The Everything Parent's Guide to Raising Your Adopted Child: A complete handbook to welcoming your adopted child into your heart and home

by Corrie Lynn Player, Brette Sember, Mary C Owen

Overview

Domestic or international? Baby or older child? A child with special needs? The number of decisions you will need to make when deciding to adopt can at times seem overwhelming. The Everything® Parent’s Guide to Raising Your Adopted Child offers all the information any potential or newly adoptive parent might need. Parenting expert and adoptive parent Corrie Lynne Player has interviewed hundreds of adoptive parents and presents a cross-section of age, ethnicity, and cultural backgrounds to help you make the most informed decisions. This essential guidebook is packed with reassuring advice on how to handle the most common issues, including:

-Questions to ask before adopting
-Bonding techniques for each age group—from newborn to teenager
-Adopting children with physiological or psychological special needs
-Adopting outside your ethnic group
-Navigating international adoptions
-Fielding difficult questions about your adopted child’s birth parents
-Helping your adopted child cope with feelings of loss and abandonment

With this book by your side, you will bond with your child for a lifetime!

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781605507989
Publisher:	Adams Media
Publication date:	08/17/2008
Series:	Everything® Parenting Guide Series
Sold by:	SIMON & SCHUSTER
Format:	eBook
Pages:	304
File size:	932 KB

About the Author

Brette McWhorter Sember, JD (Clarence, NY), is the author of the children’s book Quiz Book 3: Three Times the Fun. Sember has also taught an online course for Barnes and Noble University called Responsible Credit Card Spending. The mother of two children, Sember is a member of the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI). A former attorney, she also has had extensive experience working with children in her role as a law guardian in four counties in New York.

