The Picky Eater Project: 6 Weeks to Happier, Healthier Family Mealtimes
227
The Picky Eater Project: 6 Weeks to Happier, Healthier Family Mealtimes
227eBook
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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781610020923 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | American Academy of Pediatrics |
| Publication date: | 01/01/2017 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 227 |
| File size: | 22 MB |
| Note: | This product may take a few minutes to download. |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
Week 1
Picky-Free Parenting
No more power struggle. No more mealtime battles.
Mission
Create more harmonious mealtimes.
Strategy
Practice 10 rules of "picky-free parenting."
Measurement
Number of pleasant mealtimes this week.
MEET THE FAMILY
Meet Marlo, Corey, Brooke, and Hunter.
Marlo and Corey reached out to us after another frustrating night/week/month of wanting their kids to eat healthier but not feeling like they had the tools they needed to make it happen and still maintain family harmony. They graciously agreed to let us share their experiences to serve as an example of how one family put the Picky Eater Project into action. As you follow along their journey, you will witness firsthand their successes as well as their challenges.
the parents
Marlo is a nurse in a cardiac "cath lab." She loves to exercise and host get-togethers with family and friends. She is a self-described "people pleaser." She would really like to see her kids eat a greater variety of healthy foods, especially fish because she loves it and would like to make it for the family. Although she would like the kids to eat healthier, she'd rather they eat something (even if it's not very healthy or adventurous) than go to bed hungry because they are highly active and need the energy and calories to grow. Meal battles are not something she would prefer to fight about it. For this reason, she is happy to make 2 or more dinners to be sure all have something they will eat.
• Marlo's all-time favorite foods:sushi and pizza
• Marlo's favorite vegetables:artichokes and edamame
• Marlo's least favorite foods:broccoli and dark-meat chicken or lamb
• Marlo's least favorite vegetables:cilantro and broccoli
Corey is a federal agent and former Marine. He loves to surf and spend time with his kids. His goal is that the whole family eats one meal each night that everyone is willing to try (not the same acceptable meals day in and day out). It doesn't matter if the family meal is healthy (though he'd prefer that it be); he would just like everyone to agree on something.
• Corey's all-time favorite food:barbecue chicken thighs
• Corey's favorite vegetable:baked beans ("Does that count?") (Technically, beans are a vegetable and a protein, so we say (YES), though baked beans typically have a considerable amount of added salt and sugar.)
• Corey's least favorite food:will eat anything
• Corey's least favorite vegetable:likes them all
the kids
Brooke is 10 years old and in sixth grade. She loves swimming and spending time with her friends. Her goal is to flip a pancake without having it smear all over the pan and be trusted to use not just the microwave but also the oven, stove, and toaster. She is kind of excited to start the Picky Eater Project but also a little concerned. What exactly is it she's going to have to eat?
• Brooke's all-time favorite foods:turkey, stuffing, and cranberries
• Brooke's favorite vegetables:brocco-flower (never tried it but really wants to!) and celery
• Brooke's least favorite food:fish BUT she volunteers that she is open to eating salmon with "good sauce," which "tastes like a piece of candy"
• Brooke's least favorite vegetable:cauliflower ("It looks weird, but actually I might try to eat it.")
Hunter is 7 years old and in third grade. He loves baseball, swimming, math, and anything that involves being outside or requiring a lot of energy. His goal is to eat more artichokes. Despite being a picky eater, after hesitantly trying artichokes at a friend's house before the Picky Eater Project started, he learned he loves them and wants to eat them all the time.
• Hunter's all-time favorite foods:artichokes and pizza
• Hunter's favorite vegetable:artichokes
• Hunter's least favorite food:imitation crab
• Hunter's least favorite vegetable:None! He likes every kind of vegetable, though his parents say that is quite surprising since he won't eat most kinds of vegetables.
At the onset of their Picky Eater Project, we sat down with Marlo, Corey, and their kids, Brooke and Hunter, to better understand their family mealtime routines.
Family Schedule and Routine
Marlo has a very sporadic schedule, including many overnight and weekend calls.
Corey works as a federal agent with erratic but somewhat flexible hours. They co-parent, splitting most of the grocery shopping and meal prep. It turns out, as with many American families, it's quite a balancing act.
Hunter plays baseball and swims competitively. Brooke also swims competitively. Both kids are very high energy — especially Hunter — and love to be active.
There's not a lot of time to throw together gourmet meals, not that their kids would eat them anyway. Given Hunter's and Brooke's high level of physical activity and the understanding that kids need energy, vitamins, and minerals to grow, Marlo and Corey get anxious when their kids refuse to eat meals and are willing to make them something different just to be sure they eat enough, essentially often making 2 to 3 different meals at every mealtime.
