The Gutbucket Quest

The Gutbucket Quest

by Piers Anthony, Ron Leming
The Gutbucket Quest

The Gutbucket Quest

by Piers Anthony, Ron Leming

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Overview

A blues musician is blasted into a parallel world in a novel that’s “a houserockin’ good time” cowritten by the New York Times–bestselling author (Booklist).

Slim’s a Texas bluesman of a certain age, down on his luck and just about broke—but hey, that’s what the blues are all about. He loves his music: “Not the popular blues, homogenized, synthesized, and zombilized; but the real down-home gut-bucket blues.” Then one day the music loves him back. In a single hot burst of lightning that comes straight up out of the ground, Slim finds himself in Tejas. It’s a little bit magic and a whole lot different, but the blues are the same. 

And the blues—manifest here in the form of a maple-necked, pearl-gray Fender Stratocaster with blue-chrome pickups, aka the Gutbucket—need him and need him bad. The Strat’s fallen into the hands of T-Bone Pickens and his Vipers, who want to suck up all its power and turn it to evil. Slim’s off and running on the Gutbucket Quest, with the help of his new mentor, rhythm guitarist Progress T. Hornsby, and a purely unstoppable blues singer named Nadine. 

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781497657502
Publisher: Open Road Media
Publication date: 07/01/2014
Sold by: Barnes & Noble
Format: eBook
Pages: 245
File size: 5 MB

About the Author

About The Author
Piers Anthony has written dozens of bestselling science fiction and fantasy novels. Perhaps best known for his long-running Xanth series, many of which are New York Times bestsellers, he has also had great success with the Incarnations of Immortality series and the Cluster series, as well as Bio of a Space Tyrant and others. Much more information about Piers Anthony can be found at www.HiPiers.com.
Ron Leming is a writer, artist, musician, and bodybuilder. Gutbucket Quest is his first novel, and Anthony’s twenty-second collaboration.
Piers Anthony is one of the world’s most popular fantasy writers, and a New York Times–bestselling author twenty-one times over. His Xanth novels have been read and loved by millions of readers around the world, and he daily receives letters from his devoted fans. In addition to the Xanth series, Anthony is the author of many other bestselling works. He lives in Inverness, Florida.
Ron Leming is a writer, artist, musician, and bodybuilder. Gutbucket Quest is his first novel, and Anthony’s twenty-second collaboration.

Read an Excerpt

The Gutbucket Quest


By Piers Anthony, Ron Leming

OPEN ROAD INTEGRATED MEDIA

Copyright © 2000 Piers Anthony Jacob and Ron Leming
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4976-5750-2


CHAPTER 1

... the blues transcend conditions created by social injustice; and the attraction is that they express simultaneously the agony of life and the possibility of conquering it through the sheer toughness of spirit.

—Ellison, Shadow and Act


Born for the Blues (G-flat minor)


Some folks are born with a soul full of trouble, And some are born just too poor to choose, Me, I know, my time is on to comin', 'Cause this boy here was born for the blues

My daddy left before my life was seen, My momma saw me as one more way to lose, Doc said, "This boy a-comin' in blood and screams, I know this here boy was born for the blues."

Poor man got no justice and rich man got no heart, If you find somebody lovin', life tears you right apart, When you just sit there a moanin', then you know you got to choose, 'Cause that's when you know you was born for the blues.

Folk say the road to hell is paved with good intentions, But a poor man got no time to pay that much attention, When you have to fight to live you either die or lose, But you have to keep on fightin' bein' born for the blues.


The main color of the creek was green. Willow thickets closed and hid much of it, the water making only a small, narrow tunnel through the thin, knotted leaves and branches. Clumps of cottonwood grew spaced apart all up and down the bank, and catclaw bushed out in any place that wasn't filled with something else. Nature, Slim Chance thought, was odd and wonderful.

One of his first tasks, when he had settled here, had been to build a run of steps down the cliffside to the creek. Shaky, but fundamentally sound, the stairs had held up well, and he smiled as he hitched the guitar up on his shoulder and started down. He got nearly to the bottom, then paused. Something felt wrong, like a memory trying to surface. He started to look up at the sky, but then he knew.

