The Particulars of Peter: Dance Lessons, DNA Tests, and Other Excuses to Hang Out with My Perfect Dog

by Kelly Conaboy

Overview

"This might be one of the month’s, if not the year’s, sweetest books — zaniest, too.” ―The Washington Post

"A hilarious addition to the dogoir canon.” ―People

"Perhaps the greatest love story ever told.” ―Refinery29
 
"The feel-good book the world needs." —PopSugar 
From one of the Internet's most original voices, a hilarious journey through the odd corners of obsessive dog ownership and the author's own infatuation with her perfect dog Peter.  
The author met Peter in the spring of 2017. He — calm, puppy-eyed, with the heart of a poet and the soul of, also, a poet — came to her first as a foster. He was unable to stay with his previously assigned foster for reasons that are none of your business, but which we will tell you were related to frequent urination. The rescue needed someone free of the sort of responsibilities that would force her to regularly leave the house for either work or socializing, and a writer was the natural choice. Thus began a love story for the ages.

The Particulars of Peter is a funny exploration of the joy found in loving a dog so much it makes you feel like you're going to combust, and the author's potentially codependent relationship with her own sweet dog, Peter. Readers will follow Peter and his owner to Woofstock, "the largest outdoor festival for dogs in North America," and accompany them to lessons in Canine Freestyle, a sport where dogs perform a routine set to music, creating the illusion that they're dancing with their owners. From learning about Peter's DNA, to seeing if dogs can sense the presence of ghosts, The Particulars of Peter will give readers a smart, entertaining respite from the harsh world of humans into the funny little world of dogs.

Readers will accompany this lovable duo through exciting trips, lessons, quiet moments of connection, and probably a failure or two. By fusing memoir and infotainment, The Particulars of Peter promises to refresh the perennially popular dog lit category in a scrumptiously bighearted barnstormer of a book.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781538717868
Publisher:	Grand Central Publishing
Publication date:	12/08/2020
Pages:	256
Product dimensions:	5.60(w) x 8.30(h) x 1.10(d)

About the Author

Kelly Conaboy is a writer whose career includes stints at the Cut, the Hairpin, Gawker, and Videogum. Most of those websites no longer exist. (This is not because of Kelly.) She's been published by The Atlantic, the New Yorker, and the New York Times. She and her dog, Peter, live in Brooklyn, NY.

Table of Contents

Preface ix

1 How Did We Get Here? 1

An origin story.

2 What Does My Dog's DNA Say About Him? 18

And what does it say about the guy at the dog park whom I'm attempting to prove wrong?

2.5 Is it fucked up to throw away a whisker? 28

3 Is My Dog a Festival-Type? 32

A trip to Woofstock.

4 Should My Dog Play a Sport? 53

Introducing Peter to the world of canine agility.

5 Should I Buy My Dog a Bunch of Stuff He Doesn't Need? 69

Or wait-does he need it?

5.5 Descriptions of Peter's various plush toy-related games. 87

6 Should I Spy on My Dog? 89

Just to make sure he hasn't died or been kidnapped by a rabid fan?

7 Should I Sleep In Bed With My Dog? 100

Yes. I mean-let's see what the research says

7.5 How much dog hair do we have in our lungs? 114

8 Does My Dog Like Music? 116

And does he appreciate my personalized songs?

8.5 Why didn't Bruce Springsteen ever write a song about a dog? 130

9 Can I Teach My Dog To Talk? 136

Come on, please?

Addendum: Dogs should be able to talk for twenty-five minutes per day. 151

9.5 If you say "I love you" to your dog every time you give them a treat, will they know "I love you" means something good, even without the treat? 155

10 Can I Communicate with My Dog Via a Pet Psychic? 156

Perhaps we can talk through our energy.

11 Can Dogs Hunt Ghosts? 178

And will the ghosts be nice?

12 Can I Accept That My Dog Will Never be a Dancer? 193

A not-ballerina, just like his mama.

13 Will My Dog Go to Heaven? 220

The Pope says yes-or does he?

14 My Dog 229

Peter.

Epilogue 233

Appendix. A Taxonomy of Acceptable Nicknames 243

Acknowledgments 247

Editorial Reviews

★ 10/05/2020

New York Magazine writer-at-large Conaboy merges humor, memoir, and reportage in her winning debut about the experience of sharing one’s life with a dog. Conaboy first describes fostering and adopting Peter, a “Labrador-terrier mix, with a soulful amber gaze spunky little foldy ears,” before exploring general (and typically tongue-in-cheek) questions faced by dog owners, such as “Does my dog like music?” and “Will my dog go to heaven?” (which “hovered over my Catholic upbringing, like the Holy Ghost on so many felt Pentecost banners”). She also interviews researchers into dog behavior and genetics, reads American Pet Products Association reports, and visits Woofstock, the self-billed “largest festival for dogs in North America,” where she notes how guilty most owners feel about trying to make their pets happy: “You spend your life with this friend whom you love.... but what can you do? Guess at what flavor treat he likes.” Rather than overplaying Peter’s cuteness (though he does come across as a very good boy), she infuses the book with an offbeat sense of humor and sharp observations. Dog enthusiasts will especially delight in this book, but anyone looking for a good laugh will have a ball. Agent: Tina Pohlman, Union Literary. (Dec.)

