The Everything Guide to Codependency: Learn to recognize and change codependent behavior

by Jennifer Sowle

Overview

Break free of codependency and embrace your true self!

Are you codependent? Do you make other people's problems your own? Do you find it hard to set boundaries and take care of your own needs? In this reassuring guide, Dr. Jennifer Sowle helps you learn how to identify your own destructive behavior, regain self-esteem, and set healthy boundaries in all types of relationships. Inside, you'll learn how to move beyond codependency by:

• Discovering patterns in yourself and others.
• Developing noncodependent language and communication skills.
• Learning to journal and practice new skills at home.
• Engaging your partner in change.
• Breaking the spell of codependency and discovering the real you.

With The Everything Guide to Codependency, you can break the cycle of codependency and enabling. Dr. Sowle offers expert advice and practical techniques to help transform codependent relationships into healthy, fulfilling ones.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781440573903
Publisher:	Adams Media
Publication date:	07/18/2014
Series:	Everything� Series
Pages:	304
Product dimensions:	7.90(w) x 9.10(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

An Adams Media author.

Table of Contents

The Top 10 Ways to Stop Being Codependent 12

Introduction 13

01 What Is Codependency? 15

How to Spot Codependency 16

Alcoholic Brother: Joyce and Steven 17

Unrequited Love: Bella and Baxter 18

Helicopter Mom: Alice and Amanda 19

Business Partners: Jim and Paul 20

Aging Parent: Doug and Mother 21

Spendthrift Wife: Ron and Charlene 23

Narcissistic Fiancée: Pam and Randy 23

Letter to the Psychologist 25

02 The History of Codependency 27

The Expansion of Psychological Theory 28

Family Systems Theory 28

Alcoholics Anonymous 31

The Recovery Movement 32

Assertiveness Training 32

The Self-Help Phenomenon 34

Letter to the Psychologist 35

03 Is Codependency a Mental Illness? 37

The Mental Health System 38

Is a Person Born Codependent? 45

Codependency and Relationships 45

Codependent Behavior, Thoughts, and Feelings 46

Codependency and the Disabled 47

Letter to the Psychologist 50

04 Can Codependents Be Happy? 53

Normal 54

Thoughts Match Behaviors and Feelings 55

Codependency and Traditional Roles 56

Codependency and Religion 58

Codependency and Culture 59

The Codependency and the Narcissist 60

Letter to the Psychologist 62

05 Is Codependency a Social Illness? 65

Are Girls Socialized to Codependency? 66

Expectations for Girls Then and Now 66

Are Boys Socialized to Codependency? 68

Expectations for Boys Then and Now 69

The Difference Between Codependent Boys and Girls 70

Letter to the Psychologist 72

06 Codependent Relationships 75

Will This Relationship Survive? 76

The Recovering Addict: Beverly and Linda 76

The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: Dirk and Gloria 79

The Mutually Codependent Relationship: Robin and Carlton 82

Letter to the Psychologist 85

07 Codependent Children 87

Childhood Patterns 88

Mother's Little Helper: Crystal 88

The Star: Jake 89

The Perfect Child: Penny 91

The Fearful Child: Nicholas 93

The Angry Child: Eric 94

The Abused Child: Carmen 96

Letter to the Psychologist 97

08 Codependent Adolescents 99

In Search of the Self 100

The Perfectionist Teen: Rob 100

The Sexually Precocious Teen: Crystal 103

The Passive Teen: Melody 104

The Runaway or Throwaway Teen: Carmen 107

The Failure to Launch Teen: Jason 108

Letter to the Psychologist 110

9 Codependent Parents 113

Gaining Awareness Is Key 114

The Emotionally Needy Parent: Dawn 114

The Neglectful Parent: Janice 116

The Adult Child Parent: Mark 118

The Hovering Parent: Jasmine 120

The Narcissistic Parent: David 122

Parent of Grown Children: Bill 125

Letter to the Psychologist 127

10 Codependent Friendships 129

Signs of a Codependent Friendship 130

The Bully and Cindy 131

The Addicted Friend and Krista 133

The Angry Friend and Colleen 136

The Dismissive Friend and Janet 138

Letter to the Psychologist 140

11 Codependents at Work 143

Your Work Family 144

The Control Freak: Margaret 144

The Gossip: Pete 147

The Pleaser: Jessica 149

The Victim: George 151

Letter to the Psychologist 153

12 Social Codependency 157

Low Self-Esteem 158

Jewel's Fear of Judgment 160

Diane's Fear of Rejection 162

Barb's Deferring to Others' Needs and Desires 163

Brook's Fear of the Spotlight 165

Candy's Lost Self 166

Letter to the Psychologist 168

13 Eliminating Codependent Communication 171

Focus on the "I" 172

The "I" Message Formula 173

Conflict Resolution-Whose Problem Is It? 174

Taking Responsibility for Your Feelings 176

Processing the Conflict Resolution Model 181

Recognizing the Power Struggle 182

Affirmation 183

Validation 184

Letter to the Psychologist 187

14 Codependency Quizzes 189

Codependency Quiz Number 190

Reflections on Assessing Codependency 192

The Beauty of Compromise 193

Codependency Quiz Number 2 198

Answers to Codependency Quiz Number 1 200

Answers to Codependency Quiz Number 2 201

Letters to the Psychologist 201

15 Tracing the Codependency Within 205

Family Rules from Childhood 206

Walking on Eggshells 207

Perfectionism 208

Role Models 209

Your Value Is in What You Do 210

It's Okay to Be a Victim 210

Codependency Patterns 212

An Example of Codependency Patterns 213

Letter to the Psychologist 216

16 Seeking Professional Help 219

Codependency Within the Medical Model 220

Does Medication Help Codependency? 222

Finding a Therapist 222

Finding the Right Therapist 224

Modes of Therapy 226

Letter to the Psychologist 231

17 How Psychotherapy Works 233

A Therapeutic Approach 234

Psychodynamic Therapy 234

Family Systems Therapy 238

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy 243

Eclectic Therapy 248

Letter to the Psychologist 253

18 Making Your Own Internal Changes 255

Your Journal 256

Mindfulness 257

Anger: Quieting the Storm Within 259

Melting the Stone Heart 263

Letter to the Psychologist 264

19 Ending Codependency with Significant Others 267

The Ego Mirror 268

Guilt, Codependency, and the Ego Mirror 269

Misdirected Guilt 270

Turn Away from the Mirror 274

Setting Boundaries with Significant Others 275

Letter to the Psychologist 280

20 Ending Codependency in Your Life 283

Becoming a Better Family Member 284

Becoming a Better Friend 287

Enhancing Your Freedom from Codependency 290

Appendix A Resources 293

Index 297