The Optimist's Guide to Divorce: How to Get Through Your Breakup and Create a New Life You Love

by Suzanne Riss, Jill Sockwell

Overview

“Like having a heart-to-heart with a compassionate, no-nonsense best friend. It’s chock-full of wisdom, practical advice, encouragement, and what every woman in the midst of a divorce needs the most: hope.”—Cynthia L. Copeland, author of Good Riddance: An Illustrated Memoir of Divorce

Shortly after their marriages ended, Suzanne Riss and Jill Sockwell realized that the best way through divorce is with the support of other women who understand what it’s like, who know the practical issues as well as the emotional ones, and who can help you keep a sense of hope and a sense of humor.

Brimming with stories and insights, from-the-trenches tips, and sanity-saving takeaways, this girlfriend-to-girlfriend guide prepares you for each phase of divorce, from “the talk,” to figuring our where to live, to co-parenting with an ex, to rebounding and rebooting your life. Covering the process from start to finish, this comforting and uplifting book makes it easy to jump in no matter where you are in your journey. And, even better, to make the choices that will ultimately help you develop a better relationship with the one person you’ll be with for the rest of your life—yourself.
 

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780761189763
Publisher:	Workman Publishing Company
Publication date:	12/27/2016
Sold by:	Hachette Digital, Inc.
Format:	eBook
Pages:	256
File size:	9 MB

About the Author

Suzanne Riss is a former editor in chief of Working Mother, the author of The Working Mom Survival Guide, and the mother of a son. Jill Sockwell is a former advertising executive, now real estate agent, and mom to two daughters. Together they started the Maplewood Divorce Club, a very successful support group for divorcing women in their New Jersey town.
 

Table of Contents

Introduction A Friend in Need vii

Part 1 Deal

Chapter 1 "I Don't" 2

Having the "it's over" talk

When you leave him

When he leaves you

Telling family and friends

Things to do now

Riding the emotional roller coaster

Chapter 2 The Kids: Handle with Care 24

Explaining the separation to your kids

Helping them express their feelings

Easing the transition to two homes

Finding support Take the Parenting Pledge to avoid putting down their dad

Chapter 3 Law & Disorder 43

What you can expect financially

Understanding your divorce options

Dos and don'ts of hiring the right professional help

Popular misconceptions

Custody and child support basics

Chapter 4 Temporary Chaos 61

Making a new budget

Safeguarding your job during the divorce

Careers you can launch in six months or less

Single mom money-savings tips

Leaving room for small miracles

Chapter 5 A Place to Call Home 78

Moving out: Understanding your options

Can you afford to stay in the marital home?

Handling credit problems

Selling your home The difference between alone and lonely

Chapter 6 The Ex Files: Communicating 101 93

Lessons from the trenches

Strategies to keep your cool no matter what

Setting healthy boundaries

Why nobody truly wins a fight

What role does your ex play in your divorce drama?

Chapter 7 Your Ex and the Warm Body Replacement 108

When your ex moves on before your side of the bed is cold Coping with jealousy-even if you left him

Feeling replaced or rejected

Focusing on your new life, not his

Part 2 Heal

Chapter 8 The Golden Key: Acceptance 118

Letting go of how you thought things would turn out

Embracing uncertainty

Forgiving yourself-and him

Finding that after acceptance come energy and light

Chapter 9 It's an Inside Job 129

Learning from your relationship patterns

Being gentle with yourself

What to do differently next time

Why a romantic relationship can't fix everything

Simple steps to healthier relationships

Chapter 10 Finding Peace of Mind 145

Meditating to find calm anytime, anywhere

Dealing with depression

When you need professional help

20 Things that will make you feel good

Cultivating self-reliance

Chapter 11 Your TLC Action Plan 162

Embrace our 3-week plan for a healthier you

Sleep your way to the top

What to eat to improve your mood

Sweat the stress out with exercise

The power of gratitude

Chapter 12 Write Your Own Happy Ending 179

Refraining your divorce story to accentuate the positive

Avoiding the shoulda-coulda-woulda trap

Accepting things as they are

Learning from the past

Exploring new possibilities

Part 3 Reveal

Chapter 13 Guide to Gorgeous 192

Updating your wardrobe from married to single

Fake it till you make it-with makeup

Rebound hair beyond compare

Recognizing that true beauty comes from within

Chapter 14 Happily Ever After … With Yourself 210

Knowing your best qualities

You're complete just as you are Dating yourself

Reasons not to put your life on hold

Goals vs. dreams

Creating a vision board for your future

Chapter 15 Socializing Again the Scarlet 220

Strategies for stepping out solo

Easy conversation starters Getting out of your comfort zone - in heels

Confidence boosters

Navigating the holidays

Creating new traditions

Chapter 16 Drinks & 8 - Time to Oatt 246

Ready-to-date quiz

Prepping your dating profile

Online dating: fakers, felons… and fun prospects

Meeting people IRL (in real life)

