal with Shame 108
9 Social Comparisons, Envy, Bitterness, and Harsh Judgments (Oh My!) 115
Worksheet 9.1 Are You Experiencing Unhelpful Envy? 118
Worksheet 9.2 Actions and Urges from Envy 119
Worksheet 9.3 Going Opposite to Envious Anger 121
Worksheet 9.4 Going Opposite to Unhelpful Shameful Envy 123
Worksheet 9.5 Are You Experiencing Bitterness? 126
Worksheet 9.6 Go Opposite to Bitterness 130
Worksheet 9.7 Increasing Compassion for Others Practice 132
Worksheet 9.8 Coping with Harsh Judgments 135
10 Social Engagement: We Aren't Talking Marriage, Just Connection (Whoops! We Don't Want to Scare You!) 143
Worksheet 10.1 Invisible or Not-So-Invisible Ghosting 145
Worksheet 10.2 Skills for Disguised Demands 151
Handout 10.1 Flexible Mind ROCKs ON 154
Worksheet 10.3 ROCKs ON 156
11 Building Close Personal Bonds Through Communication and Feedback 159
Handout 11.1 Match+1 162
Worksheet 11.1 Working with Different Needs for Intimacy 167
Handout 11.2 Stay Open to Feedback 170
Handout 11.3 Learning from Feedback 172
12 Enhancing Intimacy 175
Handout 12.1 Loving-Kindness Meditation 177
Worksheet 12.1 Loving-Kindness Meditation Practice 180
Worksheet 12.2 Genuine Friends 184
Worksheet 12.3 Friendship Behaviors to Increase 187
13 Not Really a Chapter, Not Really an Ending 197
Acknowledgments 198
References 199