Table of Contents
Author's Note xv
Introduction 1
The thoughts of the silent in heart 5
Mena's Corner 7
Rich Bitch 10
No One Told Me 14
"I Don't Want to Do That!" 17
Slut Shamed 21
The Kids' Division 24
City of Angels 27
Someone's Watching 29
What Was Happy? 32
Life has its ups and downs 35
Smile for the Camera 37
Wasted 39
Thinking back upon the days 43
Another Manager 45
Hollyweed 48
Guatemala 51
Geoff and Franny 54
The Day I Never Expected 58
Up All Night 60
Meth Month 62
The Loss of It All 64
Totaled 66
Rave Daze 68
"Ever Done It?" 71
Hollywood Acid Test 73
God, why did you go? 77
Never Listening 79
Expiration Date 82
Chuck 85
"All My Stuff Is Here" 87
Miss American Pie 92
Steph 94
Toys 96
Handicapped 99
Easily Convinced 102
Angela 105
American Beauty 107
Do I consider myself great? 111
Breaking Free 112
The Hiding Place 121
Robert 122
A Reprieve 124
Engaged 126
A Bloody Mess 129
Sigal 131
Permission. 135
Second Thoughts 137
Jay 140
Down Under 145
Trust 147
Looking 151
Heavy-Duty Detox 153
"By the Way …" 157
Caught in the Middle 159
Changes of the Chameleon 161
Temescal 163
Mike 167
On Location 170
Simone 173
Another Attempt 176
My Dream 179
Costa Rica 180
The Jungle 183
Tree of Life 188
The Rescue 192
In Need 194
Cries Heard 199
Gratitude 202
Mayan Dawn Prayer 205
Love and Loss 207
Feeling Alone 211
The Augment 215
Something Borrowed 219
Sleeplessness 225
An American Horror Story 227
"I'll Find a Way!" 233
No More 237
"Sweet Soul Sal" 239
Papa 241
Justice 244
Starting Fresh 248
Creating Space 250
Moon Magic 255
Hope 257
I Am Her 263
Reclaiming My Power 265
Truth 267
Acknowledgments 271