Read an Excerpt
FACING THE 5TH WALL: Facebook & MySpace
Careful what you upload on Facebook. A girl we know uploaded her Halloween striptease for her boyfriend. It wasn't until a guy she knows told her that she took the photos off. At that point, everyone had seen them.
Junior, U of Missouri - Rolla
I don't know how to say it, so, I'll just come out and say it. Will you be my friend? I'd really like for you to be my friend. Seriously, please be my friend. I need your friendship. I want your friendship. Give me your friendship... NOW!
What's in it for you?
As my Facebook and MySpace friend, you can look at pictures of me on the road. You can keep tabs on my mood swings. You can also keep up-to-date on my relationship status. At times, I will let you know what I'm eating for selected meals and what I'm wearing. Once in a while, I will post updates regarding competive eating contests (I make those up). Last fall I provided regular updates on a candy corn eating contest sponsored by the Milwaukee Chamber of Commerce. I finished second with 54,543 corns in 24 hours (again, just a joke). Best of all, as my friend, you have a place to stay when you are traveling through Chicago (not with me, but I know a lot of hotels and city parks). I'd like for you to be my friend. Not only do I want your friendship, I'd also like you to join The Naked Roommate Facebook Group. You can find links at www.TheNakedRoommate.com or just look my profile up on Facebook and Myspace.
If you're not familiar with Facebook or MySpace, you are probably from another planet or your parents have locked you away. Basically, these online communities allow people to stay connected, hook up, and get rejected (but not face-to-face).
THE GOOD, NOT SO GOOD, and REALLY NOT SO GOOD
THE GOOD — it feels good to get poked. It's nice to read the writing on the wall or posts on the profile page. There are so many ways to find out so much about people you would never talk to in real life without ever opening your mouth. You can find out personal interests, academic interests, social interests. Not only do you get to read about it there are also pictures (I love pictures). You can see the people in the lives of the people in your life. On top of that you can join interest groups, send out invitations to events on campus, and communicate via email. For someone who is looking at college or is new to college, online networks are a window into the world of college life that has never been visible before. And it's totally acceptable and not weird at all to send a note to someone on Facebook. It can be the president of a club or organization, someone on a teamsport, or a professional who can help you out. This is good.
THE NOT SO GOOD - The problem is that some people use online networks as a substitute to actually approaching someone (shy people, stalkers, strangers). Facebook should NEVER be a substitute to a conversation. It should only be a first step. Even if you're checking someone out to consider hooking up, if you discover that someone is a in a relationship via their profile, this should only make it more comfortable to make a move. That's right — still get to know that person. You can find out if that person is in a serious relationship, you can find out if the person is a cheater, or you can use it as a chance to say, "Of course you're in a relationship. I couldn't expect someone like you can' t be single for long." Then you can start a friendship with the person. Too many people assume too much based on these profiles. NEVER BEFORE HAS IT BEEN EASIER TO JUDGE SONEONE BEFORE EVER MEETING SOMEONE. It happens with friends, roommates, members of organizations. Be careful what you assume and be careful what other people assume. Uses Facebook and MySpace as a way to meet people, not fantasize or follow people.
THE REALLY NOT SO GOOD: Be careful what you post. If you're underage, don't post picture of drinking. If you're a leader on campus, don't post yourself doing something stupid. If you're doing something illegal, don't post yourself doing it., If you're a pageant contestant, don't post pictures of you flashing your thong at a bar. Potential employers, professors, friends, stalkers, and family have access to your information. Expect EVERYONE you don't want to view your pictures to view them. Make sure to set your privacy settings. Another thing to keep in mind — Facebook and MySpace can become addictive. College life shouldn't mean spending hours on your computer living in online communities. Appreciate that with all the changes that come with college life, online communities can become a substitute for real life communities. Use your online relationships to initiate real relationships. And one last thing before I'm done with this one - be careful you don't get expelled. Hate speech, groups that violate student codes of conduct, and illegal activities can get you in trouble. Students have been expelled and even arrested by the police because of their Facebook activities (see: The Naked Roommate Newsletter archives for links to stories).
ADDICTION (Alcohol, Sex, Gambling, Facebook, Etc)
Depression is naturally depression. And a lot of times, people want to get away from the heaviness and find unhealthy methods to cope . Drugs and alcohol are some of the most common methods to help numb the pain and run from reality. Then there's sex addiction (online porn, masturbation, risky sexual encounters) — it's not about intimacy, it's about masking the real emotions motivating the behavior. There's gambling addiction — more college students than ever are turning to gambling. It seems harmless, but it can cost students their future. I was recently at a campus where the president of the sophomore class robbed a bank near at gunpoint to pay for his online gambling debt. Another student killed his roommates rather than pay gambling debts. Online gambling, casinos near campuses, and poker games down the hall, these are habits that can turn into a serious addiction (see hotlines at end of chapter). Then there's Facebook Addictions (not yet clinically recognized), video game addictions, and addiction to the Internet. In excess, they are unhealthy escapes that are taking you away from reality to help you cope with a deeper issue, often times tied to depression.
If you feel like you a particular behavior is running your life, getting in the way of daily activities, or becoming the focus of your day —- that habit might be more than just a diversion. If people are bringing up the habit, it's a problem. If your habit is getting in the way of your responsibilities and relationships, it's a problem. If you can't stop doing it, then it's a problem. Get help before the problem takes over your life.
