The Groom Will Keep His Name: And Other Vows I've Made About Race, Resistance, and Romance

by Matt Ortile

Overview

A riotous collection of "witty and captivating" essays by a gay Filipino immigrant in America who is learning that everything is about sex (Bitch Magazine) -- and sex is about power.
When Matt Ortile moved from Manila to Las Vegas, the locals couldn't pronounce his name. Harassed as a kid for his brown skin, accent, and femininity, he believed he could belong in America by marrying a white man and shedding his Filipino identity. This was the first myth he told himself. The Groom Will Keep His Name explores the various tales Ortile spun about what it means to be a Vassar Girl, an American Boy, and a Filipino immigrant in New York looking to build a home.
As we meet and mate, we tell stories about ourselves, revealing not just who we are, but who we want to be. Ortile recounts the relationships and whateverships that pushed him to confront his notions of sex, power, and the model minority myth. Whether swiping on Grindr, analyzing DMs, or cruising steam rooms, Ortile brings us on his journey toward radical self-love with intelligence, wit, and his heart on his sleeve.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781541762800
Publisher:	PublicAffairs
Publication date:	06/02/2020
Sold by:	Hachette Digital, Inc.
Format:	eBook
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Matt Ortile is the managing editor of Catapult. His writing has been published by BuzzFeed, Into, Self, and Out, among others. He lives in Brooklyn.

Table of Contents

Barong Tagalog 1

Queen Beds 33

Reading the Stars 63

Rice Queens, Dairy Queens 85

Vassar Girl 117

To Be Asked 153

Shared Histories 181

Balikbayan 209

To Live Alone 251

The Groom Will Keep His Name 275

Acknowledgments 321

Editorial Reviews

"An intellectually ambitious, politically engaged, ideologically sensitive memoir."
—Kirkus Reviews

"[Ortile] traverses a multitude of humorous and painful experiences with incisiveness and empathy."
—Bitch.com

"A whip-smart essay collection explores the intersection of race, sexuality and identity through the lens of one queer immigrant's personal history."
—Shelf Awareness, starred

"Weaving stories together about his life and the history of the marginalized communities he belongs to, Ortile seamlessly brings readers into the intersections of his experiences."—Alamin Yohannes, EW.com

Matt Ortile's ardent and precocious collection sets the page aflame with its explosive mixture of passion and politics, cultural analysis and self-examination. Cruising through virtual and nocturnal circuits, Ortile riffs like a guitar savant on what it means to be a young wanderer in the city today with astute carnality and endearing candor. The Groom Will Keep His Name is a daring brown and queer manifesto that proclaims to everyone making our way in the world: never bow to the false gods of whiteness and normalcy.—Meredith Talusan, author of Fairest

Ortile's writing is like sex—sensual and vulnerable, sometimes irreverent, and often soaked in layers of meaning, with the ability to make you laugh, make you cry, and lay you bare. The Groom Will Keep His Name is a sumptuous must-read for the queer millennial.—Casey McQuiston, author of Red, White & Royal Blue

Matt Ortile writes with precision and power, and his work overflows with probing insight both inward and outward facing. Ortile's essays deftly navigate the complicated intersection of race, sex, history, family, and self. Propelled by bracing candor and impeccable skill, The Groom Will Keep His Name rushes straight to the reader's eyeballs, demanding to be read.—Josh Gondelman, author of Nice Try

Matt Ortile writes this book as a kind of open invitation to readers, exploring themes of family (chosen and otherwise), relationships, race and identity with refreshing wit and vulnerability. Some of his essays might remind you of favorite conversations you've had with your sharpest, smartest friends-if you're very lucky, that is, and happen to have friends as thoughtful and brilliant as he is. Wry, funny, and poignant by turns, The Groom Will Keep His Name is an honest and moving account of a young immigrant's evolving understanding of himself, as well as the two countries he's called home.—Nicole Chung, author of All You Can Ever Know

