The Gift: 14 Lessons to Save Your Life

by Edith Eva Eger

Overview

“I will be forever changed by Edith Eger’s story.” —Oprah

A practical and inspirational guide to stopping destructive patterns and imprisoning thoughts to find freedom and joy in life—now updated to address the challenges of the pandemic and a world in crisis.

World renowned psychologist and internationally bestselling author, Edith Eger’s, powerful New York Times bestselling book The Choice told the story of her survival in the concentration camps, her escape, healing, and journey to freedom. Readers around the world wrote to tell her how The Choice moved them and inspired them to confront their own past and try to heal their pain. They asked her to write another, more prescriptive book. Eger’s second book, The Gift, expands on her message of healing and provides a hands-on guide that gently encourages readers to change the thoughts and behaviors that may be keeping them imprisoned in the past.

Eger explains that the worst prison she experienced is not the prison that Nazis put her in but the one she created for herself: the prison within her own mind. She describes the most pervasive imprisoning beliefs she has known—including fear, grief, anger, secrets, stress, guilt, shame, and avoidance—and the tools she has discovered to deal with these universal challenges. These lessons are offered through riveting and inspiring stories from her life and the lives of her patients.

This new, revised edition of The Gift contains two new chapters that examine the invaluable insights and lessons Edie learned during the Covid-19 pandemic; a time she used to rediscover freedom even in lockdown and to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, including preparing and sharing meals with the ones we love. Edie includes recipes for some of her favorite dishes which have been updated and tested by her daughter Marianne Engle and explains how food can be a deep expression of love and connection.

As readers seek to find joy and some peace in these challenging times, Eger’s wisdom and heartfelt advice is as timely, and timeless, as ever and certain to resonate with Eger’s devoted readers and those who have not yet found her transformational wisdom.

Filled with empathy, insight, and humor, The Gift captures the vulnerability and common challenges we all face and provides encouragement and advice for breaking out of our personal prisons to find healing and greater joy in life.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781982143114
Publisher:	Scribner
Publication date:	09/15/2020
Sold by:	SIMON & SCHUSTER
Format:	eBook
Pages:	208
Sales rank:	261,805
File size:	5 MB

About the Author

Edith Eger is an eminent psychologist and one of the few remaining Holocaust survivors old enough to remember life in the camps. A colleague of Viktor Frankl, Dr. Edith Eger has worked with veterans, military personnel, and victims of physical and mental trauma. She lives in La Jolla, California, and is the author of the bestselling and award-winning books The Choice and The Gift. Edie and her daughter, Marianne Engle—a renowned psychologist and food writer who helped develop the recipes in The Gift—encourage you to try the delicious dishes in the book and share your thoughts at [e-mail].

Read an Excerpt

Chapter 1

KEYS TO FREE YOURSELF FROM VICTIMHOOD

• That was then, this is now. Think of a moment in childhood or adolescence when you felt hurt by another’s actions, large or small. Try to think of a specific moment, not a generalized impression of that relationship or time of life. Imagine the moment as though you are reliving it. Pay attention to sensory details—sights, sounds, smells, tastes, physical sensations. Then picture yourself as you are now. See yourself enter the past moment and take your past self by the hand. Guide yourself out of the place where you were hurt, out of the past. Tell yourself, “Here I am. I’m going to take care of you.”
• In every crisis there is a transition. Write a letter to a person or situation that has caused you pain, recently or in the past. Be specific about what the person did, or about what happened that you didn’t like. Put it all on the table. Say how the actions, words, or events affected you. Then write another letter to the same person or situation—but this time write a thank-you letter, expressing gratitude for what the person has taught you about yourself or how the situation has prompted you to grow. The goal of the thank-you letter is not to pretend to like something you didn’t like, or to force yourself to be happy about something painful. Acknowledge that what happened wasn’t right and that it hurt. And also notice the healing power in shifting your point of view from a powerless victim to who you really are: a survivor, a person of strength.
• Harness your freedom to. Make a vision board—a visual representation of what you want to create or embrace in your life. Cut out pictures and words from magazines, old calendars, etc.—there are no rules, just see what attracts you. Paste the images and words to a sheet of poster board or a big piece of cardboard. Notice what patterns emerge. (This is a wonderful practice to do together with dear friends—and with plenty of good food!) Keep your vision board close by and look at it every day. Let this intuitive creation be an arrow to follow.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Unlocking Our Mental Prisons 1