There was nothing at all he could do to avoid or escape the bolt of lightning that exploded from the ground beneath him. It caught him fair and square and blew him up into the air. It hurt like hell, it scrambled his brain and nerves, but he twisted in his flight, trying to make sure the precious guitar was above him, so that he wouldn't land on it and shatter his dreams.

Then he hit the ground. He landed on his back, the guitar clutched to his chest. His head hit hard, and though he tried to avoid it, unconsciousness closed him into darkness.


When Slim woke, he was looking up at an old black man with a mouthful of gold teeth. His face was metallically black in the sunlight and he was smiling broadly, compassionately.

"What the—" Slim mumbled.

"You all right, son?" the man asked him.

"All right?" Slim answered. "No, I don't think so."

"Why? Is you kilt?"

"No," Slim said. "I think I may be maimed, though."

"What about that guitar?" the old man asked. "Is that okay?"

Slim, becoming more and more conscious with every word, sat and held the guitar close, examining the body and neck. No new dents or scratches, and the neck was straight and tight; it hadn't been hurt.

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah, s'okay."

"Good, then." The man held out a delicate, white-palmed hand. Slim took it and stood up, surprised at the old man's deceptive strength pulling at him.

"That's a fine-lookin' guitar, son. I bet it plays real nice, too. You mind?"

Before Slim could object, the old man took the guitar out of his hands and proceeded to play the slickest, cleanest, smoothest B-flat blues riff Slim had ever heard. Even without an amplifier, he could tell it would sound true blue and beautiful as hell.

"Whoo," the old man huffed. "That maple neck's right nice. Never cared for 'em my own self, but you got a good one. Put some work in on it I 'spect."

"Wait just a damn minute," Slim said, frustrated. "Who the hell are you?"

The man laughed, his gold teeth flashing in the sunlight. Sunlight? Slim wondered. What had happened to the storm? The one whose lightning had launched him here.

"Me?" the man said, holding out his hand to be shaken. "Progress is my name. Progress T. Hornsby."

Slim took the proffered hand. "Pleased to meetcha," he said. "Did you see what happened to me?"

The man scratched his head. "Well now," he said. "I did and I didn't, you might say. Ain't sure atall. I was just goin' back to the house and bang!, there you was, flyin' through the air off my stairs, holdin' that there guitar."

"Yeah, I—hey, wait a minute. Your stairs? No, man, those are my stairs. I built those"

Slim turned to point to the stairs, but they weren't there any longer. Instead, he saw a flight of well-poured concrete steps blended into the bank of the cliff. "What the hell?"

"Look here, son. I gots me a feelin' about you, somethin' I purely likes. Whyn't you come on up the house with me. I think you're more hurt than you maybe thinks."

"Yeah," Slim said, quietly. "Sure, whatever. Thanks."

He followed Progress up the steps, jumping up and down on each one, just to make sure they were real and not the product of his scrambled brains. He'd almost started to feel halfway normal when they got to the top of the trail and he looked down at the house.

"No," he moaned. "Oh no, that can't be."

It was like his house, but it wasn't. The shape was the same, but the adobe walls had been stuccoed and painted sky blue. Bricks had been laid in the walkways and instead of raw dirt and weeds for a yard, there was grass and a small garden. The deep wash in front of the house was filled with water and a quiet pump connected the water to the house. And there were real oaks surrounding the house. Not small, new oaks, either, but mature, double-trunked oaks that cast shade in all the right places.

"I do not believe this," Slim said.

"Believe what, son?"

"This was my house, man. I mean—it was before I went down to the creek and the lightning got me. It was nice. Well, it wasn't, but it was gonna be. I hadn't finished it. It was just adobe. No real yard or anything. No trees except for a few cedars. No pond. But this was just the way I thought I was gonna do it. Just like this."

Progress looked at Slim closely, looked deeply into his eyes, at his confusion, but he remained silent.

"Progress—"

"Yeah, boy?"

"Where the hell am I?"

