The Don't Sweat Guide for Parents: Reduce Stress and Enjoy Your Kids More

by Richard Carlson

Overview

In this incredibly stressful world in which we live, parents seem to be the people who come under fire most. Hectic work schedules combined with chauffeuring children to extracurricular activities make us crave more quiet time with our children. The Don't Sweat Guide for Parents provides suggestions for enjoying your children more while being less stressed and more present with them in every moment of their lives.

Including such strategies as:

• Admit That You Could Use Some Help
• The Hardest Job in the World
• Learn to Take a Breather
• Because I Said So
• Keep the Job at the Office
• Enjoy Your Kids Every Day

This book will help you to be a better, calmer, happier mom or dad.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780786887187
Publisher:	Hachette Books
Publication date:	10/17/2001
Series:	Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Series
Edition description:	1ST
Pages:	224
Sales rank:	320,137
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 6.50(h) x (d)
Age Range:	13 - 18 Years

About the Author

During his life, Richard Carlson, Ph.D, was considered one of the foremost experts in happiness and stress reduction in the United States and around the world and was a frequent featured guest on many national television and radio programs. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff continued to be a publishing phenomenon with over twenty titles in the brand franchise, two of which were co-authored and authored with his beloved wife, Kris. He died of a pulmonary embolism in December 2006, at the age of forty-five.

Hometown:

Northern California

Place of Birth:

Northern California

Education:

San Jose State University, Pepperdine University; Ph.D., Sierra University

Read an Excerpt

Foreword

Parenting is, perhaps, the most rewarding and joyful job a person can have during his or her lifetime. Unfortunately, it's also one of, if not the most difficult and potentially stressful jobs you will ever have.

But not to worry! The editors of Don't Sweat Press have done a beautiful job in providing simple, practical and wise strategies that can take some of the pressure off of us parents. Whether you are just starting your journey — you're expecting, or have little ones — you have a house full of teens, or even if your kids are out of the house, The Don't Sweat Guide for Parents will be of tremendous service to you.

The strategies were written to empower you and to give you more options and solutions. They remind you that there are things you can do to take some of the stress out of parenting. The strategies point to the fact that, while some stress is inevitable in parenting, The rest of it (or at least some of it) is often self-created. In other words, we use our thinking in ways that take us away from where we want to be. As we become aware of the fact that we are doing so, we open the door to a world of options. Peace of mind becomes possible and, from that more peaceful place, parenting becomes more manageable.

For me personally, being a parent is the most important part of my life. Even though it can be difficult, Kris and I try to make decisions and create an atmosphere that enables our family to enjoy each other and to enjoy life. As I read the strategies in this book, they reinforced to me those ideals. I found myself saying, If I would do that . . . my life as a parent would be easier. I intend to re-read this book several times and do my best to put the suggestions into practice. I encourage you to do the same. I think if we do, well all he better — and much happier — parents.

Thank you for the job you are doing as a parent and for your commitment to your children. I hope this book is of tremendous service to you.

Treasure the Gift of Parenting,

Richard Carlson

Pleasant Hill, CA, June 2001

1.
The Hardest Job in the World

There's a new person living in your house — a demanding new person who, though pretty small, seems to take up the whole house. And in between doing the new baby's laundry, feeding him, and keeping him clean, you suddenly realize that you haven't made dinner, showered, returned any phone calls, or even visited the bathroom — sometimes for an entire day — but it can all wait. You are compelled to attend to your new baby's every need.

Welcome to the hardest job in the world: parenting. True, there's no paycheck at the end of the work week, and for the first couple of years, there's no real vacation time. But thankfully, the rewards of parenting are huge.

So how do you succeed in your new job as a parent? For some, parenting is an additional career, not a new one. How do you fit into your daily life all the things that need to get done when you have a new baby and, perhaps, a nine-to-five job? What do you do about the dishes piling up or the laundry overflowing? What, in short, is the secret to getting it all done?

The key is time management! Your new baby sets a difficult course of challenges and obstacles for you every day. Your job is to successfully overcome each and every one. Learning to manage your time "the baby way" will take time. But once it clicks and you team to prioritize your responsibilities, like any job, you'll find it gets a lot easier.