Table of Contents

Introduction     xiii
Is Adoption Right for You?     1
Deciding to Adopt     1
Finding the Right Adoption Experience for You     4
Assess Your Emotional and Physical Status     6
Understanding Adoption     9
Adoption Has Become More Accessible     12
Growing Areas of Adoption     15
Adoption by Grandparents or Extended Family     15
Older Siblings Adopting Younger Siblings     17
Adoption by Stepparents     20
Adoption by Single Parents     22
Adoption by Older Parents     24
Adoption by Same-Sex Couples     26
Preparing for Adoption     27
Prepare Yourself and Your Family Emotionally     27
Preparing Existing Children     29
Meeting the Legal Requirements of Adoption     31
Preparing Yourself Financially     34
Finding the Right Child for You     36
Open Versus Closed Adoptions     41
Ramifications for Children and Families     41
What Open Adoption Means     42
What Closed Adoption Means     45
Making an Informed Choice     46
Gather Information, No Matter What     47
Emotional Considerations for Making a Decision     48
Explaining Your Decision to Family and Friends     49
Studies and Legal Changes on Open Adoptions     52
Adoption Outside Your Ethnic Group     53
The Implications of Race Versus Culture     53
Culture Plays a Major Role in Child Development     54
Good News about Transracial Adoption     55
Think about Your Own Motives     56
Attitudes and Pressure from Relatives     57
Strategies For Parenting a Racially Different Child     58
Claiming Rituals     61
Develop Your Child's Social Skills     62
The Ultimate Responsibility Rests with You     64
International Adoptions     65
Deciding to Adopt Internationally     65
Choosing a Country     66
Selecting and Working with Adoption Professionals     68
Dealing with Other Languages and Cultures     69
Dealing with Foreign Bureaucracies     70
Preparing to Bring Your Child into the United States     71
Handling the Interminable Waiting     72
Helping Your Child Adjust     74
Integrating Your Child into the Family     75
If Things Fall Through      78
Adopting Through the Foster Care System     83
Various Forms of Foster Care     83
Prepare Yourself Emotionally     84
Licensing and Training     86
Learning a New Paradigm     88
Preparing Your Family for a Child from Foster Care     88
Understanding the Needs You May Face     91
Addressing Community Resistance to Foster Children     92
Establishing a Flexible Mindset     93
Creating Routines and Family Time     95
Finding Support     97
Adoption of Infants and Toddlers     101
Bringing Your Child Home     101
Setting Up a Nursery     103
Plan to Take Care of Yourself     106
Bonding Techniques for Babies     107
Bonding Techniques for Toddlers     110
Addressing the Adoption     114
Important Recordkeeping Tips     115
Adoption of Preschool Children     117
Preparing Before the Placement     117
If Your Child Starts Acting Out     120
Calming Preschoolers' Common Fears     123
Meeting Your Preschooler's Unique Challenges     126
Understand and Respect Your Child's History     128
Important Recordkeeping Tips     129
Adoption of Elementary School-Aged Children     131
Preparing Before the Placement     131
Acting Out     134
Calming Fears     137
Meeting Your Elementary-Aged Child's Unique Challenges     140
Help Others Understand Your Child's Behavior     142
Dealing with School Issues     143
Recordkeeping     145
Adoption of Tweens and Teens     147
Preparing for the Placement     147
Knowing When the Honeymoon Is Over     151
Unique Challenges for Adolescents     152
Bond with Your Adolescent     154
Help Your Adolescent Prepare for Independence     156
Deal with Peer Pressures     159
Recordkeeping     160
Adoption of Special Needs Children     163
Accept the Realities of Special Needs Children     163
Prepare for the Placement     166
Dealing with Disabilities     169
Emotional Disorders     169
Education     171
Dealing with Your Emotions     172
Helping Family Members Cope     173
Helping Your Intellectually or Emotionally Challenged Child     175
Finding Support     176
Focus on What's Most Important     178
Dynamics of Biological and Adoptive Relationships     179
Different Types of Adoptions Meet Different Needs     179
Dealing with Jealousy     180
Dealing with Chance Encounters     182
Create a Feeling of Safety     183
Questions and Concerns about the Birth Family     185
Unlawful Contact from the Birth Family     187
Extended Birth Family Visitation Rights     188
Separated Siblings     190
Emotional Pitfalls for Adopted Children     193
Confronting Feelings of Abandonment and Emotional Trauma     193
Methods for Changing Behavior     199
Dealing with Curiosity and Fantasies     200
Acknowledging and Strengthening Connections     202
Failed or Disrupted Adoptions     203
Being "The Adopted Kid" at School     206
Involving Mental Health Professionals     208
Answering the Hard Questions     209
Strategies for Approaching Questions     209
Why Don't I Look Like You?     209
Who Are My Real Parents?     211
If I'm Really Bad, Will You Give Me Back?     215
Why Didn't My Mom Want Me?     217
Will I Have Problems Just Like My Birth Mom Did?     218
Did You Adopt Me Because You Couldn't Have Your Own Kids?     220
The Hard Questions Can Be Answered     221
Creating and Strengthening Family Bonds     223
Prepare to Build Bonds     223
Prepare Your Relatives for Bonding     225
Integrating Adopted Children into the Family     228
Set Up a Chosen Day and Other Strategies     230
Strengthening Your Family's Primary Relationship     232
Enhancing Sibling Bonds     233
Unique Discipline Issues for Adopted Children     237
Hurtful Statements     237
Maintain Consistency and Avoid Anger     239
Fighting     242
Sexual Abuse     244
Eating Disorders and Self-Harm     246
Important Reassurances     248
Searching for Your Adopted Child's Birth Family     249
Thinking Through the Search     249
When to Search     251
Searching     255
Preparing Your Child for Contact     257
Helping Your Child Deal with Rejection     259
When to Give Up     261
Helping Adopted Children Become Adults      263
Shifting Your Role     263
Special Needs Adult Children     264
College     265
Combating the Effects of Adoption in Adult Life     265
Cement Family Bonds Through Traditions     267
Weddings     268
Grandchildren     269
A Final Word on Relating to Adult Children     270
Additional Resources     271
Organizations, Professionals, and Helpful Web Sites     279
Index     287