"I ain't at all sure that's a question I can answer, son. But as far as here, you're at my house." Progress pointed south over the hill. "Over there, that's the city of Armadillo. And all this here is a part of the great nation of Tejas."

"Nation?" Slim said weakly. "Tejas?"

"Yep. Problem with that?"

"Oh no. No problem. Just that before I walked down to the creek, that city was called Amarillo, and this was the state of Texas."

"Texas?" Progress said. "What's it in a state of?"

"The United States."

Progress laughed. "You're foolin' me, ain'tcha? The United States? That's just a little ole country clear on over to the east coast. Nowhere near here."

Slim opened his mouth to say something, but nothing intelligible would come out of his tightened throat.

Progress laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Son," he said, "come on down to the house. They's somethin' happenin' here, but I don't know what it is."

Progress led Slim down the trail, through the yard, to the house. They went through the painted front door. The jarring, the dislocation, was total. The house was just enough like his own to throw his sense of existence completely out of whack. The walls were plastered and painted a clean white. Instead of the dirt floors he was used to, there was concrete and thick, brightly colored rugs. The furniture was wildly varied in style, but all of it was good stuff. Though different, a stereo and TV cabinet stood in the same place he was used to. There was a big, handmade table against the same wall he'd had his own. A different collection of stands and guitars stood beneath the same window his guitars had stood under.

"Nice," Slim said, trying hard not to act nonplussed. "It must have cost you a little bit to fix it up like this."

"Mmmm. Wouldn't have cost so much, but I did most of the work myself."

That made Slim laugh. He was overly familiar with the costs of self labor.

"That's better," the old man said. "You maybe got a hard shot here, but long as you can laugh I 'spect you be okay."

"Oh, man, Progress. This can't be happening. But it is happening. What am I gonna do?"

"What you mean, son? Do about what?"

"This isn't my house. This isn't even my whole world, I don't think. I don't know if I'm dead or crazy, but this just isn't where I should be. Where do I go? What do I do? I got a life I gotta try to live"

"You any good with that there guitar?" Progress asked.

Slim shrugged. "Sometimes I think I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm not for shit. Depends on the day."

"Yessir, I hears that. We all like that. But do you have it inside you?"

"I think I do."

"Shore, son. I thinks maybe you do, too. I see me a man flyin' through the air, more careful about his guitar than his own ass, that there's a man I think maybe got hold of somethin' and tryin' to find out what it is he's holdin' on to. So I tells you what. You just come on and lives here with me awhile."

"Really?" Slim smiled. The offer, and the old man, made him feel better than he'd felt in a while, not just since the lightning, made him feel mighty good inside.

"Oh, shore. Look here, it gets pretty danged lonesome out here all alone. And I guess it's about time I took me on an apprentice. I ain't gettin' any younger, or so they tell me."

"Apprentice?" Slim was puzzled. "Apprentice to what? What do you do?"

Progress moved to the kitchen, not answering. He filled two glasses with ice, and then with brown-gold sun tea, and brought them back into the living room, handing one to Slim. Then he laughed. It was a deep, throaty sound that carried an honest joy. It had been a long time since Slim had felt so welcomed or liked by another human being.

"That's right," Progress said. "I forgot you ain't from around here. I s'pose you needs a proper introduction."

Progress walked to the stereo cabinet and turned on the power to the receiver and the turntable. He pulled an album from the shelf, pulled the disk out and placed it on the turntable. The needle hit the grooves and a raucous, sexy, beautiful twelve-bar blues song came from the speakers.

"Well, I woke up this mornin', to a rattle in my bed, Said I woke up this mornin', to a rattle in my bed, It was the loose shell blues, runnin' all round my head."


The voice was what Slim thought of as whiskey-soaked, full of the kind of pain and sorrow only the blues expressed. The electric guitar accompaniment was loose and slick and dirty-good, like a heat wave.

"Well, I shook and shivered, till I nearly cried, Yes I shook and shivered, till I nearly cried, Tighten me up, mama, give the good man a try.

My bones may rattle, but my mind is tight, Say my bones may rattle, but my mind is tight, And if I know one thing, it's where I am at night.