As for the dishes? Let 'em sit. The laundry? Try sitting your new baby on top of a running dryer while you fold clothes.

Just remember the big benefit that goes with your new full-time position: the endless, unconditional love you'll get from your children. What could be better?

2.
The New Parent Shuffle

The New Parent Shuffle isn't difficult to team, and the steps can be a useful resource for delegating important parenting responsibilities. When new parents feel the effects of sleep deprivation, feeding, changing, getting up for the baby at night, or even playing with the baby can be deemed a "responsibility." It's a given that both you and your spouse adore your child and would love to spend as much time with her as possible. But add in outside factors such as work, sleep or lack thereof, and having to cook, clean, and shop, and even the most attentive parent might want to stare at the television rather than playing peek-a-boo after a long day. A little delegating can change all that and tighten the load for the stressed-out new mom or dad.

After the first few weeks with a newborn have passed, chances are that you and your spouse know your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to taking care of the little one. But don't let each other's expertise in these skills delegate who is going to do them each time. It's important to shake it up a little. If you've sung "Hush Little Baby" night after night for weeks, you're probably aching to stop. A good idea would be to let your spouse step in and take over — the last thing you want is to think of singing to the baby as a chore. Both of you should have the chance to learn how your baby likes to hear you sing, and to increase your ability to comfort your child this way.

It is also important to create some rules. For example, whoever must leave the house for the office in the morning does the last night feeding before going to bed, then sleeps through until morning and promises to "take over" once home from the office.

Say you're a stay-at-home parent who spends all day taking care of your baby's needs. When your spouse comes home from work and offers to take your child for a stroll through the neighborhood, don't object just because it's bath time and you want to stick to a schedule. You've been the caregiver all day. Now it's your spouse's turn to spend time with the child. Let them go on their outing — or if the bath just has to get done, let your spouse bathe the child, and then they can go for their walk. Enjoy your quiet time alone, and use the opportunity to "refuel."

It's usually difficult for the primary caregiver to give up some responsibility-whoever changes diapers all day long knows it can be done better or faster. But the ability to relinquish responsibility is one of the most important factors in a successful partnership. Letting your spouse tend to the baby, even though you know you could do it better or faster or quieter, gives your spouse the practice needed to succeed, and builds confidence while doing so.

3.
No Such Thing as Bad Kids

Do you have a "difficult" child? Does your daughter throw tantrums for no particular reason? Does your son refuse to eat? About 20 percent of children make their parents nuts with exasperating behavior. Having such a child can leave you feeling exhausted, depressed, unsure about your skills as a parent, angry at your kids, and embarrassed by their behavior in front of others.

A study that was conducted years ago, rather than blaming parents for less-than-perfect kids, concluded that children are actually born with a set of "temperamental qualities." These can be found as early as a few months! They determine, to an extent, whether your baby will be "easy" or "difficult." Though your child's temperament is influenced by other factors, for the most part, it remains fairly consistent for life. Perhaps your child's refusal to eat is in part due to stubbornness — a trait that he will most likely carry throughout life.

No matter what your baby's temperament may be, stay away from labeling it "good" or "bad." It's not your baby's fault, nor is it yours or your spouse's. It's just the way things are! You yourself were born with a certain temperament — perhaps you get anxious in some situations. Chances are that you were anxious as a baby, too. The way you expressed that anxiety as a toddler might have been an inability to sleep without a light on.

Become sensitive to your baby's temperament early on. You can then modify your approach to your child's behavior to anticipate and avoid conflicts before they occur. You'll be a lot more confident, a lot less frustrated, and you'll have a happier, more loving, and more satisfying relationship with your child!

Copyright © 2001 Carlson, LLC.

