The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality * Next Generation Indie Book Awards Winner in LGBT *

by Julie Sondra Decker

Overview

Next Generation Indie Book Awards Winner in LGBT . “An important resource for readers of any age who are struggling to understand their sexual orientation, or those who would like to better understand asexuality.” —Library Journal, starred review
Julie Sondra Decker’s book functions as a starting point for people interested in asexuality. It covers the basics of what asexuality is and isn’t, explores the most common issues asexual people may be dealing with, presents some pointers for newly asexual-identified people and the people who love them, and includes some resources to find out more. It’s for the layperson, written in everyday language.

She writes for people who are on the asexual spectrum, people who think they might be asexual, friends and family and partners of people who have come out as asexual, curious parties, and those looking for information on the subject for their school papers, sexuality studies, and alternative sexuality resources. And it’s for people who think asexuality doesn’t exist. Chapters include:

• Asexuality as a Sexual Orientation
• Romantic Orientation
• Libido and Masturbation
• Intimate and Sexual Activity
• Asexual Relationships
• Asexual Community
• Should Asexual People Get Therapy and Be Fixed
• Am I Asexual?
• Should I Come Out?
• And much more

If you think you may be asexual, or if you have a friend or partner who may be a sexual, this personal book will help you better understand what it means to be asexual in a world dominated by sexuality.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781634502436
Publisher:	Skyhorse
Publication date:	10/13/2015
Edition description:	Reprint
Pages:	240
Sales rank:	284,434
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 8.70(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Julie Sondra Decker has been a prominent voice for the asexual community since 1998, spreading asexuality awareness through her popular videos and blog essays. She has been interviewed in many mainstream publications, including Marie Claire, Salon, and the Daily Beast, and she was a prominent interviewee in the documentary (A)sexual by Arts Engine. She is a regular contributor to Good Vibrations. As an aromantic, asexual woman, she is happily single and resides in Tampa, Florida.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments ix

Introduction xi

My Story xi

What Is This Book About? xiii

Who Is This Book For? xiv

Why Was This Book Written? xiv

Part 1 Asexuality 101

The Basics 3

Asexuality Is a Sexual Orientation 4

Asexuality Is a Mature State 7

Asexuality Is a Description 8

Asexuality Is a Healthy Status 9

Asexuality Is a Reasonable Possibility 11

Part 2 Asexual Experiences

Romantic Orientation 17

Romanticism 17

Aromanticism 22

Grayromanticism 26

Demiromanticism 26

Libido and Masturbation 27

Intimate and Sexual Activity 30

Polyamory and Non-Monogamy 33

Kink, Fetish Play, and BDSM 34

Gray Areas 35

Graysexuality 36

Demisexuality 38

Asexual Relationships 41

Society, Discrimination, and Queer Communities 45

Asexual Community 68

Young and Asexual 68

Older and Asexual 69

Asexual Women, Asexual Men 71

Asexual People of Color 73

Gay / Queer and Asexual 75

Transgender and Asexual 76

Other Non-Cisgender / Non-Binary Identities and Asexuality 77

Autistic and Asexual 78

Disability, Illness, Mental Illness, Disorders, and Asexuality 79

Asexual Survivors of Abuse 81

Asexual People and Entertainment 82

Asexual Community Insiders 85

Non-Asexual People 88

The Asexual Experience 88

Part 3 The Many Myths of Asexuality

Bingo! 91

Aren't They Using the Word Asexual Incorrectly? 92

Is Asexuality Based On Fear of or Anger Toward Other Genders? 94

Do People Become Asexual Because They Fail at Dating? 95

Do People Become Asexual Because They're Physically Unattractive? 96

Do Asexual People Have a Physical or Hormonal Problem? 98

Are Asexual People Too Distracted by Their Busy Lives to Be Sexual? 100

Did Asexual People Have a Bad Sexual Experience and Swear Off Sex? 102

Could Asexual People Be Suffering From Trauma Brought on by Sexual Abuse? 104

Could Asexual People Be Secretly Gay? 108

Have Asexual People Just Not Met the Right Person? 110

Is Asexuality a Religious Statement? 112

Are Asexual People Going Through a Phase or Seeking Attention by Being Different? 115

Wouldn't Asexual People Be Lonely All the Time? 119

Are Asexual People Repressed, Boring, or Dispassionate? 121

Aren't Asexual People Being Awfully Selfish? Isn't an Asexual Person a Tease? 122

Don't Asexual People Need to Procreate? 125

Do Asexual People Hate Sex or People Who Have Sex? 126

Should Asexual People Get Therapy to Be Fixed? 129

Aren't Asexual People So Lucky to Have Simple, Uncomplicated Lives without Sex? 132

Shouldn't Asexual People Let an Experienced Sexual Parmer Change Their Minds? 134

Part 4 If You're Asexual (Or Think You Might Be)

Am I Asexual? 139

But This Changes Everything 143

Should I Come Out? 145

How Should I Handle the Criticism? 146

What If I'm a Teenager? Everyone Keeps Calling Me a "Late Bloomer" 153

What If I'm already in a Relationship, or Want to Be? What Do I Tell My Partner(s)? 154