Chapter 1 What Now? 11

Victimhood

Chapter 2 No Prozac at Auschwitz 29

Avoidance

Chapter 3 All Other Relationships Will End 51

Self-Neglect

Chapter 4 One Butt, Two Chairs 71

Secrets

Chapter 5 No One Rejects You but You 81

Guilt and Shame

Chapter 6 What Didn't Happen 91

Unresolved Grief

Chapter 7 Nothing to Prove 107

Rigidity

Chapter 8 Would You Like to Be Married to You? 121

Resentment

Chapter 9 Are You Evolving or Revolving? 133

Paralyzing Fear

Chapter 10 The Nazi in You 149

Judgment

Chapter 11 If I Survive Today, Tomorrow I Will Be Free 163

Hopelessness

Chapter 12 There's No Forgiveness Without Rage 177

Not Forgiving

Conclusion: The Gift 189

Acknowledgments 193

Editorial Reviews

07/27/2020

Holocaust survivor and therapist Eger (The Choice) encourages readers to break free from self-imposed mental prisons in this engaging work. Eger, drawing on a variety of therapeutic concepts, developed a technique she calls “choice therapy,” which aims to promise freedom from the deleterious effects of personal trauma by choosing each day to recognize that suffering is temporary, to find lessons to be learned in the worst experiences, and to remain curious about the future. She covers 12 common “mental prisons,” including avoidance, rigidity, and the “chronic anger and irritation” of resentment, fear, and hopelessness. For each “prison,” she shares stories from her own life and those of clients to show how focusing on the future and reframing and reconsidering actions can have a powerful impact on one’s happiness and mental health. Some of the examples are so extreme as to seem inapplicable—her own experiences in Auschwitz, a woman surviving two gunshots to the head, a singer developing a vocal tremor and back injury on the cusp of a world tour—but her nonclinical, conversational tone and genuine optimism make her suggestions seem entirely achievable. The range of topics Eger’s methods address and her accomplished writing distinguish this useful guide for improving one’s life. Agent: Doug Abrams, Idea Architects. (Sept.)

Publishers Weekly

"This book is partly a memoir and partly a guide to processing trauma. Eger was only sixteen years old when she and her family got sent to Auschwitz. After surviving unbelievable horrors, she moved to the United States and became a therapist. Her unique background gives her amazing insight, and I think many people will find comfort right now from her suggestions on how to handle difficult situations."

Bill Gates

I’ll be forever changed by Dr. Eger’s story...The Choice is a reminder of what courage looks like in the worst of times and that we all have the ability to pay attention to what we’ve lost, or to pay attention to what we still have.

Oprah Winfrey

"The Choice is a gift to humanity. One of those rare and eternal stories that you don't want to end and that leave you forever changed. Dr. Eger's life reveals our capacity to transcend even the greatest of horrors and to use that suffering for the benefit of others. She has found true freedom and forgiveness and shows us how we can as well."

Desmond Tutu

I can’t imagine a more important message for modern times. Eger’s book is a triumph, and should be read by all who care about both their inner freedom and the future of humanity.

Lori Gottlieb

Praise for Dr. Edith Eger's THE CHOICE

From the Publisher

Dr. Edith Eva Eger is my kind of hero. She survived unspeakable horrors and brutality; but rather than let her painful past destroy her, she chose to transform it into a powerful gift – one she uses to help others heal.

Jeannette Walls

★ 09/01/2020

This 92-year-old author survived Auschwitz and went on to get a PhD in psychology and conduct a successful clinical practice for decades. She maintains that real freedom is within one's mind, and that it consists of one's power to choose. Here, with cowriter Weigand, Eger identifies common mental prisons that contribute to suffering, helps readers identify these, and offers tools to become free. The author's approach, named "choice therapy," is centered on the idea that healing, fulfillment, and freedom come from one's ability to choose one's responses to life's circumstances, and to make meaning and purpose from it all. Her three guideposts are: "We do not change until we're ready" and "change is about interrupting the habits and patterns that no longer serve us and discovering the real you." The chapter "Would You Like To Be Married to You?" deals with resentment, and "No One Rejects You But You" focuses on guilt and shame. VERDICT Eger's particularly wise book based on personal experience and clinical practice is highly recommended.

Library Journal