GOAL: Their primary goal is to make one dinner for the whole family and additionally have the kids eat more vegetables (carrots are one of their favorites) and fish (they will not eat).
WHAT'S YOUR STORY
• How would you describe your family routines?
• How do your children's ages and activities and your career and priorities affect mealtimes at your house?
• Who is primarily responsible for selecting, purchasing, and preparing food at your house?
Meal Dilemma
Marlo and Corey usually start by offering one meal. But when their kids refuse it (which they do more often than not), they readily offer something else. Marlo and Corey would like their kids to be more adventurous in their eating choices, but do not feel it is worth fighting about or letting the kids "starve" by refusing to cook something else. Both agree that Brooke is the pickier of the two but also the most influential. If she tries something, Hunter will too. If she rejects it, there's little chance Hunter will go for it, unless he's trying to win "bonus points" with his parents.
Interestingly, when Brooke learned about the project, she jumped up, pulled an apron out of the kitchen drawer, and exclaimed, "Wait, does this mean I get to learn how to cook!" When Hunter learned of the project, he shared his disdain for Brussel sprouts but then, later, commented that if he helped make them and they looked like they would taste good, he would give them a try.
WHAT'S YOUR STORY
• What would you consider to be your greatest challenge during mealtimes?
• What parenting styles have helped or hurt as you've worked to help your kids eat a wider variety of foods?
• How did your kids respond when you told them you were going to be starting a Picky Eater Project at your house? If you haven't told them, why not?
Throughout a total of 6 weeks, Marlo, Corey, Brooke, and Hunter will serve as models of the Picky Eater Project in action. While the specific details of this family's experience will be different than what you experience, the process for undoing picky eating is the same, and we hope that looking on their experience will help your own Picky Eater Project come to life. Whether you have a toddler at her peak of pickiness or are struggling with persistently picky preferences in school-aged and teenaged kids, the Picky Eater Project will help you bring some sanity back to mealtimes.
As we advised to Marlo and Corey in their first week of the project, it is helpful to start with a vision of how you hope your kids' eating habits will turn out at the end of the day, once they're on their own (the ultimate test of this approach to raising healthy eaters), as well as what you hope to achieve by the end of the 6 weeks. Think of it kind of like your family mission statement, at least when it comes to food. This mealtime mission statement will serve as a compass to help prioritize your decisions and actions and align your everyday activities to the bigger picture.
For example, a mission statement could be as simple as "We will be a family of adventurous eaters."
Or
"My children will grow up to be healthful eaters."
Or
"We will eat healthfully most days."
Or
"No more power struggle. No more mealtime battles."
WHAT'S YOUR STORY
Write down a family mission statement. Post it someplace visible, where all family members can be reminded of it, throughout the 6 weeks of the Picky Eater Project.
Marlo and Corey's mission? To simply have a single meal at dinner.
What we suggested to Marlo and Corey, and suggest to all parents trying to avoid or reshape picky eating preferences, and realize their family mealtime mission, is to adopt a parenting style that we have coined "picky-free parenting." It is the middle ground between the hovering, micromanaging tendencies of a stereotypical helicopter parent (an authoritarian parenting approach) and the permissive, anything goes mentality of a stereotypical "free-range parent" (a permissive/hands-off or indulgent parenting approach). For example, when it comes to mealtimes, a helicopter parent might hover over a picky eater and demand that he eat everything on his plate or no dessert. A free-range parent might not mind if a child has loaded up on unhealthy foods — after all, that's better than starving. On the other hand, a picky-free parent will make sure a healthy, balanced meal is available most of the time and leave it to the child to choose what and how much of it to eat.
A picky-free style of parenting has also been referred to as "authoritative" or "responsive parenting." We prefer to use responsive parenting so as to avoid confusion between authoritarian and authoritative parenting. The idea is that parents set the stage for a child to feel empowered to make a choice and exercise some autonomy. The parents create structure and guidelines for their children but leave room for flexibility and negotiation. Children experience certain freedoms within well-described rules. In other words, the parent has been very strategic and thoughtful in setting the stage, so the child is highly likely to make a good choice.
What is your parenting style? Take the parent feeding quizzes (see Tables 1.1–1.4 on pages 9–11) to find out.
Are You a Picky-Free Parent? Child Feeding Questionnaire
Researchers developed the Child Feeding Questionnaire to better understand parents' strategies and ideas about child feeding. The questions on the next pages are excerpted from the full questionnaire and can help you determine if you tend to take a more free-range (permissive/indulgent), picky-free (authoritative/responsive), or helicopter (authoritarian) parenting approach to mealtimes.