Dating dos and don'ts Your next relationship

Chapter 17 Create Your Own Community 262

Launching the Maplewood Divorce Club

Easy steps to start your own club

Guiding principles

Tips for running successful meetings

Paying it forward: friendship and support

Afterword It Got Better 277

Editorial Reviews

01/02/2017
Riss and Sockwell founded the Maplewood Divorce Club (named for their New Jersey town) with the aim of helping other women cope during an emotionally tough time, the same sentiment behind this book. Digging deep into the stories of their own breakups—as well as those of composite characters intended to represent situations such as “I’m bored with my marriage,” “My husband came out of the closet,” and “He’s abusing me”—the authors tell readers how to deal, heal, and reveal. “Deal” addresses the practicalities: how to tell the kids, the machinations of divorce court, and finding a new place to live. “Heal” offers advice on accepting that the marriage and old way of life are over and treating oneself with kindness. “Reveal” explores how to date again with practical advice for regaining confidence in social settings as well as the benefits of staying single. The warm and empowering tone of this book will convince readers that there’s life on the other side of a painful divorce. (Jan.)

Publishers Weekly

A valuable resource for recently divorced women who need to get back on track.” —Library Journal, starred review

“The overall effect is a chorus of relatable, emotional, and true-feeling stories about the many facets of divorce that will have newly single advice-seekers feeling less alone and more sure they’ll get through it, too.” —Booklist

“The warm and empowering tone of this book will convince readers that there’s life on the other side of a painful divorce.” —Publishers Weekly

“The Optimist’s Guide to Divorce is a straight-talking fount of information for your heart, sanity, and soul during the horrendous slog of divorce. It’s the book (and club) I wish I’d had—peace of mind on every page and more useful than your best friend.”
—V.C. Chickering, author of Nookietown

“This is not just a book about how to survive the vicissitudes of a divorce; it’s about how to create a better life. Coming out whole on the other side of even the most devastating divorce is more than possible—if you read this book, it’s a sure thing. Riss and Sockwell don’t just point the way, they take you by the hand and make the journey with you. This really is a guide to a new life—to a new you—so enjoy the journey with two very wise guides.”
—Dennis Merritt Jones, author of The Art of Uncertainty: How to Live in the Mystery of Life and Love It and Your (Re)Defining Moments: Becoming Who You Were Born to Be

"Like having a heart-to-heart with a compassionate, no-nonsense best friend. It's chock-full of wisdom, practical advice, encouragement, and what every woman in the midst of a divorce needs the most: hope."
—Cynthia L. Copeland, author of Good Riddance: An Illustrated Memoir of Divorce

“An excellent, easy-to-read tour of the twisting roads you’ll need to travel to get through a difficult divorce in the best shape. Full of practical, compassionate, sometimes humorous, always wise advice from the women of the Maplewood Divorce Club.”
—Lawrence Birnbach, PhD, author of How to Know If It’s Time to Go: A 10-Step Reality Test for Your Marriage

“A clever guide for those navigating through the nightmare of divorce. A must-read filled with great stories, tips, and humor, as well as many different points of view.”
—Jodi Topitz, author of Seriously! As If Going Through a Divorce Wasn’t Bad Enough...

From the Publisher

★ 11/15/2016
Cofounders of the Maplewood Divorce Club, a community of divorcées, Riss and Sockwell maintain that the end of a significant relationship is the best time to introduce positive change. Using a girlfriend-to-girlfriend style, the authors apply their own and many other women's experience to help new divorcées "deal" (e.g., how to tell the kids, find legal help), "heal" (e.g., work through anger and loss), and "reveal" (e.g., create community and explore fresh relationships). The book offers practical advice on living alone, handling credit problems, and coping with jealousy as well as working toward building healthy relationships, forgiveness, and managing grief. Verdict A valuable resource for recently divorced women who need to get back on track.

Library Journal