Table of Contents

	Foreword	11
1.	The Hardest Job in the World	15
2.	The New Parent Shuffle	17
3.	No Such Thing as Bad Kids	19
4.	Mommy Knows Best...or Does She?	21
5.	You've Changed (and Not Just Diapers)	23
6.	Power Struggles	25
7.	Your Frustrated Preschooler	27
8.	Because I Said So	29
9.	Please, Thank You, and Go Away!	31
10.	Sophisticated Baby Talk	33
11.	Traditional Role Reversal	35
12.	Taking Your Children in Public	37
13.	"I Love You!"	39
14.	When Your Children Are Less Than Loving	41
15.	Let 'Em Win...Sometimes	43
16.	A Recipe for Peace	45
17.	Catch the Exercise Bug	47
18.	Raising Kids Who Care	49
19.	Bedtime--or More Simply Put, Armageddon	52
20.	Turning Sibling Rivalry into Sibling Chivalry	55
21.	Pencil In Your Kids for a Family Meeting	57
22.	Empowering Your Kids	59
23.	Keeping Expectations to a Minimum	61
24.	Raising Children with Morals	63
25.	Cheat Sheet for Happiness	65
26.	It's the Little Things That Count	68
27.	Stress Busters	70
28.	Listen to the Experts	73
29.	Organize Your Life	75
30.	Don't Baby Bottle Your Feelings	77
31.	Surviving Separation Anxiety	79
32.	Raising Unspoiled Kids	81
33.	Just Who Do Our Kids Look Up To?	83
34.	Teach Right from Wrong	85
35.	Give Her a Boost	87
36.	The Importance of Baby-Sitters	89
37.	Cut Your Teenager Some Slack	92
38.	Enjoy Your Kids Every Single Day	94
39.	Words Not to Live By!	96
40.	"Who Do You Love More?"	99
41.	Choose Your Words Wisely	101
42.	Family Game Night	104
43.	Surviving the Family Vacation	106
44.	Always Be Polite!	109
45.	"I Didn't Do It"	111
46.	It's All in a Day's Work	114
47.	Act, Don't React, to Your Child's Misbehavior	116
48.	Baby Bootie Camp	118
49.	Raising Smart Kids	120
50.	When Super-Mom Feels Less Than Super	122
51.	Raising Friendly Kids	124
52.	Controlling Tempers...Yours!	126
53.	Teaching Your Children Responsibility	128
54.	Kindergarten and First-Day Jitters	130
55.	Is There a Tattletale in Your Midst?	132
56.	Keeping Your Kids Safe	134
57.	Time with Grandparents	136
58.	Praise Versus Encouragement	138
59.	The Working Mother Versus the Stay-at-Home Mom	140
60.	When Dad Feels Undermined	142
61.	"I'm Sorry"	144
62.	A Single Parent Is Double the Parent	146
63.	Grateful Children	148
64.	Dear Time: Drop Everything And Read!	150
65.	You Are Getting Sleepy...	152
66.	The Perfect Play Date Myth	154
67.	Find the Humor	156
68.	Getting Out of the House	158
69.	Alone Time	159
70.	Have Your Baby Call My Baby!	161
71.	Teach Good Judgment	163
72.	Getting Your Toddler to Listen	165
73.	Tall Tales from Short People	168
74.	Having "The Talk" with Your Kids	170
75.	One-on-One Spouse Time	172
76.	Cherish Your One and Only	174
77.	Double Your Fun!	176
78.	Time for Homework	178
79.	Remember the Moment	180
80.	Parenting Rule #1: Parents Don't Get Sick!	182
81.	You Are Not Super-Parents!	184
82.	Become an Expert in Parenting	186
83.	Take Your Children Out for Dinner	188
84.	Talk to Your Teenage Son	190
85.	Talk to Your Teenage Daughter	192
86.	A Place of Their Own	194
87.	Give Your Kids Healthy Food	196
88.	Take Care of Your Sick Child	198
89.	Discipline the Positive Way	200
90.	Finishing a Sentence	202
91.	Get Your Kids to Cooperate	204
92.	Monitor "the Box"	206
93.	Oh, Fiddlesticks!	208
94.	Home Alone	210
95.	What Are We Training For?	212
96.	Reconnect with Your Former Non-Parent Self	214
97.	There Goes the Neighborhood	216
98.	Kick the Whine Habit	218
99.	Don't Bribe Them--Reward Them	220
100.	Focus on the Future	222