Taking a picky-free approach to mealtimes, in which children are encouraged to eat healthy but also given some choices, is associated with improved nutrition and health outcomes. This is true even for picky eaters, whose parents may feel more invested in their nutritional choices and may have a tendency to practice a more authoritarian parenting style, which often turns out to be counterproductive. What is your parenting style? Take the parent feeding quizzes (Tables 1.1–1.4) to find out.
Scoring
For each table, add your score.
Table 1.1. Perceived Feeding Responsibility
This measures the extent to which a parent feels a greater responsibility (versus a spouse or partner) for a child's nutritional intake, including portion sizes and types of foods eaten. Total possible points: 15.
Table 1.2. Restriction
This measures a parent's self-reported attempts to control a child's nutritional intake through restricting access to unwanted foods, including the types and amounts of those foods. Total possible points: 15.
Table 1.3. Pressure to Eat
These questions examine a parent's self-reported attempts to control a child's food intake, including the types and amounts of foods eaten. Total possible points: 60.
Table 1.4. Monitoring
This describes the extent to which a parent keeps track of a child's consumption of junk foods. Total possible points: 15.
In general, picky-free (responsive) parents tend to score high on perceived responsibility and monitoring and low on restriction and pressure to eat. On the other hand, helicopter (authoritarian) parents tend to score high on both restriction and pressure to eat, while free-range (permissive/indulgent) parents score high on restriction and low on monitoring.
So How Do You Put This Into Action?
Even if your natural tendency isn't along the lines of picky-free parenting, you can make small changes to your approach that will lead your family toward healthier, happier mealtimes. You've already created your family mission; now, we suggest creating your own family "rules" that the whole family will follow. Involve your kids in the process and post the rules on the refrigerator or in a common area where all members of the family can be reminded of them. The more involved your children are in creating the family rules, the more likely they will be to follow them. If everyone agrees to follow the ground rules, it will be easy to come back and reinforce them.
10 Rules of Picky-Free Parenting
These are our suggested 10 rules of picky-free parenting. You may find you want to start with adopting some or all of them. Feel free to reword, restate, or elaborate on them to make them fit for your own family.
(1) As parents, we will be good role models. We will only ask the kids to eat foods that we are willing to eat ourselves.
(2) As parents, we will decide what foods are offered, when, and where. As kids, we will decide, of the food that is offered, what we will eat and how much.
(3) We will value the process of learning to be more adventurous eaters. We will be willing to try new foods, even if it is just a tiny bite.
(4) We do not have to clean our plates. We will listen to our bodies and let hunger be our guide.
(5) No food rewards will be offered. In other words, we kids do not have to "eat our vegetables" to get dessert on those days when dessert is available. We will not reward good behavior with sweets and "treats."
(6) Mealtimes equal family time. As often as we can, we will shop, cook, and eat together.
(7) We are one family, and we will eat one meal. We will not make separate meals. But we will be sure to include at least one thing each family member likes at most meals.
(8) We will learn together about food, nutrition, farming, and cooking.
(9) We will have fun, play, and experiment with new foods.
(10) We will be consistent in following these rules, but not rigid.
Table 1.5 offers some examples of picky-free parenting in practice based on a child's developmental stage.
These rules will help support creating more harmonious, healthful mealtimes for your family. However, the mere existence of the rules will not be enough to change habits and behaviors. Box 1.1 shows how consistency and use of simple routines can help boost your kids' health. The rest of this book will help you translate these rules into normal family routines that will lead to healthier and happier mealtimes.
YOUR PICKY EATER PROJECT — WEEK 1
Picky-Free Parenting
Project To-dos Checklist
[] Draft a Family Mealtime Mission Statement.
[] As a family, adopt your own family mealtime rules (see examples in 10 Rules of Picky-Free Parenting section on page 13).
[] Complete the Child Feeding Questionnaire (see Tables 1.1–1.4 on pages 9–11).
[] Setting out a specific vision helps achieve your mission. Start by answering the following questions: What will success look like? In 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years, 16 years?
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "The Picky Eater Project"
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Copyright © 2017 American Academy of Pediatrics.
Excerpted by permission of American Academy of Pediatrics.
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Table of Contents
Preface,
Acknowledgments,
Introduction,
What You Can Expect,
Chapter 1 Week 1: Picky-Free Parenting,
Chapter 2 Week 2: A Kitchen Revolution,
Chapter 3 Week 3: The Little Cook,
Chapter 4 Week 4: A Shopping Adventure,
Chapter 5 Week 5: Family Mini-feast,
Chapter 6 Week 6: It Takes a Village,
Chapter 7 Post–Picky Eater Project: Making It Stick-y,
Chapter 8 Troubleshooting,
Index,