The Masculinity Workbook for Teens: Discover What Being a Guy Means to You

by Christopher S. Reigeluth PhD, Michael G. Thompson PhD (Foreword by)

Overview

Conforming to gender stereotypes is a choice, not a requirement—you decide. This timely workbook provides a road map to help you discover what kind of man you want to be.

As a teen, you may be under intense pressure to conform to society’s stereotypes of masculinity—often referred to as the “guy code.” Limiting and unhealthy gender stereotypes and social practices are pervasive, even across cultures, and research shows that strict adherence to the rules of the code—or extreme forms of “traditional” masculinity, such as suppressing your feelings, acting tough and in control, and objectifying girls and women—can lead to emotional issues, aggression, low self-esteem, more risk taking, misogyny and homophobia, and even negative health outcomes, like depression and anxiety. So, how do you navigate these mixed messages?

This is the workbook you need. You’ll find fun and engaging activities that will empower you to define what being a guy means to you—whatever that is. You’ll learn all about how our world views masculinity—the good, the bad, and the toxic. You’ll find tips and tools to help you face difficult thoughts and emotions, rather than trying to avoid them, and ask for help when you need it.

Most importantly, you’ll discover that there’s no “right” way to be a guy. There’s just what’s right for you.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781684039494
Publisher:	New Harbinger Publications
Publication date:	11/01/2022
Pages:	216
Product dimensions:	8.00(w) x 10.00(h) x 0.48(d)
Age Range:	13 - 18 Years

About the Author

Christopher S. Reigeluth, PhD, is assistant professor in the division of clinical psychology at Oregon Health & Science University, and past fellow at the Yale Child Study Center. He is a child and adolescent psychologist who is passionate about the well-being of boys and men and greater gender awareness for all people. Chris loves the outdoors, and lives in Portland, Oregon with his wife, Ashley, and their children, Finn and Fern.

Table of Contents

Foreword ix

A Letter to Teen Guys (see Appendix for Letters to Parents, School Counselors, and Others) xiii

Part 1 Getting Started

Introduction The Guy Code Is Everywhere, When You Know Where to Look 3

Activity 1 Gender and Guy Code Self-Assessment 7

Activity 2 The Gender Boxes 12

Activity 3 My Gender Identity and Expression 16

Chapter 1 How We Learn About and Enforce the Guy Code 19

Activity 4 Your Masculinity Education 20

Activity 5 Personal and Famous Influencers 24

Activity 6 Pressure to Perform 28

Activity 7 "Come On, Be a Man" 33

Part 2 How to Be a Guy… You Decide

Chapter 2 Rule Number One: Guys Should Hide Difficult Emotions 39

Activity 8 Learning to Hide Emotions 41

Activity 9 Keeping It Real 45

Activity 10 Conceal or Reveal 48

Activity 11 Problems Can Arise 51

Activity 12 Rule Number One and You 53

Chapter 3 Rule Number Two: Guys Should Be Tough at All Times 55

Activity 13 "Man Up" Memories 57

Activity 14 The Two Faces of Toughness 61

Activity 15 Getting Pressured and Being Prepared 66

Activity 16 Rule Number Two and You 69

Chapter 4 Rule Number Three: Guys Should Be Players 71

Activity 17 Player Pressure Is Everywhere 74

Activity 18 We All Feel Nervous Sometimes 77

Activity 19 Player Problems 81

Activity 20 Sex and Dating… What Are You All About? 84

Activity 21 Rule Number Three and You 87

Chapter 5 Rule Number Four: Guys Should Call the Shots and Be Alphas 89

Activity 22 Alpha Male Ingredients 92

Activity 23 Being a More Agreeable Alpha 95

Activity 24 Don't Be That Guy 99

Activity 25 When Guys Don't Ask for Help 102

Activity 26 Rule Number Four and You 105

Chapter 6 Rule Number Five: Guys Should Play Sports… School-Not So Much 107

Activity 27 School, Sports, and Me 109

Activity 28 Guy Code Activities and What You're Into 112

Activity 29 School and Your Future-Match or Mismatch? 116

Activity 30 When Pressure to Play Creates Problems 120

Activity 31 Rule Number Five and You 121

Chapter 7 Rule Number Six: Guys Shouldn't Be Like Those "Other" Groups 123

Activity 32 Accusations of Otherness Memory Jog 126

Activity 33 Ways You Connect 129

Activity 34 Goes Too Far When… 135

Activity 35 Are Most Guys Homophobic and Misogynistic? 139

Activity 36 Rule Number Six and You 141

Part 3 Who You Are and Your Awakened Masculinity

Chapter 8 Guy Code x Culture x Identity 145

Activity 37 Defining Culture for Yourself 148

Activity 38 Guys on the Margin 153

Activity 39 My Cultural Identities and Values 157

Chapter 9 What Most Teen Guys Don't Hear: You Have Gender Choices 161

Activity 40 Awakened Masculinity and Me 162

Activity 41 Self-Growth Strategies and Skills 165

Activity 42 "Who Am I?" Profile-Gender and Beyond 170

Acknowledgments 175

Appendix A Sex vs. Gender 177

Appendix B Gender Spectrum Exploration 179

Appendix C The Gender Boxes Answers 181

Appendix D Guy Code Activities 'and What You're Into Answers 183

Appendix E A Letter to Caregivers, Parents, and Mentors of Teen Boys 185

Appendix F A Letter to Therapists, School Counselors, Coaches, Group Leaders, Wellness Instructors, and Others Who Support Boys 189

