Table of Contents
Foreword xv
Chapter 1 How to Play the Game: An Overview 1
(Or, I'm Really Too Lazy to Read This Whole Book, Plus, I'm So Out of Shape That Turning Pages Kinda Hurts.)
Chapter 2 Why Should I Play the Game? 9
(Or, I Like Myself Just the Way I Am. Except for the Love Handles. And the Self-Loathing.)
Chapter 3 Teaming Up 21
(Or, Why Should I Give a Crap What Anyone Else Does?)
Chapter 4 Playing by Yourself 37
(Which Differs Slightly from Playing with Yourself)
Chapter 5 Picking a Prize 45
(Or, Okay, I'm Skinny, Whatever, but WHAT DO I WIN???)
Chapter 6 The Honor System 53
(Or, No, French Fries REALLY Don't Count as a Vegetable.)
Chapter 7 The Weigh-in 67
(Or, You're Kidding, Right? You Want Me to Buy a Scale? SERIOUSLY???)
Chapter 8 Food 77
(Or, Why French Fries Don't Count as a Vegetable.)
Chapter 9 Exercise 121
(Or, I Never Even Knew I Had a Muscle There.)
Chapter 10 Water 145
(Or, Are You Trying to Drown Me?)
Chapter 11 Sleep 155
(Or, Shhhhhhhzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...)
Chapter 12 Transformation 169
(Or, Habits? That's, Like, Nun's Clothes, Right?)
Chapter 13 Healthy Habit Instructions 183
(Or, How the Hell Am I Supposed to Do THAT??)
Chapter 14 Alcohol, Coffee, and Diet Soda 217
(Or, What Do You Mean I Can't Drink All My Calories?)
Chapter 15 The Day Off, the Meal Off, and 100 Calories of Whatever You Want 235
(Or, Holy Nectar of the Gods, This French Toast Is Good!)
Chapter 16 Troubleshooting 249
(Or, WTF Am I Doing Wrong?!)
Chapter 17 Postgame Wrap-up 267
(Or, I Am Liking This New Ass of Mine.)
Chapter 18 Pep Talk 275
(Or, GAME ON!)
Contributors 285
Acknowledgments 289