From the Publisher

★ 06/01/2020

Ortile (managing editor, Catapult magazine; founding editor, BuzzFeed Philippines) makes his debut with this rich collection of essays. Ortile emigrated from the Philippines to the United States at age 12, completing high school in Las Vegas and college at Vassar before moving to New York to work in media. In emotionally resonant and evocative prose, Ortile reflects on Philippine and Filipino history, his sexual experiences on Grindr and in gym steam rooms, and the lives of twenty-somethings trying to make their way in the big city. He analyzes the Asian model minority myth, online confessionals, colorism, the need to decolonize oneself, the buff and blinding whiteness of American masculinity, and the performance of gay masculinity and Americanness. Along the way, he touches on astrology and self-transformation, online communities past and present, the perils of running into exes at work parties, the racism lurking in liberal institutions, late-stage capitalism, cruising and consent, chosen families, and leaving and returning home. VERDICT Ortile's writing is insightful and honest, giving readers a window into a world with which they may not be familiar. Part cultural commentary, part self-examination, this candid account is highly recommended.—Monica Howell, Northwestern Health Sciences Univ. Lib., Bloomington, MN

Library Journal

Author Matt Ortile narrates his lively, introspective memoir about his experiences in a new culture. After immigrating to the U.S. from the Philippines, he navigates both acceptance and rejection in his various professional and social circles. He delivers his work with vibrant energy. The listener can feel who he is when he speaks of his family, sexual interactions, tight-knit circle of friends, and desire to belong. His story is bold, honest, and direct, especially as he embraces who he is as a gay Filipino man. There are moments of warmth, particularly when he enters vulnerable spaces that require him to reflect on his intimate relationships. Ortile is quite humorous in his tone at times. This is a journey worth taking. T.E.C. © AudioFile 2020, Portland, Maine

JULY 2020 - AudioFile

Author Matt Ortile narrates his lively, introspective memoir about his experiences in a new culture. After immigrating to the U.S. from the Philippines, he navigates both acceptance and rejection in his various professional and social circles. He delivers his work with vibrant energy. The listener can feel who he is when he speaks of his family, sexual interactions, tight-knit circle of friends, and desire to belong. His story is bold, honest, and direct, especially as he embraces who he is as a gay Filipino man. There are moments of warmth, particularly when he enters vulnerable spaces that require him to reflect on his intimate relationships. Ortile is quite humorous in his tone at times. This is a journey worth taking. T.E.C. © AudioFile 2020, Portland, Maine

JULY 2020 - AudioFile

2020-04-12
The multifaceted memoir of a 20-something gay Filipino American male’s conflicted relationship with affluent white America.

Catapult managing editor Ortile combines traditional anecdote with quasi-academic cultural critique and an investigation of sexual and racial identity politics. The author’s family immigrated to America when he was 12, and he was taught from a young age that his Asian identity had to be played down to access all the trappings of white American society. At least on a superficial level, this approach got results. Ortile studied hard (lots of Barthes) and was admitted to the Vassar College, a school he romanticizes—but also criticizes—for its reputation as a bastion of white privilege and a direct pipeline to a prestigious career in the liberal arts. At the same time, he constantly wondered if he had lost his real self and his Filipino identity by playing such an assimilationist role. Regarding sexual identity, he has always been more sure of himself, as evidenced by his recounting of his sexual escapades in New York City as a young, exoticized Filipino man. “I inhabit a fetishized body,” he writes, “one marked as other, even by men who desire it.” While working as a magazine intern, he was also constantly trawling for wealthy men on Grindr. Ortile’s fascination with Barthes leads him on extended musings about not only Western marriage myths, but also the fallacy of American masculinity as expressed through men’s underwear ads. Looking back on his experiences, he writes, “I took up the role of a Filipino Carrie Bradshaw who read Barthes and trolled Grindr.” This is revelatory stuff, of course, for a self-analytical youngster still learning the ropes in the big city. More affecting, however, are Ortile’s partially successful attempts to come to terms with his own “Filipinoness” and finally reconcile his Asian identity with the nascent American in him.

An intellectually ambitious, politically engaged, ideologically sensitive memoir.

Kirkus Reviews