They tell me not to be impatient, every dog will have its day, Say don't be impatient, every dog has its day, But with these armadillo blues, I'm runnin' every which a way.

People talkin' 'bout hard times, tell me what they all about, Talkin' 'bout hard times, tell me what they all about, Hard times don't bother me, I was there when they started out.

I been boobin' it and noobin' it, I can tell by the way I smell, Yes boobin' it and noobin' it, I can smell that smell, So come here, mama, put some oil on this here shell."


It was a straight twelve-bar blues in E, but it went a long way down the road, was almost exactly what Slim himself wanted so badly to play.

The record went on to a slow blues and Progress motioned Slim over to the stereo cabinet, to a shelf filled with a short row of albums. Slim started pulling them out one at a time to look at them. Fat Tuesday, Livin' Blue, Hook and Line, Two Finger Blues, Standin' Hard, album after album. He counted: there were thirty-seven and Progress' name was on all of them.

"Wow" Slim said. "You're a star. I mean—you must be a star."

Progress shook his head, smiling. "Some folks say so," he said. "I expect it's maybe true if I sit down and think on it. But it ain't what I thinks inside me. I ain't sayin' I don't enjoy it. I do. But here, where I live, I'm just an old man been around a while. Time has a wonderful way of cutting away the trivial, and you gives a person long enough, they can get to doin' most anythin'."

"But you're great" Slim protested.

"Oh, come on here, son. You ain't listened to but a couple of songs."

"No, it's there. I can hear it, feel it. You're playing what I'd about give my left nut to be able to play."

"Come on, now. I bet you could play it without havin' to give up any body parts."

"Yeah, sure," Slim said. "I could play it. I can do okay. Technically I'm okay. But the feeling isn't there for me, somehow. I'm missing something."

"Well, son, like I said, you just stay on here with me for a while, I'll do my level best to teach you what I know, and we'll see can't we do somethin' about whatever it is you think you missed."

"Really? I gotta tell you, I'm pretty much a total idiot sometimes."

Progress laughed and clapped Slim on the back. "We all is, son. Every damn one of us is idiots in our own way and time. But you can learn to get beyond it most times. You stay on here. Like you say, you gots no place else to go to, so you just makes yourself at home."

Then Progress made Slim clean up and rest for a while, because he was dirty and bruised from the lightning strike and his fall. It was clear that the man didn't think any less of him for it, and indeed, was intrigued by the manner of his arrival here, but knew that Slim needed a bit of time alone, just to get his head halfway together.

And while Slim washed his face and arms, and brushed off his clothing, he thought about what had happened. He realized that he had somehow changed worlds, but had no notion how or why. So he forced himself to focus not on the moment of the strike, but on the hour before, when things had been normal.

CHAPTER 2

... I want to suggest that the acceptance of this anguish one finds in the blues, and the expression of it, creates also, however odd this may sound, a kind of joy.

—James Baldwin, The Uses of the Blues


It all began on one of those blistering days when the Texas plains pant like a dying coyote, when the red dust lies heavy and the air seems to scorch the flesh it touches. The white colleechee road lay like a straight wound through the grass and mesquite green on the hillside. Slim Chance walked slowly down the slope to the unfinished adobe house he chose to call home.

Slim was, perhaps, average. Yet, there was a certain distinction about him. He was nearly six feet tall, but chubby, so that in actuality he appeared shorter. His gray-smeared brown hair reached to the middle of his back, matching the swiftly graying beard that hid much of his face. Metal-framed glasses, sad gray eyes and a particular swing or sway to his walk were details that added up, in some definitive way, so that an observer, seeing Slim for the first time, would say, "There's a child of the sixties. An artist or a musician. Whatever, a misfit." And the observer would be right. The only detail missing was the thinning hair, or even the baldness that Slim had escaped, unlike so many of his contemporaries.


(Continues...)

Excerpted from The Gutbucket Quest by Piers Anthony, Ron Leming. Copyright © 2000 Piers Anthony Jacob and Ron Leming. Excerpted by permission of OPEN ROAD INTEGRATED MEDIA.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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