Publishers Weekly

"This might be one of the month’s, if not the year’s, sweetest books — zaniest, too, as Conaboy indulges her love for her rescue mutt with a visit to “Woofstock” (“the largest outdoor festival for dogs in North America”), among other adventures. Conaboy brings voice and verve to this examination of why our pets make us swoon."—The Washington Post

"[A] moving and hilarious memoir. . . a must-read for dog owners and dog lovers alike."—Oprah Daily

"A hilarious addition to the dogoir canon."—People

"Perhaps the greatest love story ever told, Kelly Conaboy's The Particulars of Peter is a pure delight of a book; it is a tender, curious, and hilarious exploration of Conaboy's relationship with her adopted dog, Peter. . .Conaboy captures the ineffable, joyful quality of experiencing unconditional love, and reminds readers of the pleasures that come with having a pet, all perfect in their own ways."—Refinery29

"Kelly Conaboy has nailed it: the feeling of being madly, wildly, desperately, endlessly in love with your dog—the kind of love that every time he moves an ear or twitches his nose, you swoon afresh with adoration. If you know that feeling (and I live it every day!) you'll totally relate to this tender, honest, hilarious, portrait of an iconic, precious, and particular inter-species love affair."—Sy Montgomery, bestselling author of How to Be a Good Creature

"Very, very funny and very, very charming. I'd sit up and beg for this book!"—Jack Handey, author of Deep Thoughts

"An utterly charming, big-hearted, witty memoir of a girl and her dog. The Particulars of Peter was an absolute joy to read."—Jami Attenberg, bestselling author of All This Could Be Yours

"Conaboy merges humor, memoir, and reportage in her winning debut about the experience of sharing one's life with a dog. . . Dog enthusiasts will especially delight in this book, but anyone looking for a good laugh will have a ball."—Publishers Weekly, starred review

"Kelly Conaboy captures, with sagacity and wit, why everyone thinks their dog is the very best dog and why hers just might be. The Particulars of Peter is a great big belly rub for the reader's brain."—Josh Gondelman and Maris Kreizman, authors of Nice Try and Slaughterhouse 90210 (respectively) and owners of Bizzy the Pug (collectively)

"Conaboy's commitment to pleasing a mild-mannered dog is admirable and charming. An unusual book to please pet lovers."—Kirkus

"Have you ever thought about how much you love your dog and maybe cried just a little bit? If that’s you, you need this book. In quite possibly the most unique memoir of 2020, Conaboy takes us into the life she shares with her pup, Peter. . . In combining her love for her dog and her own unique, hilarious genius, she takes us into her world of dog psychics, canine freestyling (you learn new things with this book!), dog festivals in Canada, and beyond. This should be your go-to gift for all the people in your life who are absolutely obsessed with their dogs."—Shondaland

"The Particulars of Peter by Kelly Conaboy is the feel-good book the world needs in 2020. After a year where dog owners spent more time with their four-legged pals than ever before, Conaboy's charmingly sweet exploration of her admittedly codependent relationship with her pup, Peter, is both a warm and informative look at the time-honored bond that exists between dogs and their humans."—PopSugar

"What you'll get out of this book is an appreciation for Conaboy’s complete and total adoration of Peter, and you'll smile and chuckle often while reading each chapter. . .Get ready to look at your dog through new eyes. Be prepared to smile. Or give this book to someone you know who is obsessed with their dog. They’ll love it."

 —The Book Reporter

"The Particulars of Peter is quite simply about the delights of dog companionship, something every human who consorts with a dog knows all about. What is beautiful about Kelly Conaboy’s book is that she captures the sweetness of the first few years of her and her dog’s life together. . . If you have had the pleasure (and the privilege) of a dog changing your life, The Particulars of Peter is the book for you."—Write Now Philly

"[Kelly Conaboy] is one of the funniest writers out there, and her debut. . .is utterly charming."

 —LitHub

From the Publisher

07/01/2020

A senior writer at New York magazine's "The Cut," Conaboy had the work-at-home schedule that facilitated her cuddling up to perky, precious, pee-happy puppy Peter, a foster-turned-forever dog whose story is told here. With a 40,000-copy first printing.

Library Journal

2020-09-02
A Brooklyn writer’s debut chronicles life with her dog.

"I consider us to be one soul existing in two corporeal forms," writes Conaboy about her adopted mutt, Peter Parker. Early on, the author admits that it’s nearly impossible to truly know a dog without filtering their experiences through human perceptions. An apologetic windup sets the stage for a doting tribute to canine ownership that reveals more about the author than her dog. In pithy yet often scattered chapters, Conaboy chronicles their first meeting; DNA testing; Woofstock in Toronto, where participants were greeted with a sign that read, “DON’T DISAPPOINT YOUR DOG!”; and agility classes, which highlighted owners' peculiarities as well as which dogs were naturals or needed work. Throughout, breathless descriptions intersperse with casual quips and addresses to the reader. The text is affectionate, overly loose, and occasionally mock-defensive: Regarding her boyfriend, she writes, “I have to stress that it isn’t your business,” and about buying Peter a handmade sweater like the one in The Shiningto make people notice, “You have to admit—that recognition would be priceless.” Some chapters are indulgent, such as a list of regrettable pet purchases. While investigating such quandaries as co-sleeping with pets and whether inhaling pet hair is dangerous, the author mixes curiosity with expert opinions that are mildly informative but mostly underscore the fretfulness behind the original questions. When Conaboy strays from everyday norms and dives headlong into obsession, the book springs alive. The author recounts how she was inspired to conduct surveillance on Peter because of her worries about his mortality; her interview with a creator of “dog music” (she attempts some songwriting herself); and her participation in ghost hunts to see if dogs were proficient in communicating with spirits. Though the anxious, self-effacing persona eventually grows tiresome, Conaboy’s commitment to pleasing a mild-mannered dog is admirable and charming.

An unusual book to please pet lovers.

Kirkus Reviews