References 193

Editorial Reviews

How do you talk to a boy about masculinity? About what it means to be a man? You can give your son this book, or you can use the personal stories, quotes, and exercises provided by Christopher Reigeluth to shape the conversations you’ll have with your son over the next few years.”
—Andrew P. Smiler, PhD, therapist, and author of the award-winning Dating and Sex

Andrew P. Smiler

The Masculinity Workbook for Teens is an excellent resource for parents, caregivers, mentors, coaches, and educators to share with the boys in their lives. This practical guide empowers boys to navigate the ‘guy code,’ a set of unspoken rules they are pressured to follow to prove they are ‘man enough.’ Reigeluth has created an incredibly useful workbook for boys to do the inner work to uncover their whole humanity and authentic selves.”
—Jennifer Siebel Newsom, filmmaker, and founder of The Representation Project

Jennifer Siebel Newsom

The Masculinity Workbook for Teens is as important as it is timely. Timely because it identifies an underlying pathway to addressing the pain and confusion boys and men are feeling and perpetuating across America. Important because the workbook empowers and equips each reader to become part of the solution through the development and modeling of healthy masculinities.”
—Joe Ehrmann, author, activist, and president of the InSideOut Initiative—a national movement to reclaim the social-emotional and character development sports can and should provide for every participant

Joe Ehrmann

Young men long for us to acknowledge the realities of their lives; not to blame or shame them, nor condescend or lecture. What Christopher Reigeluth accomplishes so thoughtfully is to make this urgent conversation broadly accessible. By inviting boys to reflect on the air they breathe, he offers an invaluable guide to ‘awakened masculinity.’ I heartily recommend this workbook to all who care about boys.”
—Michael C. Reichert, PhD, author of How to Raise a Boy, and director of the Center for the Study of Boys’ and Girls’ Lives at the University of Pennsylvania

Michael C. Reichert

Teenage males probably would not ask for this book, but secretly I bet they all want this: an actual guide for being a man that goes beyond standard scripts and norms for how men are supposed to be. What makes this book wonderful is that it is more of a DIY guide to being the healthy and complete man that you are and want to be. All the young men in my life are getting copies.”
—Matt Englar-Carlson, PhD, professor of counseling at California State University, Fullerton; and director of the Center for Boys and Men

Matt Englar-Carlson

This is the book that all people who care about boys have wanted for a very long time. It speaks to boys and not at them, and engages their natural intelligence and curiosity, including their ability to think critically and emotionally about their own experiences. The ‘going deeper’ sections are brilliantly constructed to get at what boys really think and feel, and not simply what they think they ‘should’ believe. The author even takes an intersectional approach in his discussion of identities, making it both a critically important book and a timely one. Buy it and give it to any boy or young man you know! You will change their lives.”
—Niobe Way, EdD, author of Deep Secrets—the inspiration for the Grand Prix-winning movie, Close, at the Cannes Film festival

Niobe Way

The Masculinity Workbook for Teens is the book adolescent boys and those of us who work with them have desperately wanted. Not because it has all the answers, but because it doesn’t. It doesn’t replace the ‘guy code’ with a set of more progressive rules. With respect and guidance, it empowers boys to explore and create their own guidelines for being a man. A magnificent achievement.”
—Stephen Tosh, CEO of the Boys’ Club of New York, career youth worker, father of a son, and survivor of his own adolescence

Stephen Tosh

Boys need opportunities to explore who they want to be, not a society that imposes stereotypes dictating who boys should become. In this novel workbook for boys themselves, psychologist Chris Reigeluth offers a collection of distinct activities to help boys examine how the ‘guy code’ impairs their ability to choose who they want to become. School professionals and other concerned adults will find this workbook indispensable toward supporting boys’ self-discovery.”
—Joseph Derrick Nelson, PhD, associate professor of educational studies at Swarthmore College, and senior research fellow with the Center for the Study of Boys’ and Girls’ Lives at the University of Pennsylvania

Joseph Derrick Nelson

2022-08-31
Helps readers develop an individual understanding of masculinity through a series of prompts and simple worksheets.

Reigeluth begins with three separate letters, one to teen guys; one to parents, caregivers, and mentors; and one to therapists, counselors, and other supporters. His introduction lucidly explains “Guy Code” and its potential toxicity, lays out the structure of the book, and offers the first few activities designed to help readers understand their own views surrounding issues of masculinity. In one, there’s a list of attributes relating to physical appearance, interests, and emotional traits to be tagged as either relating to girls and women or guys. Each chapter unpacks a specific aspect of conventional thinking about masculinity then provides activities to help readers understand how the Guy Code influences them. For example, in assessing messages about sports being more important than school, related activities include identifying personal goals and tagging specific academic subjects and extracurriculars according to gender messaging. The activities are nicely presented, and, as explained in Michael G. Thompson’s foreword, such self-knowledge can empower the individual to choose his own path. But the author sometimes tends to oversimplify and overgeneralize. This is particularly true when he tries to explain masculinity through the lenses of culture and race, a sensitive topic that begs for more in-depth treatment. The appendices explore sex versus gender, the gender spectrum, and more.

A useful guide that poses important, soul-searching questions in an engaging manner. (references) (Nonfiction. 12-16)

Kirkus Reviews