So Where Do I Go From Here? 158

Part 5 If Someone You Know is Asexual (Or Might Be)

A Message for Non-Asexual People 163

What Does It All Mean? 163

What Do Asexual People Want? How Can I Make Them Feel Accepted? 165

So How Can I Acknowledge Their Existence? 165

Is There Anything I Should Avoid Saying or Doing? 167

Somebody Just Told Me They're Asexual! What Do I Say? 171

But What If I've Already Said Something Kind of Regrettable? 172

What If My Child Just Said They're Asexual? .Are They Too Young To Know? 174

What If My Partner Just Said They re Asexual? What Do I Do? 175

Can I Ask Questions? 181

What Questions Can I Ask Without Making Someone Uncomfortable? 182

Anything I Should Avoid Assuming? 183

Part 6 Other Resources

Basic Information, Introductions, Organizations, and FAQs 189

Discussion Groups, Networking, and Forums 191

Academic Resources and Research Collectives 192

Brochures and Educational Materials 193

Published Papers and Book Chapters on Asexuality 193

Published Articles and Interviews on Asexuality 196

Asexuality-Related Professional Video Media 197

Asexuality-Related Audio Interviews, Presentations, and Podcasts 197

Internet Videos and Channels on Asexuality 198

Asexuality-Related Blogs 200

"Asexual Perspectives" Contributors 201

Bibliography 202

Index 205

Editorial Reviews

“This title is an important resource for readers of any age who are struggling to understand their sexual orientation, or those who would like to better understand asexuality.” —Library Journal, starred review

“This book shines a much-needed light on an experience that’s far more common than most people realize. Julie Decker brings together the many different voices and stories of asexual people, presents valuable information, and offers helpful insight about how non-asexual people can be supportive. If you or someone you know is or might be asexual, read this book. And if you’re a sexuality or relationship professional, read this book. Asexuality is part of the sexuality spectrum and you need The Invisible Orientation on your shelves.”—Charlie Glickman, PhD, certified sexological bodyworker

“I’ll admit it: I used to think asexuality was not real. I couldn’t wrap my head around the concept—sex is a huge part of my life, so how could it be insignificant to someone else? Boy, was I ignorant! This book is a comprehensive learning tool for those who are asexual, as well as those who are asexual curious. Advocating respect, this rare and precious resource will open your eyes and set the record straight in a clear and straightforward manner. Prepare to have your mind blown!” —Kendra Holliday, creator of The Beautiful Kind blog

“This is a long overdue book. It provides a sense of what it is like to be asexual that can sometimes be missing from academic work. . . . It is a book with the potential to make a positive difference to many people’s lives and help combat what the author describes as the ‘insidious form of exclusion’ that asexual people continue to experience.” —Mark Carrigan, Department of Sociology, University of Warwick

“This fascinating book will make more space for thoughtful understanding of sexual diversity and desire and help us understand just how variable human sexuality really is. For sex educators, therapists, and scholars, it’s a must-read. For asexual people (or the ‘A-questioning’), who are so frequently invisibilized and disrespected, it may well offer the kind of succor, support, and information that every person—across the sex, gender, and partnering spectra—deserves.” —Carol Queen, PhD, Founding Director, Center for Sex & Culture and author, Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture

“This title is an important resource for readers of any age who are struggling to understand their sexual orientation, or those who would like to better understand asexuality.” —Library Journal, starred review

“This book shines a much-needed light on an experience that’s far more common than most people realize. Julie Decker brings together the many different voices and stories of asexual people, presents valuable information, and offers helpful insight about how non-asexual people can be supportive. If you or someone you know is or might be asexual, read this book. And if you’re a sexuality or relationship professional, read this book. Asexuality is part of the sexuality spectrum and you need The Invisible Orientation on your shelves.”—Charlie Glickman, PhD, certified sexological bodyworker

“I’ll admit it: I used to think asexuality was not real. I couldn’t wrap my head around the concept—sex is a huge part of my life, so how could it be insignificant to someone else? Boy, was I ignorant! This book is a comprehensive learning tool for those who are asexual, as well as those who are asexual curious. Advocating respect, this rare and precious resource will open your eyes and set the record straight in a clear and straightforward manner. Prepare to have your mind blown!” —Kendra Holliday, creator of The Beautiful Kind blog

“This is a long overdue book. It provides a sense of what it is like to be asexual that can sometimes be missing from academic work. . . . It is a book with the potential to make a positive difference to many people’s lives and help combat what the author describes as the ‘insidious form of exclusion’ that asexual people continue to experience.” —Mark Carrigan, Department of Sociology, University of Warwick

“This fascinating book will make more space for thoughtful understanding of sexual diversity and desire and help us understand just how variable human sexuality really is. For sex educators, therapists, and scholars, it’s a must-read. For asexual people (or the ‘A-questioning’), who are so frequently invisibilized and disrespected, it may well offer the kind of succor, support, and information that every person—across the sex, gender, and partnering spectra—deserves.” —Carol Queen, PhD, Founding Director, Center for Sex & Culture and author, Real Live Nude Girl: Chronicles of Sex-Positive Culture

From the Publisher